I know it's disgusting but.. [ SalesPage Help]

[AidanKay]

Okay this is my first ever attempt at a sales page. And I've been up all night.. so please just give me advice on what to do.

How to fix it up and all that =].

DIY Solar Power Energy

Cheers.

[mywebwork]

Hi Aidan

It's not all that disgusting! A few points:

1 - The navigation at the top is a bit confusing, 3 of the links don't go anywhere and the "Home" link takes you to another sales page.

2 - The bullet points advertising the bonuses are right up against the left border - I think you need some padding here.

3 - Those same bullet points are in a very small font - in fact a lot of the page is in a very small font. Perhaps it's my old eyes but my first reaction when I landed on the page was to hit "Ctrl +" a few times to make it large enough to read!

4 - I would be tempted to make it a bit wider - it appears very thin when viewed on a widescreen monitor.

Hope this is helpful, best of luck with your new site.

Bill

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by JustinHart

not a bad first attempt... some things I would suggest initially:

1. increase the width of the sales page, it is a bit too narrow (reference other sale's pages to get the width that makes sense)

2. Use a different video from youtube... the one you have on the site is rated at 2.5 stars - that will turn visitors away (fast)

3. Testimonials are key to conversions - see if you can implement them somehow

hope this helps a bit

1. Yeah thanks, I will. I'm on a laptop with lower resolution then I'm used to, so I didn't putinto consideration the size diffference.

2. Okay I will. That video was on the affiliates page of the actual seller, so I though I'd slap it there =].

3. I'll look into getting some.

Thank you. It did help.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by mywebwork

Hi Aidan

It's not all that disgusting! A few points:

1 - The navigation at the top is a bit confusing, 3 of the links don't go anywhere and the "Home" link takes you to another sales page.

2 - The bullet points advertising the bonuses are right up against the left border - I think you need some padding here.

3 - Those same bullet points are in a very small font - in fact a lot of the page is in a very small font. Perhaps it's my old eyes but my first reaction when I landed on the page was to hit "Ctrl +" a few times to make it large enough to read!

4 - I would be tempted to make it a bit wider - it appears very thin when viewed on a widescreen monitor.

Hope this is helpful, best of luck with your new site.

Bill

1. When I click the home button it does take me home. However 2 of the links are 'empty'

2. Alright, I can try do that.. I'm not so good at css/html =].

3. Yeah I'll make them bigger. And like I said earlier, and I'm not trying to make excuses, but I'm on a different resolution then I'm used to (much smaller) so it get's a little confusing.

4. I can do that. Is there any blogger templates you could suggest for this?

Thanks for your response =].

-Aidan.

[kentaiwan98]

One question: why does your sales page lead straight to another sales page? Shouldn't it lead to an order form when you click on the purchase links?

Kenneth

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

Page is too busy above the fold.

Your preheader needs to be smaller and changed, you need one that will lead into your headline.

All that other stuff up there needs to be deleted, the links can go above the preheader.

The purpose of the preheader is to get the reader to read the headline.

Header would possibly read better with something like this...

Would You Like to Generate Your Own
Solar Power Energy and
Slash Your Electricity Bill by 80%?

This makes the introduction a lot more personal, the benefit is still stated very strongly and the way it is worded, it will get the reader into the habit of saying YES!

Get rid of the Click Here. This is far too early for a call to action, no-one has yet been sold on the benefits of this.

The first sentence is too long.

It needs to be a maximum of 6 words.

Take note, that the purpose of the main headline, as well as grabbing attention is only there to get your reader to read the first sentence.

Purpose of the first very short sentence is to to get the reader to read the second sentence and so on and so forth.

The text that has been centered, whack it over to the left.

You want to identify with your readers pain first. Their pain are their needlessly high electricity bills. Empathize with their feelings of emotional frustration paying OTT electricity bills from the main electrical grid suppliers.

Power for Home graphic - delete it.

Ok, I havn't time to give you a full critique, not right now, pay attentention to your layout and your formatting, as mentioned by another individual, you need more padding.

Bonues are for the end of the copy, not this early on. Too many graphics also. Which is more important, your actual product or your bonuses?

In your bullet points, explain very simply the key benefits, not the features.

Overall, this page could really do with scrapped altogether...casting my eye down, keep it and you''ll hurt your conversions and your potential profit.

Go to the Copywriting Forum, look at the Sticky Threads at the top of that forum, see the one that say's... Top Copywriting Books - click on that, look for recommendations by Loren Woirhaye, that gentleman knows every top copywriting book inside out.

Hope that helps.

Best of luck!


Mark Andrews

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

Page is too busy above the fold.

Your preheader needs to be smaller and changed, you need one that will lead into your headline.

All that other stuff up there needs to be deleted, the links can go above the preheader.

The purpose of the preheader is to get the reader to read the headline.

