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Redesigned My Headline and Learned a Thing or Two As Well

by Chris The Traffic Blogger
8 replies
First off, I want to say thank you to the warriors who have been pm'ing me with ideas for how I can improve the headline at the top of my pitch page.

Here is what I'm going to stick with for the time being, and please look at the gradual improvement overtime for these various pitch page headlines:

First Shot:
http://www.20kleveling.com/images/newfront.jpg

Second Shot:
http://www.20kleveling.com/images/newfont2.jpg

Third Shot:
http://www.20kleveling.com/images/newfront2.jpg

Current One:
http://www.20kleveling.com/images/newfront3.jpg

Do you notice the difference between the first 3 and the final one?

In the final one, I'm focused solely on getting the reader's attention, not on selling the actual product itself. In all the others my focus is on trying to sell them immediately from the get go. The two lines below the main headline actually appear below the fold, so they are technically the start of the pitch itself.

Hopefully this kind of headline will increase sales, not that I was doing poorly but I would like to increase conversions by around 5%.

It took me a while to force myself to stop trying to sell the description of the product instead of the benefits of it. Learning to write compelling headlines are part of this process.
#headline #learned #redesigned #thing
  • Profile picture of the author TomVa
    Good look on this buddy!
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  • Profile picture of the author LukeH
    Humans love buying

    Hate being sold to

    So you are on the right track!
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  • Profile picture of the author moralde
    ...focus on getting the reader's attention, not on selling the actual product itself

    ...stop trying to sell the description of the product instead of the benefits of it.

    ...Humans love buying...Hate being sold to...


    All very sensible ideas.
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  • Profile picture of the author Karan Goel
    Okay. Good choice of font. But by the time I completed reading your headline, it was time for lunch, so I closed the window and went. And there went your prospect.

    Lesson: Keep the headline short, and crisp!

    Karan
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    • Profile picture of the author WillR
      Originally Posted by Karan Goel View Post

      Okay. Good choice of font. But by the time I completed reading your headline, it was time for lunch, so I closed the window and went. And there went your prospect.

      Lesson: Keep the headline short, and crisp!

      Karan
      I don't agree with this at all.

      The reason you would have closed the window is simply because the headline was of no interest to you - you are not looking to get more Gold in WOW. There is no standard rule for how long or short a headline can be. Just like with a sales page, some can be 2 pages long, some can be 20 pages long. You should use as many or as little words as it takes to get your message across in the most simplest and direct way.

      I do agree that the headline could probably be broken up a little better like below. But once again it is something that would need to be tested.

      "WoW Millionaire Reveals The
      Exact Secret Tactics He Used To Go
      From 0 to 1,000,000 Gold..."


      Without Using Hacks & Without Getting Banned
      Signature

      .


      .

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      • Profile picture of the author Chris The Traffic Blogger
        Although my niche is not the "make money online" niche, there are quite a few similarities between the two.

        I'm making around 10-15 sales per day as it is, but I want to make affiliates more sales and to do that I need to improve my pitch page.

        The trick is getting people who are expecting to see a scam to understand that I'm not. It isn't easy!!!

        That's why I was trying to sell the benefits instead of just pitching the end result like I should have been doing.
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  • Profile picture of the author wcmylife
    Chris - you might get a better response and more ideas if you post this in the Copywriting Section as you have quite a few senior copywriters around. You may want to check out my WSO - in my signature which gives you a run down with the different headlines when compared to my Hypnotic Headlines - couple of short videos at the bottom - in the comments section as well. If you want to test a Hypnotic Headline - do let me know. Cheers
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    Hypnotic Headlines - Higher Conversions

    e-Mail: hypnoticheadlines@gmail.com
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