Critique My Sales Page!

16 years ago

OK, just a quick look tells me the page is lacking quite a alot:

NO PROOF (need to get some evidence of YOUR success)
No Testimonials (need evidence of OTHERS success)
NO USP (what makes YOUR method special?)
NO SAMPLE SITES (Show me a little taste of how this looks)
NO GUARANTEE
NO Price justifications. $299 then $199 then $49???
(Not credible unless buyer believes it was worth $299)
NO reason why you are an expert.
Also, I don;t think the 'VIDEO' that basically says "don;t watch this video" works for this AT ALL.
(Its completely contradictory to what you want them to buy - a course on VIDEOS.)

I would work on those factors before I started worrying about graphics.

(All comments were made to be constructive.)
_______
Bruce

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Andy Money 16 years ago

Thanks a lot! USP = unique selling point..?
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Bruce NewMedia

16 years ago

Yes, USP is UNIQUE SELLING PROPOSITION. So, another words what sets this method of using video sharing sites apart from all the other methods or techniques?
______
Bruce

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Peter Bestel

16 years ago

Just one thing before I go to bed.

Your top graphic could be compressed a lot more. Running it through Fireworks and saving it as a jpeg should get it down below 50kb.

Just a wee thought.

Other than that, what Bruce said!

Peter

Edit: In fact, here you go

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Jose Delgado

16 years ago

I think a longer salesletter will work better.

The one you have right now just doesn't seem normal.

Also, when I click the order button,

It said I had to pay $17 for shipping bringing it to a total of $63 (or something like that)

Are you shipping something?

EDIT: I know video is the way to go these days BUT the one you have, Isn't going to do any good.

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dt1968 16 years ago

I would hire a copywriter for your sales page.

Also, using different fonts throughout your sales
page doesn't look very good.

And since you are supposed to be the video
marketer pro, having a professional looking video
at the top of your sales page instead of the video
you have there now would give you more credibility.

Good luck!

Cheers,
Dr. Daniel
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- Andy Money 16 years ago
  
  Excellent! Working on all of these tips 8) thanks!
  
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Andy Money

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Jose Delgado

I think a longer salesletter will work better.

The one you have right now just doesn't seem normal.

Also, when I click the order button,

It said I had to pay $17 for shipping bringing it to a total of $63 (or something like that)

Are you shipping something?

EDIT: I know video is the way to go these days BUT the one you have, Isn't going to do any good.

Fixed this, someone else pointed it out too, thanks!

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pjs 16 years ago

brucerby hit a lot of points. I'll add a few onto that.

Someone already recommended hiring a copywriter, that's a good idea. If you can't do that right now, then at least study up a bit. Get rid of words like "Learn" from your copy. Use "Discover" or "Find" instead.

I would recommend Hypnotic Writing by Joe Vitale or The Ultimate Sales Letter by Dan Kennedy. If you want a free resource, check out this GOLDMINE:

The Gary Halbert Letter

Also, your bullet points are not aligned. Try adding them in a <ul><li> structure instead of the way they are now. It will make your points more organized.

Also, that sales letter is very short for the price you are charging. It's very hard to convince someone to shell out $49 with less than 500 words of copy

Peter
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J. Barry Mandel

16 years ago

Isn't it about what will bring in the most sales and not doing what YOU want?

Why not just write it the length that will convert the highest number of visitors into customers?

Originally Posted by mrsleep99

I don't really want a huge long sales letter, so that is why I didn't use one.

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GeorgeWhitaker

16 years ago

Your salesletter is too short and is just not convincing enough. At the beginning, you might want to include a section where you connect with your audience more. The headlines and benefits needs a little more punch. Try making your headline appear more attractive by capitalizing the first letter of every word. Also, the second sentence of the headline could use some refinement to make it flow better.

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Andy Money 16 years ago

Awesome points, taking care of all of these right now. I guess I always have a bad reaction to long copy, so I just wanted to list the benefits and get it over with as soon as possible. I think I have a few copy ebooks stashed away somewhere I'm going to look at now.
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J. Barry Mandel

16 years ago

Now that I looked at your sales letter you lose credibility with statements like this:

"This course is PRICELESS considering you can use it to make thousands upon thousands of dollars in your niche or any niche."

How can something be 'PRICESLESS' if someone can only make thousands upon thousands of dollars in your niche or any niche?"

If you could make even a billion dollars with it it still wouldn't be priceless, right?

Also whoever posted the above comment about the video is right on.

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Andy Money 16 years ago

Yeah I'll fix that too, haha most useful thread of my life . The thing about the video is that this product actually has very little to do with whatever the video itself is, so it made sense that it would work in this case. Although, obviously, the user doesn't know this so I'm getting this fixed .
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Don Schenk

16 years ago

If it is about video, why would you show an image of film in the header and footer (along with an image of a fellow using an old movie camera)? That should be video tape and a video camera!

As others have mentioned, letter length should be determined by what works and not the length you or I want.

Discover how to use a secondary readership path in your letters for people who are skimmers and like a shorter letter. You do this with bold subheads and/or pull quotes every few paragraphs, and with underlining words you want your skimmers to read.

A visual path through the subheads and underlined words should give almost the entire meaning of the letter. If readers then want the added information given by a long letter they can go back and reread it all.

Emulate the style of successful salesletters. That is why we all keep swipe files and packrat away as many successful ads as possible.

:-Don

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Andy Money 16 years ago

Originally Posted by Don Schenk

Emulate the style of successful salesletters. That is why we all keep swipe files and packrat away as many successful ads as possible.

:-Don

Exactly what I'm doing right now, thanks a lot!
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- Seattle Mike 16 years ago
  
  I would want to know how many videos I am going to get and what each one is going to teach me. How meaty are your written materials- more details about what I will get.
  
  Am I going to be able to instantly download the materials?
  
  Are you reachable if I have questions?
  
  Right now I see an ebook image and a dvd image but for some reason that isn't enough to get me to buy.
  
  Tell me some case studies results using what you are teaching.
  
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Critique My Sales Page!

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