Please critique this sales page

[Johnathan]

Hi!

I believe I've set this up well, however please critique it (if I am missing an important elements, or if something looks like it should be included).

Thanks!

Link --> How to making money writing articles online! Free Report on how to go from $10/hour to $60/hour writing articles!

[rosetrees]

Hi Jonathan

It's a nice clean layout. Easy to read.

I found a few typos or inconsistencies.

For example:

In the header you say "Learn how to get $50 - $100 per hour" - then further down you say $50 - $100 in 24 hours and further down again you say $10 - $60 per hour

This sentence doesn't make any sense - "I show you how you can get work pretty much the same time of work immediately."

[butters]

It looks fake, I personally don't like the use of stock images on the top of a sales page but that doesn't mean that it doesn't work...

- Typos, you need to fix some grammar.

- This paragraph "
This information is worth at least $97. However, to start, for a limited time I will offer this report at $17. I will then make it $27, $37, and increase it thereafter. I will probably end up selling this report for at least $47 when it is finally released to the general public. You are one of the few people who will be able to get it at this low price, but only if you get it right now."

Its worth 97 bucks but your going to end up selling at 47? doesnt make sense to me.

I must admit, I am intrested in how to earn 50/100 bucks an hour but I know of no way how that is actually achievable.

[Johnathan]

Hmm... Thanks for the feedback so far...

I will make those changes... Yes, I was modelling the $17/$27/$37/etc after a WSO (this is 'pre-live', it is not yet "100%" live yet).

And actually, yes, it's achievable I've done it -- but let me think of how I can convey that to the reader... (I.e., you do need to "work" at it, but I got myself to the point where I was doing that. It was a matter of leveraging certain resources, etc).

Thanks!

Originally Posted by butters

It looks fake, I personally don't like the use of stock images on the top of a sales page but that doesn't mean that it doesn't work...

- Typos, you need to fix some grammar.

- This paragraph "
This information is worth at least $97. However, to start, for a limited time I will offer this report at $17. I will then make it $27, $37, and increase it thereafter. I will probably end up selling this report for at least $47 when it is finally released to the general public. You are one of the few people who will be able to get it at this low price, but only if you get it right now."

Its worth 97 bucks but your going to end up selling at 47? doesnt make sense to me.

I must admit, I am intrested in how to earn 50/100 bucks an hour but I know of no way how that is actually achievable.

[rahulchandra]

Few things I would like to say:

First You are asking for a sale way too soon.
The prospect doesn't even know your name yet,
more likely than not, it would put them off.

Then your sales page should be geared towards
reaching one objective and one objective alone,
either it is making a sale or capturing emails,
don't try to do all things at once, it will only
distract the prospect.

For ex, this line " (FOR A LIMITED TIME, $27 VALUE, enter your e-mail address to the left popup) "
this is confusing.
Now I am not sure whether I should read the rest
of sales letter or look for a popup somewhere to my left.

About the popup however, it pops up as soon as
a visitor lands on the page, so by the time they would read
this message, they would either have closed it already or subscribed
to your list, either ways it out of sync.

If you want to use that line, then sync your popup
to popup after 10-15 secs( only after a visitor reads
your message)

But I seriously think you need to focus on getting
a sale there and have a separate landing page
for capturing emails.

Last but not the least, the buy button itself
put me off, no body likes being sold to, but
everybody likes shopping, so when in doubt
"add to cart" is way better option than
"Purchase now"

I'd post more but that would take a more closer look
at every word of your page, and its 12 o clock in
the night here so may be I'll come back and add to this post
later.

So far its a nice effort, keep it up!

Cheers
Rahul

[x3xsolxdierx3x]

Hey Johnathan,

Boy, that "button" is a real turn-off...

Have you considered using the 'Belcher button' on this page....

actually looks like the coloring of your heading text would complement the Belcher Button well...

[Johnathan]

Wow... that's interesting, I actually thought that button looked nice,
but I guess you are the second person that has said that! :P

I will be removing that asap... And yes, I'm aware of the belcher button,
so will use that... Just currently making some changes based on the feedback here so far...

Thanks!

Originally Posted by x3xsolxdierx3x

Hey Johnathan,

Boy, that "button" is a real turn-off...

Have you considered using the 'Belcher button' on this page....

actually looks like the coloring of your heading text would complement the Belcher Button well...

[digigo]

pop-up on load hurts your credibility.. IMHO

[Johnathan]

Thanks, I've made some changes. Please let me know what you think now.

Thanks!

[Sparhawke]

First five seconds = go away, not dealing with you.

That bounce down email thing is the problem, it is an annoyance that simply gets in the way of your otherwise nice clean page and sets you apart from all the real gurus into a complete rank amateur.

