Why Do My Friends Want My Business To Collapse?

by 77 comments
My business had been tanking lately, not because of the economic situation but because of technical issues. But obviously, this has come at a very bad time. Even if the problems are sorted out, it would take me at least 6-9 months and tens of thousands of dollars to recover. This is obviously going to be a pretty threatening time as I come to my 3rd year working full-time.

When I told this to a few of my friends. I can sense that their immediately reaction is one of glee. I can sense they are really happy that my business is in trouble and are salivating to hear of more bad news. Just as they looked really unhappy when my business was doing well. Nevermind that I have a family to support and the main reason that I became a full-timer in the first place was to target time and resources towards my autistic daughter.

Just what have I done to them? Perhaps because they just can't stand that I left a regular well paying full-time job. Perhaps that they felt they because I have 4 degrees and qualifications, that I should be stuck for life in that job and profession.

Well, I am telling them I am NOT going to be fazed by this. I am not going back to do part-time work because it would interfere with my concentration. But the more I think about this, the more annoyed and fired up I am. I will not dump my friends because I don't have many since I went full-time. But I am going to avoid talking about my business altogether.

I wonder whether anybody have had this sort of reaction from their firends and family? I wonder how would you deal with it?

#internet marketing #business #fail #friends
  • Profile picture of the author mmurtha
    Hi Derek,

    I've found that friends and family don't understand what we do online. They don't understand how we spend time on the Internet instead of being with them.

    It's more about them feeling like they lost connections with us, or they no longer have the same things in common. It's really about insecurity too because they go from knowing exactly who we are, and where we fit in with their lives. When elements in a relationship change, they don't know how to shift with us.

    At least that's what I found with my friends and family. It's an awkward time, their out of balance.

    What I've done is offer them a chance to see what I do, to allow them to get involved if they want. offer them a chance to come into my world. This has helped tremendously.

    But I think a lot of it came because I showed them I care tremendously for them, and I'm willing to make a couple of sacrifices in order to keep our relationship healthy.

    Now we are basically back to supporting each other, challenging each other, and growing together. Believe it or not, family and friends celebrate my good fortune, and I celebrate theirs.

    Can't beat that.

    On the flip side, there are always going to be some people in our lives that will never understand, and probably fall to the wasteside eventually.

    • Profile picture of the author steveweber
      I think the answer is pretty simple as to why some people respond that way.
      It is not that they are happy for your problems. Instead, they are happy for the feelings of relief they feel. They now feel OK with not taking any chances in their own lives. They may have envied you in the past but were too scared to follow your example. Thus, they felt conflict within themselves. Now, with your problems, their fear seems validated and they feel relieved.
  • Profile picture of the author Duff
    Hey Derek,

    Sorry to hear this news, you must have had some major misfortune for it to take 6-9 months to be able to recover from this.

    If i were you i would be asking myself if these so called "friends" really are "friends" because a true friend should support you in good times and bad and not try to bring you down just because you are successful. If its family you're talking about well thats a different story altogether, i'd act as if everything is running smoothly and not let know too much about you business life.

    Remember one thing though, these "friends" obviously want to see you fail so don't give up. Keep pushing on and get back to where you were previously because if there's one thing that will piss them right off it will be picking yourself up off the ground, dusting yourself off and doing things bigger, better and profitable than you did before!

    Good Luck
  • Profile picture of the author Charles Harper
    Hello Derek:

    I really hope that you dont have to wait 6-9 months to get your business back.

    Although you are more advanced than me, I prayed for you today.

    May God richly bless you and what you are trying to do for your family, Bro.

  • Profile picture of the author Chris Lockwood
    Those people aren't your friends.

    You need to grow your business so you can hire those people at high salaries, wait for them to go nuts buying stuff, then lay them off and laugh at them.

    Seriously, how would they react if they lost their jobs and you reacted with glee?

    What technical issues are you having?
  • Profile picture of the author SolomonHuey
    I just tell everyone I'm a bum so I don't have to deal with the crap.

    I do tell a few seldom people what I do online, but that information is only reserved for the few people that I know are genuinely supportive of whatever decision I make and believe in what I can accomplish.

    I honestly don't know why people react that way sometimes (seemingly happy when they see others in agony). I just try to distance myself from these people. They are still my friends, but I can't allow them to poison my life. It took me awhile, but I'm slowly beginning to find and surround myself with other like-minded people, and I feel like life is getting better every day.

