Looking For Someone To Give Advise On My Salespage!!

Hey you have done a good job, and contents are really good. Few things i would like to advice, if possible then create a video presentation and add it to your website and use some attractive graphics. While mentioning bonus products ad product image.

I would look at the sales page, but for some reason your sig says: "Please do not use affiliate links in your signature." Sorry, I tried to help.

Regarding video creation, i would suggest simply create a powerpoint presentation of your product(you can simply use some of your sales page contents in video). Then use video creation software like Camstudio (an open source free product) to represent your powerpoint presentation in your own voice or you can outsource this work on fiverr for $5. And add your video just below first two lines of webpage.. as your website is based on wordpress it would be easy to add video. I hope that would help you..

Hi,

I think it looks good and you have a good base there.

However I would shorten it up and make it more punchy.

The headline for instance:

Discover How A 46 Year Old Disabled Woman Made More Money Her First 3 Months On The Internet, Than She Made The Last Year Of Her 20 Year Career In Advertising Using...

"...A Simple And Easy System To Starting An Online Business Using 3 Profitable Techniques Together To Create A Mind Blowing Cash Machine"

That is quite a mouthful.

Focus on benefits and not features.

"You Are About To Discover How A 46 Year Old Disabled Woman Defied The Odds And Made More Money In 3 Months Then She Did In A 20 Year 9 To 5 Career And How You Can Too..."

"Are You Ready To Discover A STUPIDLY Simple And Easy Way To Build An Online Business That Lines Your Pockets And Sends You Cheques Like Clockwork Starting From Today..."

Then the intro should have something to hold their attention:

"Dear Soon To Be Internet Marketer,

My name is [yourname] and welcome to [yoursite].

I just wanted to take 5 mins to tell you how it all started for me and more importantly how the next 10 mins will change your lift just like mine was...

Drrrriiinnnggg, Drrriiinnnggg,

That was my alarm clock again on Tuesday morning, 6am, October 5th 2002 - of course that meant it was time for my 9 to 5!

I was employed as a [yourjob] and I DID like the work but I was always on the look out for something....MORE!

etc...

I hope this makes sense?

A story can do wonders and tell people more about you.

If you need anymore help let me know?

Chris Jones

This is a personal opinion, so take it with a pinch of salt. To me the whole page looks and sounds spammy.

I personally don't like really long sales pitches and I'm immune to the "single mom of 3 on benefits makes $xxx" or "disabled father of 6 discovers system that makes $xxxx" type of sales.


I'm not saying that in your case it isn't true, but I don't like sales pitches that play on a reader's sympathies.


I also don't like the "I'm not selling this system of $220, not even $126 - I'm selling it for $18" (yeah, right) sales. That to me is spammy.


I skimmed your page (I'm afraid I always do that with long sales pages) and have little idea what you are selling. I think you need less text and more highlighted, immediately obvious bullet points to catch the reader's attention.

i agree with rosetrees....

You are brave to put yourself out there . I admire that in people. First, you obviously have a bunch of information to share with others. And all the comments are good here, like "Focus on Benefits not Features" from Chri5123 That's awesome
You also need to settle on the "Hook" and I agree with Rosetree about the sympathy part. I think the Newbie bit is a hook. All beginners need guidance. I learned from Derrick Van Dyke to look at very successful sales pages and actually use some pieces from them, key phrases and words. I think you a lot to be helpful with.

Keep going. Hey, I'm still working on mine. :0)

The part about "The Associated Press Reported That The Internet Is Now The Major Driver Of Economic Growth In The U.S." is good info but in my opinion it should be further down the page. Before you go into proof/information it might be better to appeal to the visitor's emotions/needs/wants first.

Hey everybody,

I've made some changes to my salespage from the suggestions that you guys gave me......I still haven't quite got the header thing worked out, but I may end up just taking it off if I cant get something that I like.

If you all would, please take another look at it and let me know what you think. I took a lot out and added some to it also, but It still feels like it needs work. Check my sig line for the link.

I hope to finally finish this up so that I can start selling the darn thing.

*Advise needed; ball bashing not so much*

thanks