Revealed: My OFFLINE Sales Letter that WORKS!

[mookinman]

I've noticed a couple of threads recently about people struggling with their response rates in their pursuit of the recent "offline cash cow" gold rush. So I thought I'd post a copy of a sales letter that has worked well for me. In fact I've only sent it out to 15 businesses in my area, and of those I've ended up speaking to 11 of them in person - most of them I've ended up doing some work for, and a couple of others I'm waiting to hear back from or waiting til they've got their domain login details from their existing web guy etc (the usual s**t!). Earlier in the week I had a call from somebody who was referred to me by somebody who I did some work for recently as a result of this letter. You might be thinking 11 out of 15 is a pretty good response rate, but I made sure I was careful about who I sent it to.

Now, I don't think the letter is particularly good - I'm no sales copy writer. BUT I think it speaks to the type of people I'm pitching to (particularly British mindset) venues, pubs, restaurants, entertainers, salons, fast food takeaways, plumbers, the list goes on - in fact it never ends!).

I'm not saying this letter WILL generate leads for you, but if you spend plenty of time selecting the right businesses to send it to, then you might be in with a good chance of getting some work. I hope somebody out there finds it helpful. Here's the letter...

Dear NAME,

You've got enough people trying to waste your time with products and services you don't really want or need. I'm not one of those people. The reason I am contacting you is because I feel I should draw to your attention certain problems which you may not be aware of with regards to your website www.yourwebsite.com. Before I go any further, I must say that the website itself looks fantastic and whoever designed it has done a sterling job (I know from experience that building websites takes a lot of time, effort and expertise). However I have identified at least 2 major factors in the way your website works, which are without a doubt losing money for your business, and probably without you realising.

I would be delighted if you would be interested in meeting to talk further so I can explain how I can help to change certain aspects of the website, which can result in more customers coming to your business. You may be surprised to hear just how simple it is to turn your existing website presence into a money-making machine that can generate a flood of enquiries and bookings for years to come. This isn’t just “sales talk”, this is what I do for a living every day – it’s real and it does work.

A <RESTAURANT/SALON/WHATEVER> like <BUSINESS NAME> could benefit greatly from the kind of help I offer, and if you’re thinking “sounds expensive” - then please allow me to show you how much money you are probably already losing each week by not using the features & tools I use on my own websites. How many people does your website bring through your front door currently? Would you like more?

To give you a “sneak preview” as to one of the things I am talking about: Try searching on Google.co.uk for <INSERT SAMPLE SEARCH TERMS HERE>, and other search phrases people are likely to be using when trying to find your website. If you can’t find your website on the first pages of Google, that’s where my help starts (that’s just a taster – there’s more to come).

If you would like me to show you how I can “switch your website ON”, please give me a call on the number below. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

[mrsteady]

Very nice, thanks for sharing that.

[Ray Erdmann]

With a few tweaks for where I live here in the U.S., I'm sure this letter is going to do wonders for my offline biz! Thanks for sharing!


Ray

[Riz]

Thanks for sharing and congrats on ure success with it.

I will definately give this letter a test in my area.

Baal

[Maria Gudelis]

Nice letter and thanks for sharing - 11 out of 15 is incredible response rate! Just curious - did you select the restaurants/pubs based on an educated guess at their marketing budget? (e.g. - some that you see spending money on different marketing channels so therefore they have a budget for advertising?)

Cheers, Maria

[lburrell]

not too bad mate. but what if there website looks ****

[Kevin Cotter]

Thanks for the post. That is what makes this place so great. People willing to give out information for free to help others. I will give this a try and report back on how well it works.

Kevin

[stephenh]

Nice one David

Thanks for your sharing.

I tested an offer like that last year

Stephen

[dogisland]

mookinman, I take it you'll then offer a service to get them to the #1 spot for a certain set of keywords.

Would you be able to outline what you'll do i.e. link building etc ?

Thanks

[MRomeo09]

Congrats man. Awesome job on the letter. I think it definitely looks great. Keep rolling it out. Don't give up on any of the 11, just keep in touch with them, a no is never really a no in this business, most people don't have a clue how to do this stuff, and you're their savior.

Marcos

[Traffic-Bug]

Hmm good sales letter. Can appeal to offline businesses.

[DavidTheMavin]

Good letter but I felt there were too many quotations that by the end of it, it started to sound a bit silly like the writer was putting their fingers up in the air doing the quotes sign every time.

[Maximillion_Z]

Hi David, thanks for the example. I got to say, that response rate is phenomenal.

May I ask, do you see a possibility of making a good living doing this type of work permanently?

[iw433]

In spite of the big flurry in the "off-line" niche, there is still very little solid material on what works, so thanks for your contribution.

[mookinman]

I've been putting together a package of materials to help people get work from offline businesses - watch this space!

[bobmcalister]

keep us posted ont hat 'system'

mind if I ask, what aspects of the websites were you targeting? for improvment?

[Gene Pimentel]

"You've got enough people trying to waste your time with products and services you don't really want or need. I'm not one of those people."

That is a fantastic opening line. It would certainly get me to keep reading.

[K2SMedia]

When talking to most of these small business owners on the phone, I take the same approach... Not 'salesy' at all, just like I would talk to one of my buddies...

I think it's a great way to write to people as well!

And I've found that, usually, it's my extra bit of effort that draws someone in to my "Green Zone" (Where I can get them to buy)... This usually happens when I tell them a little bit about their website, their keywords, and other marketing methods they have tried using.

They see that I took the time to check out the site, break it down, do some testing, do a little research, and even find their stupid Yellowpages.com ads!

[meisters]

Hmmm..... That is great sales letter. Thanks for sharing your knowledge about sales letter.

Good job for you and success for you all.

[jimbo3891]

Originally Posted by K2SMedia

When talking to most of these small business owners on the phone, I take the same approach... Not 'salesy' at all, just like I would talk to one of my buddies...

I think it's a great way to write to people as well!

And I've found that, usually, it's my extra bit of effort that draws someone in to my "Green Zone" (Where I can get them to buy)... This usually happens when I tell them a little bit about their website, their keywords, and other marketing methods they have tried using.

They see that I took the time to check out the site, break it down, do some testing, do a little research, and even find their stupid Yellowpages.com ads!

K2SMedia.

It's interesting that you say you talk like you were talking to one of your buddies - and that you write that way. I used to be involved in a program where we taught business owners how to run their businesses more effectively. It had nothing to do with what their business actually did - it was all about the systems and processes of their business - something most business owners didn't have and didn't have a clue about.

One of the programs we taught the business owner and their team was called "Write-Right". The whole premise of this program was to teach them to write letters "conversationally". Basically, we broke all the old school rules of letter writing. But it worked. The letters were very personable and easy to read. Most customers that read the letters noticed that something was different about the correspondence coming out of the business, noticed that they felt better when reading the letters, but just couldn't figure out what the difference was. Of course, we knew. That conversational letter format made reading the letter an easy task, not an arduous task.

James