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Sales letter opinion.

by Marty S
5 replies
Hey gang. Looking for some feedback and recommendations on a sales letter in progress.

mtt5pak.com/index3.html

I did this letter myself when the product was used as an incentive to get affiliate sign-ups on another membership site. Now I will be repackaging it with new content and selling it on CB.

I don't think my sales letter is great, but I am not sure its so bad that it needs to be completely rewritten. Ignore the bottom portion sales pitch because that it is going to be changed to a CB sales page.

If you really want to get a good handle on the quality and content of these tutorials I have offered this free single tournament as a sign-up teaser:

mzonereport.com/mtt5pak/free1/mtt5pak_free1_sign_up.html

of which I will be removing, because I think now its giving away too much.

I am adding 2 new bonus videos to the package resulting in about 2 more hours of video tutorials - they are:

1- My Top 10 Big, Bad, Bust'em Up Hold'em Hands that changed a tournament.... about 45 minutes.

2- REAL Final Table thoughts and strategies.... about 1 hour and 15 minutes.


So.....


Do I need a complete rewrite or just fine tuning?

What are your thoughts?
#letter #opinion #sales
  • Profile picture of the author jrailsback
    The letter itself looks good, man. Maybe add some more "call-to-action" like sign up instructions above the fold then something like "But before you do that, keep reading... this is important!"

    You know, something to that effect.

    You might think about getting a mailing list and opt-in form set up. Offer to stay in contact with your referrals and give them daily, weekly, bi-weekly tips, advice, etc.

    Make it worth their while to use your referral.

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author jrailsback
    You generally have 5-10 seconds to convince someone to keep reading before they leave the page. So I would put an opt in form above the fold to get their attention, then just keep them reading. Keep the writing simple and to the point.

    Read this if you haven't already: Copywriting 101 by Copyblogger
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    • Profile picture of the author Derek Pankaew
      Hmm ... I pretty much disagree. I think it needs a lot of work to be a really good salesletter.

      First off, the headline is designed to 1) Get attention 2) Convince the reader to keep reading and 3) Do it all in a split second.

      Your headline right now is MTT5PAK, which is a brand name and has no benefit to it. You'll lose the majority of your readers right here.

      Next, your headline (which is actually a sub headline, because it's what they read second, not first,) is way, way too long. WAY too long. You need to shorten it to 25%-30% of what it is now.

      I should be able to read it in one mental breath.

      Your video layout isn't really conductive to getting people to read. The bullets are too easy to skip over. The "what's in the discs" to the right are pretty much invisible. In fact, it reminds me of AdSense which has me skip it even more.

      You need to way emphasize the problem. Then you need to build some serious value into your product.

      Right now, the only place you mention the problem you're solving is in your HEADLINE. That most players are playing the tough players, while they should be raking in the cash from suckers.

      There's nothing about that in your salesletter at all!

      You should really, really push that point home. You should really push home the benefits and what's unique about your product.

      Also, make your video more prominent. Make them want to click on it. Sell the click. Or just stick it at the top and make it autoplay.

      Split test it.

      Basically, here are the things that will make the biggest difference for your salesletter:

      1) Change your headline. Completely. Make it much shorter and much more to the point.

      2) Sell the problem and your product as the magic solution much, much more. More benefits, more details, etc.

      3) Change your layout to make it more conductive to people reading bullets, clicking your video, etc.

      Best wishes,

      - Derek
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  • Profile picture of the author jrailsback
    I didn't take the time to actually read the entire sales letter, I was simply offering general feedback and offering encouragement, hence the Copyblogger link. That 101 course is VERY insightful.
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