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Help - Am I looking for a mentor, a coach or just a friend?

by Daniel Deegan
13 replies
Hey fellow warriors, here we are in the new year and I have been thinking a lot about what I do right, what I do wrong and what holds me back the most in building my business. I realized I need somebody to help me out. But I'm not really sure what to classify the person I'm looking for.

I have enough skill & knowledge on what I need to do. I have a firm idea of what I want to do and what direction I want to head in. My problem however is self-doubt, sadness and not dealing with stress well.

These tend to affect my ability to focus. My situation is weird because everything I've tried or done in regards to business & marketing has worked well for me. The problem I normally run into is getting stuck at certain points in my process or not scaling things up once I have them working. I then beat my self up about the situation.

I tend to be really hard on myself and seem to focus on what I'm doing wrong or not doing instead of what I'm doing right. I do want to say that I have made some great progress in changing and reframing the way I think using various self-help materials.

The problem is that for every 2 steps forward I take one step back and this has been going on for a long time now. On the whole I'm glad that I'm moving forward, but there are days where I just get sad about it all.

This has caused a lot of problems at home. Over the years things have gone from making 3-4 figures in a day to being short on rent. This really hurts me inside because I have 2 young children and a wife who end up feeling the effects of all this on our quality of life. It's even almost caused us to split up on more than one occasion due to the stress. The thought of losing my family tears my soul from the seams of body.

So the last few days while trying to finish up on a project before the new year and having days where I get ton done and days where I'm not getting nearly enough done I started to ask myself...

(pardon the language)

"What the fu*k is wrong with me?"

After thinking about my situation a bit I realized I lack a certain kind support structure. It's a sad realization that I have no friends or anyone to talk to about business or personal things beside my wife. (Which is kind of why I'm talking about this all on the forum)

I screwed up over the years and pushed my friends away because I did not want them to see how much I changed due to health issues. I rather them remember how I was when I looked normal then see how I changed over time.

Doing that was foolish, I know...

So I sit here now wanting to connect with another person, someone who can chat with me just a few minutes maybe once or twice a day to help keep me on track and help me squash my self-doubts when they creep up.

To help take a proactive role in it all I’m trying to figure out if I need a coach or mentor of some sort. Obviously a friend would be nice, however finding a friend that gets along with me and actually likes me as a person and could help me with my dilemma seems like a tall order.

So my fellow warriors what are your thoughts? Any and all feedback is much appreciated.
#coach #friend #mentor
  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Originally Posted by Daniel Deegan View Post

    So my fellow warriors what are your thoughts?
    Well, first of all, you sound like me.

    What you're looking for is something often called an "accountability partner." When you work in an office doing a "real" job, there are other human beings who ask you about your work and how it's coming along. Without those other human beings, some people have no focus or productivity.

    So there's a tradition in certain work-at-home circles of finding someone to just have a quick chat with you every morning and evening; in the morning, you talk about what you're both going to do, and in the evening you talk about what you both did.

    Now that you have a name for it, maybe it will be easier to find.
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  • Profile picture of the author rockfuse
    wow, dont take it the wrong but have you ever thought about seeing a doctor about all this ? Sometimes talking to a shrink can help and there is nothing wrong with it . We all go through hard times in life and sometimes its good to speak to someone.

    My advice to you is maybe stick to one or two projects and develop them only . Work on one thing . Usually having when you have to many things going on all of them will suffer. I find it easier to make money from something really developed.

    Looking for something that everyone wants to buy when they look online and work on those things.

    What do you do ? what niche ? blogs ? ecommerce ? porn ?
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    • Profile picture of the author Greg guitar
      Originally Posted by rockfuse View Post

      wow, dont take it the wrong but have you ever thought about seeing a doctor about all this ? Sometimes talking to a shrink can help and there is nothing wrong with it . We all go through hard times in life and sometimes its good to speak to someone.
      Talking to a therapist is not a bad idea-if you have the money, and choose very carefully. The OP indicated that he has almost lost his family for lack of cash, so I doubt this is a good time to seek out a "shrink", putting even more financial pressure on himself.

      There is nothing in his post to indicate that he has a disease, which is what doctors are supposed to treat.

      When you say "shrink", that usually means psychiatrist, and those are usually very dangerous, since for the last couple decades at least, the main thrust of psychiatry has been to match a chemical solution to every human challenge after concocting a disease name for it, such as "seasonal affective disorder" (for the winter blues), or ADD (for any kid that has energy and can't easily be made to sit still for hours), etc. The minute you feel depressed (a very normal response to certain life events, and a temporary state that can recede with human attention), they get out the prescription pad.

