What do you do when you fear failure?

57 replies
I am involved in a project at the moment that I have never done before and it has to be the scariest experience of my life.

During this learning curve I managed to insult my potential client

I went through a moment where I thought to myself "I can't do this. Who do I think I am?"

So I got up and went and washed the dishes and it calmed me down.

I know that I will go back and finish the project to my client's satisfaction because if I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Not because of the client but because I will have failed myself.

Who would have thought washing dishes was a coping mechanism for fear of failure?

Di
#failure #fear
  • Profile picture of the author wilsonljx
    Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

    I am involved in a project at the moment that I have never done before and it has to be the scariest experience of my life.

    During this learning curve I managed to insult my potential client

    I went through a moment where I thought to myself "I can't do this. Who do I think I am?"

    So I got up and went and washed the dishes and it calmed me down.

    I know that I will go back and finish the project to my client's satisfaction because if I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Not because of the client but because I will have failed myself.

    Who would have thought washing dishes was a coping mechanism for fear of failure?

    Di
    Although I did not encounter your situation,I would say that whenever i have face failure,I will tell myself that the more I fail,the more I will learn to become better which will benefit me in the future.

    It is a way of positive thinking which made me feel better and minimize the rate of fearing failure.
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  • Profile picture of the author Newbieee
    You are only human.

    Fear is inevitable. Dont try to fight the fear.

    I read a book before that says this.

    Everyone fears. Its what you do when you fear.
    Its like failure, its what you do when u fail, and everyone fails.

    I have seen people fear and totally not do something or they do it but they show the fear. It can spoil the reputation.

    On the other hand i have seen people fear yet they do it confidently and fail gracefully with respect.

    At least if you fail that way, you will feel good, confident and you respect yourself.

    An analogy i heard from a pastor once, be like a swan, peddle like crazy under the water but graceful on the surface. You can fear like crazy in ur heart, but act confident and professional on the outside.

    Another analogy given by a secular speaker : Everyone gets stage fright here and there in their live. To over come that, just act confident, and they crowd will respond accordingly, and their respond will boost your confident, its a circle.

    Hope its helpful.
    And yes, different people have different ways of relieving stress and dealing with fears. I take a nap!

    lol..
    cheers
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  • Profile picture of the author TheJustWarrior
    Its amazing how simple things can empower and energize.
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  • Profile picture of the author ExRat
    Hi Diana,

    Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

    Who would have thought washing dishes was a coping mechanism for fear of failure?
    Any chance I could hire you to have some fear of failure while loitering in my kitchen?

    Hi wilsonljx,

    I would say that whenever i have face failure
    My missus says I was born with that condition.

    :rolleyes:

    Seriously though, I have a book called 'Unleash The Warrior WithinUnleash The Warrior Within ' by Richard Machowicz, which is an excellent book. He goes into depth about fear and how he was trained to conquer it during Navy SEAL training and he's built a career around training people to do the same.
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    • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
      Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

      Hi Diana,
      Any chance I could hire you to have some fear of failure while loitering in my kitchen?
      Gee. Let me think. Um ... Nope :p

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      • Profile picture of the author ExRat
        Hi Diana,

        Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

        Gee. Let me think. Um ... Nope :p

        I once got criticised for not doing the washing up properly when I was a small, sensitive child and now I have fear of failure in domestic duties. I can't actually overcome the fear with other unrelated activities like yourself, but my condition is always eased somewhat by going to the pub, watching football on large screens and calmly administering alcohol. It's quite common in males apparently, but it's good to know women understand these type of conditions
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        Roger Davis

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        • Profile picture of the author Sue Bruce
          Dishes, floors, baking, laundry; anything that burns off the stress.

          I play my favorite music and sometimes clean the whole place before the adrenalin is back to normal.

          Big advantage to work at home. Cant do that in a cubicle! LOL
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        • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
          Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

          Hi Diana,
          I once got criticised for not doing the washing up properly when I was a small, sensitive child and now I have fear of failure in domestic duties. I can't actually overcome the fear with other unrelated activities like yourself, but my condition is always eased somewhat by going to the pub, watching football on large screens and calmly administering alcohol. It's quite common in males apparently, but it's good to know women understand these type of conditions
          You should follow Kohen's excellent advice above. FACE YOUR FEAR!

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        • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
          Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

          Hi Diana,



          I once got criticised for not doing the washing up properly when I was a small, sensitive child and now I have fear of failure in domestic duties. I can't actually overcome the fear with other unrelated activities like yourself, but my condition is always eased somewhat by going to the pub, watching football on large screens and calmly administering alcohol. It's quite common in males apparently, but it's good to know women understand these type of conditions
          Don't fight it Roger. Don't fight it.

