Check out this AMAZING website!!

[tchashow]

Or at least I hope its amazing. I was hoping that some of you would help me determine if it was. im a newbie and im working on building my first website. i was thinking about starting over from scratch but I first wanted to see what your opinions of this site was and what changes I need to make.

Well, without further ado heres the link (well, i cant post links yet, so heres the address.

hxxp://fastest-waytolose-weight.com

[bravo75]

Love the good looking goth bird with the glasses

[tchashow]

are you being sarcastic or serious?

[David Wolfman]

The lady in a blue dress has a colossal image resolution of 2500x3800, kind of a problem with slow connection.

The domain name is hilarious!

[bravo75]

Originally Posted by tchashow

are you being sarcastic or serious?

Not quite sure, bit of both I think

[bravo75]

Just had another look at your site and I am close to tears here with laughter.

Love this line "I wasn’t extremely overweight but I wasn’t the petite girl that most guys seemed to desire. Besides my lack in attracting a guy, I didn’t really have any female friends either. In hopes of making some friends, I decided to try out for the cheerleading squad.

I'm p..sing myself here

[tchashow]

yea! im happy to hear that I have added to your happiness. It is quite funny. When I just read it in your post, I couldnt stop myself from laughing either.

so, i guess i need to start over. I need some advice on how to write copy for landing pages.

That sentence that was so hilarious to you, and many others I assume, was my attempt to put some emotion in my copy. As you can obviously tell, I'm in desperate need of help.

[tchashow]

Originally Posted by bravo75

Just had another look at your site and I am close to tears here with laughter.

Love this line "I wasn’t extremely overweight but I wasn’t the petite girl that most guys seemed to desire. Besides my lack in attracting a guy, I didn’t really have any female friends either. In hopes of making some friends, I decided to try out for the cheerleading squad.

I'm p..sing myself here

I think the REALLY funny part of this line is the part in red. I have read it before and thought that it was ridiculous but I couldnt think of any other way to evoke emotion.

[TelegramSam]

I'm not even going to look at your site as you have misled me here.

Perhaps if you asked for help properly instead of deceiving people with your post title you may do better.

Is this how you also plan to carry out your marketing in the future?

Sam

[bravo75]

Originally Posted by TelegramSam

I'm not even going to look at your site as you have misled me here.

Perhaps if you asked for help properly instead of deceiving people with your post title you may do better.

Is this how you also plan to carry out your marketing in the future?

Sam

Ah, come on Sam, you are spoiling the fun here

[tchashow]

I'm sorry if my title decieved you. I was just trying to get an eyecatching title. I do intend to try to catch the attention of people with something eyecatching but not decieving.

I do need help in determining the difference. Again, my apologies.

[TelegramSam]

Thank you for the apology.

You will find that these days as people become tired of hype and false promises, it pays to be open, honest and build trust with customers without any tricks or deception.

Now, here's a quick run through as I scan your page:

1) Make your page title clearer. The font and shadow are not clear. If you are going to put a shadow on, make it go to the right not the left.

2) "Are you struggling to lose weight?" - This is a decent headline. Push it up a little towards the top banner.

3) Your next headline contains red and black text. Don't mix it up so much as it is hard to read. Also, get rid of all the capitals for this part. Again, hard to read.

4) Change your name on the site from "Destiny Lee" in my opinion. It suddenly sounded like you were going to hypnotise me or bring out the tarrot cards. You may not agree with changing your persona and I understand.

5) You have done a good job of adding some sub headings. Again I would suggest that you get rid of all the capitalisation of the letters. Also try to incorporate a few more sub headings as well. People tend to just scan pages at first.

6) Add some desription under the picture such as "Are you frustrated too?"

7) "Eat what you want lose weight faster" doesn't sound believable. Perhaps something like "I found out that losing weight doesn't have to be painful" or whatever.

8) I would definitely move the picture of the blonde haired woman to the right hand side so that she is facing into the page. Or reverse the image so that she is looking towards the right, into the content.

9) Ditch the dumbells, or put a big cross over the pic so that it is clearer that wasn't the solution.

10) change the boring headline "a dream come true" to something like "My life has changed now that my body has" or something along those lines. More personal and more tangible.

11) Change "find out the fastest way to lose weight here" to something with more impact. Perhaps something like "Click here if you want to chaneg your life for the better" or something like that etc...

Basically, there are a lot of these kinds of sites, so you have to make yours stand out some how, without sounding unbelievable.

Hope this helps a little.

At the end of the day, what I said is just some possible ideas. You have to test it. Your visitors will give you the answer on whether something interests them or not.

