A Good Joke Will Make You Money and Lots Of It

Hahahaha, gotta love the kid's response. Anyway Ken, you make a good point. On all my lists, I'm not afraid to inject my personality into it and part of my personality is to kid around sometimes. Most of my list appreciates it because I get e-mails all the time that tell me they like my newsletters because they know there's a real person writing them and they're not afraid to be "real".

Some people don't like it and that's ok, that just means my list isn't for them. I make more sales this way because people aren't dumb. They can tell when you're out just to purely make money off of them. They can tell when you really care about them. And one great way to connect with your list is to show that you have a sense of humor.

RoD

Hi Ken,

Connecting with your list on a personal level is something that I wish more marketers would do. That's not to say it would work for every marketer, but they should at least test it.

As to how I have shot myself in the foot with my marketing efforts? Well, no specific examples come to mind, but let's just say that both of my feet look like Swiss cheese.

All the best,
Michael

Michael my folks are going to love that one. I'm going to send that bad boy out today to make up for yesterday's boo-boo.

Rod you nailed it with allowing your personality to shine through. Making yourself "real" to your list or anybody else for that matter; can make your life so more enjoyable.

Ken

I know that because I'm on your list, and as soon as I receive an email from you I open it ASAP, of course I read you offer first.

Yesterday I already resend your offer to one of my members (on a membership site I own) because she need your service, and she order immediately.

It is a wonderful idea to share jokes and some of personal story as they like it.

One question, from where do you find this kind of jokes, do you know a place where we can get it or do you make yourself. What suggestion you will give to those who does not know how to joke..and do you have any kind of format email to share jokes with our offers

Good advice for sure, Ken. When I think about whose emails I open first it's often the ones from folks that aren't afraid of letting their personality shine. I've used humor from the beginning and it's served me well. Personal anecdotes also work well, with subscribers replying with their own similar story.

Besides staying away from politics and religion, the only other caution I'd add is to be careful with self-deprecating humor. Don't get me wrong, it can be wonderfuly effective, but you need to be careful that you don't undermine your own authority and expertise when using it.

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
A. Dam!

Q: Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh...

Lovboa that is one that is too rough even for me. As we have stated through out this thread you have to be careful what side your business clients see of you. Dark humor can backfire in a heartbeat.

Remember: Discretion is the better part of valor.

Ken

Maybe you can use this one:

A salesman rang a doorbell and it was answered by a 5-year old kid with a lit cigar in one hand and an open beer in the other. The salesman says, "Is your mother home, sonny?" And the kid says, "What do you think, mister?"

Now that one I can use. I'm laughing right now.

Ken

I guess that's why Dan Kennedy starts all of his public speaking events with a joke. Seems to work for him... his product keeps selling out at the end of his appearance.

Paul,

Your right it is the material.

Ken

I have been on Ken's list for a long time now. Early on I noticed that he is about the only one injecting 'jokes' into promotion emails. But it did make me open the emails everytime, and many a times I did pick up the offers.

Thanks Ken for the combining the jokes with great offers... deadly combination!

In person, I smile a lot and if I joke it's generally towards myself. It's a defensive mechanism back from grade-school. If I made fun of myself for being chubby... then no one else would. I found over the years this quality makes people more comfortable with me. I do try and use this in my e-mails as well... but I do feel like it comes off best in person.

Ken, Hmmm. Or the perspective. Which is probably the same thing. If the audience doesn't 'get' the perspective, they won't 'get' the joke.

[sigh]

Bill, See, to me, that IS a story. Maybe I've been reading too many Tweets lately...

Shorty, Now that was just rude!


Paul

Paul,

This one cracked me up. That is the kind of comeback that shouldn't be hid under the Mulberry bush. Let It Shine, Let It Shine.

Another secret to joke telling is to be able to suck up to the very talented and intelligent "Powers To Be. :rolleyes:" As shown in this post.

