Warriors - the worst site ever - can you help me build it?

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

What you really need is a Billy Mays-type voice booming an announcement that the visitor is only moments away from telling his boss to kiss his ass.

Cool, then after that they will really need a "work at home guide".

This really is building up to be an "All In One" thread for the "Marketing Challenged" members of this community (I feel so proud, I am finally giving something back that is of value!).

[Karen Connell]

What about a loud video without an 'off' or volume control button.

[erinwrites]

What about those Chitika ads--the kind are on specific words so that when your mouse scrolls over them the window pops up? You could Chitika the crap out of the site so that, even when the user scrolls over the "buy now" text/button, an ad pops up!

[Richard Odell]

Hey! - just checked the stat counter. Its reading 61 hits from the previous 9.

Shouldn't you all be working on decent content for web pages and not idling your hours away looking at rubbish sites like mine!

Isn't it mazing what a daft idea, a very hot forum and a couple of hours can do? One site indexed pretty darn quick, 61+ hits and I haven't even broken sweat yet.

Ive had fun, so have others.

Imagine if you did something similar - took a chance, thought outside the box a little. How much would it change your chances of making money on the Internet?

This is for all the folks that are struggling out there, not making anything from what they do.

For over two years, I never really gave anything back to this forum (I was far to busy, this place was a light relief for me). Today I have finally got to the place I planned to be two years ago (the target monthly income). So this for all of you who are struggling....

I made it by taking daft ideas and getting attention. A while back a dear friend and mentor gave me what he called the ABC of marketing, it reads as such...

"Attention Brings Customers" and "Customers Bring Abundance" whatever way around you look at it, it still works.

If you want to get ahead, get attention. Curiosity is a powerful tool, a little used tool but a powerful one never the less. If you awaken it, put a compelling offer in front of it, then stir an emotional response, you will never fail to make money.

For the past two years, this is exactly what I have done and it worked. Daft ideas, pushed out into social media, backed with a compelling message.

Try it, see how you get on - it beats SEO, article marketing and all the other slave work that the rest of the crowd compels itself to do (and its a lot more fun).

Put a funny Video on YouTube, bookmark your spoof site, put out a viral pdf that makes people smile, then sit back and see the response. Folks constantly want to be entertained, most times they will reward you for what you do.

And - you'll glad to know - I've nothing to sell you today - just wanted to awaken your curiosity?

I'll catch you out some other time.

-Rich

PS For the first time in two years I now have a link in the box below - stayed tuned this site will turn you off Making Money On-Line for good!

PPS 1am in the UK, will see you tomorrow.....

[Diana Lane]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

PPS 1am in the UK, will see you tomorrow.....

Lightweight

[mikemcmillan]

Your site is way cool!

I wouldn't target a product. I'd just tell visitors to transfer funds to your PayPal account and you will send them some crap on par with how much they send you.

[ramone_johnny]

Well from a design perspective you must have the following..

1. As many FLASHING animated gifs as possible
2. Auto play music - and NO option to turn it off
3. Popups galore - popups, popunders etc etc
4. Some sort of affiliated porn link
5. Scrolling marquee - a must have
6. Animated sprinkles that follow the mouse cursor
7. So many banner ads its not bareable.
8. Misaligned text, images and tables, of varying width and height.

That should be enough to get you started

[Adam Carn]

"PS PSS PSSS PSSSS PSSSSS"

Come ON!! LOL

Adam

[TommyBussey]

I just love all the posts on this thread!

I don't know if this contribution will help but:

I would love to see just a bunch of HUGE gradient ORDER NOW links. The only thing you should have in between the buttons are pictures of Clickbank checks with ridiculous amounts of money on them...

haha

PPPPPPPPPPPPPS. Adam you're my boy!! haha

[Diana Lane]

Don't forget your Iron Clad Guarantee.

