Please help with my headline!

The second one strikes me as just too complicated.

But Perry Marshall does a real fun demonstration where he asks the audience to pick the winner between pairs of Adwords ads - when you tally up the scores at the end, the audience is right about 50% of the time.

In other words, you won't be able to pick a winner without testing.

I'd be testing something like this too:
"The worst financial crisis since the Great Depression... how will your family survive?"

The subheading (I assume that's what the 3rd item is) looks pretty good with that, no?

Shoot - almost forgot to mention - Adwords isn't as good for testing this kind of stuff as Yahoo Search Marketing, because Yahoo lets you write a longer ad.

Hi,

I would have to say I like #2 better...

It is straight to the point and kinda in your face.

Jamie

I agree with Lianwei, my vote is for number one as
I and I'm sure many others will find number 2 too offensive.

I would ditch both and make the black subhead your headline (no subhead needed) then make the letter read like an article that fulfills on the promise in the headline.

In any case, test all suggestions to find the one that works as these are all unproven opinions.

Sorry, I don't like either

1 - people don't buy survival

2 - people also don't buy revenge

Want to try again...

Cheers

Rob
Hint: people buy the dream... look at your competition and find out the
dreams they're selling and then sell something similar with your headline.

btw Rob what do you mean 'the dream'?

saq3m,

The dream is so very important...

(remember the story about the drill... people don't go to a hardware store
to buy a drill, they go to buy something that will make them a hole... aka
if you want to sell drills you sell their hole making abilities)

Let me give you an example of a headline that sells taking a person
from their current situation to what they dream about for their future...

Here's the headline...

"How to Trade Your Financial Problems for Fast cars, Big houses and
Beautiful Women in Less Than a Day... Guaranteed..."

Now I'm not saying you should use this headline, because I don't know
your market, your competition or what you think your product can deliver,
but it should give you an idea of the dream... (p.s I think a few people
would read the sales letter below this headline...)

Cheers,

Rob

P.S. It would be to be able to address you by your first name..

Or Maybe

Find out how you can watch all of your financial worries melt away with this simple and easy-to-implement information

Or

Revealed: The simple and easy-to-implement information that will let you watch your financial worries melt away.

GOD, I cant choose!

Which one do you prefer

Mubarak,

Forget your headline for the moment... Let's concentrate on the dream...

I'm going to guess you believe the main benefit your target market really
wants is a way to 'melt their financial worries away' ... am I right.

Now my next question... how strong a benefit is that to sell in comparison
to what competitors are selling in your target market.

You don't have to send me any links but you should have a list of 3 - 5 of
your competitors urls on it...

Compare your main benefit with theirs... If yours is stronger great... If
not then you need to work on your main benefit... before you write the
headline.

What do you believe the main benefit your target market wants to buy...

Cheers,

Rob

THE #1 IS THE BEST HEADLINE.

THE #1 IS THE BEST HEADLINE

Turn the recession into a goldmine

James,

Love the headline...

Cheers,

Rob

Ok. Firstly, yes it wil be to a global market, but I have written it from a US citizen point of view.

Also, I LOVE turn the recession into a goldmine, except I'm not really offering that in my eBook. Just down-to-earth advice about budgeting, finance and investment.

I dont think I can use the word goldmine without providing solid evidence that you can profit from a recession, when atm all i've got to go on is stocks , trusts and property.

thanks for all your help guys. I think that Ill use the goldmine bit in my sales page.

ok the headline now is:

Revealed: The Simple and Easy-to-Implement information that will let you watch your financial worries melt away.

I'm not too sure about the that will let you part. Any suggestions greatly appriciated. Thanks

Try adding a call-to-action somewhere in there.

That works best for me and adwords

Targeting people deep in the buy cycle

So, something like:

C'mon! Find out how you can...

Heres a few Saq3m

Who Else Wants To Laugh All The Way To The Bank While Learning How To Generate Greater Riches & Massive Financial Success Even During The Worst Recession in Living Memory

Discover Powerful Step By Step Recession Busting Strategies That Will Guarantee You Massive Profits And Financial Success Even Though Everyone Else Is Going Under.

Interested In Learning How To Easily Achieve Massive Financial Success...By Simply Applying These Profit Pulling "Get Rich In The Recession" Strategies?

Discover How You Can Easily Generate Greater Riches And Financial Freedom Than You Have Ever Experienced... Changing Your Life Forever Even During the Worst Recession In History

Discover How You Can Create Massive Wealth & Financial Freedom Even During The Very Worst Economic Times

New Secret Recession Buster Methods Reveal The Fastest Way To Thrive While Others Struggle To Survive...GUARANTEED!

Powerful "Closed Door" Methods Show You Exactly How Even During A Recession The Rich Get Richer and How You Can Cash In Big During These Worrying Economic Times

EXCEPT... None of these methods are 'underground' or 'secret' They are just full of down-to-earth good advice

I think you're missing the gold in Rob's advice and James' suggestion.

But if you absolutely HAVE TO hype it up;

Revealed: The Underground System That a Two-Time Loser Turned Overnight Millionaire Used to Make the Worst Recession Since The Great Depression Into His Own Personal Goldmine.



Personally, I really liked James' headline, although I would make it a bit more reflective,

something like,

Make This Recession Your Own Personal Goldmine.

Thomas

any ideas?

yeah they're both great!

Too much choice. I think the runners up will go in the sales letter!

what about:
The Great Depression
Created More Millionaires
Than Any Other Time In History.

Once again, Opportunity Knocks!!!

Mubarak,

Love the headline...

Cheers,

Rob

ok thanks. wow there certainly is a lot of choice!

I'm an old geezer, but I make no apologies for that. I began marketing back in the 1970's selling little booklets I'd written through classified ads in national Enquirer, Globe, Popular Mechanics--places like that.

There was a little ad that ran for over 10 years straight in National Enquirer that read: Secret Law Smashes Debt--Creates Wealth. So simple, yet to the point. Simple is good.

Again--pushing the button on my "Way Back" machine. The greatest direct response ad ever written IMHO is Joe Karbo's Lazy Man's Way To Riches ad. This was back in the mid-70's. The title of his ad was:

THE LAZY MAN'S WAY TO RICHES
Most People Are Too Busy Earning A Living To Make Any Money

It pulls you in. He gives you a statement that you agree with. It sounds as if he is talking directly to you. How about something like...

Learn The Secret Of How A High School Dropout Went From $15,000 In Debt To Generating An $8,000 A Month Income In Just 60 Days!

I am not familiar with your product so I can't really write an ad. But the one thing that troubles me is that you said, "EXCEPT... None of these methods are 'underground' or 'secret' They are just full of down-to-earth good advice."

I'm only trying to help!!! People generally don't shell out money for "good sound advice." They want "secret stuff". They want easy. I would think about some way to change some of your good solid advice into some unique technique that could be promoted (hyped) as being "secret".

Listen, I know you don't want to over-hype, but that's what sells books! Sell the sizzle, not the steak! If you don't provide them with sizzle, they won't buy the steak. Again--just trying to help. My best!!!

I would have to say the first one is great as it grabs your attention instantly and conveys exactly the point you are trying to convey. Second one some people may find offensive, but maybe controversial works with getting people's attention! Just my 2 cents!