Help on my offer

NicheExposed · 11-21-2009, 12:49 PM

hi everyone.

I would like some feedback on my offer that I have on my site. This is not a pitch to have you buy but I have almost 1000 people on my mailing list and I have sent them the offer and have not gotten any response in a good way or a bad way as well as I have asked them to give me feedback on what I could do better to what I could offer them better.

I currently am getting at least 10 - 20 signups a day to my mailing list offer so they are interested but no getting any takers or feedback from them.

I have combined both offers that I have sent them on a single page but if anyone could please give me some info on what I could do better to sweeten my offer would be appriciated.

check it out here.

EXPOSING NICHE MARKETS

Thanks

Lou Diamond · 11-21-2009, 01:31 PM

Hello,
to start I would make the font size larger on the main page to make it easier to read.
The next step would to make it a more newbie friendly page,go after the people that have
never used any type of your services and explain what it will do for them.

wantselltrade · 11-21-2009, 01:39 PM

Hi, I like the fact that it is a short and simple sales page but is it too short. Maybe a little deeper explanation especially for the newbies. Also, have you thought about a ghostwriter? Its amazing how professional writing can convert. Just my 2 cents. Good luck with it!

Tinkerbell · 11-21-2009, 01:41 PM

I looked at your page.

First off, I am confused. What *are* you offering? Information products in which you expose "hot" niches, or a software program? Both? An idea would be to offer the info-product as a front-end offer, and then sell the software on the backend as an upsell.

Secondly, this page looks like you put up an article to inform your visitors rather than an offer intended to sell them something. Probably why they aren't buying.

My suggestion? Write a compelling sales letter. No, write two. One for the info-product and one for the software (if that is indeed what you are offering). Put each on their own domain name, and run traffic to them.

Hope this helps...

JohnMcCabe · 11-21-2009, 03:45 PM

Like Tinkerbell, I was confused about just what you were offering. I missed the software offer entirely until someone here mentioned it and I went back and noticed the video. You also mentioned a course in the video.

I'm guessing that somewhere in that 20+ minute video is something that explains the Niche Packs and why they might be worth $47 to someone. I sure didn't get that from the copy.

I know people tell you to write like you talk, but you are taking that to an extreme. It makes reading your copy as difficult as reading a verbatim transcript of a phone call. Unless you give them a compelling reason, people just aren't going to work that hard.

The proof is in your stats.

If you want to sell the packs, you'll need to provide more info about why they are worth buying. You name a niche, then give a keyword number and a link number. If I have half a brain, I tell myself that I can get the same info by sticking the niche in a keyword tool and a search page. And that won't cost me $47.

If you want to sell the niche packs, and a software package, and a course, you need at least three sales letters. And they need to be a lot tighter than what you have here.

I know it's hard to put something you've worked on up for scrutiny and hear that it falls short. But there is good news. You have a starting point and you know that you can get traffic to the page. Now you need to clean things up and focus on one step you want those visitors to take next.

Good luck to you...

NicheExposed · 11-22-2009, 12:38 PM

Thanks for the feedback everyone..

I just updated the page.. what do you think now.

EXPOSING NICHE MARKETS

Thanks.

JohnMcCabe · 11-22-2009, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicheExposed

Thanks for the feedback everyone..

I just updated the page.. what do you think now.

EXPOSING NICHE MARKETS

Thanks.

Mechanically much better, although you still need a proof reader.

After giving it the "consumer skim", I do have a question for you as the product developer...

In your story, you talked about being burned out from the grind of doing fulfillment, yet you seem to be offering an open-ended stream of weekly updates for one fixed price. Aren't you setting yourself up for the same kind of burnout, especially if new sales ever taper off? Or is there some type of continuity aspect that isn't explained? Even if there is, the first question is still valid - by promising a weekly update, aren't you setting yourself up for the same burnout?

Ralph89 · 11-22-2009, 01:09 PM

Hi there NicheExposed. Coming from a newbie I must admit I wasn't keen on the layout. The black side panels, and the shading on the left side of the sales page, I tend to like the sales pages with a bit more colour/vibrancy to them. Possibly offer some sort of report that explains a bit deeper on what the person gets for their money. As a newbie short on cash that's a tidy sum to part with.Also add in a few more links where people can register for the offer rather than just the small email address at the top. Possibly something half way down and then another at the bottom. I hope this makes some sense and good luck

NicheExposed · 11-22-2009, 03:37 PM

John,

To answer your question about getting burned you the answer is no. The reason it is now is because the way I am structuring the business and the offers that will follow. I have finally found something that I enjoy doing and have planned out at the current moment over 250 niche markets to explore. I won't get bord any time soon.