          Excellent thread Diana, lots of nice people here in this thread who are very willing to help you.
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        • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
          Banned
          Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

          Hi Diana,

          I once got criticised for not doing the washing up properly when I was a small, sensitive child and now I have fear of failure in domestic duties. I can't actually overcome the fear with other unrelated activities like yourself, but my condition is always eased somewhat by going to the pub, watching football on large screens and calmly administering alcohol. It's quite common in males apparently, but it's good to know women understand these type of conditions
          lol ... that's a great excuse for not washing the dishes.
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          • Profile picture of the author Newbieee
            Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

            lol ... that's a great excuse for not washing the dishes.
            is being man itself an excuse? hahaha
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    • Profile picture of the author Newbieee
      Originally Posted by ExRat View Post




      Any chance I could hire you to have some fear of failure while loitering in my kitchen?
      hahaha i wanted to say that actually.

      looks like she's not up for it. =(
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  • Profile picture of the author KohenD
    I do believe this is important ,so I will highlight it:

    Don't fight the fear. Accept it!


    That's it You will waste a lot of time when you are trying to fight it. You will tend to put things off, you will tend to start playing worst case scenarios in your head and you will also most likely screw up or sabotage yourself unconsciously and mess up on purpose on some unconscious level.

    If you accept it none of this happens. You say: Yes I am afraid, but it doesnt really help me in this particular situation. I will carry on as planned and do what I know to be right thing to do.

    ================================================== ==

    Tip: Make sure you always plan your actions ahead, no matter what project you are involved in. Basically have a checklist of things to do.

    The reason for that is because when fear sets in, your mind will go foggy and will lose its ability to think rationally and see the clear picture.
    But if you have a check list, it will be your "anchor" so to speak and you can always refer back to it to get the clear overview of how things really are.


    Hope this helps
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    What is it that you feel you may not be able to do? Can you learn? Can you hire someone? Can we help?
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    • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      What is it that you feel you may not be able to do? Can you learn? Can you hire someone? Can we help?
      Thanks Kurt. I can learn and I am learning.

      It's more about a self confidence issue than the ability to learn. Just one of those moments I suspect everyone goes through at some stage in their life where they doubt themselves.

      Di
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      • Profile picture of the author JMSD
        Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

        Thanks Kurt. I can learn and I am learning.

        It's more about a self confidence issue than the ability to learn. Just one of those moments I suspect everyone goes through at some stage in their life where they doubt themselves.

        Di
        I never suffered from lack of confidence all the years I was lecturing and then running my offline businesses. But, boy, did I feel unsure of myself when I began my online business and launched my first product.

        Every so often, even now, I get that same feeling of doubt and I wonder if a launch will be a failure and this leads me to procrastinate and miss deadline after deadline. But what I have found works to get me back into gear is to watch one very young, successful but ill-educated marketer's video tutorials.

        He cannot string words together to form a correct sentence, his spelling is atrocious (power point presentation) as for his pdf, I've seldom seen a worse piece of writing but, you know what? I take my hat off to him because he has not let any of that stop him from doing what he wants to do.

        A few minutes watching his presentation is enough to inspire me to forget my doubts and to forge ahead, no matter what the outcome.

        If clients make you feel less confident, imagine them naked! That should give you a few laughs, even if the image conjured up makes you want to hurl!

        James
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  • Profile picture of the author Brendan Vraibel
    One of the great aspects of IM is that it's nearly impossible to fail because you learn just as much from unsuccessful projects as you do with successful ones.

    All of those success stories that you hear of - the big wigs in the industry - all of them have failed many times. All you can do is make adjustments and get back at it.

    I started out offline before I came online and one of my biggest fears ever was cold calling. I'd sit there with the phone in my hands and a number dialed and unable to hit the "send" button. All of that went out the window after literally a couple of days of calling. It even made me a lot more calm when getting in front of the camera for video presentations and things like that.

    You learn to realize that there is money waiting to be made on the other end of the phone, it's just all about getting over your fears and buckling down. The same goes for online. There is so much money to be made and your ambition just has to trump your fear.
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  • Profile picture of the author ChadOath
    Sex and sleep usually calm me and bring me back down to levelheadedness.
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  • Profile picture of the author theebookcavern
    I personally like going for a jog. The exercise helps but the main benefit for me is just getting away from the computer and other people and being alone with my own thoughts. Usually, when I've had a chance to run through the fear or problem in my head with no other distractions I come back much better prepared to face it.
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    • Profile picture of the author ExRat
      Hi Diana,

      I suspect everyone goes through at some stage in their life where they doubt themselves
      Yep, and I usually experience that feeling at the point where I am challenging myself to cross new boundaries, like you were - in other words, it's the uncomfortable feeling of success.