    Don't let them get to you. You have too important a reason (your family) to let their opinions bother you.

    Solomon Huey
    • Profile picture of the author Andy Money
      Originally Posted by SolomonHuey View Post

      I just tell everyone I'm a bum so I don't have to deal with the crap.

      I do tell a few seldom people what I do online, but that information is only reserved for the few people that I know are genuinely supportive of whatever decision I make and believe in what I can accomplish.
      Same. I learned my lesson a long time ago about this type of stuff. A lot of people DO want to see you fail, it validates THEIR position and role in their life, so they love seeing others fail doing things they aren't doing.
  • Profile picture of the author tommygadget
    You need new friends, simple as that. Find people who reinforce your image and raise you up, not tear you down.

    • Profile picture of the author Dixiebelle
      Never let anyone rain on your parade. If you continue to listen to those who question your motives and what you do, after a while you will start to ask yourself the same questions.

      It's best to hang out with like thinkers, and let the nay sayers fall by the wayside.

      Good luck.

    • Profile picture of the author jan roos
      It's jealousy for sure, I wouldn't be too worried about it though.Just know that they are jealous as they have to work for a boss 8 or 9 hours a day, they have to ask to have time off to watch their son play football,they have to ask for a raise, they have to deal with employers that over work and under pay them. You on the other hand hacve freedom, you make a living from home and spend tons of time with your daughter.

      I don't even tell people what I do because of the same reaction. When me and my wife met we went travelling to africa and europe for 9 months and all of her childhood friends was mad at her for doing that. They had excuses saying that she is throwing her life away and she is forgetting them etc. It's all just jealousy and once you realize that then you will feel so much better.

  • Profile picture of the author tush
    Most friends are like that. Just stay foccussed and avoid sharing what you are doing with them. One thing though, it is not worth it to be angry with them. You waste your precious energy which energy you sgould channel into different ways of bringing your business back to glory
  • Profile picture of the author Tsnyder

    Pay no attention... sheep don't like it when one of them
    escapes from the pasture... it makes them feel inadequate.

    • Profile picture of the author Peter Bestel
      Only share your dreams with those who will support you.

      This is a mantra that I've followed for the past 10 years or so. The first struggle I had was to find out who those people were. You've now found out who not to share with.

      It's as others have said. Your circle of friends have, by definition, a limit to their comfort zones and are not willing to expand. You have been breaking out and they didn't like it - it upsets their level of comfort to know where you are in the social standings.

      You have a choice. Stay where you are, or break out and beat your own drum. You already know that there's plenty of folk drumming to a similar beat on this forum. You can feel comfortable sharing your dreams here.

  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    Those who are assigned to your purpose will celebrate your success and be happy when you fulfill your purpose.

    Those who are enemies of your purpose need to either be removed from your life if possible or at least kept separate from your trust.

    There are times and seasons when people enter our lives for reasons unknown to us.

    Some will be allies. Some will be adversaries.

    Trusting in the truth that whom you've received your desires, talents and vision of your purpose from will also be faithful to complete it helps to take the loss of friends along the way as less personal and to cherish more dearly those who celebrate your victories.

    Remembering a true friend loves at all times even in times of adversity.

    Under tremendous pressure is the coal subjected until the diamond is formed complete in its character and every aspect.

    The friendships that fail when you don't do exactly whatever pleases them all the time

    was not a friendship founded on any solid foundation anyway and you're better off for pruning them out of your life.
    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      But the more I think about this, the more annoyed and fired up I am. I will dump my friends because I don't have many since I went full-time. But I am going to avoid talking about my business altogether.
      Playing Devil's Advocate here:

      Could you be misreading your friends? Could it be you want them to commiserate with you - and if they don't you think they don't care about you?

      Reading the quote above - could it be you need someone or something to blame and your friends have become a target? Could it be that when things were going well, you talked about what you were doing and how much better it was than the jobs your friends do?

      I doubt your friends are happy to see you having real problems. What is it you want your friends to do? They probably don't understand the business you do and can't help you fix things. Even best friends may pull away if all you talk about is your problems and your business.

      Only you know the value of these friendships. Friends are not easy to find and if they don't always give you the reactions you want - perhaps you are expecting too much of them. When your friends have had problems, were you the kind of friend you now want them to be?

