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Critique request- input needed

by michaelv03
10 replies
Hi,

I have just finished my first direct response long form sales page for a friend of mine. It is not yet finished as it has hardly any graphics. I think the copy is quite good, but I will let you all be the judge of it.
Please. please take a minute to have a look at it and let me know which areas still suck and need improvement.

(It will not let me post the url as I am new here.)


It is britishaccent d o t co d o t uk
#critique #input #needed #request
  • Profile picture of the author Sandra Martinez
    Hi Michael,

    just had a look at it. There are some brilliant copywriters around that might give you better advice, but here are my 2 cents...

    I don't love the way you are showing you don't know who your customer is... you are targeting two VERY different markets here with the same sales letter, and spreading yourself too thin doing it.

    so your markets are:
    • American actors trying to pick up the accent.
    • People living in UK, who have discrimination issues because of the accent. or at least, they feel they would do better by blending.

    you just can't create the right emotional flow for people so different...

    why don't you make 2 different sales letters? targeting each market, and microniche the product?

    it will make online promotion a lot easier too.

    Sandra
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    • Profile picture of the author edd666666
      Hi, you might consider adding a video such as I have on my sales letter: The Conduct KNOCKOUT Broadcast Interviews System OK Good luck, Ed.
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      • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
        [quote=edd666666;2303204]Hi, you might consider adding a video such as I have on my sales letter...


        A video (with testimonials for example) is definitely on my to do list. Thanks!!
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    • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
      Originally Posted by Sandra Martinez View Post

      Hi Michael,

      just had a look at it. There are some brilliant copywriters around that might give you better advice, but here are my 2 cents...

      I don't love the way you are showing you don't know who your customer is... you are targeting two VERY different markets here with the same sales letter, and spreading yourself too thin doing it.

      so your markets are:
      • American actors trying to pick up the accent.
      • People living in UK, who have discrimination issues because of the accent. or at least, they feel they would do better by blending.
      you just can't create the right emotional flow for people so different...

      why don't you make 2 different sales letters? targeting each market, and microniche the product?

      it will make online promotion a lot easier too.

      Sandra

      Hello Sandra,

      That is very solid advice indeed. You are absolutely right and I will make these changes. Thanks very much :-)
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      • Profile picture of the author Sandra Martinez
        Originally Posted by michaelv03 View Post

        Hello Sandra,

        That is very solid advice indeed. You are absolutely right and I will make these changes. Thanks very much :-)
        Anytime
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      • Profile picture of the author Daniel_James_Warburton
        Google site optimiser comes to mind, could be useful to just focus on the market that seems to convert more for now. Then once conversions are maxed and the sales start dropping slightly, diversify into the other market to boost it up a little (repeating the process).

        Just a thought of what i'd do, but I'm new to IM, so it could be a load of rubbish.

        Any thoughts?
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        • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
          Originally Posted by Daniel_James_Warburton View Post

          Google site optimiser comes to mind, could be useful to just focus on the market that seems to convert more for now. Then once conversions are maxed and the sales start dropping slightly, diversify into the other market to boost it up a little (repeating the process).

          Just a thought of what i'd do, but I'm new to IM, so it could be a load of rubbish.

          Any thoughts?
          Hi Daniel,
          Thanks. That sounds interesting. I would like to see what other members think about this idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author jennypitts
    OK... This may seem a little harsh but I learned things the hard way... Therefore I try to give advice so that people can tweak things here and there and manage accordingly.

    First off, the sales page seems kind of dull and unattractive. With such a long copy you will want to add more pictures or graphics. Maybe even flashing or scrolling text. I also agree with Sandra that you need to concentrate on one target audience per sales copy. Remember that when people are doing business online, time=money. And when they have to spend too much time reading a long Ad Copy they simply do not bother reading too far.

    As far as Ad content is concerned I have to see it is pretty good and informative.
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    • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
      Originally Posted by jennypitts View Post

      OK... This may seem a little harsh but I learned things the hard way... Therefore I try to give advice so that people can tweak things here and there and manage accordingly.

      First off, the sales page seems kind of dull and unattractive. With such a long copy you will want to add more pictures or graphics. Maybe even flashing or scrolling text. I also agree with Sandra that you need to concentrate on one target audience per sales copy. Remember that when people are doing business online, time=money. And when they have to spend too much time reading a long Ad Copy they simply do not bother reading too far.

      As far as Ad content is concerned I have to see it is pretty good and informative.
      Thank you very much. Yes, they site is still a works in progress and graphics are badly needed.
      I often wonder if I should make the copy much shorter. But i kept reading that 'long form sales pages are the way forward' etc. I am almost absolutely sure that the vast majority of people never read the whole page anyway, regardless which product any long form sales letter sells. Normally people skim, scan, read a bit here and there and want to see how much it costs. So, apart from graphics, maybe I should shorten the copy as well? what do other members think? Thanks very much again for your input, I really appreciate it.
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  • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
    tHANKS AGAIN FOR ALL YOUR HELP!
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