      Hi ChadOath,

      Sex and sleep usually calm me and bring me back down to levelheadedness.
      Ideally, not at the same time though, right?
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      • Profile picture of the author Newbieee
        Originally Posted by ExRat View Post


        Hi ChadOath,



        Ideally, not at the same time though, right?
        Maybe he has sex and half way he feels so calmed down that he falls aslp.

        Better not be his wife if not she will think she is unattractive to him.
        lol..
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  • Profile picture of the author PunditGonzo
    Usually a break is what everyone needs. Sometimes it could be a whole week from the project. Find something else to take your mind off of the current "stress" or impending "failure"
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    • Profile picture of the author coloradojaguar
      I do breathing exercises. Once my mind is calm and my blood pressure has returned to normal then I am able to face the problem rather than remain lost in the fear.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Sit down and make a list of every accomplishment you've ever acheived. Everything. Go way back in your childhood and include stuff like learning to tie your shows, your multiplication tables, everything. If you're like most people you'll have two or three hundred entries. You'll come away feeling pretty special.

    There's also a great book by Susan Jeffers titled Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway. If you've got a decent used bookstore around you might find it pretty easily. If not you can get it on Amazon or eBay ($2.99 right now) pretty cheap or at her Website.

    Then there's the perspective cure. I got this from one of my favorite authors, who is actually a member of WF. His name is Robert J. Ringer. He has something called The Ice Ball Theory:

    "In 50 billion years, the sun will burn out and the Earth will be a frozen ice ball. Nothing you do now could possibly matter then. So don't take yourself too seriously. Life is a game, and play to win. There's no reason to be afraid to be aggressive or take chances. The reality is that there's no way you're going to get out of this thing alive, so why play conservatively."
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  • Profile picture of the author prodipmondol
    Never get fear so you must be failure. young mind can win easily. After again and again trying you will devolve all failure.
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  • Profile picture of the author DireStraits
    I feel no fear for the only failure to which I've ever fallen and can foresee for the future is the failure to allow fear to win.
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  • Profile picture of the author theory expert
    Banned
    curl up on the floor with a bottle of vodka and icecream?
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  • Profile picture of the author michaelcorvin
    When I am stressed I usually pay the housekeeper to wash the dishes. Puts things into perspective for me ;-) haha

    Michael
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    • Profile picture of the author jbsmith
      What a great question - I've been working hard over the last couple of years to try and remove emotion from big decisions and daily behaviors.

      Instead of feeling fear, I try and clearly write down the positives and negatives, what I believe my chances are of succeeding, what would improve my chances and what the most likely outcome will be (not the worst possible outcome which is where our minds typically dwell)

      I find that meditation has helped a tremendous amount to help be more objective in crisis or decision making situations.

      The entire exercise of meditation (if it's done correctly) helps train you to remove the emotional reaction to things from the things themselves which helps tremendously when fear, frustration, anger, etc...tend to take over.

      Jeff
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  • Profile picture of the author Guru_Marketing
    Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

    I am involved in a project at the moment that I have never done before and it has to be the scariest experience of my life.

    During this learning curve I managed to insult my potential client

    I went through a moment where I thought to myself "I can't do this. Who do I think I am?"

    So I got up and went and washed the dishes and it calmed me down.

    I know that I will go back and finish the project to my client's satisfaction because if I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Not because of the client but because I will have failed myself.

    Who would have thought washing dishes was a coping mechanism for fear of failure?

    Di
    Well Di, washing dishes is simply a way of getting your mind off the problem/concern/fear/doubts and have the ability to think it over.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    When I am afraid I pray. Works every time.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author pjdengler
    I just use that as motivation. Fear is OK with me but I will always make an effort to not let it make me quit.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Diana, hi.

    I remember this happening to me a while back, and like you, I posted about it here: http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...ml#post1658940

    So whatever it is you're worried about, don't let the fear get you down -- acknowledge it, then plow straight ahead. Hope that helps.

