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Can Anyone Review My Post? With New Technique.

by simplybeastz
14 replies
Hello Warriors,

I've been following some advice to improve my content and this is my first attempt at it.I would like even more feedback to see where I could improve my post's and writing. Without this forum, I'd be lost. Once again, I always want to improve so any Tips you could share would be amazing.

Post: Five Of The Worst GTA 5 Rumours | GTA 5 News | Trailers | Release Date
#article. #content #howd #post
  • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
    Banned
    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    I would like even more feedback to see where I could improve my post's and writing.
    Please take this as constructive and meant-to-be-helpful, rather than critical, then ...

    I've read only the first paragraph on the page you linked to, but it's absolutely riddled with grammatical and spelling mistakes. Here are a few of them ...

    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    “GTA 5 is the most highly anticipated game of 2012″
    There's no period at the end of the sentence.

    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    With hype and popularity comes some of the worst rumours, we’ve seen to date.
    "Comes" should say "come" (the subject of the sentence is plural: "rumours").

    There shouldn't be a comma after "rumours".

    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    From “GTA 5 Will be 20x bigger than SA” to more serious and throughout rumours
    I think you mean "thought-out", not "throughout"?

    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    nonetheless they’re all some of the worst rumours, oh yeah and you know what, they’re some of the worst rumours, I’ve ever seen in my life.
    Seems to be saying the same thing twice? (No comma needed after "rumours").

    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    On behalf of the gaming community we have scoward
    Scoward?!

    Ah yes ... got it: "scoured".

    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    the distance shores of the Internet
    You mean "the distant shores", I'm sure?

    Here's the thing, Simplybeastz: I have no idea what "GTA 5" is, so I can't say anything constructive about the intended meaning of your posts, but it seems that every paragraph has 7 or 8 mistakes like this.

    Respectfully, my suggestion to you is - rather than trying to amend all these things yourself, which is going to be really time-consuming and frustrating (and many of them are probably not even identifiable by running spell-check software), it might be better to enlist the support of a proofreader whose first language is English. I don't mean a "professional editor": I'm not suggesting you need that at all, nor anything so expensive. But I think you need someone to cast an eye over it all and remove the obvious mistakes, before you publish? Such services are pretty widely available here, I think, and not expensive at all ... just a suggestion, and I hope it doesn't offend. I promise I don't mean it impolitely, but almost nobody whose first language is English is going to be willing to read this and take it seriously, as it stands.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      Alexa, I believe GTA 5 is version 5 of the Grand Theft Auto video game.

      Simplybeastz, Alexa was being kind. The article was broken gibberish. Even without the grammar and spelling misadventures, you have so many acronyms and other shortcuts that reading the post is nearly impossible.

      If you are going to post things like this (and the 'rumours list' is not a bad idea at all), take the time to spell out what you mean. Spell out acronyms, at least the first time you use them (like 'GTA').

      The in-post ads are a distraction, especially since Google's ad program can't seem to follow what you are talking about, either.

      If you don't want to hire a proofreader, you may want to look for a forum or membership dedicated to ESL (English as a Second Language) writers and speakers. Practice your skills there, with both people whose interest is helping you improve your communication and with people going through the same learning curve as you.
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      • Profile picture of the author simplybeastz
        Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

        Alexa, I believe GTA 5 is version 5 of the Grand Theft Auto video game.

        Simplybeastz, Alexa was being kind. The article was broken gibberish. Even without the grammar and spelling misadventures, you have so many acronyms and other shortcuts that reading the post is nearly impossible.

        If you are going to post things like this (and the 'rumours list' is not a bad idea at all), take the time to spell out what you mean. Spell out acronyms, at least the first time you use them (like 'GTA').

        The in-post ads are a distraction, especially since Google's ad program can't seem to follow what you are talking about, either.

        If you don't want to hire a proofreader, you may want to look for a forum or membership dedicated to ESL (English as a Second Language) writers and speakers. Practice your skills there, with both people whose interest is helping you improve your communication and with people going through the same learning curve as you.
        Bit harsh, as I'm from London, UK. Alas, my first Language is English too.

        Your not exactly, the target demographic are you? I doubt you know much about it, besides I'm pretty sure the visitor will know what exactly the acronyms mean.
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        • Profile picture of the author simplybeastz
          I've also addressed the spelling and grammatical errors. I'm not making excuses here, but I hadn't had any sleep for two days and I just got back from a Weekend break.
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          • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
            Maybe you should have taken your nap before posting.

            It sounds like you might have worded your OP (Original Post) more accurately:

            "Could any other teenage gamers please read my post and tell me how wonderful it is?"

            You might have gotten the feedback you were really looking for...

            Good luck, kid.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kay King
              Bit harsh, as I'm from London, UK. Alas, my first Language is English too.