"I promise I'll tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing like the truth. If you're not one hundred per cent satisfied, I'll refund not just double your money, but NONE of your money! There's NO RISK of seeing your wedge again!'

[Adam Carn]

Originally Posted by Diana Lane

Don't forget your Iron Clad Guarantee.

"Iron Clad..." Arghhh that's so cliche!

Adam

[Kevin Williams]

I better see a picture with clickbank statistics of outrageously high figures... at least 5 figures per day.

[Diana Lane]

Originally Posted by Adam Carn

"Iron Clad..." Arghhh that's so cliche!

Adam

It's supposed to be, but he still needs to mention how the leading lights of the industry (his close friends, naturally) told him that he was crazy for revealing such secrets.

Or at least that he was crazy

[Adam Carn]

The headline:

"Your Guide To Financial Freedom"

Hmm.

Adam

[shaddai]

What you really need is a Billy Mays-type voice booming an announcement that the visitor is only moments away from telling his boss to kiss his ass.

Very nice!! You need to mix it with an alert siren, obnoxious buzzers...that kind of stuff. And then when they try to back out of the page, a big loud file that says "WAIT!!" There's more!!" and starts playing some seriously obnoxious Marilyn Manson kind of music.

Yup..it'd piss me off for sure!

Todd

[Dan C. Rinnert]

Originally Posted by Kevin Williams

I better see a picture with clickbank statistics of outrageously high figures... at least 5 figures per day.

But make it obviously Photoshop'd by not having the bars reflective of the dollar amounts.

[ramone_johnny]

I remember years ago when webmasters used to do all their keyword stuffing at the very bottom of each page. Youd scroll down endlessly to find all this hidden text (the same colour as the background) at the very bottom of the page.

That is a MUST have

[Sumit Menon]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Should I have loud auto-play music also?

You should play "Soulja Boy - Crank That" or you could just scratch fingernails on a disc and record that!

It's the same.

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by Diana Lane

Lightweight

Oh course, remember I only work two hours a day (by the pool) and all of my work is outsourced to countries that have huge national debt. I mean to say would you pay more than $1 for ten articles?

These out-workers live like kings and queens in they're own countries (see I am helping all humanity in the process!)

-Rich

[Sumit Menon]

Originally Posted by Diana Lane

It's supposed to be, but he still needs to mention how the leading lights of the industry (his close friends, naturally) told him that he was crazy for revealing such secrets.

Or at least that he was crazy

And also mention that his mentor Bernie Madoff regarded this site to be greatest the site of the 21st century!

[Sumit Menon]

Originally Posted by David Halek

Have it autoplay the achy breaky song from Miley Cyrus' father, combine it with a line saying 'Only 52 46 22 19 25 10 11 3 9 4 copies remaining' with all but the '4' crossed out.

Hey! I love that song.. Billy Ray Cyrus is my favorite artist.

[Richard Odell]

Great News!

Logged into Google analytic,


Bounce Rate The percentage of single-page visits (i.e. visits in which the person left your site from the entrance page).

Bounce Rate

88.24%


Man - I am cooking on gas!

The only thing that got me was....

Pages/Visit

1.18



I don't remember putting up .18 of a page up, can you see it?


Oh - by the way I am looking for a really gross free css website template that I can freak out, any doozies out there, that are just begging to have that magic touch put on them!


While I am here many thanks to you all for your help, please remember that for every contribution made, a noob is saved from doing harm to to his or her business. You have the power to make that difference!


-Rich

[Richard Odell]

Dam! I am going have to work hard to have to beat this.

World's Worst Website

What an inspiration - never though about free hosting? Will have to build one and back-link to the main sewer (sorry main site).

EDIT: turn your sound on!

[Sumit Menon]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Dam! I am going have to work hard to have to beat this.

World's Worst Website

What an inspiration - never though about free hosting? Will have to build one and back-link to the main sewer (sorry main site).

EDIT: turn your sound on!