    Tina
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  • Profile picture of the author VinceReed
    fear is a springboard to success. Use that anxiety to drive your own curiosity. See it as a challenge. If you really don't think you are capable, deep down... then challenge yourself to wing it and try to make it work however you possibly can. What's the worst that could happen...
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  • Profile picture of the author owenlee
    I eat hell lots of chocolate...lol...will of cos try to turn it around to be success
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  • Profile picture of the author skydragon89


    What I mean is - you're letting your emotions think for you. Just switch on the logic mind. Yes, I know women to be more emotional, just think logic: cause and effect. You do it - you succeed or you fail, at least you've done your best - ans yes, think what you can do to do your best in this situation, from a logical prospect. Because emotions just screw you up in these situations, trust me =)
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  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    Originally Posted by Bellatraxx View Post

    Just try to stay positive and make sure that you are eating a healthy diet and sleeping right because if not you can make a lot more mistakes.
    That's so true. When I am burning the candle at both ends, I end up being less productive.

    Thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author jannatus
    We all have fear Diana, it's just that winners and achievers who succeed, know how to MANAGE it.
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  • Profile picture of the author annabelle07
    I binge eat or wash clothes - wish it were more often the latter. There's a great video of Tim Ferriss where he talks of 'deconstructing' your fears - it's worth a watch for those interested Learn and Do Anything by Deconstructing and Conquering Your Fears! - Tim Ferriss | Godot Content Writing Service
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  • Profile picture of the author WizIMS
    I am a man, so I don't wash dishes..

    But usually, working around the house or going to gym helps
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  • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
    Personally, when I really fear failure, I check out and play videogames until it becomes impossible to succeed.

    Then, instead of encountering what I am actually afraid of, I encounter the friendly and familiar problem that I am an irresponsible dumbass.

    This is not a strategy which will work well in the long run and I need to do something about it.

    But the thing is, I don't have all the achievements in Fallout: New Vegas yet...
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    • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
      Originally Posted by CDarklock View Post

      Personally, when I really fear failure, I check out and play videogames until it becomes impossible to succeed.

      Then, instead of encountering what I am actually afraid of, I encounter the friendly and familiar problem that I am an irresponsible dumbass.

      This is not a strategy which will work well in the long run and I need to do something about it.

      But the thing is, I don't have all the achievements in Fallout: New Vegas yet...
      I seriously doubt that you are an irresponsible dumbass but you are funny
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      • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
        Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

        I seriously doubt that you are an irresponsible dumbass
        That's because you haven't watched me miss deadline after deadline on product after product. Unfortunately, I kind of have to watch me do every stupid thing I do, ever.
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        "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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        • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
          Originally Posted by CDarklock View Post

          That's because you haven't watched me miss deadline after deadline on product after product. Unfortunately, I kind of have to watch me do every stupid thing I do, ever.
          You up for a dare from a newbie? I have been dragging my heels a bit on my first product because of fear. Wanna see who gets one out first?
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          • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
            Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

            You up for a dare from a newbie? I have been dragging my heels a bit on my first product because of fear. Wanna see who gets one out first?
            Not really a fair fight. I already have about a dozen products out in the market, and I've got a half dozen others in various stages of completion.

            Meanwhile, all you have to do to "win" this dare is... nothing. But this is my only source of income, so I'm definitely going to do something.
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            "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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          • Profile picture of the author Kurt
            Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

            You up for a dare from a newbie? I have been dragging my heels a bit on my first product because of fear. Wanna see who gets one out first?
            That's actually a pretty good idea...In my case, I'm very competitive. In most cases, I would want to win the bet enough to overcome any fear, even if the bet was for $1.
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          • Profile picture of the author Bryan Mc
            I take a step back and recognize that there are only two failures in doing something new. Failure to do, or failure to learn from doing.

            If you don't take action, you fail immediately. If you take action, you have succeeded more than most already. Finally if you learn from the process, you'll be even better next time.

            It might be harsh, but flip it around and think. I am a failure if I don't get started on this today. (or any other way you can put the emphasis on getting started.. a competition, bet, public accountability, etc.)

            Finally, the reality is that most aren't just scared of failing, they are scared of the unknowns in doing something new. This is a fear that can be overcome slowly by testing smaller and easier new things in everyday life, until it becomes a natural part of your character.
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      • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
        Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

        I seriously doubt that you are an irresponsible dumbass but you are funny
        Diana, I know for sure the dumbass part isn't true. Despite his silliness here and elsewhere (Caliban seems to enjoy being "fun") he's actually a very smart guy.

        Now Caliban, STOP missing those deadlines after deadlines. :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author Smiling1
    Prayer could be a great help to you - or just meditation, if you're not inclined to the spiritual...
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  • Profile picture of the author iceberg81
    Fear is good thing. It's helps you to do faster, harder, better.
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