The real meaning behind the clients' phrases

Guys,

Here are some of my favorite ones. I feel so bad because there are so many of them and I can think of these few right now. But hey, this is an invitation to contribute. I would like to see the ones you were able to decipher. So, let's begin.

CLIENT SAYS: I'm on a tight budget.
IT REALLY MEANS: I expect from you to work for free. Unfortunately, that's not possible, so I expect the lowest price possible.

CLIENT SAYS: Few revisions may be required.
IT REALLY MEANS: I will ask the unlimited number of revisions until I get what I want, but even then, I will ask one more just to make sure.

CLIENT SAYS: Experience for these types of projects required.
IT REALLY MEANS: I want to see that you have a PhD in this field, including a record of at least one thousand similar projects. Furthermore, I expect that you have worked only on these projects all of your life.

CLIENT SAYS: Payment upon delivery.
IT REALLY MEANS: You can only dream about advance payment. Only when I get what I want I will decide when and how much I will pay you. This is a matter of my good will and nothing more.

CLIENT SAYS: Test work may be required.
IT REALLY MEANS: This is a great way to get some free work, that's why I "forgot" to mention that this test work will be paid.

CLIENT SAYS: This is a simple task.
IT REALLY MEANS: This is an extremely complex task, but I hope you will buy it.

CLIENT SAYS: This is a quick task.
IT REALLY MEANS: It will take you years to finish this one, but I don't care. It's all about the relativity of time, at least for me as a client.

CLIENT SAYS: You know how to work independently.
IT REALLY MEANS: You will work exactly as I command you. I don't expect from you to do anything else, but I said because it sounds so cool.

CLIENT SAYS: You're dedicated.
IT REALLY MEANS: You'll work only on my project from now till forever.

CLIENT SAYS: A large portion of this task has already been done by me.
IT REALLY MEANS: I haven't lifted a finger for this project and I expect from you to do all the job.

CLIENT SAYS: This is a small project.
IT REALLY MEANS: This is a neverending story, but not for me.

I only regret that I haven't started collecting these phrases earlier. I could've written a book till now. Better ever than never, we can do it together.