Please Review My Landing Page

17 replies
Hey Guys,


I have my own physical product and the site for it launched last week. I started running yahoo search engine and facebook ads and I have not been seeing the conversions I want (working on some modifications before I hit Google). My ads are highly targeted and on yahoo and avoid anything general or free and stick specifically to keywords like "Best appetite suppressant", top 10 diet pills, weight loss supplements and anything else that makes it clear the person is searching for a physical product. On Facebook my ad is point blank that it is a physical product that controls appetite. I have been getting a lot of clicks for both but very few conversions. I think my product is strong and I thought the landing page was but I am thinking it must be the problem.

Here is the web-site Brazilian Weight Loss Miracle

If anyone who is experienced with landing pages can give me a critique I would appreciate it. I am working on a landing page for a split test that is a little more direct and just lays out point blank the benefits for my product and the negatives of most others on the market.

It is a appetite suppressant/weight loss product with a strong USP. It's a chocolate tablet that dissolves on your tongue and by going directly through the mucus membrane it can activate in your blood stream in 2 to 3 minutes making it work faster than all other weight loss products that come in a pill form and have to go through the gastro intestinal system to get to the blood stream.

If anyone finds the product interesting, I would be open to taking on a few exclusive affiliates. I don't want to open it up to a whole network at this point but you can e-mail me at revolutionyourself@gmail.com to talk further.


Thanks,


Ryan O'Connor
#landing #page #review
  • Profile picture of the author doop
    Short and sweet - try making the header banner smaller.

    I work on a 13" Macbook and 50% of my screen is your header graphic - maybe try split testing with it 50% smaller.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raygun
    I think it looks pretty good. The only thing that I would do differently is I would find a way to captcher those emails better. I see what you have at the bottom of your page and that is good, but can you snazz it up some and really have a kick ass offer that people cannot refuse? Also you might want to consider placing that as a popup or some type of an exit popup.

    Just my thoughts, but I do like the look of your page.

    Jesse
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    • Profile picture of the author edd666666
      Go to a 1 yr money back guarantee, returns will actually drop. Good luck, Ed.
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    • Profile picture of the author BBAkwe
      I would agree wholly with Raygun.
      The design and page layout are breathtaking..excellently delivered.
      How would you like to see lead capture page come before the products? Perhaps in the form of an excellent video intro for the product complemented by a sazzy irresistible gift that would almost compel visitors to opt into your list.
      On the whole it is very well done.

      Originally Posted by Raygun View Post

      I think it looks pretty good. The only thing that I would do differently is I would find a way to captcher those emails better. I see what you have at the bottom of your page and that is good, but can you snazz it up some and really have a kick ass offer that people cannot refuse? Also you might want to consider placing that as a popup or some type of an exit popup.

      Just my thoughts, but I do like the look of your page.

      Jesse
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      • Profile picture of the author Oconnor1
        Originally Posted by BBAkwe View Post

        I would agree wholly with Raygun.
        The design and page layout are breathtaking..excellently delivered.
        How would you like to see lead capture page come before the products? Perhaps in the form of an excellent video intro for the product complemented by a sazzy irresistible gift that would almost compel visitors to opt into your list.
        On the whole it is very well done.
        My original thought was that once we got them to the page we didn't want to distract them from the sales letter with making them fill out an opt-in form right away. Now that I have had paid for a few hundred clicks and only had a few conversions I know I would be way happier if I had some of the visitors e-mails.

        Do most people who do lead captures do pop-overs still? I am fairly sure Google and Facebook don't allow that anymore.

        Does anyone else have any thoughts on where best to include an opt-in form?
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        • Profile picture of the author xnice
          My opinion : you may add more real Testimonial with real face, real address( should be your friends domain name) to win people. I do not know how to describe, but you need to help people think they need to buy the products because it helpful, not force them to buy. I think the cart must be under bottom or make the interesting thing to make people discover second page and this is your sell page. I guest your page view now is 1 UV per 1 page view?
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          • Profile picture of the author vicone
            I found the header beautiful but overwhelming.

            My main criticism is that it is basically a sales page that visitors are being sent to and there is no immediate call to action apparent on the screen when visitors first arrive.

            My approach would be a little different. I would first send visitors to a splash page similar to those which are produced by the Traffic Exchanges and designed for impact and immediate benefit for the visitor.

            It is a small, visually exciting page about 800 px x 600 px and does not aim to sell but offers some immediate information on the subject, in exchange for an email address. It is basically a display ad which pushes the opt-in.

            For those who opt-in you can then take them to another page which is a pre-sell rather than a sales page but include a link to the sales page for those who want to take it further.

            You now have them on a list and your emails can be further pre-sells which also deal with a variety of objections and compare the product to various other competing programs. Naturally, the emails have links to a sales page.

            This gives you many more opportunities to make the sale.

            It would also be good to send a small amount of paid traffic to a copy of the sales page so that you can tweak it to improve conversions.

            Afterthought:

            Ryan Deiss at his Undercover List Building seminar relates how he was forced into a two-step process after Google Adwords slapped his sales letter (downgrading the quality score), for a campaign which had been running successfully for over a year.

            He added a landing page which was an attractive opt-in page with graphics, etc, and it was given a good quality score by Google. Initially there was little change in sales between the two approaches but, because he now had an email list of prospective customers, within a few weeks his sales actually doubled compared to what he'd been making previously with the one-step sales letter as a landing page.

