Watch over my shoulder as I make zero $$$'s today

[TelegramSam]

I wanted to share with you some of the secrets of making ZERO income online.

Firstly, you have to make sure you remain unfocused.

Surprisingly, this isn't that hard to do.

Just remember to have no plan and no direction to go in.

A good tip is to visit this forum a lot and just read and read and read.

This can really help you to get unfocused and think of all sorts of things.

Here's a quick step by step approach to really making ZERO. It actually takes quite a lot of effort to make nothing at all, but a lot of people are very good at it.

Step 1

As soon as you wake up, check your emails.

Step 2

Don't do any exercise and definitely don't eat a healthy breakfast.

Step 3

Vaguely think of all the many different ways to earn money that you read about the day before.

Step 4

Don't write down any ideas at all. Start to do this and you will soon start getting focussed, which is a slippery slope to success. Be careful. Make sure you don't start the ball rolling.

Step 5

Think about all the things you haven't done that really make you feel guilty and make sure you never allow yourself to let go of them.

Step 6

Surf over to your favourite news site, such as the BBC, CNN, FOX etc and see just how bad the world is.

Step 7

Don't go for a nice walk outside in case you start thinking that the world isn't really that bad afterall.

Step 8

Start thinking about all the regulations and rules that you could get yourself into trouble with. This is a good tip on making sure you don't do something. Amazingly good in fact.

Step 9

Get out that notepad and pen and look at it. Then check your emails again and look at the videos that were sent to you.

Step 10

By the way, did you check the sports results for last night? If not make this a priority.

Step 11

Are you taking in enough liquids? Make sure you brew yourself some coffee or have a cup of tea.

Step 12

That reminds me. Make sure you look in your spam folders just in case there is some important email in there.

Step 13

(Thud on the doormat...) Better check the newly arrived mail as that course you are expecting may have arrived.

Step 14

It's not here yet, otherwise you could delve into it. Fear not, there is lots of stuff you can get on with.

Step 15

Better finish off listening to the mp3 recording that you didn't finish yesterday. It's good to clear the decks.

Step 16

Perhaps you should see if there are any other juicy domain names available to add to your collection. You don't want to miss out on something good.

Step 17

Decide whether to buy the .net .org .info or use dashes, as the .com has gone.

Step 18

You better look online to see what people think.

Step 19

Phew!!! Time for lunch. Back soon

[Geode]

Are you my long lost twin?

[TLTheLiberator]

Folks have tons of reasons to not do what they're supposed to be doing to move their business forward.

It all ends the same way.

No major profits and it such a shame since we're at the beginning of a golden age for savvy online marketers.

TL

[Roger Smith]

I am guilty of only about half of the above steps, could that mean I have a slight chance of success.

[John Burton]

Haha - the perfect description of me when I first got into this game about 3/4 years ago.

John Burton

[Spiderpig]

You...Youve described my Internet marketing life in one post...amazing... Oh well better get back to my articles...but first theres this really funny you tube clip my friend told me about....

[Jenb]

Hey,
This is completely unfair. I am waiting for the next big product launch that's going to make me a smooth million.....

Great Post!!

[Vaan]

That's funny LoL

same here spiderbig, I just to lazy to do a things...

Originally Posted by Spiderpig

You...Youve described my Internet marketing life in one post...amazing... Oh well better get back to my articles...but first theres this really funny you tube clip my friend told me about....

[Lisa Gergets]

So I see you were spying on me several months back...

[thebeacon]

LOL Awesome... As much as I would hate to admit but this is my routine most of the time.

[Jill Carpenter]

Originally Posted by TelegramSam

I wanted to share with you some of the secrets of making ZERO income online.

Firstly, you have to make sure you remain unfocused.

Surprisingly, this isn't that hard to do.

Just remember to have no plan and no direction to go in.

A good tip is to visit this forum a lot and just read and read and read.

This can really help you to get unfocused and think of all sorts of things.

Here's a quick step by step approach to really making ZERO. It actually takes quite a lot of effort to make nothing at all, but a lot of people are very good at it.

Step 1

As soon as you wake up, check your emails.

Step 2

Don't do any exercise and definitely don't eat a healthy breakfast.

Step 3

Vaguely think of all the many different ways to earn money that you read about the day before.