Header would possibly read better with something like this...

Would You Like to Generate Your Own
Solar Power Energy and
Slash Your Electricity Bill by 80%?

This makes the introduction a lot more personal, the benefit is still stated very strongly and the way it is worded, it will get the reader into the habit of saying YES!

Get rid of the Click Here. This is far too early for a call to action, no-one has yet been sold on the benefits of this.

The first sentence is too long.

It needs to be a maximum of 6 words.

Take note, that the purpose of the main headline, as well as grabbing attention is only there to get your reader to read the first sentence.

Purpose of the first very short sentence is to to get the reader to read the second sentence and so on and so forth.

The text that has been centered, whack it over to the left.

You want to identify with your readers pain first. Their pain are their needlessly high electricity bills. Empathize with their feelings of emotional frustration paying OTT electricity bills from the main electrical grid suppliers.

Power for Home graphic - delete it.

Ok, I havn't time to give you a full critique, not right now, pay attentention to your layout and your formatting, as mentioned by another individual, you need more padding.

Bonues are for the end of the copy, not this early on. Too many graphics also. Which is more important, your actual product or your bonuses?

In your bullet points, explain very simply the key benefits, not the features.

Overall, this page could really do with scrapped altogether...casting my eye down, keep it and you''ll hurt your conversions and your potential profit.

Go to the Copywriting Forum, look at the Sticky Threads at the top of that forum, see the one that say's... Top Copywriting Books - click on that, look for recommendations by Loren Woirhaye, that gentleman knows every top copywriting book inside out.

Hope that helps.

Best of luck!


Mark Andrews

Hey Mark,

I'd like to thank you for giving such an in-depth review.

Just some questions about what you've said:

I changed to the new header, and got rid of the call to action link.
But when you say that the first sentence has to be no more then 6 words, which sentence is the one I should leave/modify and which ones should I delete?

Other then that I should be able to sort everything out.

And like I said, thanks again. Your review has really helped a lot.


Cheers,

-Aidan.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by kentaiwan98

One question: why does your sales page lead straight to another sales page? Shouldn't it lead to an order form when you click on the purchase links?

Kenneth

It's a pre-sale page.

The salespage it leads to is the affiliates.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

Send me your email address by pm and I'll send
you a Google Document - showing you how to
lay it out better.

Are you cool with that?

Best regards.


Mark Andrews

[lisag]

Yeah, what everyone else said. Plus, I would have your "More Information" links open in a new browser window since the reader leaves your site when clicking those links.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

Send me your email address by pm and I'll send
you a Google Document - showing you how to
lay it out better.

Are you cool with that?

Best regards.


Mark Andrews

No worries. I'll send you my adress in a sec.

Cheers,

-Aaidan.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by b0beau

I wouldn't use blogger. If its money get a .info and cheap hosting off eBay

I do have money to do it. I already ave hosting I could use for it.

I just wanted to try it out with blogger.

I'm going to make multiple salespages on blogger promoting the same product, but targetting 1 of my 20 keywords.

It's an experiment.

Cheers,

-AIdan.

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

And avoid .info - above poster suggesting that
will give you about as much credibility, as using
a chocolate fireguard.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by zellandia

you need some testimonial, guaranted logo or something like that

I'm adding testimonails now, and I'll look for a guarantee image.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

Originally Posted by MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

And avoid .info - above poster suggesting that
will give you about as much credibility, as using
a chocolate fireguard.

Yeah I'm not a fan of .info. Thoug hthey do have their purposes.

Chocolate fireguard.. reminds me of an ad we had on tv (at least in australia). Some dude sprayed himself with deodorant.. and turned into chocolate, it still haunts my dreams.

But I digress.

Thanks,

-Aidan.

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

Originally Posted by AidanKay

No worries. I'll send you my adress in a sec.

Cheers,

-Aaidan.

Google Document just sent to your email address
with a layout and a start upon how to word this.

Hope that helps you out mate.

Best regards and good luck!


Mark Andrews

[JohnMcCabe]

Aidan, I took a quick look, didn't read the actual copy. Got distracted by the fact that at the top of the page, you have grass growing the wrong way. It's not obvious, but it might be distracting...

[eaglechick]

Very good attempt Aidan. Good solid advice given by fellow warriors. For me the
click here button - a bit hidden?

Best of luck it seems you've put a lot of effort into this - all the success.
Keep us posted.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

Aidan, I took a quick look, didn't read the actual copy. Got distracted by the fact that at the top of the page, you have grass growing the wrong way. It's not obvious, but it might be distracting...

True, and thank you for being the first to point that out.

The problem is, I currentl don't have Photoshop.. 'cause I'm on a new laptop. So it means I have to deal with what I'm given.

I felt so dirty using Paint to create the header =P (not the grass, the text).

Cheers,

-Aidan.