The rest of it is purely cosmetic until I delve deeper, of course you can always use a proper person at the top rather than the same usual grinning moron that everyone chooses, your title looks fuzzy and ill-defined which as I guessed means you used .jpg which is not good. It lacks that definition and quality of .png

The blue and red header text gives off conflicting impressions, on the one hand you have the blue which would be good if it was toned down a bit into building trust and then you have the red which screams at you to ACT NOW BEFORE YOU HAVE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!

If you did indeed make $300 from one article then show proof, not a smudgy screenshot but somehow real proof of being commissioned on a reputable site and then confirming the payment. I think this addresses a problem with the whole page, it simply feels squashed and rushed, not in a way where the peoples time is considered valuable but where they are seemingly rushed into a sale before they have even figured out what it is you are selling them.

[mrltjones]

It looks good to me!

[jamawebinc]

My take on it...

There is not enough information to help someone decide to spend $47 for this product.

There is no contact info, privacy policy, nothing that looks like a real person is behind the page. I may even think the page was years old and wonder if it is still available.

As a consumer I would want to see an outline of exactly what I will be learning or getting for $47.

I like the headline, but the body copy never expands on the promise of the headline.

Am I going to write articles for my own site?
Am I going to make articles to put on other sites?
Am I going to answer requests for articles on different sites?

I made a thread awhile back that talks about questions people will have in their mind that need to be answered on a salespage/website before they will buy.

Questions that need to be answered on your site

Also, the way you are trying to get them to buy now is not very convincing. I don't get the sense of any real urgency to buy now.

Actually, I think the whole thing would be better if you scrapped the whole sales page and used the pop-in as a full opt-in page and just expand it.

The benefits of opting in are pretty clear, be more productive and write faster.

If you expanded it to include that you will also show them how to profit from the new skill you will help them learn...you could take them to the salespage (with much more info) after they opted in.

[Steve Peters Benn]

Your header is too big, make it half the size. Also, dump the blue headers, peoples instinct will be to think they are links. Perhaps make the lower paragraphs a little less wide?

[Andrew Gould]

Your header graphic is too big and the gradient underneath it is a waste of space.

Your headline doesn't stand out.

The rest of your page reads more like content than copy. Shorten your sentences, shorten your paragraphs, break the whole thing up a lot more.

Background on how and why this written: 'this was written'

No need to put this section in a box and I'd probably get rid of the above altogether.

What exactly is for sale??? Books, video, audio??? I've read your entire sales letter and I'd guess an ebook, but I don't know for definite. I'm not going to buy something when I don't know what I'm getting.

Your bullets need to be shorter and you need more of them. And they need to be specific to your product, your current ones are very general.

These are only some of the main benefits. But I want to know all the benefits.

his information is easily worth $97 or more Prove it.

I have decided to offer it for $47 why?

Where's your guarantee?

Where're your testimonials?

Where's your PS?

It's a start but I think you've got a way to go before you have the finished letter.

Hope this helps.

[Johnathan]

Hi guys! Thanks very much for the feedback so far. I've revised my sales letter. Please take a look now, and let me know what you think.

Thanks!

[butters]

You need to sign your sales page, look at most sales page they have a photoshoped sig with a squigly font you should do the same. Also some P.S doesn't hurt.

I don't like the pop up I must admit... Also looking through it, It doesnt feel personal, like, eg... "hi my name is bob and I am here today to tell you my story on how I changed my life, I want to do the same for you, because..."

[rosetrees]

I don't remember that pop-in thing from yesterday. It comes to rest over the sales blurb so you can't read it. Get rid of it.

Also - are you having a gender identity crisis? I thought this yesterday but didn't say it. Your photo at the top clearly shows you as a blonde female. But you're called Jonathan????

Lose the photo at the top.

[Johnathan]

Wow... didn't quite realize it would be so much work

Anyways... Ok... I've added a signature, personalized it a bit more at the top (including 'Hi, I'm so & so, etc')...

re: the popup... How would you suggest doing that then? I'd like to have readers get a 'sample' of my work if they are 'still' unsure of making a purchase...

re: gender crisis, haha I hadn't quite thought of it that way... actually that image was used because it 'looked' nice... maybe I will change that, let me think about that.

As for the rest of the page, how does it sound now, I've included more specifically what it includes, etc... now would it be something you are interested in getting, or is there something else that I need to include?

Thanks!

[Sparhawke]

"Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime"?

Have you heard of the little known alternative?

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, however if you teach a man to fish he will expect a speedboat.

Why are you quoting old chinese proverbs?
Why are you still using the lower quality .jpg format?
Why is that bloody annoying bounce-down banner still there?
Why are you still using the same red and blue font when it conflicts so much?