              Your not exactly, the target demographic are you? I doubt you know much about it, besides I'm pretty sure the visitor will know what exactly the acronyms mean.
              You seem inclined to ask for criticism - and then tell critics they are wrong.
              If you want targeted demographic critiques - post your question on a gaming forum.
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        • Profile picture of the author zafrian
          Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

          Bit harsh, as I'm from London, UK. Alas, my first Language is English too.

          Your not exactly, the target demographic are you? I doubt you know much about it, besides I'm pretty sure the visitor will know what exactly the acronyms mean.
          I'm a gamer, I run the games section of a site: Heavy Eggs! Touching Your Inner Child but I still agree with most people here, sort out your English first, pay attention to what you're taught in school (GCSEs are more important than you think...especially English) But the content is good, keep it up and I'm sure over time as your writing matures you'll get better!
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          • Profile picture of the author simplybeastz
            Originally Posted by zafrian View Post

            I'm a gamer, I run the games section of a site: Heavy Eggs! Touching Your Inner Child but I still agree with most people here, sort out your English first, pay attention to what you're taught in school (GCSEs are more important than you think...especially English) But the content is good, keep it up and I'm sure over time as your writing matures you'll get better!
            My English isn't my "forte." Yes, I hope as I keep on writing more article, I'll eventually write more interesting and grammatically correct articles.
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    • Profile picture of the author simplybeastz
      Originally Posted by Alexa Smith View Post

      Please take this as constructive and meant-to-be-helpful, rather than critical, then ...

      I've read only the first paragraph on the page you linked to, but it's absolutely riddled with grammatical and spelling mistakes. Here are a few of them ...



      There's no period at the end of the sentence.



      "Comes" should say "come" (the subject of the sentence is plural: "rumours").

      There shouldn't be a comma after "rumours".



      I think you mean "thought-out", not "throughout"?



      Seems to be saying the same thing twice? (No comma needed after "rumours").



      Scoward?!

      Ah yes ... got it: "scoured".



      You mean "the distant shores", I'm sure?

      Here's the thing, Simplybeastz: I have no idea what "GTA 5" is, so I can't say anything constructive about the intended meaning of your posts, but it seems that every paragraph has 7 or 8 mistakes like this.

      Respectfully, my suggestion to you is - rather than trying to amend all these things yourself, which is going to be really time-consuming and frustrating (and many of them are probably not even identifiable by running spell-check software), it might be better to enlist the support of a proofreader whose first language is English. I don't mean a "professional editor": I'm not suggesting you need that at all, nor anything so expensive. But I think you need someone to cast an eye over it all and remove the obvious mistakes, before you publish? Such services are pretty widely available here, I think, and not expensive at all ... just a suggestion, and I hope it doesn't offend. I promise I don't mean it impolitely, but almost nobody whose first language is English is going to be willing to read this and take it seriously, as it stands.
      English is my first Language. Most of the mistakes are trivial. By the way, I'm only 14, so that could be why.
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      • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
        Banned
        Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

        English is my first Language. Most of the mistakes are trivial. By the way, I'm only 14, so that could be why.
        Understood - fair enough: apologies if my wording seemed critical, but "you did ask", and I did say "Please take this as constructive and meant-to-be-helpful" and "I hope it doesn't offend. I promise I don't mean it impolitely."

        I agree they're trivial, but when there are so many of them, they'll still stop anyone from reading it, you know? Just saying. And good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author PlatinumLady
    Originally Posted by simplybeastz View Post

    Hello Warriors,

    I've been following some advice to improve my content and this is my first attempt at it.I would like even more feedback to see where I could improve my post's and writing. Without this forum, I'd be lost. Once again, I always want to improve so any Tips you could share would be amazing.

    Post: Five Of The Worst GTA 5 Rumours | GTA 5 News | Trailers | Release Date
    Sorry but if you have come to the forum to have your articles proof-read by members it's not going to happen. Invest in yourself by taking some English lessons focusing on grammar or pay someone to proof-read your work before posting. If you take the first route you will soon see the benefits which will surely make you feel proud of yourself.
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    • Profile picture of the author simplybeastz
      Originally Posted by PlatinumLady View Post

      Sorry but if you have come to the forum to have your articles proof-read by members it's not going to happen. Invest in yourself by taking some English lessons focusing on grammar or pay someone to proof-read your work before posting. If you take the first route you will soon see the benefits which will surely make you feel proud of yourself.
      Did, I ask that? I said I wanted writing tips in General, Eg. Using Sub Headings.
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  • Profile picture of the author YasirYar
    The best way to improve your writing skills is by reading. visit techcrunch or some good tech blogs and I'm sure you'll get plenty of ideas to improve your own content. I believe writing is a Godly attribute and not just a skill. you have to read before you write.
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