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My Sales Copy: Not Bad, Not Good?

by rdshelmerdine
19 replies
I have just finished my first sales copy, or whatever its called. I was wondering whether some of you guys could give me your honest opinion on it. I am promoting a product called "Guy Gets Girl" which is from Clickbank Marketplace. I am going to be submitting articles to it from ezinearticles, where i have platinum author status. Cheers in advance!

reviewguygetsgirl.wordpress.com/2009/02/25/guygetsgirlreview/

(Sorry I cant put up an actual link, I need 15 posts first)
#bad #copy #good #sales
  • Profile picture of the author goldclubmember
    Good ! sales without sales pitch ! but if you can compare 1-3 different products that you have tried and conclude which is the best ! that will be more convincing .....
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  • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
    Wordpress.com does not allow affiliate links. You run the risk of having your blog deleted at anytime if you have affiliate links... I would suggest setting up a free blog at Blogger.com since they do allow affiliate links, before you start promoting a site that will most likely be removed quickly.

    (Your best bet is to have your own hosted WordPress blog with your own domain... you can use affiliate links on your own hosted WP blog, and you have more control of your overall site.)
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    • Profile picture of the author rdshelmerdine
      Jared, or anyone else, is it ok if I have them semi-cloaked as TinyUrls? eg. When you click it goes to "tinyurl.com/example" and then that URL links to my affiliate.
      I never knew that, thanks for sharing.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
        Originally Posted by rdshelmerdine View Post

        Jared, or anyone else, is it ok if I have them semi-cloaked as TinyUrls? eg. When you click it goes to "tinyurl.com/example" and then that URL links to my affiliate.
        I never knew that, thanks for sharing.
        That is still breaking the rules of their TOS... they will remove your site when they find it... just a heads up... I would just copy/paste what you have so far over to a blogger.com blog.
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        • Profile picture of the author rdshelmerdine
          Derek: Cheers, I have removed a couple of the "Click Heres", I see what you mean now, I just thought that they would be reading for ages and get bored so put a few nearer the middle.

          Jared: Cheers for the heads up mate, I honestly didnt know about that clause on their ToS. Im gonna move it over to Blogger ASAP. I am gonna get .info adresses as soon as I can afford one and do the .php direct thing.

          One more question to anyone. Does Blogger have any ability to track links and clicks like Wordpress does, because I would really miss that from wordpress.

          Cheers for help
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          • Profile picture of the author rdshelmerdine
            Link has been moved to here

            reviewguygetsgirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-i-asked-out-1-girl-in-3-months_08.html
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            • Profile picture of the author Megas
              If you are new to writing copy, one great suggestion I can make is to look at and break down some successful ad copy
              Look for what makes it work, does it make you want to buy? Why?
              This is a great place to start and develop your copy.
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              • Profile picture of the author Derek Pankaew
                Originally Posted by Megas View Post

                If you are new to writing copy, one great suggestion I can make is to look at and break down some successful ad copy
                Look for what makes it work, does it make you want to buy? Why?
                This is a great place to start and develop your copy.
                Also, if you're new to writing copy, I'd highly recommend buying "The Ultimate Salesletter" by Dan Kennedy.

                You can pick it up at your local Barnes & Nobles for $9.95. It's very clear, concise and will give you a super solid grounding in copywriting. This $9.95 book will teach you more than most $200+ online courses will.
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                • Profile picture of the author dwshoup
                  Originally Posted by Derek Pankaew View Post

                  Also, if you're new to writing copy, I'd highly recommend buying "The Ultimate Salesletter" by Dan Kennedy.

                  You can pick it up at your local Barnes & Nobles for $9.95. It's very clear, concise and will give you a super solid grounding in copywriting. This $9.95 book will teach you more than most $200+ online courses will.
                  I myself have heard that and I am going to get it myself.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Megas
                    I can recommend that as well, Dan Kennedy does have some excellent products as well.
                    Check out the Midas Touch Marketing cds by Kennedy as well.
                    He has some very solid marketing material.
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            • Profile picture of the author Derek Pankaew
              Originally Posted by rdshelmerdine View Post

              Link has been moved to here

              reviewguygetsgirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-i-asked-out-1-girl-in-3-months_08.html
              That looks SO much better.