I do not often comment on copy since that is not my field, my field deals with feelings and empathy, I am a profiler...how you feel when reading something is far more important than the words themselves in most cases...and people who are dodging bounce down banners and straining to see what your graphics and texts say are not going to be concentrating on your copy to get the full impact.

[rosetrees]

Originally Posted by Johnathan

re: the popup... How would you suggest doing that then? I'd like to have readers get a 'sample' of my work if they are 'still' unsure of making a purchase...

Add it into the body of the text, immediately after the bit where you say
"FREE Report ($27 value!) - If you haven't already downloaded my free e-book, do so."

Just change that to say something like "If you are still undecided, download my free e-book....."

[20092009]

pop up was WAY to quick.

[Lady]

A trim here and there with a little less fluff in the beginning of the article would help. As stated earlier, there are some grammatical errors, not that I am qualified to speak on the subject, but it stands to reason that you are promoting yourself as a professional writer therefore we should not see typos and grammatical faux pas.

[JEL0221]

Originally Posted by Johnathan

Hi!

I believe I've set this up well, however please critique it (if I am missing an important elements, or if something looks like it should be included).

Thanks!

Link --> How to making money writing articles online! Free Report on how to go from $10/hour to $60/hour writing articles!

Hi Johnathan.

The thing that initially caught my eye was the model you used in the sales header and to the left at the top of the page. Right away what pops into my head is that an attractive woman is selling this product, and then it goes to "Hi my name is Johnathan....".

I don't know if this is a big deal or gets to anyone else, but it turns me off when I know a model is being used on a product sales page such as this one.

Nonetheless, good luck with you launch, I hope you do great with it!

[Johnathan]

Originally Posted by JEL0221

Hi Johnathan.

The thing that initially caught my eye was the model you used in the sales header and to the left at the top of the page. Right away what pops into my head is that an attractive woman is selling this product, and then it goes to "Hi my name is Johnathan....".

I don't know if this is a big deal or gets to anyone else, but it turns me off when I know a model is being used on a product sales page such as this one.

Nonetheless, good luck with you launch, I hope you do great with it!

Hmm... interesting... hadn't thought of that before. Would it influence your decision in 'making' a purchase, or would you just be thinking 'hmm'...?

[bravo75]

I would use some yellow highlighting instead of bolding and underlining everything

[bravo75]

Maybe something you should fix

Do you want to do that for the next 10 years of your life? Or do you want I haven't decided yet what the final price should be, as this information is easily worth $97 or more. However, for the time being, I have decided to offer

[bravo75]

In the browser tab it says: How to making money writing articles

[JEL0221]

Originally Posted by Johnathan

Hmm... interesting... hadn't thought of that before. Would it influence your decision in 'making' a purchase, or would you just be thinking 'hmm'...?

I think it would have an influence on my decision...but then again the smallest things bother me

As your sales page is showing how you can have success and over all I think it is effective....Just right in the beginning when I noticed that a woman was in the header and saw it was a man's product seemed to come off a little "fake" to me.

I have always seen the very successful marketers who are a "brand name" have pictures of themselves on sales pages and business pages. I think this could ease a potential customer's concerns over a product because they can simply put a face to the name.

Sorry for being so picky, I know you will take what I have said as constructive criticism. It's just something that jumped out at me.

[Anup Mahajan]

I agree with bravo.. I think there is too much underlining in the page, I did not like the Capital text in blue as well ...

[Trieu]

I'm not a big fan of pop up boxes, they really annoy me. As for the sales page, I've seen loads of similar ones that looks similar. From first glance, it looks like you just used a plr product to make it your own.

[Dennis Gaskill]

Here are just a few thoughts. First, about your headline...

How to get your first $50 writing job within 24 hours or less

You have the right idea, but the execution is just a little off. People already have jobs, who wants another JOB? Simple to fix...

Get your first $50 writing gig within 24 hours!

A "gig" sounds a lot more fun and pleasant than a job, wouldn't you say? And the next line...

And then, turn it into a business within 1-2 months that makes you $2,000-$3,000/month, like I did

Business...that sounds like work! Nobody wants to work. It's hard to sell work. Sell income! You can say the same thing, only in words that don't trigger ideas subconsciously associated by most people with unpleasant tasks. Here's a better way to say that...

And then, turn that $50 gig into a $2,000-$3,000 a month income in just 1-2 months, just like I did.

Doesn't that sound better? Of course it does! You're no longer selling work, you're selling a dream. Next you have...

Do you want to increase your income easily? What if you knew of a couple secrets that you could implement within minutes, that not only would save you hours of work per day, but also help increase your income overall?