[Floyd Fisher]

Not bad....put up an opt in to collect emails and do follow up and cross sells, add some extra bonuses to entice people to buy through your affiliate link, and you're all set.

Don't worry about getting real good, worry about getting started, and work on getting better as you go.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by eaglechick

Very good attempt Aidan. Good solid advice given by fellow warriors. For me the
click here button - a bit hidden?

Best of luck it seems you've put a lot of effort into this - all the success.
Keep us posted.

Thankyou. Though I have to say that the first section was done by MarkAndrews =].

I'll look into getting some graphics for the 'click here'. Instead of the plain text.

Thanks,

-Aidan.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by Floyd Fisher

Not bad....put up an opt in to collect emails and do follow up and cross sells, add some extra bonuses to entice people to buy through your affiliate link, and you're all set.

Don't worry about getting real good, worry about getting started, and work on getting better as you go.

I can't really do that. As this is just an experiment.

I'm making this site on blogger, and only use tools and services that are free.

Shortly I will be making a proper site with it's own domain, better SEO (blogger is lacking in that area) and I'll utilize what you've just mentioned.

But until then, it's just free stuff.

Thank you for your advice =].

-Aidan.

[Floyd Fisher]

Originally Posted by AidanKay

I can't really do that. As this is just an experiment.

I'm making this site on blogger, and only use tools and services that are free.

Shortly I will be making a proper site with it's own domain, better SEO (blogger is lacking in that area) and I'll utilize what you've just mentioned.

But until then, it's just free stuff.

Thank you for your advice =].

-Aidan.

Well, why don't you 'experiment' and launch it, and see how it works?

[eaglechick]

You can go to to Iconfinder | Icon search made easy for great buy now or click here buttons.

The most important thing is that you've started and that in itself is a big achievement.

Sorry just saw you want free stuff. I googled and came across
the following sites: freeiconsweb.com

and at :

sofotex.com I found a whole range of iconsoftware that you can try
out.

I have'nt use any of them myself so test it out first and see how it
goes maybe some fellow warriors can help out.

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

Well, you've adjusted it away from the formatting
that I sent to you Aidan, so I don't want that reflecting
badly on me, as I sent it, it was afterall - perfect.

Besides that, it does look better than what you had before,
but I would strongly urge you to use all of the suggestions
that I gave to you.

If you do not, bringing in your own
personal interpretation regarding the layout instead, again I
make the point - this will affect your conversions and the
results that you are looking for.

It doesn't need the yellow highlighter nor that funny text,
font whatever it is that you are using in the introduction,
nor should that be centralized.

Easiest thing to have done, would have been to simply
convert the Google Document straight into HTML as it was
sent to you and used that.

[AidanKay]

Originally Posted by MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

Well, you've adjusted it away from the formatting
that I sent to you Aidan, so I don't want that reflecting
badly on me, as I sent it, it was afterall - perfect.

Besides that, it does look better than what you had before,
but I would strongly urge you to use all of the suggestions
that I gave to you.

If you do not, bringing in your own
personal interpretation regarding the layout instead, again I
make the point - this will affect your conversions and the
results that you are looking for.

It doesn't need the yellow highlighter nor that funny text,
font whatever it is that you are using in the introduction,
nor should that be centralized.

Easiest thing to have done, would have been to simply
convert the Google Document straight into HTML as it was
sent to you and used that.

Heh, alright I changed it back to how it was when you sent it to me.

I'm simplifying everything now (above the products part.. not up to that yet), and reverting things back to how you set it.

Please tell me how it looks so far.

Cheers,

-Aidan.

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

Still one or two suggestions, bear in mind I did this
straight off the bat in a few minutes - on the other
hand writing excellent sales copy, typically will take
about 40 hours. And I did this free for you to help
you out - I can't do the whole thing Ok.

Now the preheader - bold it.

Anything not including your page navigation links,
get rid of it.

Background, this grass theme - change it to
something more appropriate.

The dreaded electricity bill... (the font is too small,
make it the same as the rest)

Same with this:

Would you like to save money on your electricity
bills?

Would an 80% saving on your electricity bill interest
you?

Second subheader, close up the gap a bit to the top and
bottom, so that it's the same as the gap between the main
header and the text below it.

For the record, this is where my copy suggestion finished...

Dear Concerned Energy Saver

Hello - My name is Aidan Kerslake and I would like to
share with you today,

After this, it's all your own work...

It still needs quite a bit of work to be honest. One most
certainly cannot do very much in a mere 15 minutes.

If you really are clueless, either buy a copywriting book or two,
Joe Sugarman - The Adweek Copywriting Handbook -
would be a good read for you. Or save up the money to hire a
decent copywriter to do this properly on your behalf, and give it
the time that it deserves.

Hope that was helpful.

Best of luck.


Mark Andrews