              Again - Launching will make you much more money than waiting.
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  • Profile picture of the author Derek Pankaew
    Hey There,

    Great start. Especially on taking action and making things happen. Whatever happens, launch as soon as you can. Even if the page isn't perfect, you'll make much more money by launching than by not launching

    That said, here's some feedback.

    The blank header looks a bit unprofessional. Get some kind of header that compliments your page. Make it snap.

    I'd remove a couple of the "click here!" links. To me, it screams affiliate page. The idea is to come off as an objective review, not an affiliate website.

    Just give them the review and have one link on the bottom. Be subtle, not overt.

    Finally, I'm not liking the centering too much. I'd go with a normal left align.

    Cheers,

    - Derek
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  • Profile picture of the author daisuke75248
    Like Jared said affiliate links aren't allowed on free Wordpress. You'll either have to upgrade or move to free Blogger and a free Blogger account even allows you to have adsense too. You also get a boost because you have blogspot.com in your domain name. Everything is free with Google.
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  • Profile picture of the author Christie Love
    First... Welcome!

    I commend you for taking action. Way to go!

    One thing I would suggest is that you look through popular sales letters at Clickbank and review each sales letter to get familiar with their flow.

    I would also recommend you read as many copywriting books as you can get your hands on.

    Some things I noticed were...

    Poor grammar.
    You focused more on your story than the reader's needs.
    The flow was not focused at getting the reader's attention, interest, demand, or a clear point of action.
    And... there are a lot more copy techniques you're missing that would make your sales copy much better, but I don't have enough room here to discuss.

    If you really want to develop your copywriting skills I'd suggest you contact Ray L. Edwards to see if he has any openings in his coaching program.

    Or, if you're not in a rush to learn to write sales copy, then you may want to simply hire a copywriter until you develop your skills a bit to do it yourself.
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  • Profile picture of the author Internet Undertaking
    Its a good start but can use a lot of work... I like your take on the situation (the way you introduce yourself in the beginning) I think you should stick with that. But make it more easier to read. It just doesn't seem to "flow"....

    I'd take Christie's advice and look for professional sales letter that target the same niche and build on that. Compare your sales letter with others and see what you are missing.
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  • Profile picture of the author rdshelmerdine
    Thanks so much you guys, gonna buy that Dan Kennedy book and look at some sales copy templates. Just gonna keep tweaking until I get it right.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
    OK, an honest opinion: Kudos for giving it a shot, but the letter is desperately needing work. ....Probably needs a complete 'start over' actually.

    The headline is boring and the story is equally boring. As Christie mentioned, you're focused on getting the story out, but not on making it RELATE to the reader. Grammar needs work too.

    Kennedy's books can help you....Also a very inexpensive book called CASH COPY by Dr. Jeffrey Lant. It is little-known treasure of copywriting techniques that can be had very cheap. I picked up a copy a few years ago on Amazon for $4. The best bargain I've ever found in copywriting education.

    Almost forgot, go to The Gary Halbert Letter dot com and read as many of his posts as you can. A lifetime's worth of 'Copy Genius' from one of America's late great copywriters and marketers. Good Luck!
    _____
    Bruce
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  • Profile picture of the author Samuel Lee
    Agree with the great suggestions so far, and as a suggestion, you could probably remove a couple of the "click here!" links, as is seems a little excessive at this stage. Granted, you're promoting it, bu you want it to come across as an objective review, not an overt sales page. Camouflage it a little by giving a review and have one link on the bottom, to make it a little more subtle and accessible. Hope this helps!
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  • Profile picture of the author TheMagicShow
    Your headline doesn't pull, attract, talk to a specific audience. That is the first, and most important aspect of your copy. If people don't read, understand your headline, then the rest of the copy won't be read either.

    You need to lend some credibility to your copy, like brief testimonials. Overall, not a bad attempt, just polish some things up.

    Cheers,
    Magic
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