Care to critique my landing page? (non-IM)

did you just say your landing page is ONLY converting at 28%?

I'm gonna guess by converting.. you mean opt in rate cuz if 28% of the people that come to your site end up BUYING.. then you are killing it. lol

Anyways.. you're in luck. Squeeze page design / copy is one of my forte's and I've released alot of courses on it in the past..

So let's begin.

#1. Right now you have waay too much clutter.

You got things going down the top.. going down the left column.. and in the middle..

Your opt in page needs to be FOCUSED.. Get rid of all that stuff on the left.. that way people's eyes won't wonder.. Keep it focused in one direction.. (top to bottom)

#2. Headline. Your headline is weak.
Free Dog Training Info...(and dog food)


While yes. Free dog food sounds cool and so does free dog training.. that's probably not what people are looking for..

Your headline IS the most important element on your page.. so you have to speak to the MOST important benefit.. and prove you have the solution to people's GREATEST problems.. and do it as FAST as humanly possible.

Here is a squeeze page I did for a webinar I did not to long ago.. Now I realize that this is a VIDEO opt in page.. so it's a little bit different.. but the CORE elements that caused this page to KILL it.. are the SAME that would help your page to kill it.

FREE Webinar Reveals How I made $965 In Just 1 Day Online!

1.) notice how simple/clean this page is?
2.) use of eye direction.. there is NOT things on the left/right etc. to distract people.. I even used ARROWS to point people where they need to go.

3.) this is the MAIN point I wanted to hit on.. the Headline smacked people in the face with the BIGGEST benefit that they were looking for..
I knew that my target market was struggling to make their first few bucks online.. and they wanted to do it quickly..

So my headline nailed right on that.. with

"Discover How I made $965 Cash Online.. With No List, No product, No articles, etc."

So your headline needs to do the same and NAIL on the biggest benefits that people are looking for.

EXAMPLE:

"FREE Report Reveals the #1 Secret to Quickly Stop Your Dog From Mis-Behaving!"

"Top Secret Report Uncovers The Idiot-Proof Formula To Get Your Dog Under Control - In Just 3 Days!"

"Renegade Ex-Dog Trainer Exposes the Simple 3 Step Process to Get Your Pooch Acting Like A Show Dog - Without Having to Spend A Penny On Expensive Trainers"


#3. You need to give them something Clear/Tangible:

By quickly looking at this page.. I have NO idea what I'm getting if I give you my email address.. It says I get a 'newsletter'. Yuck!
I hate newsletters.. and I know most people do too.

When I hear the word newsletter.. I think of junk mail at the post office, or spam in my inbox..

So this is where having a picture of the item they get for opting in works wonders!

For example.. Here's another squeeze page I did a while back that worked PHENOMANALLY for me. I was getting 60-70% opt in rate..

What Causes Adult Acne? Find Out Exactly What Causes Pimples,* Acne, Blackheads, & Zits In The Acne Free Guide!

If you notice.. It's REAL clear what people get when they opt in... There's a picture of the 'acne free guide' right next to the opt in form.

So depending on what you're giving away.. it's a great idea to have a sneak peak of the product that they get.. if you're giving away a video.. show them a thumbnail of it.. If you're giving away a report.. show a report picture..

If it's an e-book.. get an e-book cover designed.. You get the idea.


#4. YOUR OFFER

The #1 biggest reason why opt in pages fail is because of the OFFER.. you gotta ask yourself.. is what you're giving away what people want?

And the best way to find out which offer works best is to split test it!
Test tons of different offers against each other..

Now, I will say, that I think the 'free dog food offer is a great one!'
And if you want to find out if that's really what people are looking for..

Make a specific opt in form that targets 100% on that..

Say something like..

"Free Report Reveals a Sneaky Little Trick To Get Free Dog Food For a Year - Legally!"

then have a picture of the report.. say a few things on it.. have the opt in form there.. call it a day.. and see how it does.


Now.. I will say this: Offers that have worked really well for me are -
giving people free videos.. so maybe try a different offer.. give people a free 15 minute video on _______ if they opt in... See how that does.



#5. Your offer is NOT specific enough.

You have got to be SPECIFIC.. If you are teaching people how to make money online.. You don't tell them that they can make TONS of money online.. or that they can make a boatload.. Nah.. You be EXACT..

Because when you're exact about things.. It tells them that there is much greater certainty of it.. and now they know the exact key benefit that they are going to receive..

Things like ' a dog training e-book that explains how to get your dog under control '... that sucks.

because I have no idea what that means.. what if all I was looking for was to get my dog to stop barking.. in my mind.. your wording makes me think that I am gonna have to dig thru tons of useless content that I don't want to read.. just to find the 1 gold nugget that I'm looking for.

Unspecific things express 'work' in people's minds.. people hate work. work = hard. so people stay away.

So instead.. be SPECIFIC.. tell them EXACTLY what they are going to get..

Things like:

"Free 15 Minute Video Reveals the 7 Secrets to Stop Dog Barking in Just 3 Days..."

see how specific that is? it tells them exactly how long the video is.. it tells them exactly how many secrets there are.. and it tells them how quickly they can stop dog barking ( 3 days ).

Those are ALL specifics... You need to use specifics in your page



#6. Stay FOCUSED.

I already said this.. but I'mma say it again

"Sign up for our free email newsletter and learn all of the tricks to get your dog under control! See below for just some of the information covered. Plus, I regularly post videos to help show things that need to be seen to be understood (like teaching tricks). So sign up now, confirm your subscription, and enjoy! (Plus learn how the free dog food for a year works) -Jake Taryan (and Panna)"

In the first few sentences on your opt in page.. you tell me that if I sign up I get:

1. a free email newsletter (where I learn to "keep my dog under control" - see how vague that is?)

