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My Best Sales Page Ever Needs Your Critical Eye!!!

by SeanyG
20 replies
Hey guys,

I hope you're doing well.

The temp sales page for the product launch I'm doing is now live.

I'd love to hear how you think it can improve. Constructive criticism please!

HowtoDJFast.com - Pro DJ Mixing: Quick & Easy

NOTE: There are still a few smaller pieces missing so I am aware that there is some place holder text and some other little ods and ends that will have to be tidied up.

Thanks for your time!!!

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts,

~Sean
#critical #eye #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author warriortx
    Good job but I would add a blog for more content.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mattk
      Is this your own product? If it is, do you have any affiliates?

      I have a couple music domains collecting dust. It's a niche that I love, but have not looked too hard into making any money off of it.

      The sales page to me looks good, but I wouldn't listen to me about that kind of stuff.
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      • Profile picture of the author SeanyG
        Originally Posted by Mattk View Post

        Is this your own product? If it is, do you have any affiliates?

        I have a couple music domains collecting dust. It's a niche that I love, but have not looked too hard into making any money off of it.

        The sales page to me looks good, but I wouldn't listen to me about that kind of stuff.
        We have a bunch of affiliates already promoting our other products and are always looking for more!
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    • Profile picture of the author SeanyG
      Originally Posted by warriortx View Post

      Good job but I would add a blog for more content.
      This is not my business' site. This is a sales page...
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  • Profile picture of the author aceshigh
    I think what you should do is look at some of the best sales letters at clickbank.com . Look at how they make the reading interesting. They use tons of charts, graphs, pictures, bold, highlighting, checks, bankstatements, italics, just all kinds of strange stuff. That way I think it keeps peoples attention. Because the next paragraph is not just another paragraph of text, it's something that catches your eye. Like you end up going from "text" to a "video" to a "bank statement" to a "chart" to another paragraph, back to another video.... so the reader is doesn't start thinking "wow that's a lot of text I'm gonna have to read" after they skim through your site. Must be working to some degree if the best CB users do that.
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    • Profile picture of the author SeanyG
      Originally Posted by aceshigh View Post

      I think what you should do is look at some of the best sales letters at clickbank.com . Look at how they make the reading interesting. They use tons of charts, graphs, pictures, bold, highlighting, checks, bankstatements, italics, just all kinds of strange stuff. That way I think it keeps peoples attention. Because the next paragraph is not just another paragraph of text, it's something that catches your eye. Like you end up going from "text" to a "video" to a "bank statement" to a "chart" to another paragraph, back to another video.... so the reader is doesn't start thinking "wow that's a lot of text I'm gonna have to read" after they skim through your site. Must be working to some degree if the best CB users do that.
      Great observation. While CB users are a little different of a buyer than my market, I think that this can only help.
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  • Profile picture of the author SeanyG
    Any other constructive criticism?
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  • Profile picture of the author kfk2003
    Post your link here:

    The Copywriting Forum

    To get the best response.
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    Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author GeorgR.
    Hi Seany,

    AWESOME niche....good keywords.

    I like your site, but it seems there is still too much an IM influence with this big emphasis on the CDs and books right at the beginning. (By the way my Ex was a DJ

    If i were a DJ and visit your site i probably would rather want to see teaser images/visuals i would expect...to make the site more "talk to me" and get me in the mood for what i can get.



    Instead of this "sales letter" style. You have the pic of the CDs and then there is a huge chunk of text..which i don't like also.

    Your pics/videos are good...but i think it should be rearranged, the product shot (CDs etc.) then maybe a little more down..and get rid of that big chunk of text.

    I am picturing my ex now going on this site...respective other DJs..and i think the site needs to be "cooler" (sorry for lack of words).

    Edit: I could also be wrong and the CD/DVD set right away actually be good if someone is exactly looking for such a thing..but still too much text below it.

