Warriors - the worst site ever - can you help me build it?

[Richard Odell]

Do you have you a strong stomach?

Could you bring it upon yourselves to lower your standards for just one night?

I want to build the worst make money on-line website ever (I really need the unwarranted attention!).

Can you bring it upon yourselves to give me the tackiest headlines, the worst bullet points, the sleaziest copy, the lamest closing lines, the gut wrenching graphics?

The reasons?

1. A lot of the noobs could learn from this.
2. I am way too lazy to do this all by myself!
3. It could be a whole lot fun.
4. I intend to make money from this.
5. I promise to show you the awful truth, once it is done.

So what do you say, can this be done? Can we construct a warning beacon to others? Are you willing to line my pockets for nothing?

I intend to put it on this domain - BuyItFromMeNow.Com

Go-on give me your worst!

-Rich

[andrew_writes]

Looked at the site, cute pic.

My Best Worst Line? At the top of the page in h1 tag and glaring red put;

CLICK HERE NOW TO BUY WHAT'S BELOW BEFORE TIME RUNS OUT!!!

have a counter that says only -5 left or something stupid like that.

Hope I helped.

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by andrew_writes

have a counter that says only -5 left or something stupid like that.

Hope I helped.

That's a biggy - gotta have that!

-Rich

[kenj]

You should have optin forms flying in every 5 seconds. You don't want to miss getting them on your list

Kenj

[andrew_writes]

Glad you liked it.

How about...

This is a money making secret so secret I can only sell it to you on a monthly basis but you get the first month free.

Yeah, Yeah!!!

YEAH -

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by andrew_writes

Glad you liked it.

How about...

This is a money making secret so secret I can only sell it to you on a monthly basis but you get the first month free.

Yeah, Yeah!!!

YEAH -

Yep - I think you know exactly where I'm coming from!

Big question is - should it be a Wordpress Blog, HTML or written with a crayon!

[Jill Carpenter]

Lots of misspellings:

Money = mony or monie

Make some bulleted points in an extrmemly (ha, word spell) small font, and repeat some of them on the list more than twice.

Stick up a youtube video - but before you put the address of the video delete it or block it on the youtube end so if someone goes to play it it just gives the old "this video is no longer available"

Be sure to have some badly formatted html code visible on the copy page somewhere.

[andrew_writes]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Yep - I think you know exactly where I'm coming from!

Big question is - should it be a Wordpress Blog, HTML or written with a crayon!

Crayon Please.

[Jill Carpenter]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Yep - I think you know exactly where I'm coming from!

Big question is - should it be a Wordpress Blog, HTML or written with a crayon!

There is a crayon type site I believe, that is a parody on the copy page but is actually selling something and making money.

The link was posted here eons ago.

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by avenuegirl

Lots of misspellings:

Money = mony or monie

Make some bulleted points in an extrmemly (ha, word spell) small font, and repeat some of them on the list more than twice.

Stick up a youtube video - but before you put the address of the video delete it or block it on the youtube end so if someone goes to play it it just gives the old "this video is no longer available"

Be sure to have some badly formatted html code visible on the copy page somewhere.

Should I have loud auto-play music also?

[bravo75]

Great website, love it

[Jill Carpenter]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Should I have loud auto-play music also?

Yes. But it should not start until someone is about mid way down the page, so it won't kick in for a minute or two.

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by avenuegirl

There is a crayon type site I believe, that is a parody on the copy page but is actually selling something and making money.

The link was posted here eons ago.

I well remember that, its my inspiration for this - but this site has really gotta make you puke

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by avenuegirl

Yes. But it should not start until someone is about mid way down the page, so it won't kick in for a minute or two.

Thats plain evil!

[Jill Carpenter]

Use a picture that has a watermark plastered over the front of it that looks like it was stolen from a legit photo company.

Put another picture of "here is my fancy car!" but let a piece of a car dealership be seen in the background.

And "here is me on a vacation I took" with some obvious photoshopping of your head.

[Richard Odell]

Hey - a lesson for the noobs - the site is only an hour old - its been indexed by Google already. Shows you just how frequently Google crawls this forum.

Coooooooool!

-Rich

[JasonC.biz]

Regarding graphics, for your consideration:

Money flying out of the computer screen (anyone ever get paid that way?).
Ecstatic model in a suit holding wads of cash (any of you look like that?).
Multi-million dollar mansion.
Lamborghini Murcielago or Ferrari Enzo.

Jason

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by avenuegirl

Use a picture that has a watermark plastered over the front of it that looks like it was stolen from a legit photo company.

Put another picture of "here is my fancy car!" but let a piece of a car dealership be seen in the background.

And "here is me on a vacation I took" with some obvious photoshopping of your head.

There's a naughty boy on this forum who did that not so long ago?

[hjalte81]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

That's a biggy - gotta have that!