      The simple-minded sheep who go to their daily job and never aspire to anything greater than punching a clock, will always try to pull you back down into their herd.
      That's true - and a good reason not to try to explain IM to everyone you know. Friends are different.

      What is "greater" to us may not be seen as admirable or desirable by everyone we know. If we set ourselves and our online work up as being superior to what our friends do - what kind of friend does that make us?
      I prefer to have friends of all kinds and from all walks of life - and the least discussed topic is the work any of us does. Friendship involves who we are - not what we do.

  • Profile picture of the author Platinum Matt
    Derek, are you English?

    If so, there's your reason. Your friends are too.

    There is an anti-success culture prevalent throughout much of the UK, best thing ignore them, do your own thing and don't share your successes or your failure with those who are negative towards you.
  • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
    Thanks for all your opinions. Kay, I meant that I will NOT dump my friends because I don't have many people to talk to since going full-time. What I intend to do is not to speak about my business to any friends or family for the moment. It would extremely foolish for anybody working full-time to blame friends and family who are not involved in it.

    The big problem is that people always ask me how my business is going and I never give out any figures. In any case, they wouldn't believe it even if the figures were good. I don't boost about how much I enjoy my present work unless provoked. And it is usually by naive comments like "when are you going to go back to your a old job", "why are you going a start a real business" or "why don't you open a private clinic or laboratory and make millions from wealthy Chinese patients"

    I don't think jealousy is an issue here. Put it this way, nobody is jealous of parents with autistic childen. It is much more an issue of "I told you so". Also stranglely there are many people who feel because I was so highly qualified, I owed to the community to continue in that profession, whearas my personal or family needs does not matter. Perhaps they feel that I should just abandon my autistic daughter and leave her to rot. The latter is what really hurts me rather than insults to IM.

    I am left in no doubt with their tone and body language that they are happy to see my business in some sort of trouble, although perhaps not in dire straits. One of them is about to retire and help his brother out in a Chinese toy factory. The business to that factory has collapsed as well and perhaps he wanted someone to be in the same boat as he is. But what really hurted me most was another friend whom I introduced to adsense and PPC programs. Like me, he also quit the same workplace to do into the private sector and he is doing quite well at the moment.

    Scores of my sites have been banned in the past 3 months. I have a fair idea of what it is due to, but I cannot really discuss it except to say that I am not involved in blackhat or other unethical stuff. Something similar happened to me last year although that was on a smaller scale. That time, it took me 2 months to recover. This time, it will take much longer and that is working on the assumption that my business model is still viable. However, I do have a lot of experience and have been able to achieve a full-time income on two other different streams of income in the past. Therefore I am not paniking at the moment.

    Matt, I am a British citizen but live in Hong Kong. I don't really think it is anti-success culture here. It is more like that they think I would be more successful had I stayed in my old job and they want to tell me that "I told you so". But Kay does have a point in that it may be best to avoid talking about your work to your friends.

    • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
      They're jealous, envious that you can work in your PJs and (you don't want
      to hear this) they're not your friends.

      I've cut all those "friends" out of my life and I don't miss them at all.
  • Profile picture of the author Bev Clement
    Derek, sorry to hear that, if you want to meet up again, let us know. It will be nice meeting with you and Wendy again.
  • Profile picture of the author ileneg
    Why do some so-called friends want you to fail? Losing weight, quitting smoking, building your own business, etc...

    These people are not your friends, they are "dream stealers". The beauty of WF and others is that we want you to succeed!

  • Profile picture of the author Elevoution
    There are some fantastic responses to this thread! All of the above is something I myself have experienced when I made significant progression in my career, and it is something that I expect to experience again as I progress on the internet and in business.

    I have discovered that if

    a) You make a concerted effort to do something better than the ordinairy
    b) You are in the process of battling and defeating a problem that has been holding you back

    then DON'T expect people around you to either offer support or encouragement. You will encounter resistance from anyone who is in the sheep herd.

    I'm sorry to say that doing anything special is going to be, at least to some extent a lonely game, with the exception of course that you have the WF and, judging by the responses, everyone here is like minded.