2. Tons of videos (that do unspecific stuff)

3. Learn how the free dog food for a year (what tells me this? how do I learn this? where?)

You need to keep your opt in pages FOCUSED..
Focus on just 1 of those items... like I mentioned earlier.. and scratch the rest... Lack of focus = clutter in people's minds = confusion = pain/struggle/hard work = leave instantly.

examples of a better offer.

'Free Video Reveals the #1 Secret to Stop Dog Digging" ..

Insert your email address to the box on the right for your FREE 13 minute
video which exposes the 7 Deadly Secrets to Instantly Stop Your Dog from Digging holes!"

#7. Opt-In Form Position..

Generally speaking, you ALWAYS want your opt in form in the TOP-Right position.. in the upper fold.

I've tested this pretty unrelentlessly and my numbers have always proved this. Right now Your opt in form is in the lower middle of the screen (yikes)

Look at the Hottest converting CPA offers.. Or check out the top gurus opt in pages.. and you'll notice they ALL obey this rule.. they do it for a reason it works!

Again, feel free to check back on any of my pages..

Like this muscle building one I had done..

Top 10 Muscle Building Programs Revealed!

What Causes Adult Acne? Find Out Exactly What Causes Pimples,* Acne, Blackheads, & Zits In The Acne Free Guide!

Traffic Dynasty | Premier Internet Marketing Community

Or the webinar one...

FREE Webinar Reveals How I made $965 In Just 1 Day Online!

Opt in form.. Top right

(Yes. there's always the exception.. Andrew Fox used this one, that I'm sure you may have seen before... -)

Warning!

It's had a pretty solid opt in rate.. but keep in mind.. his market is internet marketers.. and they are savvy.. so most have no problem scrolling down for the opt-in form..

Most markets aren't going to respond as well to it.. So again, only testing will tell.. But I can tell ya that almost all my testing has concluded.. Opt in form.. top right

#8. Why is a picture of the dog there?
What is that doing for people? ( I know. it's a good looking dog. lol)
But you gotta think in terms of the user..

The picture of the dog is in the middle of VALUABLE prime real estate.. and it's serving ZERO purpose.


There ya go. Now you're a pro

I wish I could add anything to what Jarrett said but I can't.

Great critique Jarrett!

-Ray Edwards

I can't say what you should do (It's too long ) so I'll redesign this page for you

EDIT: The reason I'm doing this is because if I were you I'd create this totally different from how you did it

Good gracious, I feel like I owe you money Jarrett :-p. I mean my opt-in rate, I'm used to around 48%, but I'm in a new field, so... anyway. Definitely going to go back through it and make a ton of changes. 2 questions for you, since you're a ninja for squeeze pages:
1. Is there a simple way to rotate 2-3 squeeze pages to split test?
2. Does a video squeeze page convert better? I was considering doing it, but was told that since videos take longer to load, it decreased opt-ins.

Thanks again so much for your help, I appreciate it greatly!

The idea of the dog picture is that they'll see a person/pet, not just some random page. More importantly, it shows why you don't design your pages at 1 am :-p But I'll scratch it

Sean -

For split testing you can use:

1. prosper202 / tracking202 (free)
Tracking202 Gateway

2. Google Website Optimizer (free)
Website Optimizer - Google

3. AffiliateProphet, ABsplittesting ( Improve Online Conversion with Split Testing Pro Software )
or just google for 'split testing programs' and see what pops up.

4. On whether video squeeze pages convert better or not.. That's debatable..
and I'm sure there's already been 1,000s of people who have beat that horse to death
here already. lol

Again.. it comes back to just testing it and see what works best for you.
More importantly than 'video or no video' is your offer/angle..

So find out exactly what people Want and what angle works best..
(do people want a free video.. do people want to receive free dog food.. would people rather learn the secret to stop dog barking.. or to stop digging.. etc.)

Test those stuff first. then play around with video / no video

Video squeeze pages like:
http://www.dentistworkshop.com/
FREE Webinar Reveals How I made $965 In Just 1 Day Online!

have worked great for me.. but video is my thing.. so it's not to say those exact same styles may work great for you.

The other approach you can try testing is the 'sneak preview video thumb style'..
Same one that all the gurus been using these days.. where you click the picture of the video thumbnail.. and it tells ya to sign up before you can watch it..


And as far as the dog picture.. I completely understand where you're coming from.. But reason why I said to scratch it.. Is it's right smack dab in one of the most valuable positions.. and it's also not really doing anything for ya... If you're gonna use a picture on your page.. Use a picture of something that's in it For them.. (such as a picture of the ebook, etc.) or their greatest desired result.

One thing you gotta remember with squeeze pages... is 'less is more'.
When going through everything on your page.. ask yourself 'is this element 100% necessary and does it drive home my biggest benefit?'

if the answer is no. toss it. and more often then not.. you'll be better off

And if you start off your page with something like: "Attention all dog owners with Rebellious Pets!.."

they are gonna know it's not just some random page and that it's targeted towards them.. on that alone

Well it only gets very very targeted traffic (articles from long tail keywords) so I know it can convert better. As far as photoshop, do you mean to make a header graphic or an entire background? I think my problem is that I'm so used to writing sales letters, I just put too much on *sigh* Sounds like it's time to get out the pruning shears and redesign :-D Thanks again to everyone helping!

You can also use your autoresponder forms for tracking conversion rates, just create new forms for new landing pages