-Rich

Add to that, a really bad countdown that restarts everytime the page is reloaded

so 90's

[andrew_writes]

Originally Posted by JasonC.biz

Regarding graphics, for your consideration:

Money flying out of the computer screen (anyone ever get paid that way?).
Ecstatic model in a suit holding wads of cash (any of you look like that?).
Multi-million dollar mansion.
Lamborghini Murcielago or Ferrari Enzo.

Jason

Better yet show an ugly model, an ugly car and ugly pimp/marketer with monopoly money standing in front of the penn.

The Caption

Get Released Get Rich Fleecing On The Internet - Don't Miss This Once In A 25 to life chance.

[Jill Carpenter]

And then, have a placeholder showing where a photo should be, with a message that says "you will need to install shockwave photo to display this image" - give it a little icon in the middle, with a "you can download it here" with a link to a site that doesn't exist or is a parked page.

[kenj]

What about a picture of a ford capri as the dream car?
I'm getting so many ideas here

Kenj

[Jill Carpenter]

Be sure to keyword stuff your copy with buy it from me now.

And, if someone tries to close the page and they get that "hey wait! don't go!" You have to reverse the buttons so if they click to leave the page, they don't leave and are stuck there.


Or, there are two buttons, but one says "yes, tell me more" and the other says "No! I want to stay"

[andrew_writes]

Originally Posted by avenuegirl

Be sure to keyword stuff your copy with buy it from me now.

And, if someone tries to close the page and they get that "hey wait! don't go!" You have to reverse the buttons so if they click to leave the page, they don't leave and are stuck there.


Or, there are two buttons, but one says "yes, tell me more" and the other says "No! I want to stay"

Now that is fun-knee...

[Irishman]

Some compelling copy for you... no charge.

"Just yesterday, I made $27,985.72 while taking a dump. This system is SO powerful, you won't have to *lift a finger!"

*except maybe to flush

[Richard Odell]

Should I put a health warning on the site?

Or sell sick bags through an affiliate link?

[Jill Carpenter]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Should I put a health warning on the site?

Or sell sick bags through an affiliate link?

Here, I found some programs for you.

Black Diamond Barf Bag - '07 Closeout at REI.com


Totally Gross Empty Barf Bags (4 count)

Reuters says you'd be leaving money on the table not to sell it.

The latest in film publicity? A barf bag | Oddly Enough | Reuters

[Mark Hess]

Need inspiration?: Making Money Online "Antonio's Millionaire Secretes"

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by avenuegirl

Here, I found some programs for you.

Black Diamond Barf Bag - '07 Closeout at REI.com


Totally Gross Empty Barf Bags (4 count)

Reuters says you'd be leaving money on the table not to sell it.

The latest in film publicity? A barf bag | Oddly Enough | Reuters

Good Lord - You mean there is niche for this?

I could put this into an auto-responder series!

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by MarkH45

Need inspiration?: Making Money Online "Antonio's Millionaire Secretes"

Damm - my eyes are burning after that!

That guys got what I need?

[Jill Carpenter]

Originally Posted by MarkH45

Need inspiration?: Making Money Online "Antonio's Millionaire Secretes"

LOL, I love where the headline just trails off the page.

[michaelwalters]

brilliant idea to get warriors busy..

[tryinhere]

Originally Posted by avenuegirl

Be sure to keyword stuff your copy with buy it from me now.
And, if someone tries to close the page and they get that "hey wait! don't go!" You have to reverse the buttons so if they click to leave the page, they don't leave and are stuck there.
Or, there are two buttons, but one says "yes, tell me more" and the other says "No! I want to stay"

You would expand on that and have an atomated assistant who is ugly and als increase the price not decrease it

about us = mind your own business
privacy = please give us all of your details uncluding bank accounts you can trust us
contact us = they cut our phone lines due to non payment sorry

[Richard Odell]

URGENT NOTICE!

The StatCounter has landed!

Oh Yes, I can now see what Warriors with idle curiosity are up to!

Bump up the figures (its gone to 9 whole uniques already!) the money is going to fly in with this site I can see it!

OOPS? - No product - what do certain folks on this forum say "what now?"

[SPress]

Wow - looks like "Antonio" beat you to it!

The millionaire coming at you from his $450 apartment.

Classic!

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by tryinhere

privacy = please give us all of your details uncluding bank accounts you can trust us

Genius, I could send emails that enable people to transfer funds from certain continents, names of places that should not be mentioned (sounds a bit like Harry Potter?).

[da1fitz]

Dude (very unEnglish) Ace domain name but please flush the page

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by da1fitz

Dude (very unEnglish) Ace domain name but please flush the page

Can't, its a real floater!

[ShaneRQR]

You're already off to a good start, I think.
If you can, make an obnoxious exit pop-up with one of those ridiculous "Michelle wants to chat with you personally and offer you a special bonus!!" messages. Also, if it can be done, have the exit pop-up load into an exit splash page and have a second exit pop-up for that one. (Seriously, Michelle TOTALLY wants to chat with you!!)

