Good Stories That Will Make You Money

[The Copy Nazi]

We all love using stories in our pitches right? Usually they're bull**** and the punters can see right through them - well not my stories - the other guy's stories . You know the ones - "I was a wage slave, $50k in debt...needed to do something fast...tried everything...failed...kept trying...fell further into debt...UNTIL the day I had a lightbulb moment and came up with this KILLER way of driving hoards of traffic to my crap blogs...blah blah blah".

I came across an old post on my original blog just now. I hadn't read it for years. Now I know why I posted it. You want STORY? This is a great story. Imagine seguing (segwaying) this into a product pitch. Tell me what you think.

"The phone rings.
“The Bistro,” I answer, “How may I help you?”
“Hello. I’d like to order something to go,” a woman says. She’s speaking with one of those impossible to place European accents.
“What would you like to order Madam?”
“Is your online menu up to date?” the woman asks.
“It is Madam.”
The lady rattles off an order totaling a $100. Unbelievable. A hundred bucks for takeout. Next thing you know we’ll be installing a drive thru window and selling polenta fries.
“Very good Madam,” I reply, “Your order will be ready in half an hour.”
“There’ll be no charge for my order,” the woman says.
?
“Excuse me Madam?”
“Last year we were visiting from Florida and you screwed up our takeout order,” the woman says.
“I’m sorry to hear that Madam.”
“And your boss told us that when we came back we could order something on the house.”
“Did he really?”
“Yes.”
“Well madam I’ll have to confirm this with the owner first.”
“I assure you I am telling the truth,” the woman says. Her diction is overly precise. Like she’s trying to come off as someone she isn’t. I’ve heard self educated guys out of prison talk like that.
“I don’t doubt that Madam but I have to double check. What’s your name?”
“Marie.”
“May I have your last name?”
“We don’t give out our last name.” Ah, the royal “we.”
“Ok…..” I say. “Can I have your phone number then?”
“We don’t give out our phone number.”
I glance at the caller id. This woman’s number’s unlisted. But I suspected as much.
“Listen,” I say, “I was born the day before yesterday.”
“Excuse me?” the woman says.
“I won’t put this order in until I confirm your story with the owner.”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“Well, your refusal to give me a phone number is very suspicious.”
“My husband is coming to pick up the order right now. He’ll be upset if it’s not ready.”
“Lady,” I groan, “Gimme a break.”
“Call the owner!” the woman yells, “I’ll call you back in five minutes.”
She hangs up.
I call Fluvio. The woman’s story is complete bull****. She never calls back. But why would she? I wasn’t an easy mark.
If you work in the restaurant industry long enough you’ll run into these characters, con artists, grifters, lazy, shiftless, pathological morons who love to steal. Overly romanticized in literature and film, to me they’re nothing more than common criminals, the bane of every waiter in the world.
Because if someone skips on the check guess who has to pay the bill? The waiter does. Oh, I know it’s unfair - but that’s the way it is. Every waiter has been burned at least once. You never know who it’s gonna be. Sometimes it’s a kid, a family of four, or a sweet old lady. Sometimes the grifter’s a Yuppie in a three piece suit.
A few weeks ago a guy came in for a business dinner. Well dressed, elegant, flashing a fancy business card, he had four guests and paid by check. Normally we don’t accept checks. But Fluvio copied the guy’s license and got a credit card number.
Guess what? The guy’s check bounced. The driver’s license and credit cards were bogus and the business address on the check was non existent.
Well. Fluvio isn’t stupid. But the con man was. Turns out one of the guests at the business dinner’s sister was a regular customer. Fluvio tracked the jerk down and forced him to pay DOUBLE the bill or risk arrest. A little reverse extortion. It was beautiful.
Another time, when I worked at Amici’s, a sweet old lady refused to pay her bill.
“Why won’t you pay?” Sayeed, the manager, demanded.
“The food wasn’t good.” Old Lady said.
“But you ate the whole thing!”
“I’m leaving,” the woman said primly, getting up to leave.
“Lady,” Sayeed said “I’m gonna call the cops.”
“You do that!” the lady yelled, “And we’ll see who they believe!”
Grifter rule #1 – make a scene and hope the manager decides you’re not worth the ruckus. But the lady underestimated Sayeed. He hated white people. He called the cops. And they believed him.
As the lady was being cuffed and thrown into the patrol car Sayeed cheerfully waved saying, “Have a nice day Madam!”
“That was fun,” I said watching from the sidelines.
“You know,” Sayeed said, ‘These assholes all know each other. Once the word gets out that your restaurant’s an easy mark – you’re finished.”
And he was right. Ever since then I’ve been vigilant.
Come to my Bistro. You’ll have an excellent meal and great service. But if you try and rip me off you won’t end up doing dishes - you’ll go to jail.
You’ve been warned.
Have a nice day.

from Search Results for "waiterrant.com". Wiki on it here - Waiter Rant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Does that get you going or what? You think if you lead with a story like that you'd warm people up to read more about a restaurant opening. Or a cookery book series? Or a television cookery show? Or even...gasp...an affiliate offer to do with recipes?

(Mods: hope I haven't put my foot in it here. I guess you'll move it to "Off Topic" or "Copywriting" if I have)

[rgrimes]

Very funny read here! Thanks for the laugh, i often at times wonder why people would lie just to get a meal, and risk going to jail as these people had done! But as a side note how will that story make me money? thanks

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by rgrimes

Very funny read here! Thanks for the laugh, i often at times wonder why people would lie just to get a meal, and risk going to jail as these people had done! But as a side note how will that story make me money? thanks

How will it make you money? I'm flabbergasted that you can't see it. Look, we use stories in our sales pages to 1/create empathy - get people onside - get them to "relate" 2/ to build credibility - does it sound plausible or is it the same old BS? 3/ to entertain - to get them to relax and keep reading and 4/ to warm them up for the pitch.

So in this instance you could go on to say "I was in a famous restaurant in Jersey the other day. A steak restaurant. They barbeque all their meat on a char grill. And they serve it with this absolutely terrific chilli sauce. The best I've ever had. I asked them for the recipe. The waiter just laughed in my face and said "That's a trade secret - Chef will never give that out."

But guess what? I found this great site where they give you the recipes from all the famous restaurants - including that famous barbeque joint. I couldn't believe it. I tried it and they're right - it tastes exactly the same. They charge you for the recipes - $70 or something but there's hundreds of them. I even got the recipe for BillyBobsRibs - and nobody does ribs the way that guy does. Except me now. ha ha. Check it out. Here's the link."

Now do you get it?

[Dean Martin]

When I grow up I want to be able to write like Metronicity - the real 'will it blend' guy!

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by dlmartin

When I grow up I want to be able to write like Metronicity - the real 'will it blend' guy!

Psst. It's not that hard. Just write like you're talking to your best mate. But take out the swear words. ;-)

But I forgot to say to the guy up top who doesn't get how this technique can make him money - go and have a look at what Frank Kern does - both in his copy and his videos. He often doesn't pitch anything. But then he creeps up on you on the tail-end of a yarn about something off-topic. Or he takes you for a drive to check out the surf in his restored Kombi or something. Before the pitch.

What would you rather - have a bit of fun with Frank or have some Bozo try to hard-sell you?

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by adeeko

its very funny,well i have bussiness plan and i need likemind to rub mind together

You wanna rub minds? PM me.

[jschop]

Yeah, great story. It had me hooked 'til the end.