11-21-2009, 12:49 PM	#1
NicheExposed HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 152 Thanks: 1 Thanked 50 Times in 13 Posts	Help on my offer hi everyone. I would like some feedback on my offer that I have on my site. This is not a pitch to have you buy but I have almost 1000 people on my mailing list and I have sent them the offer and have not gotten any response in a good way or a bad way as well as I have asked them to give me feedback on what I could do better to what I could offer them better. I currently am getting at least 10 - 20 signups a day to my mailing list offer so they are interested but no getting any takers or feedback from them. I have combined both offers that I have sent them on a single page but if anyone could please give me some info on what I could do better to sweeten my offer would be appriciated. check it out here. EXPOSING NICHE MARKETS Thanks

11-21-2009, 01:31 PM	#2
Lou Diamond Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Long Island N.Y. Posts: 1,153 Thanks: 28 Thanked 192 Times in 101 Posts	Re: Help on my offer Hello, to start I would make the font size larger on the main page to make it easier to read. The next step would to make it a more newbie friendly page,go after the people that have never used any type of your services and explain what it will do for them.
	Something new soon.

11-21-2009, 01:39 PM	#3
wantselltrade Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 65 Thanks: 9 Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts Contact Info	Re: Help on my offer Hi, I like the fact that it is a short and simple sales page but is it too short. Maybe a little deeper explanation especially for the newbies. Also, have you thought about a ghostwriter? Its amazing how professional writing can convert. Just my 2 cents. Good luck with it!
	Free - Simple Ideas to create Facebook fan and group relationships "There is no shortcut to success, just hard work and dedication, no matter what you do!" WSO SOLD OUT!

11-21-2009, 01:41 PM	#4
Tinkerbell The Idea Fairy War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Here and there. Posts: 917 Blog Entries: 3 Thanks: 183 Thanked 295 Times in 56 Posts Contact Info	Re: Help on my offer I looked at your page. First off, I am confused. What are you offering? Information products in which you expose "hot" niches, or a software program? Both? An idea would be to offer the info-product as a front-end offer, and then sell the software on the backend as an upsell. Secondly, this page looks like you put up an article to inform your visitors rather than an offer intended to sell them something. Probably why they aren't buying. My suggestion? Write a compelling sales letter. No, write two. One for the info-product and one for the software (if that is indeed what you are offering). Put each on their own domain name, and run traffic to them. Hope this helps...
	Free Gift: The Greatest Internet Marketing Secret Ever Told... Copywriting: Get Converted. Make It Happen

11-21-2009, 03:45 PM	#5
JohnMcCabe Happy Hooker War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North of the Peace River, Southwest Florida, USA. Posts: 7,623 Thanks: 2,685 Thanked 4,394 Times in 2,394 Posts Social Networking	Re: Help on my offer Like Tinkerbell, I was confused about just what you were offering. I missed the software offer entirely until someone here mentioned it and I went back and noticed the video. You also mentioned a course in the video. I'm guessing that somewhere in that 20+ minute video is something that explains the Niche Packs and why they might be worth $47 to someone. I sure didn't get that from the copy. I know people tell you to write like you talk, but you are taking that to an extreme. It makes reading your copy as difficult as reading a verbatim transcript of a phone call. Unless you give them a compelling reason, people just aren't going to work that hard. The proof is in your stats. If you want to sell the packs, you'll need to provide more info about why they are worth buying. You name a niche, then give a keyword number and a link number. If I have half a brain, I tell myself that I can get the same info by sticking the niche in a keyword tool and a search page. And that won't cost me $47. If you want to sell the niche packs, and a software package, and a course, you need at least three sales letters. And they need to be a lot tighter than what you have here. I know it's hard to put something you've worked on up for scrutiny and hear that it falls short. But there is good news. You have a starting point and you know that you can get traffic to the page. Now you need to clean things up and focus on one step you want those visitors to take next. Good luck to you...
	Salad is not food. Salad is what food eats... -- The REAL PETA, People for Eating Tasty Animals "I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat tofu!"

11-22-2009, 12:38 PM	#6
NicheExposed HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 152 Thanks: 1 Thanked 50 Times in 13 Posts	Re: Help on my offer Thanks for the feedback everyone.. I just updated the page.. what do you think now. EXPOSING NICHE MARKETS Thanks.

11-22-2009, 01:09 PM	#8
Ralph89 Warrior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Stevenage, England Posts: 25 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help on my offer Hi there NicheExposed. Coming from a newbie I must admit I wasn't keen on the layout. The black side panels, and the shading on the left side of the sales page, I tend to like the sales pages with a bit more colour/vibrancy to them. Possibly offer some sort of report that explains a bit deeper on what the person gets for their money. As a newbie short on cash that's a tidy sum to part with.Also add in a few more links where people can register for the offer rather than just the small email address at the top. Possibly something half way down and then another at the bottom. I hope this makes some sense and good luck

11-22-2009, 03:37 PM	#9
NicheExposed HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 152 Thanks: 1 Thanked 50 Times in 13 Posts	Re: Help on my offer John, To answer your question about getting burned you the answer is no. The reason it is now is because the way I am structuring the business and the offers that will follow. I have finally found something that I enjoy doing and have planned out at the current moment over 250 niche markets to explore. I won't get bord any time soon.