    Also, remember that you don't actually WANT to be one of the sheep, and that you HAVE aspirations and ambitions, and it damn well is your God given right to reach out in the world and get what you want. Most people walk through life in a trance. A walking daze. But not you. And, as for the problem that you currently have - these sometimes come with the territory. When you do something that is bigger than what a person would normally do, problems can and do occur and it is your job to sort them out. You will do this as long as you approach it dilligently and systematically. In the short term you will lose money, but long term you will have learned to deal with the problem and solved the problem which will probably increase your creativity still further!
  • Profile picture of the author write-stuff
    Originally Posted by derekwong28 View Post

    When I told this to a few of my friends. I can sense that their immediately reaction is one of glee. I can sense they are really happy that my business is in trouble and are salivating to hear of more bad news. Just as they looked really unhappy when my business was doing well.
    Welcome to the world, Derek. You've had a lot of responses to this one so my answer will get buried.

    This type of behavior by longtime friends to entrepreneurs is VERY common. I'm no psychologist, but my unenlightened guess would be that it results from a very strong emotion - jealousy.

    I've been an entrepreneur virtually all of my life and I can't tell you how many times I've seen this. Friendship runs deep, but apparently envy runs deeper. Everyone wants to succeed, but only certain types of people are willing to work really hard to do it. The rest of the population resents them for their success and trys to drag them back down. You see, it's easier to pull someone down than to work hard and bring yourself up.

    Chin up! Remember that you're the exception. The people who hope for your failure are the losers in society.

    - Russ
  • Profile picture of the author Fabian Tan
    Derek, what I have learnt is that these loud mouths act like they own the room, but they're up to their noses in debts.

  • Profile picture of the author tommygadget
    You know, about the sheep thing, they are quite tasty on the rotisserie.

  • Profile picture of the author talfighel

    Friends and family always like the idea of everyone around them to get a job.

    When you succeed online, they tend to wish that you will fail and get a real job. They really don't get what we are doing online but they do get to "Get" a job and be there for the rest of their lives.

    Don't listen to them and just don't give up. Even though times are not easy, this is YOUR time to SHINE and take things by the hand and show people and yourslef that you CAN recover and continue to be successful.

    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      This thread brought back to mind a training session for one of the network marketing companies I was involved with...

      The best thing about sharing (pitching) your new business to friends and family is that they already know you. Hopefully, the like and trust are already there, so they already accept that you won't deliberately steer them wrong.

      The worst thing about pitching to friends and family is that they already know you. They've watched you do dumb things before. "You been drivin' pizzas since high school. Now you're tellin' me how we're gonna get rich peddlin' [insert product]? Fuhgeddaboutit!"

      When you succeed anyway, they are wrong. And nobody likes having their nose rubbed in being wrong. When you do experience problems, their original stance is validated. See, they were right all along...

      Hang in there, Derek. This too shall pass...
    • Profile picture of the author naruq
      Hey Derek first of all congratulations on going full-time in your internet marketing business. I started an offline business when I was in high school. Since that time I have been involved in several offline businesses. My first business was a paper route when I was 6 years old. I had some kids in the neighbor delivering papers for me. I always had the entrepreneurial bug. Most of my family and friends did not understand why I wanted to be an entrepreneur. There mindset was go to school and get a good job and retire. To be fair, this was not the case with all of my family and friends. I had uncles who were entrepreneurs and who owned real estate. I tried to explain to my family and friends the reason why I chose the entrepreneurial route. Most of them understood, however I still have some family and friends to this day who constantly berate me because I work for myself. Do not let it stress you. Discuss your business around other entrepreneurs who will encourage and support you. When you are around family and friends talk about something else.
  • Profile picture of the author AskJesusLeon
    Hey Derek,

    Sorry to hear about the way your business is going right now.

    Short answer, get new friends. You need people surrounding you that will support you and help you out in your time of need, not people that are happy that you are hurting right now. I personally wouldn't associate with those "friends" anymore.
  • Profile picture of the author Eric Engel
    Is it possible that you're over-reacting or being hyper sensitive?

    I mean, sometimes other people don't understand entrepreneurs, and so they take pokes at it. But usually, they really do have their friend's best interests at heart. They just might be wrong.

    That's no reason to end a friendship, burn down bridges, or anything.

    You should also consider whether or not they have any valid points. Like if there's anything you're putting others through as you strive to make things work.

    One other thing you should consider--they seemed upset when you talked about success. You might look deep into yourself and really try to see if you were bragging. It could kind of explain everything.

Next Topics on Trending Feed