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Squeeze page - headline

by Souldja
8 replies
Hi Warriors.
I need an opinion of wise copywriters
here's my first landing page:
Improve Your Love Life!
I think that the headline is not very convincing, isn't it?
I have some ideas, can you comment it? Which I sholud get off from my list and which ideas is good?


Free eBook - tells you how to keep your relationship fresh and Exciting!
Free eBook! 97 Steps To keep Your Relationship Fresh and Exciting!
Free eBooks! Most couples go crazy about this guide


Read This Free Guide tonight and you will know how to keep Your Relationship Fresh and Exciting!
NOW! Easy steps to keep your relationships fresh!
NOW! Easy steps to keep your relationships fresh and exciting!


Want to keep your relationship fresh? Read this guide and you will know how!
Who else want to keep their relationship fresh and exciting? Read this guide and you will know how!
How to keep your relationship fresh and exciting? Answers in this guide!
#headline #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author WillR
    Originally Posted by Souldja View Post

    Hi Warriors.
    I need an opinion of wise copywriters
    here's my first landing page:
    Improve Your Love Life!
    I think that the headline is not very convincing, isn't it?
    I have some ideas, can you comment it? Which I sholud get off from my list and which ideas is good?


    Free eBook – tells you how to keep your relationship fresh and Exciting!
    Free eBook! 97 Steps To keep Your Relationship Fresh and Exciting!
    Free eBooks! Most couples go crazy about this guide


    Read This Free Guide tonight and you will know how to keep Your Relationship Fresh and Exciting!
    NOW! Easy steps to keep your relationships fresh!
    NOW! Easy steps to keep your relationships fresh and exciting!


    Want to keep your relationship fresh? Read this guide and you will know how!
    Who else want to keep their relationship fresh and exciting? Read this guide and you will know how!
    How to keep your relationship fresh and exciting? Answers in this guide!
    My first advice is to drastically rethink the name of your free report. 97 steps?! Are you kidding me. That hardly sounds very easy - it actually sounds like a lot of hard work.

    I would try something simpler like 5 tips or 7 tips at the most. You won't get many people signing up for 97 tips. You are suppose to be making their life easier for them - not complicating it even more.

    In regards to creating a good headline, I'm not really sure what exactly it is you are offering. What is the big benefit? Why is this person on your page looking for information and what #1 problem are you going to solve for them? I think it's a little too vague at the moment as you seem to be trying to cover too many things all at once.

    It just ends up diluting your message.

    Also you will receive weekly newsletter with
    more than 200 lovemaking tips and special ideas.
    And yes, you will get it for free!
    Once again, this will probably just scare people away. I don't have time to read through 200 love making tips so I'm not about to signup to your newsletter - that is what visitors will be thinking to themselves.

    I think you are trying a little too hard to provide value. Moving the free line and creating value is about giving away your best information, your best tip, it's not about giving away as much information as you can.
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  • Profile picture of the author Souldja
    But how can I promote my newsletter? I want people to know what they will receive from my newsletter except the ebook.
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    • Profile picture of the author WillR
      Originally Posted by Souldja View Post

      But how can I promoe my newsletter? I want people to know what they will receive from my newsletter except the ebook.
      You can still promote your newsletter but there is no need to mention the number of tips you will send them. Just mention you will give them the best lovemaking tip each week or month or whatever.

      If I were you though I would just get rid of the reference to your newsletter altogether. These days a lot of people do not want to receive follow up emails so it may turn some people off.

      A squeeze page should just be about ONE thing and one thing only. You are either trying to give away your report or your newsletter - don't try and do both at the same time. There is no need.

      I would just make this page all about the free report and only that.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ken
    Look here for copywriting advice. The Copywriting Forum
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  • Profile picture of the author Souldja
    Ok , thank you. I just created a new cover:
    http://i51.tinypic.com/2vseq80.jpg
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  • Profile picture of the author Souldja
    Thank you so much! English is not my native language, that's why my titles so primitive..
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  • Profile picture of the author WDM
    Nice advice Will & good luck souldja
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    Jacksonville marketing
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