ebook sales page and affiliate program

Okay not a full copywriting critique obviously, just a few very brief points...

Your main headline could do with being tightened up. This main headline it needs to instantly convey one BIG benefit, something which your readers are going to find irresistible.

At the moment the headline is hinting at two benefits not one. A major mistake. Is this natural remedy a prevention for colds and flu or a treatment for anyone who already has a cold or the flue? Which is it?

Also your present headline, it's too open. It's giving permission to your website viewers to reply, "No," instantly, when you want to try and get them into a YES frame of mind from the start, nodding their head subconsciously in agreement with your statement. Note I said statement, not question. This comes back to your irresistible BIG benefit. Just sock this straight between their eyeballs leaving no room for doubt whatsoever.

And take out the word, 'that' - a truly awful word to use in any sales copy. You'll see it creeping in often if you don't watch it. Try and use alternative words. 'That' really grates on the subconscious mind.

In effect what you want to try and do is to turn off the conscious mind so the subconscious mind only (your emotional mind) registers what you're stating as fact. By switching off the conscious mind you're lowering the amount of natural resistance in your target market / audience.

Your first sentence is very short, no criticism there - well done!

The entire purpose of the main headline is to get the reader to read the first sentence.

And the entire purpose of the first sentence is to get the reader to read the 2nd sentence down. By keeping it very short, not overwhelming your readers with too much information at the start, you're inviting your prospects to keep on reading what's down below. (In this regard, a very big well done.)

Just change e-book to eBook followed by the ellipse...

You then launch straight into the features of your cold and flu remedy with some bullet points. Whoahhh! Hold your horses girl, there's plenty of time to add these a little lower down.

First, we need to build out the deck (intro) to your sales copy. Warm up the prospect. Bring them on side. And in your case for this product, you need to really concentrate on stirring up the pain felt by your target audience. You need to really play on their fears. For example...

Don't you just hate the feeling when you just know you're about to go down with a rotten cold or worse the flu?

One second boiling hot the next shivering with cold, unable to sleep, tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. Your nose dripping like water and every limb in your body aching all over. Loss of appetite, irritable and completely unable to get anything done around the house.

You just want to curl up in a ball and shut everyone out, feeling completely sorry for yourself.

Not to mention being unable to get to work. The bills are piling up, your stress level is going through the roof and to top it all you're now going to be off work for 3 days solid. How am I going to pay the bills when in effect the whole week has been lost to this darn cold? God I feel miserable!

Do you see what is happening here? You're really stirring up the emotional pain felt by creating a picture of what it will feel like going down with a bad bout of the flu or a cold. Nobody wants this so now... you're priming your target audience to think your product is the perfect solution for their needs.

All you need to do now is to carefully position your product as their ideal solution... to move the prospect, the reader away from emotional pain to see your ideal solution in the best light possible. Hence switching the readers mind away from pain to pleasure.

Your sub headings could also be improved dramatically. Each one containing another major benefit. And finally...

...your close. Your direct call to action needs to be a lot stronger.

I'm not suggesting hyping it up, I'm merely saying you need to tell people what is expected of them. Don't be afraid to tell your website readers what they need to do next with a degree of certainty. Don't leave the close so open, so wishy washy.

Basically the whole thing just needs tightening up a lot more to make the emotional appeal one hec of a lot stronger. But hey! WELL DONE for making the effort and being brave enough to ask for a critique.

If you need any help with this Roxanne, you know where to find me. My email address is just below my username in the top left corner.

Or simply go to either of the two links below in my signature and I'll be delighted to give you further assistance if required.

Good luck and my kindest regards,


Mark Andrews

I broadly agree with Art's comments above, I think.

Mark will give you more helpful observations on the copy itself than I can.

Please excuse me if this is an unwelcome comment, but I'm wondering whether it would be wise to take some legal advice, in this "increased-regulation climate", with so many FTC/FDA and other considerations to be aware of, here.

As the author/publisher, you're in a more dangerous situation than an affiliate would be, regarding the medical claims made on your sales page.

In some countries, the use of the word "remedy", in sales copy, can raise specific legal issues. I don't know whether that's true where you live, but it's the sort of thing you do need to know about, clearly.

I do think, at least, that some sort of carefully worded disclaimer might be very well advised, here?

These are potentially treacherous waters. It takes only one unhappy customer to file a complaint with a regulator over a "healthcare claim" to find yourself suddenly living in Litigation City. I'm not a lawyer, and I am "just saying"; and I wish you very good luck.

Roxanne - way to go! Great to see you have your first ebook.

Won't do a full critique, but here are a few points that should help regarding your sales page:

1. Headline should be more forceful - Something like Finall! Safe, Natural Remedy that Beats the Cold and Flu!. You also want to work into your headline or sub-head what is unique or new about this approach (no need to give it away)

2. Before you jump into your first paragraph (benefit list), I would use 1-2 paragraphs to get inside the mindset of your typical reader (emotions of someone who is anxious or fearful over the coming cold/flu season with some very hard-hitting statements that get inside their head and the anxiety they are feeling or the pain that someone is going through as they are currently suffering with the flu - the two audiences that will be interested in looking for sites like yours)

3. I would take a section and a) talk about why current remedies don't work adequately (flu shot, ColdFx, Vitamin C, other common cold/flu treatments/prevention products) and then give them some hints on why YOUR solution is different, unique, safer, more effective, no side effects, scientifically proven (if it is), X% track record, etc...

4. I would work the elements in your right navigation panel into the sales letter so your reader isn't distracted from the main flow of the page

5. I noticed one of your testimonials mentioned help with allergies - as someone with an asthmatic child induced by viruses, you could also have a paragraph or two on this in your sales page

6. THere is a real mis-match between having an incredible method of overcoming a massive problem (cold/flu) and then only charging $7 for it - that in my mind means it isn't really that good (just sharing how people's mind is likely to work) I would price this at least $27 which will line up with the message that this is a highly valuable solution AND will be more appealing to affiliates/partners who can get more commissions for promoting your ebook

Hope that helps,

Jeff

Firstly, Roxanne congratulations on actually completing your ebook and getting it into the marketplace! That puts you in a tiny percentage amongst people who "are writing" a book. You've actually finished it, so that's 70% of the battle.
The comments above are all great. The only comment I would make is that you definitely want to price it at at least $27. For 3 reasons:
1) anything less undervalues the product
2) you won't get 4 times as many sales at $7 as $27 - if people like the sound of your product and feel it will solve their problem they will buy it, irrespective of price (within reason)
3) potential affiliates are going to want to get a reasonable return on their efforts, which they won't get at $7 retail price.
Anyway, well done and the best of success to you!

Roxanne - absolutely it is important to know your competition and their price point. What you ideally would like to do in any infoproduct market is become the PREMIUM player in your market, that not only gains you mindshare and extra profit, but sets you apart from all of the $5-$10 players out there.

What I would look into is turning your 17-pages into something a little more - perhaps by getting an interview and adding a transcription or even the audio with the written ebook.

It could be as simple as someone interviewing you on the phone, where you answer questions about the information in your ebook or it could be that you find someone that sells the types of remedies you discuss in your ebook and interview them on the phone. The incentive for them is that they would get to use the interview for their subscribers and you get to package it with your ebook.

Jeff