How important is civility and courtesy to you?

[balsimon]

Hi everyone, on all continents and planets and to
transdimensional beings at Milliways (hint: the Restaurant
at the End of the Universe).

After reading various threads here, I want to ask
a question. But first some context:

I *can* swear just as well as anyone. I know all the words.
(Well, most anyway.) I probably can make up some you've
never heard but would consider swearing.

But I hate it when I use these words. I look at it as a
mark of personal failure. (And yes, I do "fail" on occasion.)

My question I guess, is this, and now that I'm asking, I'm
also setting it up as a poll.

Do courtesy and civility in this forum count with you? Or
do you take using swear words as a sign that someone
is somehow being more straight-up with you because he
or she doesn't care about whose sensitivities get annoyed?

Regards,
Bal

[John Rowe]

This post does not belong in the main forum.
It belongs in the off topic section (at best).

[balsimon]

If it belongs in the OT, then so be it. Seems relevant to me.
But I'm not overly experienced here yet. Apologies if this
was in fact out of line.

Bal

[Patrician]

I think we should be polite and kind whenever possible.

However, I always say I am a mirror. So if someone speaks rudely to me, that will be the same spirit I respond in.

I know it sounds petty, but it is the fastest way to shut up a bully. They only pick on victims and I imagine them with their mouth hanging open when you speak to them the same way they spoke to you.

In a forum situation however, (1) it may incite them so don't be honest if you can't take it; I might decide to hit the infraction button instead, and tell them off in the admin message instead of publically; (2) people will report you for being rude without mentioning the initial assault - another point for the infraction button.

Then there are those that think they can say anything as long as they follow it with 'LOL' - ha ha ha....

[balsimon]

Originally Posted by Patrician

However, I always say I am a mirror. So if someone speaks rudely to me, that will be the same spirit I respond in.

I know it sounds petty, but it is the fastest way to shut up a bully.

Hi Patricia,

Thanks. I do appreciate the spirit in which you commented,
but I have no interest in shutting up anyone - bully or friend.

I generally take bullying - especially in the context of a forum
like this - to mean that there's some underlying issue that
someone would like to address with me, but hasn't. If I tell
him or her (hir) to shut up, that can never happen. I'd rather go
through the discomfort of letting the person have hir say (I'd
also rather it be offline than in public, but that's not mandatory
either) and maybe working it out to a point of friendship, or
at least mutual tolerance if possible. And if not, well you can't
be everything to everybody.

That said...

It appears that at least some people found this thread relevant
enough to vote.

That, doesn't mean it's not off-topic, meaning maybe
John is correct and I was out of line in posting the thread
here, so I'm awaiting that verdict, but...

I've seen all kinds of wild threads in this forum. Don't
know why this one would get someone all riled up.

My only concern now is whether I've actually run afoul
of the rules. If not, then it's a free country; so everyone
gets their say - including those who don't much like me
(for whatever reason).

With this being an election season to beat all election
seasons; with polls being all the rage right now, why
should this poll not run its course?

So --- onward!

Kind Regards,
Bal

[JohnMcCabe]

Originally Posted by balsimon

Do courtesy and civility in this forum count with you? Or do you take using swear words as a sign that someone is somehow being more straight-up with you because he or she doesn't care about whose sensitivities get annoyed?

Regards,
Bal

Bal, I know all the words, too, some in multiple languages. And after more than a few trips around the sun, I think I've pretty much heard all the combinations.

For me, using the word that best conveys both meaning and feeling is the important thing. Cursing (or cussing) for the sake of it doesn't impress me. Neither does candy coating everything or mincing words lest someone, somewhere take offense.

I think the issue boils down to respect.

I've been in situations that the person I was dealing with was the textbook model of perfect decorum, yet I felt more disrespect and contempt from them than someone who cusses me out in a barroom argument.

It's far less about the words themselves than it is about intent.

[balsimon]

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

It's far less about the words themselves than it is about intent.

I agree with you John. Words are a factor, but not a necessarily
a determinative one.

I guess the way I started this thread could be taken to mean that
I EQUATE "bad words" with incivility, which I don't. I take them to
be a factor as I assess who I'm dealing with.

Thanks for the clarification.

Regards,
Bal