Step 4

Don't write down any ideas at all. Start to do this and you will soon start getting focussed, which is a slippery slope to success. Be careful. Make sure you don't start the ball rolling.

Step 5

Think about all the things you haven't done that really make you feel guilty and make sure you never allow yourself to let go of them.

Step 6

Surf over to your favourite news site, such as the BBC, CNN, FOX etc and see just how bad the world is.

Step 7

Don't go for a nice walk outside in case you start thinking that the world isn't really that bad afterall.

Step 8

Start thinking about all the regulations and rules that you could get yourself into trouble with. This is a good tip on making sure you don't do something. Amazingly good in fact.

Step 9

Get out that notepad and pen and look at it. Then check your emails again and look at the videos that were sent to you.

Step 10

By the way, did you check the sports results for last night? If not make this a priority.

Step 11

Are you taking in enough liquids? Make sure you brew yourself some coffee or have a cup of tea.

Step 12

That reminds me. Make sure you look in your spam folders just in case there is some important email in there.

Step 13

(Thud on the doormat...) Better check the newly arrived mail as that course you are expecting may have arrived.

Step 14

It's not here yet, otherwise you could delve into it. Fear not, there is lots of stuff you can get on with.

Step 15

Better finish off listening to the mp3 recording that you didn't finish yesterday. It's good to clear the decks.

Step 16

Perhaps you should see if there are any other juicy domain names available to add to your collection. You don't want to miss out on something good.

Step 17

Decide whether to buy the .net .org .info or use dashes, as the .com has gone.

Step 18

You better look online to see what people think.

Step 19

Phew!!! Time for lunch. Back soon

I think I can improve this method!

For instance, somewhere around step 6 you will do even better if you turn the TV on in the background. This way if you pause at any time, you have something else to carry you away.

And where are the optional cocktails in step 11? Why not add a little nip of baileys or kahula to that coffee? How about a hot B52?

Recipe here:

Coffee, Baileys, Kahula, and Grand Mariner - with optional whipped cream on top.

[Lady_T]

This post is awesome and I'm
copying it and printing it as
a swift kick in the butt when
I get sidetracked.

I was such a victim of
16 & 17 - crazy!!

I was forever buying domain names
with no real clue about using them.

Glad I'm over THAT phase!

[CDarklock]

Pfft. Here's my recipe for no money.

1. Get up.
2. Grab bottle of rum and pour a drink.
3. Drink same.
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3.
5. Repeat step 4.
6. Log on to your Twitter account.
7. Repeat step 5.
8. The rest will take care of itself.

[abo28]

Very funny post title and very useful post. My congratulations!

[greff]

More good sarcasm! Thanks.

[thenextlevel]

Great Post. A real eye opener for me. It is so easy to become distracted with the millions of different ways to approach IM. Stick with one until success or failure

[JoeJ]

I was going to check my emails again until I read this thread.

I am going to try and go a whole hour before I check them :-)

[RobinSkeen]

Be sure to check the forums every few minutes just in case someone posts a new thread on the latest thing that will help you make as much as you did yesterday.

Don't forget to play farmville on Facebook for a couple hours. Now go check your e-mail again.

[Oscar D]

That is interesting, how did you know my daily routine?

[Dave Kingston]

Sarcasm and irony in 1 post.

Brilliant.

[Kevin Williams]

Some days I really could record myself working for hours though - actually working and writing articles - and make zero dollars. So ha!

Good post though :P

[WikiWarrior]

Thank you so much for sharing your secrets. It's about time someone came forward with a step-by-step, no fluff guide on how to add a few zeroes to the bottom line. It's so easy as an internet marketer to get caught up in the hype of setting goals and taking action, when I could be watching all those Youtube 'related' videos and earn a passive income stream of zero, on autopilot. Don't put off for today what you can do tomorrow!

[Pat Blank]

Awesome guide.

I'm still waiting for your instructions about what to do after lunch. I'm terrified I might accidentally make a little money then.

[Zeus66]

Oh man! COME ON!!! Now EVERYONE will be doing it. Great. Just freaking GREAT.

Seriously, dude. That was supposed to be OUR secret. I can't tell you anything.

[dv8]

19 steps, are you kidding me?!?! That's too much work.