      I think the OP has it right. He needs/wants some combination of one or more of these: friend/coach/mentor. Nothing he needs to make a doctor appointment for, and this forum has plenty of great people willing to help a fellow Warrior, so his approach of honestly describing his problems here and asking for help is exactly right.
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      • Profile picture of the author angela99
        Daniel, why not start a Mastermind group -- a self-help group for affiliate marketers?

        An online group is OK, but an offline group, where you meet once a week for an hour or two over coffee or lunch, is better.

        Re "My problem however is self-doubt, sadness and not dealing with stress well."

        Here's how to handle stress:

        1. Start an exercise program. Work up a sweat once a day. Walking is therapeutic and it's free. (I take a digital recorder with me on my walks; I always get a flood of ideas.)

        Exercise eliminates stress hormones from your system. It really works. I've heard that it helps with depression too.

        Exercise for half an hour a day. No excuses. Get up earlier. :-)

        2. Get some relaxation CDs, and use them. You can't be stressed when you're completely physically relaxed.

        3. (Optional, but useful.) See a hypnotherapist. Learn self-hypnosis. It's a very effective tool in helping you to meet your goals.

        4. Eat well. Eliminate junk food as much as possible. Cooking is therapeutic too.

        Have a great 2011. :-)
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        • Profile picture of the author Wayne M.
          perhaps an outlet , as well as a new market, for you is to do a daily blog of the trials & triumphs of an IMer...
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  • Profile picture of the author Greg guitar
    It's great you're reaching out, and being so honest-takes a lot of guts to do that.

    I agree with CDarklok that part of what you need is an accountability partner. You may also need something more-like you said a friend or mentor, or coach. Keep reaching out here-this is a great place to find both. I'm going to send you a PM. I could use another accountability partner too.
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  • Profile picture of the author vishalduggal
    Same with me. I think we all need a mentor who can teach us where we are doing wrong.
    Warrior forums need a new section called "Help Me" where people help each other as a mentor and student.
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  • Profile picture of the author ameerulislam10
    My situation is somewhat similar to your as well. I'm also very frustrated. But I'm not losing hope. Actually that is what I'm living with in fact that is what most of us do live with. When there is no hope you are dead. Have you heard of the saying " waiting for goro" ? Sort of that.
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  • Profile picture of the author Beatrice
    But I'm not really sure what to classify the person I'm looking for. I have no friends or anyone to talk to about business or personal things beside my wife.
    Hello and Happy New Year!

    What you need is a good mentor, someone who will explain things clearly and help you to understand how everything works. You also need to acquire essential internet marketing skills. There are tons of courses available online (some are even free like The Challenge). I can recommend you an excellent mentor (see my signature link).

    Also, count your blessings, you have your wife to talk to so you are not alone!
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  • Profile picture of the author 987412365
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by 987412365 View Post

      hope i can be your friend. lo... sincerely
      That is out of order.

      This guy needs genuine help and all you're doing is spamming the forum trying to get people to buy your NFL stuff and post silly one liners.

      If you want to spam this forum that's your choice but don't come in here and offer your hand of friendship when you have no intention of giving it. Thats a disgrace.

      EDIT; And now 987412365 has been banned.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    Hey Daniel,

    It's great that you're able to communicate this on a public forum.

    If you have Skype - I'm happy to be there for you whenever I can.

    Look me up and let's have a chat.

    Andy
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    nothing to see here.

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  • Profile picture of the author paulie888
    Daniel, I think what you need are accountability partners and/or a mastermind of like-minded people. Something like this could be started very easily on Skype, and I don't think you'd have any shortage of people here who'd like to have some kind of group mastermind.
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      I'm very sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time sir.

      Having an illness and worrying about losing your good lady and kids is a lot of stress. If it's any help I have good days and days I find it hard to get motivated.

      The fact your income has come down is also a worry for you. I do agree with Caliban on this, that you could do with the accountability partner. I'm not sure you need a mentor if you've been at the point of earning 3-4 figures a day. That's very good indeed.

      It may also help to speak to a therapist or similar too. Just to let it off your chest as you have here and have someone professional, that may be able to offer suggestions. Don't be worried about doing that. It really is a very normal thing to do. Feel free to PM me. I can't be there twice a day or sometimes even daily but I'd be happy to help out anyway I can.
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