The next big thing, is how are you going to get traffic to your site.

The domain name is ok for seo purposes but it isn't very good in terms of the fact that the dashes in the domain are rather cumbersome and not completely logical etc.

Good luck,

Sam

[tchashow]

WOW! thank you so much. i will try out everything that you suggested. The problem is that I may just have to redo my entire website because I did it with wordpress and I cant seem to figure out how to edit the theme such as:

• moving the header up further toward the banner
• putting the girl on the other side of the content
• stretching my title across the entire page. ( i have a sidebar and i dont know how to shorten it.)

But thanx for all the advice. I will try to change what I can and see if it works. If not, I will start from scratch.

[JohnMcCabe]

Since you link to the product so many times, you might think about cloaking the links.

Right now, the whole site screams "FLOG" to me.

I'm with Sam about changing the character's name. If you want a list of innocuous, generic names for women, scan the names of the authors for Harlequin Romance novels.

You might also think about tying up the loose end of your story...

"PS - I didn't make the cheer squad, but I did steal the head cheerleader's boyfriend..."

[tchashow]

O and for traffic im planning on doing some free article marketing and i havent much thought of anything else.

And my domain name... I know its a bit ridiculous but I asked somebody would it be okay to do it that way and they told me it would be. I later found out that the majority disagrees but theres nothing I can do about it now.
Maybe buy another domain?

[tchashow]

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

Since you link to the product so many times, you might think about cloaking the links.

Right now, the whole site screams "FLOG" to me.

I'm with Sam about changing the character's name. If you want a list of innocuous, generic names for women, scan the names of the authors for Harlequin Romance novels.

You might also think about tying up the loose end of your story...

"PS - I didn't make the cheer squad, but I did steal the head cheerleader's boyfriend..."

yea, i thought that I linked to the product too many times but my sorta tutor told me to link to my product as many times as possible because people loved to click.

[ForeignProfessor]

I like this: "No guys paid me any attention except for my professors and that was because they were paid to."

I thought that was one of the perks of the job, not a requirement

[bravo75]

Originally Posted by ForeignProfessor

I like this: "No guys paid me any attention except for my professors and that was because they were paid to."

I thought that was one of the perks of the job, not a requirement

When I first looked at this website a few hours ago, I literally spat my tea all over my laptop. The picture of that girl with the glasses and thing about the cheerleader was just to much for me. Just came back here and am still cracking up

[bravo75]

Destiny Lee. WTF? That's a class act. This has to be a p.ss take

[bravo75]

“The fat girl who was always hungry”

[tchashow]

Originally Posted by bravo75

“The fat girl who was always hungry”

well it was either that or "The overweight greedy girl"

[mark z]

Originally Posted by tchashow

As you can obviously tell, I'm in desperate need of help.

Regarding whole copy, best advice I could give you is to check excellent book of Maria Veloso called "Web Copy That Sells". I started reading it after recommendation of another warrior here (thanks for that) and it really cover many things.
I think it can help you too.

Another thing I found very often but it still seems kind of unnatural to me is shadow of title over shiny clouds. So, maybe to take care of "light source" perspective a bit more.
Just an suggestion, of course.

[theimdude]

Originally Posted by tchashow

Or at least I hope its amazing. I was hoping that some of you would help me determine if it was. im a newbie and im working on building my first website. i was thinking about starting over from scratch but I first wanted to see what your opinions of this site was and what changes I need to make.

Well, without further ado heres the link (well, i cant post links yet, so heres the address.

hxxp://fastest-waytolose-weight.com

"Check out this AMAZING website!!"
spam spam spam that is what this thread is as you have not found a amazing website. If you want help ask or do you normally deceive people by trying to get there attention.

some advice

learn to use artisteer
learn about websites
learn about graphics

some more advice

to find this advice follow this advice

1) goto www . gooogle . com
2) in the search enter

how to use artisteer
about websites
how to do graphics

Do that instead of spamming

[bravo75]

[tchashow]

Originally Posted by theimdude

"Check out this AMAZING website!!"
spam spam spam that is what this thread is as you have not found a amazing website. If you want help ask or do you normally deceive people by trying to get there attention.

some advice

learn to use artisteer
learn about websites
learn about graphics

some more advice

to find this advice follow this advice

1) goto www . gooogle . com
2) in the search enter

how to use artisteer
about websites
how to do graphics

Do that instead of spamming

well, if u had read this entire thread u would have seen that i had apologized for this before but who are you to determine if its not an AMAZING website.
maybe i thought it was.
maybe u should take it up with the moderators and try to get me banned or maybe you should just stay out of my thread.

there is some advice for you!