Looking for Critque feedback On Offer

7 replies
Hi All

First, I hope this is the right place to open a thread like this...if not please let me know I will move it accordingly.

I am hoping to get some warrior feedback on an offer I will be posting soon.

It can be found in the test area

http://www.warriorforum.com/test-for...ml#post5111190

just so I keep in forum rules ( and the mods don't think I am using the test area to get around paying for a WSO) please don't contact me about the offer until you see it WSO section (that's if you like it of course) ...right now I am just looking for feedback...

Please, feel free to critque everything about it, offer value, copy, presentation etc.

Big question to answer...

1. Would you buy the offer? if so, why? If not, why?

Thanks for all your help
Dave
#critque #feedback #offer
  • Profile picture of the author Verisimilitude
    I noticed that you talked a lot about persuasion. However, persuasive copy is no good if people have no interest in reading the entire e-mail. There's a reason why ad copy has gotten progressively shorter and shorter in the print advertising industry, to the point where it's often nonexistent. People have short attention spans, dude.

    Also, the power/agreement tactics just reek of snake oil. There's absolutely no way to make people accept what you say. You can only persuade and hope for the best. If anyone in this world was capable of that, they'd rule the damn thing. Furthermore, it's kind of doubtful that you can make someone into an authority simply based on copy. Digital consumers aren't stupid. They cross-reference and check your facts, and will often come across conjecture (often posed by equally or more distinguished sources) that contradicts your own. It's even more of a reality in the world of digital media since all the information they need is at their very fingertips. If there's one thing I've learned about digital/new media in the past 4 years, it's that the internet has created a decentralization of authority, as well as an increasing cynicism of it as a result. Who are you going to believe when everyone claims to be an "expert"?

    Also, the "Trojan Horse" thing just screams future backlash to me. People get pissed off when they realize they've been duped, and they will eventually figure it out.

    What say you?
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    • Profile picture of the author David Flannery
      Hi Verisimilitude

      First thank you for taking the time to critique the offer etc.

      I do agree that for WF it is probably too long ( however I did check the wordcount of some WSO's selling the same service and they came in around the same!)

      I completely agree with you that "the internet has created a decentralization of authority, as well as an increasing cynicism of it as a result"

      will take your suggestions and comments on board and re-write accordingly!

      Again thanks for your time and helpful comments!

      Dave
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      • Profile picture of the author Verisimilitude
        Originally Posted by David Flannery View Post


        I do agree that for WF it is probably too long ( however I did check the wordcount of some WSO's selling the same service and they came in around the same!)


        Dave
        You do make a good point about the competition. However, if you think you're capable of saying the same thing they did in half the words, wouldn't that make it a much quicker and streamlined sale?

        It's not about what your competition is doing, it's about how you can do it better.
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        • Profile picture of the author David Flannery
          Verisimilitude

          Originally Posted by Verisimilitude View Post

          You do make a good point about the competition. However, if you think you're capable of saying the same thing they did in half the words, wouldn't that make it a much quicker and streamlined sale?

          It's not about what your competition is doing, it's about how you can do it better.

          You make an excellent point!

          Thanks

          Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author Leigh Burke
    Hi David,

    Nice looking sales letter. I didn't mind that it was long - very easy to skim the whole letter and pick up the key points.

    I think it will convert

    Cheers,

    Leigh.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Flannery
    Hi Leigh

    Thanks for taking the time to post a reply, I'm glad you liked it!

    Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author David Flannery
    Thanks for all the feedback

    test complete

    Dave
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