Anonymous

Wow... Now... that is what I call innovation.
Innovation always pays off... Doesn't it

Cool thread... learned lots and laughed a bit too.

I know a lot of folk think speaking to your list and letting your personality (or lack of) shine through is easy but it definitely takes practise.

And editing...

How much is the OTO to Ocean's Thirteen?

Can't stop laughing on the "dog" joke..Made my day

Thanks man , good to know one more email marketing tactic and you got a good joke too.. You can go out probably make a WSO on it with all your jokes, although the issue might be every one wil be bored of the same ones . LOL . Thanks for sharing the info.

Nice! Love this thread!

Jokes work great in emails for getting people to keep reading them. I think they work best though when they're worked into the copy naturally, without separating them or labeling them as a joke.

I believe that's one of the key reasons Kern rose to fame so fast. Smart guy, but his humor really disarmed people and broke the ice. I think it makes people feel comfortable and makes them more inclined to like you. And 'liking' is a huge factor in persuasion (one of Cialdini's 6).

Great stuff, so here is my turn:

Two guys at a big party meet.
One says to the other "I am looking for my wife" the other sayes "I am looking for my wife too" The first asks "what does your wife look like" the second replies "tall, slim, nice body, long beautiful legs, long shining hair, deep blue eyes and a great tan, and yours?" the first replies "forget mine lets look for yours".

Hope you like it...

Ok ... well, I heard this one on Comedy Channel the other day

A man called the Police station and said, "I think my wife is dead"?
Dispatcher said "What makes you think your wife is dead"?
Man said ... "I don't know. The sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up"

[hey, it was funny when I heard it]

Darn Bill you could have mentioned I was mentioned in Paul's newsletter
today. Equal time is needed for "Old Gezzers".

From Paul's Newsletter:

Thanks Bill. I was going to post that but I felt I would be

You know how modest I am.

The Old Geezer

"two cannibals were eating a clown and one turned to the other and said "does this taste funny to you?" "

I follow this guy on twitter.

Selah @aThumper many good jokes everyday

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says .... "Why the long face?"

Cool idea. I think also you need to mix and match things a little to keep people on their toes. If you only put jokes in emails with "New joke" in the title then they may ignore other emails whereas if you put jokes interspersed in all your emails you'll get higher open rates across the board when people learn this and you won;t have to shoehorn a "joke theme" into one of your promotions. :-)

big fat man sees gorgeous woman the double of Liz Taylor he goes over and says: i'd love to drink champagne from your slipper
she says: well you'll soon be pist you fat **** I take a twelve

I didn't wake this thread up, but since I had some fun with it I'm going to drop in another joke.


THE WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

(I love this part)


'Only when he's been drinking .

Hope this will help someone have a little brighter day.

Ken

The Old Geezer

A text joke?

After (M)onday & (T)uesday even the week says WTF?

Well, as long as we're on police jokes, this guy has the best.

Gabriel Iglesias- Faking Arrest for Your Family

Aaaand that's enough internet for one day Horny Devil .

Okay, since this thread is still showing up, here's another oldie but goodie.

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender looks at him and says, "Nah, we don't serve grapes here."
The next day the duck comes back to the bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
And again, the bartender looks at him and says, "I told you yesterday, we don't serve grapes here."
The following day the duck shows up again and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender looks at him, obviously a bit frustrated and says, "Look, duck. This is a bar. We serve whiskey and beer and cheap salty snacks. We don't serve grapes. If you ever come in here again asking for grapes, I'll nail your dopey beak to the bar."
The next day the duck comes in and says, "Got any nails?"
The bartender gets a puzzled look on his face and says, "Nails? No we don't have any nails."
The duck smiles and says, "Good. "Got any grapes?"

Great way to boost your open rate, jokes are always a risk as what some find funny others find offensive, but I agree that making a personal connection is essential, might even give it a go myself!

Yeah jokes relax people and make them feel that you are not just "Hard Nosed Business Man" trying to force your way into their wallet.