The first question is great, there's only one answer most people would give, and that answer is yes. You want to have your potential clients shaking their head in agreement with you, that's good writing. Nice job.

Unfortunately, the second question is all wrong. You never want to ask questions that are subject to a variety of answers depending on the person answering them (your potential client). Instead of asking questions with answers that can backfire on your sales process, make positive statements that convey confidence. Instead of a question with a variety of answers, use something like...

Do you want to increase your income easily? I can show you the secrets I've discovered that you can implement in minutes that will save you hours of work per day and increase your writing income.

That's all I have time for right now, but hopefully I've given you something to think about.

[Sparhawke]

Originally Posted by DeAndre Moore

I personally think the pop up came down too fast. Slow it up a bit, it's more effective that way. And there is something about the main content text that is kinda bugging me. Honestly, i didn't want to even read it. Be a little easier on the underlined and bold font. Let your content flow.. You don't have to emphasize EVERY word LIKE THIS.. It gets annoying, quick..

Good luck..

You said exactly what I was thinking

[mbrig]

Hi Jonathan, the typo's and grammar etc have been picked up by earlier warriors. For me I would have liked to have seen a bit more white space between paragraphs and some more inserts/graphics ie earning projections, how much potential demand there is for writing services.

I also have a feeling of a bit of a credibility gap, as though you have gone from zero to expert very quickly. We can only base things on your letter with typo's, dodgy grammar and a picture of someones PA at the top. I would put a photograph of an educated looking man busy at work not showing that he has pearly white teeth. You want the guy's intellect shining out of the page and your prospect thinking "is this the guy that I will be able to write like or do my copy for me.

Good luck with it.

Regards

mbrig

[Johnathan]

Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill

Here are just a few thoughts. First, about your headline...

How to get your first $50 writing job within 24 hours or less

You have the right idea, but the execution is just a little off. People already have jobs, who wants another JOB? Simple to fix...

Get your first $50 writing gig within 24 hours!

A "gig" sounds a lot more fun and pleasant than a job, wouldn't you say? And the next line...

And then, turn it into a business within 1-2 months that makes you $2,000-$3,000/month, like I did

Business...that sounds like work! Nobody wants to work. It's hard to sell work. Sell income! You can say the same thing, only in words that don't trigger ideas subconsciously associated by most people with unpleasant tasks. Here's a better way to say that...

And then, turn that $50 gig into a $2,000-$3,000 a month income in just 1-2 months, just like I did.

Doesn't that sound better? Of course it does! You're no longer selling work, you're selling a dream. Next you have...

Do you want to increase your income easily? What if you knew of a couple secrets that you could implement within minutes, that not only would save you hours of work per day, but also help increase your income overall?

The first question is great, there's only one answer most people would give, and that answer is yes. You want to have your potential clients shaking their head in agreement with you, that's good writing. Nice job.

Unfortunately, the second question is all wrong. You never want to ask questions that are subject to a variety of answers depending on the person answering them (your potential client). Instead of asking questions with answers that can backfire on your sales process, make positive statements that convey confidence. Instead of a question with a variety of answers, use something like...

Do you want to increase your income easily? I can show you the secrets I've discovered that you can implement in minutes that will save you hours of work per day and increase your writing income.

That's all I have time for right now, but hopefully I've given you something to think about.

Thanks, I've made those changes... going through the rest of the copy to see if there is anything else I notice...

[Moneyland]

Originally Posted by Sparhawke

Why are you still using the same red and blue font when it conflicts so much?

Is it not good to use a red and blue font?

What about red and blue as a colour theme for a website in general?

Would be interested to hear any opinions/suggestions especially in regards to the most suggested colour for your main heading at the top of a sales page?

Many thanks.

[Sparhawke]

The main problem is that you have the blue which is such a strong colour against the white, and then the red, and the yellow and the blue then the blue again and yellow, yellow, yellow, and then the red...

All you end up doing is stopping and starting all the way down the page where it should be a smooth ride, you want to lull people in with your patter, it is hard to do that with cues that are basically visual gongs to the eyes.

It is confusing to the eyes to put it another way much like RED LORRY YELLOW LORRY RED LORRY YELLOW LORRY RED LORRY YELLOW LORRY RED LORRY YELLOW LORRY RED LORRY YELLOW LORRY

causes confusion even though you should be able to get past it.

[Sparhawke]

If you are going to use coloured headers in a letter then choose ONE colour and stick to it, any more simply confuses the eyes and makes people have to strain constantly and drag their eyes away from every other word that is attracting them before time.

[RyanT]

good sales page.
I personally enjoy how it doesn't take 4 years to get to the end of it. there's some good info on there and it's direct. keep up the good work