7 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
7 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Need a bit of help from an American

by 8Ball
6 replies
Hi Warriors.

I'm having some banners designed for a marketing campaign for a site in the weight loss niche.

I'd like the banner to say something like this: "How I Lost My Unwanted Fat"

I have a hunch though, that this is not super correct english. The word "unwanted" doesn't seem to be right in this context. I just can't figure out what to put there instead.

Any ideas?

Thanks
#american #bit
  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    I'd say something like:
    Got Fat? Lose It.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3691886].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author erichammer
    It's not the most imaginative, but there's nothing wrong with it from a grammatical perspective. If you want to make it a little easier to understand, maybe "how I lost my extra fat." "Or how I lost xx Lbs in xx days." "I lost xx Lbs in xx days and so can you."
    Signature
    Why waste your time hiring a cheap writer? Cheap writers don't write stuff that converts!

    Get the conversions you need and deserve with my professional, viral writing services.

    Free SEO included at no additional charge!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3691907].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author 8Ball
      Thanks to both of you.

      Originally Posted by erichammer View Post

      It's not the most imaginative, but there's nothing wrong with it from a grammatical perspective. If you want to make it a little easier to understand, maybe "how I lost my extra fat." "Or how I lost xx Lbs in xx days." "I lost xx Lbs in xx days and so can you."
      I have considered the last option, but I'm a bit worried, that it would scare of people who are looking to lose more than 20 lbs (which is what I lost). Am I overthinking it?

      And as for the imaginative part, this is not really the whole text, just the part I was having doubts about. :-)
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3691932].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Shane N
    How about: "How I lost my excess fat" -OR- "How I lost my unnecessary fat"



    Best,
    Shane
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3691939].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author 8Ball
      Thanks for your answers everyone.

      I just needed a few ideas, since english is not primary language.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3693616].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author AFI
    I think the use of "unwanted" is perfectly fine in that case. Just my opinion.
    Signature

    Learn about Internet Marketing from my dofollow comment blog.....Make Extra Money At Home...
    I WILL BUILD YOU YOUR OWN CUSTOM AMAZON REVIEW SITE - HUNDREDS SOLD!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3693735].message }}

Trending Topics