Please Help With Headline - $10 for best suggestion

by Clare Moser

Posted: 16 years ago 30 replies

INTERNET MARKETING

Hi Warriors,

I coming to you for help with my sales page headline. I seem to have writers block at the moment so I'm offering $10 paypal to the person with the best headline suggestion. In other words... I want to buy you a beer for helping out!

Here's the scoop...

My site is in the dating for women niche and I think my headline needs more punch to grab attention. My ebook product is based on how to get a man and keep him.

You can use this tool http://www.aminstitute.com/headline/ to analyze your headline before you submit it here.

My current headline below is scoring at 40%. Let see how high we can get the score while still sounding good.

Here's what I got so far...

Want To Find True Love?

Discover The Secrets Every Woman
Should Know To Attract Mr. Right
and Keep Him Interested!

Thanks!

#$10 #headline #suggestion

getsmartt 16 years ago

True love leaving you behind?
True secrets every woman
needs to know about men.

64.29
about the best I can do

BTW thanks for the link to the tool
- Thanks
Signature

Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stÃ¤rker
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Scott Ames 16 years ago

How good is that headline analysis? From the 100 Greatest headlines of all time:

"They laughed when I sat down at the piano, but when I started to play!" 18.75%

"DO YOU MAKE THESE MISTAKES IN ENGLISH" 42.86%

HOW I MADE A FORTUNE WITH A "FOOL IDEA" 33.33%

THE SECRET OF MAKING PEOPLE LIKE YOU 42.86%

A LITTLE MISTAKE THAT COST A FARMER $3,000 A YEAR 20.00%

Based on that, your 40% is darn good.
- Thanks
Signature

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill
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Dave777 16 years ago

Hi Clare,

Don't really know how reliable that tool is or if I'd use it to make that final decision...

But here's a few Quickies for you...

Guiding You To Meeting Hot Beautiful Women 71.43%

Or vis versa Men!

Guiding You To Meeting Hot Beautiful Women Today 75.00%

Meet Hot Beautiful Women Today 80.00%

Dave
- Thanks
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rhondaklewis 16 years ago

you want to be loved?
80.00
Do you want to be loved?
83.33
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Clare Moser 16 years ago
  
  Hmm maybe that headline analyzer isn't very accurate. Those results seem high for such few words.
  
  Here's the deal...
  
  I like my current headline but I'm not in love with it (no pun intended). I'm just trying to see if someone can think of something better than what I already have. With or without the headline analyzer...
  
  Thanks,
  
  Thanks
  
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Randy-works-from-home Banned 16 years ago

[DELETED]

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- Concept 16 years ago
  
  Hi Clare see what you think of this
  
  ARE YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR ULTIMATE SOULMATE AND TRUE LOVE?
  Now you can discover the hidden secrets every woman needs to find Mr right and hold on to him forever
  Keith
  
  Thanks
  
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rhondaklewis 16 years ago

any one win?
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- USEO 16 years ago
  
  This is great fun!
  
  I'm not gonn stop till I get over 90%!
  
  He NEEDS Your Love Too!
  
  60% - it's a start...
  
  off to try some more...
  
  Aaron
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  **>> IPK: $360 Billion Christmas <<** New: IPK Blog
  
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  USEO 16 years ago
  
  Need Brad Pit In The Sack? 16%.
  
  I tried it with my name and got 100%
  
  lol...
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  **>> IPK: $360 Billion Christmas <<** New: IPK Blog
  
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Pete223 16 years ago

Hi Clare,

Looking For Mr. Right ?
Learn The secrets To Date Him Next!

Not Dating Mr. Right Yet ?
Learn The Secrets That Will Change That!

Is Mr. Right Your Next Date ?
Learn The Secrets Every Women Should Know
Before Their Next Date!

Regards, Pete
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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Use Coupon Code BS89JV
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- Chri5123 16 years ago
  
  Hi Clare,
  
  This is what I could think of:
  
  "Do Not Fear Being Alone Any Longer!
  Discover The Secret Steps You Can Take Today To Meet YOUR Mr Right And Have Him Begging YOU For Commitment"
  
  45% on that headline tool!
  
  Hope this helps!
  
  Let me know what you think.
  
  Good Luck
  
  All the best
  
  Chris
  
  Thanks
  
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ChrisByrns 16 years ago

MEN ARE SIMPLE!
Find out how to short-circuit a male brain in order to attract the man of your dreams.

=)
- Thanks
Signature
Custom Cartoons
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BrianMcLeod 16 years ago

I Love You... Now Love ME!
The Essential Guide To Finding, Meeting
And Keeping Your Perfect Love Partner!

*Please apply $10 to victims of Hurricane Ike - Red Cross if you use this...
- Thanks
Signature
Brian McLeod

Direct Response Copywriting
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CaptainLou 16 years ago

"Imagine, Hordes of Hot, Eligible and SANE Guys, Eagerly Getting In Line For A Chance To Meet You, Know You, Love You...
Discover The 7 Secrets Happy, Contented, Satisfied Women Don't Want YOU To Know About Attracting The Man Of Your Dreams!"