            Ivan
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew E.
    1. Work on your email form at the bottom.
    2. Having two products for sale right next to each other may cause some confusion. Do a split test with just one product for sale
    3. This may be minor, but it really bugged me. I did not know why my eyes kept being drawn to your gurarantee badge next to your products, but I finally saw it: the word "Gurarantee" on the bottom is upside down! It's very distracting, at least to me anyway.
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  • Profile picture of the author Letter$
    its short and simple and easy to read. looks all good to me, the only thing i would consider changing is the banner. either make it shorter so it doesnt stand out as much or change the colors. the tan parts look odd with the green background.
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    • Profile picture of the author ozduc
      One reason for your lack of conversions might be due to the fact that when I googled Brazilian Weight loss a lot of negative press came up. I am not saying it is directly related to your product but in the consumers mind just having a similar name would be enough to make them skeptical and perhaps nervous about even trying your product.
      This was from one post.
      "The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to use two unapproved drug products that are being marketed as dietary supplements for weight loss. The Brazilian Diet Pill and Herbathin Dietary Supplement may contain several active ingredients, including controlled substances, found in prescription drugs that could lead to serious side effects or injury."

      As for the landing page. I think it is well written but your choice of pictures don't say much about the pills. In fact the picture of the couple looks more like something that would be used on an ad for herpes treatment. Do you have any before and after shots of people that have used the product with success?
      Also some testimonials from those people as well would be a great addition.
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      • Profile picture of the author Oconnor1
        Originally Posted by ozduc View Post

        One reason for your lack of conversions might be due to the fact that when I googled Brazilian Weight loss a lot of negative press came up. I am not saying it is directly related to your product but in the consumers mind just having a similar name would be enough to make them skeptical and perhaps nervous about even trying your product.
        This was from one post.
        "The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to use two unapproved drug products that are being marketed as dietary supplements for weight loss. The Brazilian Diet Pill and Herbathin Dietary Supplement may contain several active ingredients, including controlled substances, found in prescription drugs that could lead to serious side effects or injury."

        As for the landing page. I think it is well written but your choice of pictures don't say much about the pills. In fact the picture of the couple looks more like something that would be used on an ad for herpes treatment. Do you have any before and after shots of people that have used the product with success?
        Also some testimonials from those people as well would be a great addition.
        I don't know how I missed that on the negatives from Brazilian Weight Loss. It is actually a fairly widely searched term. Unfortunately, I had nothing to do with choosing the name and the product formula uses all natural ingredients and doesn't really have anything to do with Brazil.

        We do have some great testimonials that should be up by the end of the week. We decided to post the page before we had them all just to get a feel for everything and we might have jumped the gun a bit.

        Thanks for your comments!
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  • Profile picture of the author summerm
    I'll be blunt with my criticism, hoping it will help you.

    I think your copy fails.

    Your landing page doesn't offer any kind of credibility. No testimonials or anything, to at least put someone in a believing mindset. Just some claims about some small scientific lab called APL that your friend supposedly has-- but you listed nothing they produced that might be recognizable, and didn't link to them or anything. If this is such a miracle breakthrough, why hasn't it been picked up in major channels? Why aren't there any press releases or anything?

    Besides, what does chocolate mint have to do with Brazil? There is absolutely no tie in I noticed to Brazil. It's pretty weird to claim that this product was developed in some lab, and then slap on the Brazilian tag and show Brazilian-looking models, as though there is some tie-in to some ancient Brazilian secret. Do they even use this in Brazil?

    And why is your product able to work in 3 minutes whereas the mainstream products take 30 minutes? You offer nothing that would make someone believe it. Even though a lay person doesn't understand much science, you still need to provide a lay person simplification of the science that makes this work. And prove that it is safe.

    Beautiful page, but confusing and suspicious.
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    • Profile picture of the author Oconnor1
      Originally Posted by summerm View Post

      I'll be blunt with my criticism, hoping it will help you.

      I think your copy fails.

      Your landing page doesn't offer any kind of credibility. No testimonials or anything, to at least put someone in a believing mindset. Just some claims about some small scientific lab called APL that your friend supposedly has-- but you listed nothing they produced that might be recognizable, and didn't link to them or anything. If this is such a miracle breakthrough, why hasn't it been picked up in major channels? Why aren't there any press releases or anything?

      Besides, what does chocolate mint have to do with Brazil? There is absolutely no tie in I noticed to Brazil. It's pretty weird to claim that this product was developed in some lab, and then slap on the Brazilian tag and show Brazilian-looking models, as though there is some tie-in to some ancient Brazilian secret. Do they even use this in Brazil?

      And why is your product able to work in 3 minutes whereas the mainstream products take 30 minutes? You offer nothing that would make someone believe it. Even though a lay person doesn't understand much science, you still need to provide a lay person simplification of the science that makes this work. And prove that it is safe.

      Beautiful page, but confusing and suspicious.

      Thank you for your response I appreciate the forward nature and I think your criticism is on point.

      We do have 4 good testimonials going up on the page by the end of the week and I think I might pause the ads we have going until we have the testimonials and to re-work the copy.

      I didn't link to the company or add that much info about the science because I thought once I got the people to the landing page I didn't want to distract them. We do explain that it works faster by dissolving into the mucus membrane which allows it to go directly into the bloodstream but we should hammer that point home and be more specific.

      I did not have any control over the name and in reality it doesn't really have anything to do with Brazil. The company APL does have a good history with raw multi-vitamins, high grade whey proteins and some other things but they are a small company. It's not on mainstream channels because we are just trying to test it out right now.

      You gave me a lot to work on/think about, thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author scrofford
    Short and simple...You need to put your opt in on the first page...Not at the bottom...That might mean changing a lot of things but that's what you need to do to capture traffic and build a list. What is the purpose of your site? Is it to sell product or capture names and emails to build a list?
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  • Profile picture of the author Oconnor1
    First off, I just wanted to thank everyone for all the great feedback. Every single person who posted had a really great comment and brought up issues I am actively reviewing right now.
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