I know "they" took your money - but let's talk about YOUR role

[Ken Preuss]

I had an interesting conversation with a subscriber this weekend that will be tremendously valuable for everyone here.

The conversation had to do with how Steve (my subscriber) has purchased so many e-books, courses, trainings and even attended a few events....but has very little income to show for it.

Upon asking him about these things every response he gave me was framed around "they":

- "They didn't provide the step-by-step instructions that were promised"
- "They said the event would not be a pitch fest, but it really was"
- "They said in the sales letter that the product contained literally everything needed to do their method, but it did not"

I finally stopped him and asked the following:

"Steve just as an exercise to put this in a different context, take each of those statements and reframe them in terms of "I". In other words only statements about your role and responsibility in the situation. Again, just an exercise."

He was confused but obliged. Here's what he came up with:

--- "I didn't do what product X told me to do because I didn't want to work that hard. It did provide the step-by-step it promised, I just didn't want to do the steps."

--- "I went to those few events and did little to meet or get to know other marketers. I just checked and I have 62 pages of combined notes I took at those events that I've done nothing with."

--- "I bought product Y even though it had nothing to do with my focus at the time. Honestly I should never have bought that product."

Steve told me that doing this simple exercise gave him more clarity about himself and his own behavioral patterns than he's had in years.

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So Warriors now it's your turn. Time to come clean.

Respond here and articulate a few "I" statements for yourself. Clarify what your role and responsibility is for wherever you are at - both positive and negative.

Let's replace the self-defeating patterns with new ones right here and now.

Go.

Ken

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Ken Preuss

[eholmlund]

Great exercise. Victim mentality will rarely get you anywhere. Well said.

"I am responsible for keeping myself on track, and avoiding distractions"

[Razvan Rovinaru]

Great post. People often get distracted when doing internet marketing and they don't realize that jumping from product to product doesn't make money all by itself.

They try the methods outlined in one ebook until they buy the next one and they try that and so on.

If you're a newbie and you have just realized YOU are doing this exact mistake, STOP RIGHT NOW!

Take one strategy and don't give up until you make it work for yourself. Let's say you've bought a great report on affiliate marketing through article marketing. This is a very popular and EFFECTIVE way to make money online.

Stop at that and learn to make it work. There is no easy way - only through trial and error will you be able to achieve success. Don't be scared to make mistakes, realize that with every mistake you make, you are getting closer and closer to achieving your goals.

Patience and determination go a long way in this business.

[Bill Farnham]

When people buy something they're really happy with they tell all their friends "Hey, look what I just bought", but when they're unhappy with their purchase they say "Hey, look what that guy sold me."

The responsibility of the sale shifts according to their satisfaction meter.

I rarely sell anything anymore, I just let people buy my stuff. Somehow, it works out better for everyone.

KJ

[D Ambrose]

Originally Posted by Ken Preuss

Upon asking him about these things every response he gave me was framed around "they":

- "They didn't provide the step-by-step instructions that were promised"
- "They said the event would not be a pitch fest, but it really was"
- "They said in the sales letter that the product contained literally everything needed to do their method, but it did not"

I finally stopped him and asked the following:

"Steve just as an exercise to put this in a different context, take each of those statements and reframe them in terms of "I". In other words only statements about your role and responsibility in the situation. Again, just an exercise."

He was confused but obliged. Here's what he came up with:

--- "I didn't do what product X told me to do because I didn't want to work that hard. It did provide the step-by-step it promised, I just didn't want to do the steps."

--- "I went to those few events and did little to meet or get to know other marketers. I just checked and I have 62 pages of combined notes I took at those events that I've done nothing with."

--- "I bought product Y even though it had nothing to do with my focus at the time. Honestly I should never have bought that product."

Steve told me that doing this simple exercise gave him more clarity about himself and his own behavioral patterns than he's had in years.

Hi Ken,

It is right to think along the lines of what YOU do when you join a program, buy a book or listen to a talk.

However what if his success (or lack of) WAS actually down to the fact that "THEY" DIDN'T provide the step-by-step instructions that were promised.. he did get given a pitch fest when "THEY" said he wouldn't and the sales letter was a bit misleading.

Sure we have to have a look at ourselves before we point the fingers, however sometimes you ALSO have to question "THEM".

Daniel

[tomw]

I believe that everyone is responsible for the positions that they find themselves in life. This position is a result of the choices we make. Nothing more. Nothing less. Good or bad.

No amount of naval gazing or self help mumbo jumbo(TM) is going to make any difference. No ubersuperdooper make money product or spending thousands of dollars on a mentor will either.