Isn't there a pill I could swallow that would help me make no money instead?

[whateverpedia]

COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!!!!!

This was going to be my very first WSO.

I will be contacting my lawyer to "have a chat" with you shortly. Just as soon as I check my email (again). And then see if I have any new followers on Twitter. then watch the dvd's I bought yesterday, And then stare at the wall for an hour or so, then make a cuppa, then play with the dog, then work out how I'm going to invest the damages I receive from you, then play Solitaire on the PC, then play Solitaire with real cards, then read the newspaper, then read a magazine, then read a book, then....

My lawyer should be in touch with you sometime in 2015.

[mikeyman120]

I am the king of procrastination. It took me years to make $1. It get easier after that.

Mike

[TheGodfather]

*rolling up my sleeves*

Now it's time to show you how to make zero dollars (I hold the world record in laziness):

1. wake up at noon (or any hour after that)

2. Check your email that was sent to you during the few hours that you were asleep

3. Log on to your Facebook account and play some Texas Hold'em

4. Keep saying just one more game and then I'll go work on my site

5. After you finally made your self to get of facebook you log on to your msn, yahoo instant mesenger, skype, gtalk and chat for another 3-4 hours...

6. You open up market samurai, check your keyword and domain rankings

7. You then go back to Facebook, play some mafia wars and chat on one of the above instant messaging services

8. You have a lunch-dinner meal, go watch the new series of the Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy and That 70's Show.

9. Realize how late it is and go to sleep because tomorrow is a school day and you got to listen trough 8 hours of class...

10. Repeat the process once you come home the next day at 4 pm

[Liam Hamer]

This made me laugh out loud for real, and I just had to read it to my wife Whilst doing so, I realised that I still actually do quite a few of these things every day, even though my workrate and focus has increased massively in the last few weeks I'm pretty bad with step 17 lately Seriously though, this is a great post - eliminating as many of these things as possible gives us all a great chance of success each and every day

[Shana_Adam]

he he living the bling lifestyle takes effort and dedication!

Sure you could muster up some effort to justify the opportunity cost of being on facebook - building business assets through being the first person to poke tweet or sashay over to the wine glass icon

[LynnM]

2 more steps: Think about listening to that "how to focus" mp3 then forget again. Play online bingo in the hope it will generate some income for the day.


Lynn

[MaryT]

that's exactly what we used to do all the day long, when we worked in the post office

[AmyBrown]

Step 1a: Log on the the WF and post a question that you could have easily found an answer to if you had searched.

Steps 2a - 19a: Return to the WF, read responses and argue with the answers because it's not what you want to hear or doesn't give you a chance to promote your current WSO.

[TheGodfather]

Originally Posted by LynnM

2 more steps: Think about listening to that "how to focus" mp3 then forget again. Play online bingo in the hope it will generate some income for the day.


Lynn

even better, listen to a 4 h seminar on organizing, make the whole plan and then go out instead for a few beers and get drunk

[opportunites]

Very nice post!

Very effective way to teach people... one more time thank you! You made a great j...
Sorry guys I have to go to watch my special show in TV (LOL...)

[Liam Hamer]

Originally Posted by AmyBrown

Step 1a: Log on the the WF and post a question that you could have easily found an answer to if you had searched.

Steps 2a - 19a: Return to the WF, read responses and argue with the answers because it's not what you want to hear or doesn't give you a chance to promote your current WSO.

I've got to be honest and say this one annoys me a little, especially when it's newbies. I always try and search before I ask a question, so when I see the daily newbie threads like "how can I make money online?" and "Newbie here - what is the quickest way to make $5,000 this month?" getting 50+ replies it can be a little frustrating, especially when my question/thread drops like a stone I'm sure I'm not the only one that thinks this though. If every newbie spent just one hour searching and reading through threads, they'd have most of their questions answered This place is a treasure trove of great information.

[JD Nunes]

This list is highly amusing, yet sad in a way.

[la dominatrix]

have you any proof that this blueprint will work for me, these things can so easily be faked!
La dominatrix

[KenS]

Ok, where'd you put the camera...<looks around>

[nettech]

Add Facebook in there and thats all pretty much me...lol

[nettech]

You should make this into a WSO! hehehehehe

[Kiwigal]

Originally Posted by nettech

You should make this into a WSO! hehehehehe

Good idea and call it, "How To Not Make Money While You A Sleeping".