More inspiration: MIA

[ramone_johnny]

Oh man, you gotta use this!

http://www.partnersinrhyme.com/midi/.../wipeout.shtml

Hilarious!

[Diana Lane]

Originally Posted by David Halek

Have it autoplay the achy breaky song from Miley Cyrus' father

Even though I've managed to avoid listening to that for ages, it's still going to be in my head all day now. You lot are evil

[wiley1]

Put up a video of you (or you and a friend or two) acting really childish and stupid. Include loud, obnoxious music.

[Paula S]

Remember how some sites used to have things trailing after the cursor?

Maybe you could have some $$$ trailing after the cursor.

Oh, Oh! How about dollar signs falling all over the background??

or BOTH!

not annoying at all.

[kevinfar]

need inspiration ?! Buy My Stupid Ebook, Overly SEO d Title, Keywords Crammed like Make Money Online Make Money Online Make Money Online

[Reindeer]

LOL
Yeah you won the prize in my book

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by kevinfar

need inspiration ?! Buy My Stupid Ebook, Overly SEO d Title, Keywords Crammed like Make Money Online Make Money Online Make Money Online

Cool, one that I have been looking for.

Does anyone remember the hand drawn one (kids crayola)? Would love to find the link to that.

Rich

[ShaneRQR]

Some great inspiration on the other "worst sites".
Flashing "You've won out main prize!!" and "Congratulations, you are the 1'000'000th visitor!!" banners would be a good addition.

Also, have some misformatted text that overlaps with other text or disappears behind an image.

With all the suggestions in this thread, I think you'll have to work very hard to make that site as bad as it can possibly be.

[ForumJoiner]

1. Ask me to subscribe, in order to access the main page. Make all details mandatory. Ask me to send you reasons why you should allow me to enter your website, and promise me nothing in exchange. Ask me to answer to weird questions, like "What does a monkey eat?".

2. Ask me to choose my country from the list. Detect the country based from the IP, and remove my country from the list you present me.

3. Put the "Enter Site" button very small, light gray on white.

4. After I enter the site, display an error page.

5. Tell me that my IP was recorded, with no other mention.

6. Increase the counter to at least trillions, and make it change it dynamically. Put it in the right upper side, so I can see that now are 1,982,328,422,523 visitors right now - this number should increase any second. The visitor should know that the entire galaxy is visiting your site right now.

7. Never give anything in exchange for the visitor's details.

8. All pages should be One Time Offers.

9. If someone orders 1 item, automatically increase the quantity to 1,000 on the confirmation page. Maybe the customer wanted to give that item to his 1,000 friends and he was too shy to say so.

10. Make the visitor feel stupid at every turn. If he didn't take any action for 3 consecutive seconds, pop-up a window that says "Hurry up! There are persons in the line who also want to see this site".

11. When the visitors exits the site, display 100 pop-under windows.

Sergiu FUNIERU

[sanjid112]

Nice thread, Richard. It is totally crap and funny. very entertaining..
I don't know what else to add since it is already here altogether.

Hmm, maybe you can add sound (someone screaming), when they try to close the page? Maybe something like,"AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH, Don't do that? You are breaking my heart...."

PS.
I love the pic on the site. Add the banner too. It will be fun too.

-Malik

[rosetrees]

I'm a bit late to the party here - but a "worst site" needs:
a) A landing page that says - "welcome to my site, click here to enter"
b) A scrolling header - preferably fast and flashing
c) An annoying menubar that moves down the page with you
d) Lots of ads that open up and cover the page when you point the mouse at them - preferably with an almost invisible close x
e) Bright coloured background, preferably with a repeating, bright graphic
f) Brightly coloured contrasting text that sends your eyes spinning just trying to read it
g) LOTS of different fonts, type sizes, paragraph alignments and multiple, different size headings some bold, some underlined, some highlighted
h) Like others say - annoying music that autostarts - preferably heavy metal or (depending on your target audience) a loud, warbly soprano opera singer
i) Lots of pictures that keep changing rapidly

......... that should do it - then sell it on sitepoint for megabucks and send me half the money.

