Sales Letters for a landing page - need some advice

[Dr. O]

Heya Warriors,

I'm creating a landing page for my weight loss product. A little background about me and my product, Im an MD and an avid health/fitness nut.

A couple years ago, I set out to improve on what I perceived as an overall low performance index for most weight loss supps.

Anyhow, fast forward to today, our product is out and available online. I really wanted to eschew the traditional "sellY" approach and instead crafted a no-hype, informational website to sell the product.

As you can well imagine, the site shown above has poor conversion - as I later learned its not a real landing/squeeze page at all.

So, learning from my mistakes we're making a new landing page specifically for internet sales (the other site is great for established customers and word of mouth).

My question to you all is - is it really neccessary for a sales letter/landing page to follow the traditional "sellY" format to work?

I'm wondering simply because I'm reviewing the work that a copy writer/warrior has provided.

His content is supposed to be "super hot" etc. etc.

However, I read it and I think its too sensational and hype driven. One side of me wants to have him tone it down, while the other half is thinking perhaps this is whats needed to convert total strangers.

As a physician, I understand that I'm probably overcomplicating things. Should I just throw this copy up and see what sticks?

Please advise - should a good sales letter follow a certain pattern?

I know that excitement sells. I fear that in trying to "take the high road" and avoid the fear/greed/envy/want metrics of desire, I'll just doom my product to fail. Is this true?


Thanks Warriors!!

[Scott Murdaugh]

(Edit: Whoops, missed the part of the post about hiring the copywriter... You paid him, you might as well test it.)

A good sales letter isn't "salesy" at all...

First of all the convincing business sucks. You want a sales letter that speaks directly to people who are looking for a way to lose weight and are ready to pay for it.

You shouldn't need to convince them that they need to lose weight. You need to convince them why you're different, what sets you apart from the (in your case massive) competition, and in the supplement industry you want to provide a user experience that produces results and makes people enjoy buying from you, so they'll keep buying from you.

I wouldn't go to my mechanic if I had the flu... And I wouldn't ask my doctor to represent me in court if I where being sued.

Point being... Good copywriters, those who consistently write winning ads, we study this stuff like you study medicine... We spend our days studying copywriting and marketing strategy and learning what works, what doesn't and why.

For most business owners it shouldn't be any different. Your selling process directly impacts how much money you'll make and eventually your quality of life...

Sure, you can take a stab at it. Or if you really want to learn how to do it you can buy some books, there's a great sticky thread on the copywriting section of this forum... But it's a skill just like anything else that takes a long time to master.

My advice would be to get a pro on board and working with you. I'm personally booked pretty solid right now, but if you surf the copywriting forum, or better yet, post an ad, you should get some qualified responses.

If you're talking about sticking the copy in your signature up, it doesn't do a lot of selling, so I wouldn't spend a ton of money promoting it.

There's a lot more to selling and crafting an irresistible offer than a bunch of hyped up promises and big bold text... It doesn't have to look like an IM sales letter, but it DOES need to make an offer and convince people to take action..

And there's a lot to be learned by watching how your competition is setting up their sales funnels... Different CAN be good, but in a lot of ways, especially in direct response, being TOO different is a bad thing. People do things a certain way for a reason.

Good luck with it.

-Scott

[Jason Green]

If you have heard good reviews from geniune people then have faith in your ghost copy writer.

The reason *every* other sales copy in the online world is "selly" and "hype" is because it works! Believe me these people are business men too, marketers too, and they wan't to make alot of money too. These techniques have been proven to work over and over again, that is why they work.

There is alot of consumer pshychology and science which backs up alot of sales copy hype, it has been proven that provoking emotions sells, greed, fear etc.

I would advise you start Split Testing your future sales copies. This way you will learn the art and phsychologys of sales copies for yourself and you will improve your conversions. Each time you Split-Test you get one of two results:

1) You fail to increase your convesions and therefor you learn that your old *header* (or call to action, or second paragraph, or video) was better than your current.

2) You increase your conversions, make more sales and learn that your new *header or etc.* is better than your old.

I would advise you seriously look into split testing. If you want to constantly get better yourself and grow and improve your business you must test test test and never stop testing, and always keep good records of your results to learn from.

Jason Green

edit - Just read Scott's post above, it's an awsome post, listen to his advice.

[Nathan Alexander]

If you want the best results, you have to go with what works.

It's like when copywriters talk about their old English teachers picking apart a sales letter with one thing after the other. It's usually, "would you rather be right or rich?"

The same applies here. Assuming (and this is a big and important assumption) that all else is equal and you've got a great copywriter and great work from that copywriter, than that is what should work well for you for the online first-time investigators.

"Salesy?" It depends on where you prospects minds are when they come to your site. Have they already heard about you? Were they pre-disposed to buying? And buying today?

Are they familiar with your product? Do they know they want your kind of weight-loss solution, but just need to "compare" prices?

All these questions will dictate the kind of message they need to see upon coming (stumbling?) onto your site.

The question to ask is where are your customers coming from? What are they looking for and where are they in the process of knowing they want what you have?

Yes, you need to follow a formula - because they work. Attention, Interest, Desire and Action. AIDA. That's just one of a few formula's for good marketing and copywriting. Get their attention and draw 'em in.

And like it was said above - test! Then you'll know, and have reason for you're knowing and the confidence to implement what needs to implemented.

[Raydal]

Originally Posted by Dr. O

Heya Warriors,

I know that excitement sells. I fear that in trying to "take the high road" and avoid the fear/greed/envy/want metrics of desire, I'll just doom my product to fail. Is this true?

Thanks Warriors!!

What you are feeling is normal for product owners when they first get
the sales letter from the copywriter, especially if you've never been
in sales before. You should at least TEST the copy and get all
your answers that way.

Most business owners find selling too selly. But you selling is
like romance--she knows that her eyes are not the prettiest think
you've ever seen in the world, but it surely melts her heart.

(BTW, how come nobody complains that all lovers are liars?)

-Ray Edwards

[Dr. O]

Guys, thanks for the awesome advice.

How should I approach feedback for the first draft?

You guys have basically talked me off the ledge - Im willing to go with what the copywriter is offering, I just need to know how/if to give feeback...

again, thanks for the advice - im happy to reciprocate. If anyone has a medical question, PM me!