    Edit2: Example...you talk about >>and having HOT girls instantly attracted to you is far, far away?<< why not use images for this instead?
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  • Profile picture of the author Trieu
    Nice looking sales page. Good job
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    • Profile picture of the author Intrepreneur
      Salespage is good, just go with the flow as you do a good job in the teaser videos which I as a mix entusiast would definitely see myself relating to. I can definitely see it selling once the right person lands on the page. Although try to create a sales funnel, one that I think would be great for that page is a free video lesson, just to get name and email for follow up. (it's not your fault etc.)

      Hope this helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author Slin
    Hey Sean looks good to me, my buddy Sean is an upcoming DJ, I will show him this site and get back to you on his review
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  • Profile picture of the author xxxJamesxxx
    Look good but I ain't no copy writer
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  • Profile picture of the author ebizman87
    I'm not a great copywriter but don't you think that your main and sub headlines are too long?

    You can write benefits driven and shorter headlines I guess..
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  • Profile picture of the author TrigMan
    It almost seems too straightforward.... too vanilla. Maybe offset some of the text to the left and/or right next to pictures of the product or video. Break it up some more (as mentioned above). Your copy seems solid. I think you're at a 75% solution right now.

    Luck,

    Trigman
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  • Profile picture of the author misterkailo
    The DJ Training as seen in: <---- are those real? FTC is very strict on the whole false advertisement issue.

    "Could It Really Be This EASY To Go From A Total Beginner DJ To Beatmatching & Mixing Like A Pro ...Impressing Your Friends, Girls, And Dance Floors FULL Of Screaming Fans ...Within 2 Weeks?" - This should be above the pictures and shorter. You have only 2-3 seconds to capture your audience before they hit the back button. Underline "EASY"

    "Do you get frustrated because beatmatching and mixing is taking forever to learn?" Change "is" to "are".

    "I was still unable to beatmatch consistently despite learning on youtube" - it's YouTube

    "What Industry Bigshots Are Saying About Sean..." The audio testimonials should be up top somewhere in the middle instead of the bottom.

    Other than that... I think the sales page is extremely long.
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  • Profile picture of the author x3xsolxdierx3x
    Originally Posted by SeanyG View Post

    Hey guys,

    I hope you're doing well.

    The temp sales page for the product launch I'm doing is now live.

    I'd love to hear how you think it can improve. Constructive criticism please!

    HowtoDJFast.com - Pro DJ Mixing: Quick & Easy

    NOTE: There are still a few smaller pieces missing so I am aware that there is some place holder text and some other little ods and ends that will have to be tidied up.

    Thanks for your time!!!

    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts,

    ~Sean
    I admit, man, you did a REALLY good job with the open sentence to your sales letter. It was well written and completely relevant (at least I think it was)...lol...to your niche. I'd have difficulty NOT purchasing if I were in your niche.
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  • Profile picture of the author x3xsolxdierx3x
    Originally Posted by SeanyG View Post

    Hey guys,

    I hope you're doing well.

    The temp sales page for the product launch I'm doing is now live.

    I'd love to hear how you think it can improve. Constructive criticism please!

    HowtoDJFast.com - Pro DJ Mixing: Quick & Easy

    NOTE: There are still a few smaller pieces missing so I am aware that there is some place holder text and some other little ods and ends that will have to be tidied up.

    Thanks for your time!!!

    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts,

    ~Sean
    Sean,

    I would, however, consider alternating BOLD/Non-bold text for your bullet points. This has been accepted as general practice by alot of IMs out there....and, for good reason....

    so...something like...

    • DJ'ing is awesome.
    • DJ'ing is cool.
    • DJ'ing is XXXXX.
    • DJ'ing is XXXXX.
    I think you'll find that it's easier for potential customers to read THAT way....and maintains interest....
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  • Profile picture of the author Pat Ordenes
    GeorgR is right, i think leave the product image for a little latter on the letter....
    Get more 'emotional' images... u have great ones at further down!
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  • Profile picture of the author actionplanbiz
    IM not an expert but it looks good.
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