Please critique my squeeze page...

15 replies
Can you please let me know what you feel about this squeeze page

Unusual Birthday Gifts To Surprise Your Friends & Loved Ones

What's your first impression?

Does the page make you want to subscribe?

Are those images a subscribe distraction or a subscribe attraction ?

Any suggestions / tips?

Thanks...
#critique #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author Marko Vel
    Nice, for this niche very nice
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  • Profile picture of the author JonMills
    Originally Posted by Spencer Jones View Post

    Can you please let me know what you feel about this squeeze page

    Unusual Birthday Gifts To Surprise Your Friends & Loved Ones

    What's your first impression?

    Does the page make you want to subscribe?

    Are those images a subscribe distraction or a subscribe attraction ?

    Any suggestions / tips?

    Thanks...
    Being honest. No it wouldn't make me subscribe though thats not to say it wouldnt make others.

    I think i would swop out the image of the stock women, its too catalogue style.

    I would try showing an actual image of one or more o f these unusual birthday gifts and I would create around 50 different headlines and test them
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  • Profile picture of the author aaallday2010
    it should say put a big smile 'on' their faces
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  • Profile picture of the author aaallday2010
    by the way, i've never seen a url with so many hyphens before. that should be some sort of record
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  • Profile picture of the author WhamSoft
    I think is had too much text at the top and should it not be Smile On Their Faces and not In their faces?
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    • Profile picture of the author butters
      The background turns me off, when ever I see a repeated picture in the background it just makes me cringe.

      I would also change this bit... How To Surprise Your Friends Or Loved Ones

      to

      How To Surprise Your Friends and Loved Ones


      By putting the word "or" instead of "and" you are making it seem like it will only work for one and not the other.

      My 2 cents .
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  • Profile picture of the author R Hagel
    I didn't even read the actual words of the headline. That's because you're over-emphasizing. In just that headline you have:

    -- big font
    -- bold words
    -- capitalized words
    -- underlined words
    -- words in different font colors
    -- highlighted words
    -- words in italics

    It's a visual zoo. (And that's not a good thing.)

    I think a lot of people will be so turned off by the look of this headline that they won't even read the words (like me).


    Becky
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  • Profile picture of the author zoobie
    seems a good one..

    may be you can test what works and what doesn't
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  • Profile picture of the author Doug Nicholson
    I don't like the background...way too much color there. The highlighting of the text doesn't help it.

    Doug
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  • Profile picture of the author Lee Wilson
    I feel like I need to run for cover to escape the attack of bright colour.
    It's destracting me from wanting to read anything. I'd say tone it down a bit, maybe add some transparency to the background.
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  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    Good first job. On the top I would change the section...

    Attention:......

    You should be getting the target market's attention with this line...

    Attention: BFFs and Mothers. <whatever your biggest buyer will be>

    Also, you are wasting a TON of valuable space with that pic. I would use a video instead.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kris Turner
    If this was my page, I'd strip all images and place just one beside the opt-in box (a picture of whatever they get when they subscribe: a book cover, a CD case etc.).

    I've found that formula works best in almost all places I've tried it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Iamsarasmile
    You're breaking the rule of 3.....no more than 3 changes on a page. No more than 3 colors, no more than 3 directions, no more than 3 fonts, not more that 3 font types (i.e. bold, highlight, underline, etc.)

    There's too much going on for your customers to know what you're talking about...the brain can't process the information and goes into "I don't know what to do" mode. So they don't do anything but hit the back button.

    What you can do is tone the background down to look like a water mark, make the headline all one color, and move the picture down beside the email form and make the picture of what they're getting.
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  • Profile picture of the author filiks
    for a birthday squeeze page i think the background should speak more of birthday presents than the one you have there.
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  • Profile picture of the author Flaura78
    I like the concept, but the background is just not serious enough. Also would help if you told people what form they will get the info in. Like: Free instant download report, MP3, or whatever.
    I would not start the headline with a statement, like: ATTENTION: In Less Than 60 Seconds You Will Start Discovering... (it is too small anyway compared to the sub headline) but ask a question, like: Have you ever felt that you were missing a great gift idea? (this is just an example, not an actual headline copy)
    I would possibly also change the picture to a group one, like a kid or a grown up opening a present with a happy face.
    Hope this helps.
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