Besides, I think it's good for us marketers too as it allows us to look at what we do in a fresh and fun way without being too serious all the time.

If you listen to the great "Richard Branson" he is always mentioning that his employees are willing to work for his company at a less salary simply because he is more fun to work for as he always treats his workforce to get together holidays and fun weekend trips etc.

I think it always pays to be human.

Well done for bringing this up Ken hope you continue with your success doing things this way!!!

I can't resist!! Here's my joke.

An old woman took a very limp parrot into a vet's office. As she placed her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, but Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you
haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, your parrot is definitely 100% certifiably ... dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the old lady.

The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$500!," she cried, "$500 just to tell me that my bird is dead!?" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but what with the Lab report and the Cat scan..."

I am planning to send a joke to my list pretty soon, will be back with the stats.

I liked an idea

You guys have made my day. :

There were some very good ones here. Just so you know I'm grabbing them all and putting them in my joke folder. I now have more than 400 jokes in my file.

Thanks everybody for all the jokes. I'm sitting here grinning ear to ear.

Ken

The Old Geezer

So glad I clicked on this thread.

I decided to send Michael's joke (Post #3) and I've had loads of positive reply's.

I might send jokes more often, great tip OP.

I've just spend ages reading this thread!! Okay here's my joke...

Did you hear about the masochist who loved getting up at four o'clock in the morning to have a cold shower... so he didn't!!

I couldn't tell a joke if you put the words in my mouth!

Enjoy:

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her students while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to
one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without stopping, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Okay, one more then I must go...lol

Why is it when a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment,
but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute?

Have a Great Day!
Michael

When doing face-2-face sales, we were told and still to this day...to build rapport and crack a few jokes with the prospect, because when they're laughing.. they're buying, apparently laughter is a buying signal I've been told.

The parents were concerned that their four year old son had never spoken.

One morning at breakfast he open his mouth and says .. "The damn oatmeal is lumpy!"

Amazed, his mother ..." how come its taken you so long to speak?"

The boy .."up 'til now everything's been great!"

Hi Ken, I really appreciate your sharing on how to send newsletter with an highest open rate.
I never thought about jokes, but this is a good way to start any conversation, and why not an email newsletter? It's great!

In fact in Italy one of the best jokes network is sending email like yours, and it works very well, because they usually send CPA links inside them. And I could just dream how much cash they get each and every day!

Thanks so much and see you soon,
Alessandro Zamboni

Awh, what the heck...lol

Back in November it was my 49th birthday and I wasn`t feeling too good that morning.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,"Happy Birthday!", and
probably have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn`t even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday.

I thought, well, that`s wives for you, the children will remember...The children came
in to breakfast and didn`t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss, Happy Birthday".
And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it`s such a beautiful
day outside, and it`s your birthday, let`s go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "That`s the greatest thing I`ve heard all day, let`s go!"

We went to lunch we didn`t go where we normally go; instead we went out to a
private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it`s such a beautiful day, we don`t
need to go back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let`s go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don`t mind, I think I`ll go into
the bedroom.

"Sure!" I replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday
cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there...on the couch...naked. :p Just/Kidding/Around

Have a Great Day!
Michael

Michael,

You know for a young whipper snapper you can be pretty darn funny. If you tell anyone I said that I'll deny it and swear on your grave stone 10 times.

Ken

The Old Geezer

You must be kidding me. Attach jokes and draw people's attention to read your newsletter? Hmm I really really doubt that

Q: What does a sadist do to a masochist?
A: Nothing

Thanks for the laugh!


A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning, by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?"

"I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk

Hi Ken!
This is really cool. Thanks for sharing this kid joke too. A little bit of laughter makes any place healthy. So updating clients with a smile on their face is a very useful advise.

I'm surprised that Bill has not yet brought out his "10,000 comedians are out of work, and you're trying to be funny?" bit yet.

Definitely agree. Good content such as jokes will engage your audience more into reading and they will gain interest.

