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Does this article sound Fine?

by simplybeastz
4 replies
hello , I was wondering if this articles sound Ok. I copied It from My website , also is it fine that I haven't used anchor text for my Website Link.

Modern Warfare 3 Expected Sales - Computers - Computer Games
#article #fine #sound
  • Profile picture of the author NicoleBeckett
    You should be using anchor text in your link, but you've got to get your content straightened out first.

    Your title could definitely be better. Remember, internet readers scan. They look for something that grabs their attention. Your article is going to pop up next to a ton of different listings. If you want people to pick *your* article, you've got to start with a catchy title that they can't help but notice.

    Onto the body of the article...

    I found several grammatical errors in the very first paragraph:
    - "Call Of Duty is known for it's some times massive sales." (should be "its" instead of "it's", and "sometimes" instead of "some times")
    - "With over three million preorders." (that's a sentence fragment, meaning that it can't be used as a stand-alone sentence)

    It may seem picky, but mistakes like that stick out to readers. It makes you look amateurish, which is definitely not the image you want to project

    Also, I was confused by the your sentence "Now in 2011 MW3 is set to break the record held by Black Ops; according to the CFO of Activision he later did retract the statement." What statement? What does a statement have to do with sales projections? Unfortunately, readers aren't going to take time to try and figure out what you're talking about. They are simply going to look for another article that gives them the information they need.

    If I were you, I would also make your paragraphs shorter. Internet readers are usually not going to bother reading long paragraphs. Stick to a couple of sentences per paragraph. And focus each paragraph on a different thought. If you make a new point, make a new paragraph.
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    • Profile picture of the author simplybeastz
      Well Its for My first Article , so I will Get better as I submit for articles to Ezine and Go articles.
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      • Profile picture of the author bretski
        I don't want to come off harsh but the focus of the article bounces around. In one paragraph you are focusing on sale and a lawsuit. In the next you are focusing on gameplay, a lawsuit and development. Sometimes these subjects are even in the same sentence.

        There are some typographical errors as well as grammar such as:

        Thomas Tippl-The CFO of Activision, set a sales target of ten Million copies on day one. He is starting to retract this, but still expects' a very high sale's for MW3.

        Thomas Tippl, the CFO of Activision, set a sales target of ten million copies for day one. He is expected to revise his sales goal but still expects very high sales for MW3.

        .....

        I don't mean to pick and it is better than a lot of articles I have seen but it could use some work.

        Also, your resource box needs a lot of work. You need a strong call to action that is going to make people want to click that link. "Click Here to learn more about the upcoming release of..." or something like that.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mrmuscle90
      Originally Posted by NicoleBeckett View Post

      You should be using anchor text in your link, but you've got to get your content straightened out first.

      Your title could definitely be better. Remember, internet readers scan. They look for something that grabs their attention. Your article is going to pop up next to a ton of different listings. If you want people to pick *your* article, you've got to start with a catchy title that they can't help but notice.

      Onto the body of the article...

      I found several grammatical errors in the very first paragraph:
      - "Call Of Duty is known for it's some times massive sales." (should be "its" instead of "it's", and "sometimes" instead of "some times")
      - "With over three million preorders." (that's a sentence fragment, meaning that it can't be used as a stand-alone sentence)

      It may seem picky, but mistakes like that stick out to readers. It makes you look amateurish, which is definitely not the image you want to project

      Also, I was confused by the your sentence "Now in 2011 MW3 is set to break the record held by Black Ops; according to the CFO of Activision he later did retract the statement." What statement? What does a statement have to do with sales projections? Unfortunately, readers aren't going to take time to try and figure out what you're talking about. They are simply going to look for another article that gives them the information they need.

      If I were you, I would also make your paragraphs shorter. Internet readers are usually not going to bother reading long paragraphs. Stick to a couple of sentences per paragraph. And focus each paragraph on a different thought. If you make a new point, make a new paragraph.
      Someone is definetly on the ball today lol I didnt spot half these
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