Critiques required please.

Hi Bladerunner,

Just had a quick look and a couple of things jumped out at me. The big blocks of both italic and capitalized text are hard to read. Also I'd centre the second "buy now" button. The one after the installation price.

There were also a couple of typos slipped through:
After the yellow highlighting at the top you might want to capitalize the "files"
In the second paragraph of the main body you've got "loosing" rather than "losing"
In the final paragraph it should say "SEND AN EMAIL" instead of "SEND AND EMAIL"

Hell, I really should get out more :-)

Good luck with your product!

Nigel

Thanks Nigel i'm on it.

I'd suggest making the background a darker color, so the table with your text would stand out more. Everything looks a bit too bright to me.

I'd also strongly suggest getting some testimonials even if it means giving your software away to a few people for free. Makes a big difference

Matt

Hey Blade-

Not a bad attempt if this is your first try. Copy for sales pages is a very tricky thing to learn. Understanding the psychology of why people buy and how to push the buying triggers is no simple task, and is only learned by studying, testing and refining...

With that said, here are just a few quick suggestions I have. It's about 5:30AM here in Pennsylvania and I'm running on little sleep trying to fight a cold, so these are just quick observations...

Fade the Product Protector background (sort of like a water mark). It distracts the reader's attention the way it is now.

Make the copy area a little wider (stretch your main table and make it wider). This will give you more room to make the font bigger (like Tahoma 12 point) and 1 1/2 spacing. You're text is small and crammed and hard to read. Make it easy on your reader's eyes.

Delete the "protection for products, product protection ... from the top of the page. Not sure why it's there but it's out of place.

Move "Stealing Software" the to top of page before the product image. This should be your lead in.

Make your heading more compelling to grab the readers attention. You only have about 5-7 seconds to convince them to keep reading. Something like:

"You Could Be Losing Thousands Of Dollars In Sales And You Don't Even Know It!"

"Internet Scandal Exposed: Google Is Helping Pirates Steal Your Software!

"How I Stopped Internet Thieves Dead In Their Tracks And Recovered Thousands Of Dollars In Sales. And Now I'm Sharing My Secret With You!"

Those are really rough off the top of my head, but I think you get the picture. Give me a REALLY compelling reason to keep reading and create a little curiosity.

Then use the "Thousands of dollars worth..." as your sub headline

The copy is on the right track, but make it more compelling. People buy on emotion, not logic. You're on target with the fear of loss (commissions or sales) but make it really connect with me emotionally. Tell me a more compelling story, and make each paragraph short and lead to the next one. Use connecting phrases like:

Every day thousands of products are stolen on the Internet costing tens of thousands of dollars in lost sales or commissions.

How does this happen?

The "how does this happen" causes you to want to keep reading to find out. Use phrases and sentences that cause the visitor to keep reading down the page. Then hit home on the BENEFITS, not the FEATURES of the product. What's the end result and why should I care?

Don't capitalize every letter when you're writing copy for a whole sentence. It's like shouting in a chat room and will just annoy your reader.

You point out your USP (unique selling proposition) by comparing with other products on the market, but tell me more why your product is better (especially that it works not just on ClickBank, etc.)

Scrap the "it's free, you can try to steal it, but I'll sell it if you don't want to bother to try to steal it" approach. Either it's free or you're going to charge. Anything else is confusing and doesn't make sense. I'd also price it slightly higher at around $27 or $37 (especially because other products are similarly priced and sell) and offer custom installation on an upsell page (which you can easily outsource if you don't want to do it yourself). Or, add the installation as a free bonus.

Find some PLR or resell products that you can include as free bonuses. Folks love free stuff and it adds to the perceived value of the product.

Change your pay button from the generic PayPal to a custom button. PayPal allows you to create a custom button using graphics from your site. Use a picture of the product itself w/ a credit card logo underneath or have someone create a graphic for you (again, you can outsource this cheaply).

Make the last picture of the product much, much smaller than what you have at the bottom of the page. It's way to overpowering the size it is now.

Include a P.S., a P.P.S., and a P.P.P.S. that reinforce the main benefits of the product. This will reinforce the buying triggers of the sales page.

Change your email address to a normal format. The support{at}productprotector{dot}co{dot}uk format will confuse the heck out of people. If you did it to prevent email address scrapers from getting your email address and send spam, it doesn't happen that often and using a standard format makes the link much more readable.

If I were more conscious I could give some better tips on the copy itself, but right now I'm beginning to see double, so I'll take that as a hint that it's time to get some sleep.

Hope it helps, and good luck!

Great point freudianslip - how the heck could I forget the testimonials? Now I know I need sleep!

You can offer a free WSO to the first five or so that respond just to get the testimonials. I'd also be willing to test it for you and give one.

Ok, my brain's working a little better. Another thought:

If you're comfortable using Camtasia, you could also create a short video showing them how the software works. Just a little teaser so they get the jist and it connects for them.

Going to sleep this time for real...

Wow thanks for that guys, that will keep me busy on the note of testimonials, those who would like to review it for me please pm me your email address and i will send a copy over.

Again many thanks for your input.