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Something wrong with my salesletter?

by NetInvestor
12 replies
Dear Warrior,

i´m planning to launch my new product... but i want your opinion about my salesletter...

Can you please take a look at it and say if something wrong?

i just uploaded it to my blog.. here is the url

http://www.the-successful-entreprene...-secrets-2010/

Thanks for your help.

Cheers,

Patrick
#salesletter #wrong
  • Profile picture of the author Andy Wood
    Hi Patrick, well this is going to be difficult as English is not your first language.

    You definitely need to correct the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Also the formatting is out!
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Patrick-

    This salesletter won't sell, period.

    It's full of language problems and
    mispellings.

    Aside from that, the copy is poor,
    and the proof screams fake.

    $10k a week and you can't get
    a pro site and letter done?

    C'mon... something isn't right...

    All in all I'd be surprised if you
    make a single sale with it.

    VERY surprised.

    Good luck with it.

    -David Raybould
    Signature
    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nickolie0990
    Well, most of the text is off centered. What is with the Re-tweet button. The copy isn't all that compelling and is hard to read, order link is way too small. Makes a lot of hype promises. Testimonials are fake, or at least seems fake. Over all, just feels like a big sales pitch. I would test it, but i'm sure it's not going to convert well. You also want to to have it's own domain. I would scrap it, and start all over.
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  • Profile picture of the author RGallowitz
    I agree with Andy. The formatting needs some work. Alot of stuff is aligned wrong and there are line breaks at incorrect places.
    Signature
    Make INSANE money by promoting PHYSICAL affiliate products.
    The one and only "GALLO Affiliate System" -
    >> Click Here! <<
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  • Profile picture of the author SeanSupplee
    is that really your clickbank account? To me it looks fake already and click bank will call you out for it and make sure those are your stats before they add it to their affiliate site.
    Signature
    Sean Supplee -Expert Insight of an Affiliate Marketer (Blog)
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    • Profile picture of the author craigc1980
      Wow i havent seen a sales copy that poorly written in a long time.

      I hope you didnt pay someone for that.
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  • Profile picture of the author NetInvestor
    Okay, firstly thanks for your replys.

    Let me say it again, i only upladed the salesletter on my blog. I never would plan to sell it this way. Surely it would get a domain. That´s why the tweet button it there and the text is sometimes not centered or right formated. My biggest question is, "is my letter to aggressiv". I know of some spelling errors because my first language is not english...

    So let me face it... Best way for this salesletter is right click-->delete--> Write new one?

    Cheers Patrick
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Andy Wood
    Patrick, try looking at a few sales letters on Clickbank and build a swipe file of phrases and formats you can use in your own letters.

    You can download a free cheat sheet from my website to help you if you wish.

    Keep at it.

    Cheers
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    The BEST way is to hire a pro
    copywriter who knows how to
    write you a letter that makes
    money.

    If you want to write it yourself,
    get a couple books on writing
    copy from Amazon, devour them,
    then start from scratch with the
    letter. Write it, then delete it
    and re-write.

    Do that ten times, and you'll be
    able to write a much stronger
    letter.
    Signature
    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jacer
    Yes, please delete and start over. There are so many changes that need to be made it would be easier to start over again with a blank page. You could spend hundreds of dollars and months learning to become a better writer, or be smart and hire a professional copywriter to create a sales page for you. Sound like writing is not you skill set.

    On a side note: If your reports are written like your sales page, you will have a ton of refund requests. Hopefully you choose to hire someone to create those for you as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author AwesomePossum
    I never read the sales page but I really don't think it's necessary.

    Stop all the hype and RELATE to the customer at a personal level. Build your hype in that manor.(Subtly though, disguise it as logic is my favorite) THEN over deliver.

    That's how you build credibility as well as sales
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