Make sure to promise that your system can teach anyone how to make gazillions of dollars every single day with no work whatsoever. Be sure to use phrases like "completely hands-off", "fully automated" and "zero maintenance".

Also: Include a cheaply cropped picture of a Ferrari.

Oh, and liberal use of the words "Guru" and "secret" are also imperative, as I'm sure you know.

Great idea, man. Looking forward to seeing what you will put together.


EDIT: I must confess, I wrote my answer first, before reading everyone else's. Gosh, there is real comedy gold in some of these replies! Enjoying this thread a lot. Thanks to all contributors!

[da1fitz]

OK furry nuff - use lots of toilet roll then flush it!!!!

Seriously mate - if you own that domain name then you may quite possibly make quite a bit of money - especially if you get some adsense, ebay and amazon templates on there - then flip it

[Diana Lane]

Originally Posted by kenj

What about a picture of a ford capri as the dream car?
I'm getting so many ideas here

Kenj

Oi! I actually own a Ford Capri! I'm such a fan that I've had dozens of them. You can see my favourite on one of my first ever websites, which hasn't been touched in seven years - I imagine there's enough material for ten of the world's worst websites on there

The Flying Tiger

As for the communal Warrior effort, don't forget to include a graphic boasting the words 'Live Help - 24/7! Offline'

[DogScout]

You will need a banner:

[Richard Odell]

So - what do you think would sell off a pile of cr@p like this?

1. Adsense - no real keywords that would motor it.
2. Clickbank - perhaps, it can't be worse than a lot of sites I have seen pushing the stuff!
3. Advertising blocks perhaps (something to play with) theres always the hook of "this site sucks I can show you something better".
4. My own product - oh,please be-have the herd mentality isn't that daft! (perhaps I am wrong on that point?).
5. Donations - Yeah...and monkeys might fly out of my b*tt!
6. CPA, or in my case this stands for "Can't Participate, Awful".
7. Or perhaps somewhere out there exists a niche of folks that thrive on "its so bad, its good" and buy the likes of b-movies and cult classics merchandising.

Any thoughts on how to fleece the general public ?

[Diana Lane]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

So - what do you think would sell off a pile of cr@p like this?

Sunglasses?

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by DogScout

You will need a banner:

Good lord!

What can I say you have humbled me - it's pure art. Can I rip it off and call it my own? Of course you will have to host it and I will hot link from your site to make this authentic (this stuff costs me bandwidth, don't you know?).

[DogScout]

I'll leave it where it is, just hot link it from there,
(unlimited bandwidth)
Enjoy,
Mark

[JohnMcCabe]

Originally Posted by Richard Odell

Should I have loud auto-play music also?

Skip the music. A lot of your target market will be viewing this at work when they should be working.

What you really need is a Billy Mays-type voice booming an announcement that the visitor is only moments away from telling his boss to kiss his ass.

Jill, your idea of waiting until the reader is halfway down the page is pure evil - I like it!

If you're going to do that though, you have to disable the back button...

Originally Posted by ShaneRQR

You're already off to a good start, I think.
If you can, make an obnoxious exit pop-up with one of those ridiculous "Michelle wants to chat with you personally and offer you a special bonus!!" messages. Also, if it can be done, have the exit pop-up load into an exit splash page and have a second exit pop-up for that one. (Seriously, Michelle TOTALLY wants to chat with you!!)

For Michelle, rip off a photo from the SI Swimsuit site and add a seductive voice (Michelle), begging you not to go. She can promise that the special bonus comes with a full release and guarantee a happy ending for a few dollars.

And remember, odds are it's a dude slacking off at work, so make the voice loud enough so everyone in the office can enjoy it...

[Richard Odell]

Originally Posted by DogScout

I'll leave it where it is, just hot link it from there,
(unlimited bandwidth)
Enjoy,
Mark

That Allen bloke won't like much it (perhaps I could offer him a back-link in return?).

[DogScout]

PS- All but one image are OK for 'commercial' use. As long as the site remains a parody, it DOES fall under fair use.
I did a page with Mickey Mouse smoking hooch as he explained copyright. I described Disney's lawyers in very, very unflattering terms.
They talked to me once and politely asked I remove it. I declined.
Disneys lawyer's IP checked the page everyday for a year or more.
They never came after me because the page was an obvious parody, even though it did produce a bit of revenue, so you should have no problems.
(I had/have this thing about going up against 'the big boys'. I have won run-ins with Navy Federal Credit union, Suntrust, Ford motor credit, the FTC, Disney, to name a few. (I did back-off Waner Bros. because I left an opening and was afraid they'd find it sooner or later.) I always triple check my position 1st and don't back down when I know I am right.)
Besides, I am hosting the image, so I am the one that would have to wage any 'fight', but it will never come to that.
Lol.
Mark

[DogScout]

It is hosted on my server, that 'Allen Bloke' should be fine with it.

http://www.dogsscout.com/downloads/b...enowbanner.jpg