Blond joke alert:

There are two blonds standing on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, "Hey, how do you get to the other side of the river?"

The gal responds, "Silly! You're already on the other side of the river, geez!"

Here we go again...lol

One more... Rated PG-13

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied "from the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received.

But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Captain's penis and began to work back.

"My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The Captain calmly replied "Vietnam."

Have a Great Day!
Michael

Do you know how to make a blonde's eyes light up?

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You guys are going to get the dumb blonde cops after you. When they come to my door, I'm going to rat out you guys. :p

Ken

The Old Geezer

Heard most jokes before but still laughed, thanks guys

Clancy stumbled in about 7:00 AM Saturday morning, and was greeted by Mrs. C.

Mrs C..."Where have you been all night?'....

C.... "Got home about 10::00 last night, and since the lights were out, I slept on the old couch in the garage so as not to disturb you.""

Mrs. C ... "I sold that couch last week."

C...."That's my story, and I'm sticking with it'"

Ken,

Wow thats a brilliant strategy! And psychologically it makes sense too. If you put in jokes, people are bound to open, atleast to read the jokes. Shows you also care for the list to share a laugh with them.

It also seems like all the jokes that everyone is posting seems to be working on this thread too ... as it has become a HOT thread :p.

Keep them jokes Coming ... As they say, laughter is the best medicine

Garry,

The thing is you can build a great rapport with entire client base. It doesn't have to be a joke all of the time either. You can send them to an inspiring video or a helpful blog post. By opening your mind to how you can help them, regardless of whether they buy from you or not. By doing so you have your own little social network.

Ken

The Old Geezer

Now this one will get your heart pounding.

Let's Dance - YouTube

The robin was late leaving for the south that fall...
He only went a little way before his wings frosted over and was forced to land on a country road...
A cow came along and crapped on him...
He struggled and struggled, and finally poled hid head out and peeped....
A cat came along and ate him...

This proves:
He who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy...
He who digs you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend...
And ..If you're warm and cozy even though covered with crap... Keep your mouth shut!

[QUOTE=Ken Leatherman;6470131]

One of the ways I keep my list happy is to throw in a joke 5 or 6 times a month. Seems the majority of folks really enjoy jokes; especially the ones that are about kids. It never fails when I have a "kid joke" I always here back from my list telling me how they liked it and sometimes sending their own kid joke back to me. However, once in a while an "Old Grump" will unsubscribe and tell me to stick to business and not jokes.

When you use the jokes avoid X rated, racial, specific political names and specific religious jokes.

My open rate is always higher when my subject line starts with "New Joke and..." Then I write my offer, tips, etc. No joke until the end of the e-Mail and I always put the offer link again after the joke ends. That way your readers don't have to scroll up to find the buy link again. Well guess who forgot to use my best producing subject/headline in my e-Mail yesterday. Yep it was me.

-----
Thanks. Sound like a good idea. May be I should try that as well. Alternatively, may be can append with some inspirational quote as well.

Hi everyone,

funny joke and a good idea. I would never think about it but now I'm consider it.

And I think I will try it.

All the best and thanks.
See you on top.

Your friend and partner Erwin

Ok ... so I just heard this one.

Daughter to Mom: What is a nymphomaniac?
Mom: A woman who is addicted to sex
Daughter to Mom: What do they call a man who is addicted to sex?
Mom: Men

What an excellent tip!

This really do happen in the real world, a group of friends meet after a long time and after everybody's done with the greetings - jokes do start and spread laughter.

This could be done online - albeit with some restrictions, as cautioned by Ken.

@Ken - you already a have bunch of them to go around now

Being humorous is certainly a good.It keep body normal after long hours of work.Nice advice.

Oh, this thread is back? A bad joke can lose you money too...

Should I Go Become a Standup Comedian?

Joke Number Two (Penguin Joke)

He's taking the sarcasm like a champ though (I think), everyone give a hand to Michael55555 for being a good sport!