[Irishman]

I was going to save these copy secrets for a WSO,
but what the heck... time to give back to the forum.



1. "Over 500,00 satisfied custmerz & counting!"
followed directly by...
"I'm strictly limiting this to only the first 50 customers ONLY!"


2. "My accountant isn't talking to me after hearing the
discount I'm selling this for..."


3. Make sure to have a large digital neon green
counter VISIBLE showing # of visitors


4. Put a Javascript on page to turn visitor's
mouse pointer into a fat wad of burning cash


5. Make sure to CONGRATULATE ME on winning a
free plasma tv for being the 1,000,000th visitor,
regardless if I refresh the page or not.
(advanced note: for increased conversions...
include glitter gold, fireworks, and banjo music -
preferably midi file)


6. In the autoresponder, be sure to mess with
the personalization feature so your emails
always read:
Personal Message for [{firstname_fix]]


Hope that helps!

Will

[DogScout]

Originally Posted by ramone_johnny

I remember years ago when webmasters used to do all their keyword stuffing at the very bottom of each page. Youd scroll down endlessly to find all this hidden text (the same colour as the background) at the very bottom of the page.

That is a MUST have

Of course, using the 'h1' tag in the footer

[DogScout]

Originally Posted by rosetrees

I'm a bit late to the party here - but a "worst site" needs:
a) A landing page that says - "welcome to my site, click here to enter"
b) A scrolling header - preferably fast and flashing
c) An annoying menubar that moves down the page with you
d) Lots of ads that open up and cover the page when you point the mouse at them - preferably with an almost invisible close x
e) Bright coloured background, preferably with a repeating, bright graphic
f) Brightly coloured contrasting text that sends your eyes spinning just trying to read it
g) LOTS of different fonts, type sizes, paragraph alignments and multiple, different size headings some bold, some underlined, some highlighted
h) Like others say - annoying music that autostarts - preferably heavy metal or (depending on your target audience) a loud, warbly soprano opera singer
i) Lots of pictures that keep changing rapidly

......... that should do it - then sell it on sitepoint for megabucks and send me half the money.

not worlds worst site, that's been done
(and very well, too. It does incorporate most of those items, with the addition of flashing gifs that are timed to induce seizures in epileptics!)
this is world's worst landing page/sales letter for IM

[DogScout]

If you need a flashing banner:

[ShaneRQR]

Originally Posted by ForumJoiner

2. Ask me to choose my country from the list. Detect the country based from the IP, and remove my country from the list you present me.

Now that is just evil.
Well played, good sir.

[rosetrees]

Originally Posted by DogScout

not worlds worst site, that's been done
(and very well, too. It does incorporate most of those items, with the addition of flashing gifs that are timed to induce seizures in epileptics!)
this is world's worst landing page/sales letter for IM

Naaaa - his title definitely says "the worst site ever" and his OP says he's doing a MMO site.

loooove your flashing banner - that should do it. Seriously classy stuff.

[DogScout]

Or you could go with just weird:



LoL

[andybeveridge]

Don't forget the story of when you had nothing. There you were in a shop doorway trying to sleep, but can't because of the cold driving rain. Out from the shadows steps a stranger, he hands you an old newspaper and says here you are son that should keep you warm. As the stranger steps back into the night he turns and says if you choose to, it could keep you warm for the rest of your life.
You think nothing of the strangers unusual words at the time, just gratfull to get some sleep. Come morning your life changes. For hiding within the newspaper is a tattered handwritten manuscript that reveals lost secrets. Anybody with this knowledge can completely transform their lifes. You don't need skills or money, hell you don't even need an education.
The secrets in this never before seen manuscript changed your life forever.

