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Having trouble finding the right wording.

by Zabar
6 replies
I am planning a promotion but the wording just doesn't look right. My company has a registration fee of $100.00 that I want to keep in place. We currently credit back the fee if a client uses our service. What I would like to do is offer to give "Double" the registration fee back for clients that use us but the copy just does not look right to me.

This is what I have so far:

"For a limited time only, we are so sure that you will like our service, we are offering to give you double your registration fee credited back to you if you hire from us. You will receive a $200.00 credit toward your referral fee on hiring"

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
#finding #need advice #trouble #wording
  • Profile picture of the author Online Bliss
    Use the word "confident"
    instead of "so sure"

    delete the phrase "to give you" that is not needed.

    The whole "hire from us" and "referral fee on hiring" is confusing,
    I need more info regarding the business.
    Signature
    You've got it Made
    with the Guy in the Shades!
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    • Profile picture of the author cindybidar
      For a limited time only, we are so sure that you will like our service, we are offering to give you double your registration fee credited back to you
      This makes it sound like you're only sure I'll like the service right now. You might not be sure later. You need to switch the phrases around, like this:

      We are so sure you'll like our service that for a limited time only, we're offering to give you double...
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  • Profile picture of the author GoodnightSweetRatRace
    Originally Posted by Zabar View Post

    I am planning a promotion but the wording just doesn't look right. My company has a registration fee of $100.00 that I want to keep in place. We currently credit back the fee if a client uses our service. What I would like to do is offer to give "Double" the registration fee back for clients that use us but the copy just does not look right to me.

    This is what I have so far:

    "For a limited time only, we are so sure that you will like our service, we are offering to give you double your registration fee credited back to you if you hire from us. You will receive a $200.00 credit toward your referral fee on hiring"

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
    For a limited time only, we are so confident you will like our service, that we will credit back double your registration fee if you hire from us. You will receive a $200.00 credit toward your referral fee on hiring.
    Signature

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  • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Zabar
      I just want thank all of you for your advice and explanations. You have helped me greatly and I sincerely appreciate it.
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    credit back double your registration fee
    I think you might want to re-word this. I guess in context to the page it's on it might make sense but without this context it is not as clear as it could be.

    i.e. If you sign up before the 1st of August, we will give you twice the fee you spent registering with us as a credit to be used against any work you wish.
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