Nobody can be motivated by anything outside of themselves. Only by what is within them.

Motivation only comes from a conscious choice to act in one way or another.

Only we can make the choice.
Only we can motivate ourselves.

Such choices can of course be informed by the accumulation of knowledge relevant to the course of action under consideration. However, the knowledge is not an end in itself.

The knowledge is not the answer.
The knowledge will not solve all our problems.
The knowledge will not make people fall in love with us.
The knowledge will not pay all of our bills.
The knowledge will not make us famous.
The knowledge will not make us happy.

Its what we do with it that matters. It is the informed choices we make that determine the course of our lives.

If you can't find the motivation within yourself to change your own life, then just accept your fate, save your money or simply quit whining because Tony Robbins ain't gonna rescue you. Neither is anyone else.

The day you deal with this, realise it and accept it, is the day that you will truly find motivation. It is the first day of a successful, productive life, regardless of what success may mean to you, because it means that you are consciously in control of your own destiny.

For most sane and rational people understanding and embracing the fact they are in control of their own destiny is the first step to achieving whatever it is that they want from life as opposed to those that simply settle for their "lot" and complain about it.

So Ken, my "I" statement, is that;

"I know that if I achieve the level of success that I am capable of it will be as a direct consequence of my own choices and action borne out of those choices. If I don't get to where I hope to, at least I gave it my best shot. I didn't rely on anyone else. I didn't blame anyone else. Regardless of the outcome, I feel neither bitterness nor pride. I simply exist during a period of time and in a set of circumstances of my own creation."

Thomas

[FrankRumbauskas]

This is so true. After my AdWords product launch over the last 2 weeks a small percentage of people wrote in, apparently disappointed that they need to have a product and a website!!

I guess they didn't read my sales page, explaining that I use AdWords to sell real products in the real world and that it's not another "get rich quick without a product" scam. But people seemingly want to buy the "get rich quick" dream without putting in the work.

The same is true of my "Never Cold Call Again" sales product - people buy it and then return it because leads didn't magically appear in their inbox the next morning. They didn't want to follow the program and do the work and as a result they accomplished nothing.

I've thought about putting out a self-improvement product that would make people look in the mirror and accept responsibility for their lack of success, but I have a feeling it wouldn't sell. People don't want to buy responsibility - they want to buy the "get something for nothing" fantasy.

[Karen Blundell]

that's what living with collectivism for so many years will do to you ie: they did this, they did that, rather than I did, I am, I am responsible. Individualism!

I totally agree with Tom's response and thank you Ken for a great thread

[Ilya Feynberg]

People buy into hope...always have. Most just want to feel all warm and fuzzy about buying something that might change their lives. They'll never use it...but the constant thought that they purchased something that could put money in their pocket and make them rich makes them feel all nice and cozy.

[IMChick]

I will create gold out of the digital dust collectors...

[Chris Lockwood]

There is a conspiracy which prevents me from doing this exercise.

[Ken Preuss]

Originally Posted by Chris Lockwood

There is a conspiracy which prevents me from doing this exercise.

Hahahaha! Nice one Chris.

Ken

[Ben_Curtis]

I will create the twelve page report I've been planning---and the sales page---and make money from it!

[Steven Wagenheim]

OH Ken, you're gonna love this one.

I got off my butt and did something.

I stopped blaming other people for my failure.

I learned how to apply my writing skills to a marketing medium.

I learned everything I could about traffic generation.

I learned to discipline myself and make a to-do list everyday.

I started to build a list that ultimately help triple my income.

I made a solid business plan and stuck to it.

I cultivated relationships with others by focusing on what I could do for them.

I used whatever I bought and didn't just let it sit on my hard drive.

I didn't let others discourage me.

I treat my customers like people and not like cattle.

I work everyday to provide value wherever I can.

I say what I mean and mean what I say.

I never believe I know it all. I am always learning.

And thus, ultimately, I am making a good living online and will continue
to do so.


There you go...an outline for an ebook if anybody wants to write it.

[Ken Preuss]

Once again Steven Wagenheim shows why he is a full-time marketer earning an ever-growing five figures per month online.

Great freakin' post Steven. THAT is exactly what I'm talking about folks.

Listen, we've all bought a lot of training. Some great stuff, some crap. Even the big guys bought tons of stuff when they first started out. Many still do.

The difference is that the folks who are successful never blamed the "stuff" they bought for any of their struggles along the way.

Every successful marketer will tell you that the day their business and income started taking systematic leaps was they day they took personal responsibility for every aspect of their circumstances.

Ken
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Ken Preuss