Here is one of my happy customers

I can't believe how you let this never before seen manuscript become avalible for such a low low price. $1.99 I would have paid ten times that amount. I had nothing before, I couldn't even pay my car payments. Now, thanks to your amazing secret manuscript I own my very own island, and it only took me two weeks and 1 hour a day.

[Sumit Menon]

Originally Posted by DogScout

Or you could go with just weird:



LoL

How do you do that?

[andrew_writes]

Starting to really take shape.

I tried to leave the site and it kept me there, I tried to stay and it sent me away, brilliant!

[DogScout]

Originally Posted by Sumit Menon

How do you do that?

I make the ostrich walking in Poser. Open the banner in Animation Shop and duplicate it 49 times
overlay the walking ostrich into the banner.
optimize it and safe as a gif.

I use Paint Shop Pro 9 with Animation shop as that is the last version that didn't 'phone home' to verify the license. Same with Poser, use version 7.

I could use PhotoShop & Image Ready, but that does VERY little that PaintShop & AnimationShop won't do at 1/6th the price and a much easier learning curve.

Took less than 10 minutes, (already had the ostrich lying around). (The ostrich walked in place, so I hade to move him in each frame...a pain, but got the job done in a jerKy sorta way. If I needed a walking ostrich (or elephant, cougar or whatever) to walk somewhere, I could have done that in Poser and save the having to move it in each frame AND made the walking seem more natural and less jerky)

The draw back is a HUGE file size.

[thezone]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Do you have you a strong stomach?

Could you bring it upon yourselves to lower your standards for just one night?

I want to build the worst make money on-line website ever (I really need the unwarranted attention!).

Can you bring it upon yourselves to give me the tackiest headlines, the worst bullet points, the sleaziest copy, the lamest closing lines, the gut wrenching graphics?

The reasons?

1. A lot of the noobs could learn from this.
2. I am way too lazy to do this all by myself!
3. It could be a whole lot fun.
4. I intend to make money from this.
5. I promise to show you the awful truth, once it is done.

So what do you say, can this be done? Can we construct a warning beacon to others? Are you willing to line my pockets for nothing?

I intend to put it on this domain - BuyItFromMeNow.Com

Go-on give me your worst!

-Rich

The worst site ever? Maybe this site will give you an idea...it's so bad you may just leave not knowing what just happened.

Bella De Soto's Web Site 12/18/05

[Alican Yenidogan]

"WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW TO SEE WHY YOU SHOULD BUY IT FROM ME!"

under this text, put a video frame (iframe) and let it give a 404

[Charann Miller]

Hehhehe, what are you up to?

That is sooooo funny.

It takes me back to the days where websites were bold, bright blinding colors and you did a great job of recreating that.

Don't forget to alternate between the different fonts, comic sans, times new roman, courier, mistral, arial, stencil and make them in different vibrant colors like hot pink, bright yellow, leaf green, indigo, violet.

Don't forget to sell a whole heap of unrelated products scattered throughout your ad copy just like those guys who throw those in there for good measure in case their main product doesn't sell.

Your music should be an annoying cheap sounding midi file. I love the idea that it should play after a while which will probably aggravate a lot of people after they get over the initial shock.

No matter what page you click on the same song plays on loop.

Sounds like your having lots of fun breaking all the rules.

I'll be checking back to see how it all comes together.

[Richard Odell]

Hi folks, many thanks for all your kind contributions!

I'm now off to build this monument to bad taste and if it is OK with everyone I will post a "can you review my site" in the very near future.

Keep digging up more distasteful suggestions and I will endeavour to include all suggestions into this stinking edifice of squaller I call a website.

Oh! Before I go, the "stat counter" is now up to 260 uniques (just shows you what morbid curiosity can generate!).

Bless you all.

-Rich

PS: WARNING - Please do not try this at home! This site was constructed by trained monkey with a bad attitude and a total disregard for other people feelings. Building crap websites can seriously affect your income potential.