Lou
- Thanks
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Michael Lee 16 years ago

How To Captivate The Man Of Your Dreams And Keep Him Forever In Love With You!
- Thanks
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(Free) How To SLEEP Your Way To Unstoppable Riches & Success | (Free) 1 Weird Trick To Create Miracles | 100+ Free Self-Help Books | "I was shocked when your site converted at 5.1%!" - 20DayPersuasion Affiliate
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Jeffrey Louis 16 years ago

Want to find true love?

Mr. Right will come running for you.
His eyes will twinkle whenever he sees you.
The secrets to keep his undieing love forever.
- Thanks
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halille 16 years ago

Do you feel embarrassed to say that you are still single?
Do you feel uncomfortable to say that you are single?
Do you feel uncomfortable going out with couples?
Do you feel uncomfortable having dinner with married people?

connect with the bad emotion and feeling a single woman have when hanging around people in love

best of luck
Halille
- Thanks
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talfighel 16 years ago

"Meet the man of your dreams and Keep him too."

How is that for a headline?

Tal
- Thanks
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Jakehyten 16 years ago

Why Do Men Love Bitches?
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- richdirtygirl 16 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Jakehyten
  
  Why Do Men Love Bitches?
  
  LOL because we are so much fun!!
  
  Clare... your headline:
  
  Want To Find True Love?
  
  Discover The Secrets Every Woman
  Should Know To Attract Mr. Right
  and Keep Him Interested!
  
  It is not natural: women don't find... show off and choose...
  
  The best i can get without reading the book:
  
  Want to Attract The ONE?
  
  Discover the Tricks to Make Him Come...
  and Stay.
  
  you can keep the change if you like it...
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
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  Travis72802 16 years ago
  
  I REALLY don't think 'true love' rings in the minds of women. Like saying find 'true security' to the IM Crowd.
  
  I would start with the FRUSTRATION...women feel....
  
  I would also make it sound EDITORIAL.
  
  Don't make it sound like an AD.
  
  Quick example...
  
  "Why women always fall for J-E-R-K-S and what we can do about it!"
  by Clare Moser
  
  Then lead into a riveting...relevant story and advice that will ring a chord with
  your visitors.
  
  With a headline like that...
  
  1. You have disarmed them that this will be JUST a BIG sales pitch. They think...
  and you should deliver...that they are going to get INSIGHTFUL information by
  continuing to read your....article.
  2. Most women feel they always fall for jerks...and want to know why?
  3. You have UNITED yourself as one of them and are now 'working together'.
  4. You imply it is an US versus THEM (them being jerks)
  
  What more could ya ask for?
  
  Travis
  
  PS Remember the PRIMARY purpose of a headline...is to
  get them to read the next line!!
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Be A Bum Marketer! Free eCourse
  http://www.BumMarketingMethod.com
  
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rhondaklewis 16 years ago

"Meet the man of your dreams and Keep him too."
I like this one too.
- Thanks
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rhondaklewis

16 years ago

Why Do Men Love Bitches?

Because they can keep them on a leash.
Take one out for a inexpensive walk for about an hour a day.
They don't talk back and let you know how stupid you really are.
Dinner is cheap!

Thanks
1 reply

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Jakehyten

16 years ago

Originally Posted by rhondaklewis

That isnt a question. It was a headline. I think women would keep reading with a headline like that.

And trust me. I KNOW why men love bitches. Same reason women love D!@&S

Thanks

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Elmer Hurlstone 16 years ago

Here's another possibility Clare:

You Deserve True Love!

Here's How Successful Women
Attract and Keep Mr. Right!

I did not run it through the headline score app.

Elmer
- Thanks
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warner444 16 years ago

Men Can Be Such LOSERS, Now You Can Discover How To Find A Good Man And Keep Him Forever
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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Warm Regards, - Warner Carter Twitter ~ Facebook ~
~ SEO Consultation Services~~~~Guest Blogging Service > Done For You
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- Clare Moser 16 years ago
  
  Travis, you made the best suggestion that contributed to my new headline. For that I'm sending you the prize money! (I'm sending you a PM)
  
  Even though I didn't use your headline, you still helped me figure out one with more punch.
  
  What does everyone think of my new headline?
  
  Tired Of Dating Jerks and Just Want
  To Attract The Guy You Deserve?
  
  Now You Can Finally Get Answers To Your
  Tough Relationship Problems And Discover
  The Secrets To Attracting Mr. Right And
  Keeping Him Interested!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Concept 16 years ago
  
  Yeah that looks a lot better now Clare. Hope that sells a ton of your books, and I'm sure it will. Just goes to show how a little brainstorming gets everyones thinking into high gear and comes up with results.Well done!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Clare Moser 16 years ago
  
  Thanks Concept, I appreciate the feedback. And thanks to everyone else who contributed...
  
  Clare
  
  Thanks
  
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Please Help With Headline - $10 for best suggestion

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