[JBorhez]

Nice! I was just in the middle of trying to decide what to work on next:
SEO on my website,
SEO on my other website,
SEO on the other website,
AM for my one website,
AM for my other website,
AM for the other website,
Facebook fan page,
Chris Rempel ebook,
that other eBook,
30 Day Challenge,
backlink submissions,
Haagen-dazs Rocky Road-no wait, I already did do that.

So I decided to check out WF and see what new idea I could add to the list of things to not do!

LOL...thanks for the extremely appropriate reminder!

[Sissy76]

How much would it cost to outsource all of this?

[DrewG]

LMAO, hilarious. Sounds like 90% of people that get into IM and expect easy money.

[diro]

Originally Posted by TelegramSam

I wanted to share with you some of the secrets of making ZERO income online.

Firstly, you have to make sure you remain unfocused.

Surprisingly, this isn't that hard to do.

Just remember to have no plan and no direction to go in.

A good tip is to visit this forum a lot and just read and read and read.

This can really help you to get unfocused and think of all sorts of things.

Here's a quick step by step approach to really making ZERO. It actually takes quite a lot of effort to make nothing at all, but a lot of people are very good at it.

Step 1

As soon as you wake up, check your emails.

Step 2

Don't do any exercise and definitely don't eat a healthy breakfast.

Step 3

Vaguely think of all the many different ways to earn money that you read about the day before.

Step 4

Don't write down any ideas at all. Start to do this and you will soon start getting focussed, which is a slippery slope to success. Be careful. Make sure you don't start the ball rolling.

Step 5

Think about all the things you haven't done that really make you feel guilty and make sure you never allow yourself to let go of them.

Step 6

Surf over to your favourite news site, such as the BBC, CNN, FOX etc and see just how bad the world is.

Step 7

Don't go for a nice walk outside in case you start thinking that the world isn't really that bad afterall.

Step 8

Start thinking about all the regulations and rules that you could get yourself into trouble with. This is a good tip on making sure you don't do something. Amazingly good in fact.

Step 9

Get out that notepad and pen and look at it. Then check your emails again and look at the videos that were sent to you.

Step 10

By the way, did you check the sports results for last night? If not make this a priority.

Step 11

Are you taking in enough liquids? Make sure you brew yourself some coffee or have a cup of tea.

Step 12

That reminds me. Make sure you look in your spam folders just in case there is some important email in there.

Step 13

(Thud on the doormat...) Better check the newly arrived mail as that course you are expecting may have arrived.

Step 14

It's not here yet, otherwise you could delve into it. Fear not, there is lots of stuff you can get on with.

Step 15

Better finish off listening to the mp3 recording that you didn't finish yesterday. It's good to clear the decks.

Step 16

Perhaps you should see if there are any other juicy domain names available to add to your collection. You don't want to miss out on something good.

Step 17

Decide whether to buy the .net .org .info or use dashes, as the .com has gone.

Step 18

You better look online to see what people think.

Step 19

Phew!!! Time for lunch. Back soon

Somewhere between 1 and 6 you forgot to include "Make plans to invest/spend all the money I won't be making today."

This is a very important step and I'm really a little embarrassed for you that it was left out!

Such an important step, and not even a mention, I'm really not sure what to say except...

GREAT THREAD!!!

[Marcel Hartmann]

Video proof, please.

[DrewG]

^ yeah, video proof of earnings or screenshots plzz :-D

[Marcel Hartmann]

Originally Posted by Drew Castle

LMAO, hilarious. Sounds like 90% of people that get into IM and expect easy money.

Had I not been lured in with hopes of easy money, I might've never entered the IM world. Now that I'm in, I'm glad I was sold emotionally and love the challenges.

[DrewG]

Originally Posted by Marcel Hartmann

Had I not been lured in with hopes of easy money, I might've never entered the IM world. Now that I'm in, I'm glad I was sold emotionally and love the challenges.

True, so very true. Although, people like you and I are the ones that went beyond those hopes of easy money, and rose above that level and didn't give up. We're commendable, and this isn't the case for a lot of people coming into this game.