My first sales page...does it suck?

I liked the dear fellow human being, lol. That's different from, "From the desk of so and so at 3:25pm." And of course it's good to have pics with testimonials.

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

siggy taking a break...

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677158].message }}

reynald2790

15 years ago

Stuff Your Doctor Should Know,
But Doesn't

Learn how to slash your medical bills and feel better about yourself and your life: sign up for my short, FREE Ecourse!

<autoresponder stuff here>

You need to re-edit that autoresponder thing.

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Hi! I am Reynald Laque Logan | Reynald Logan Dreams, 22 years old. Living in Dumaguete City â€œThe City of Gentle People.â€ I am a pure Filipino Citizen. I am a Freelance Provider preferably working at oDesk.

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677169].message }}

grover69

15 years ago

In my opinion everything should be clickable. At least the images. People see the e-book and they want to click on it to go to see what the book is. Also, you have no clickable links above the fold. Don't make your customers scroll all the way down to find where you want them to click. The Fire Your Doctor logo should be clickable. Hyperlink as much as you can without looking spammy. I've watched users on a page and you will be amazed at what they try to click on.

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677215].message }}

Makabongwe Maseko

15 years ago

Originally Posted by grover69

In my opinion everything should be clickable. At least the images. People see the e-book and they want to click on it to go to see what the book is. Also, you have no clickable links above the fold. Don't make your customers scroll all the way down to find where you want them to click. The Fire Your Doctor logo should be clickable. Hyperlink as much as you can without looking spammy. I've watched users on a page and you will be amazed at what they try to click on.

You must be right. I was checking out my sales page and saw some users trying to click on images and wondered to my self "what not earth is this person trying to do?"

I'll now make my images clickable to my checkout page.

Thanks.

Thanks

Signature

Website Design | App Creation | Video Marketing | Social Media | Web Hosting

==> SlashTouch.Com

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[680589].message }}

SeanSupplee

15 years ago

It's good the top is great you have...
Main key short headlines to drawl attention to get the visitor to read more
A good story
Testimonials
only part lacking is your closing I would honestly get ride of that Huge image of the ebook and close the sale better. I honestly wanted to read everything on the page and did till i got down to that part in your order area.
Here is where you are going to want to.
Re input your key points about the product you are selling and then tell them what to do next a call to action work on that area of the sales page and you will be set

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Sean Supplee -Expert Insight of an Affiliate Marketer (Blog)

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677226].message }}

TheCren 15 years ago

I like the header. Looks pretty good. I think you can find a better salutation than "Fellow Human Being." Although someone else here liked it. Might be something you wanna split test... maybe not. Actually, it probably won't hurt your conversions. Sorry I mentioned it
- Thanks
Signature
Niche Marketing Tools and Info
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677273].message }}

malcasid

15 years ago

I think it needs to be longer. Yes long ad copy does sell. As a consumer I felt there wasn't enough information about the product to justify a purchase. I think its amazing that I am craving for longer copy.

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

FREE IPOD TOUCH with Social Media Money System

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677324].message }}

TheCren

15 years ago

Originally Posted by malcasid

I think it needs to be longer. Yes long ad copy does sell. As a consumer I felt there wasn't enough information about the product to justify a purchase. I think its amazing that I am craving for longer copy.

Whoa! That is amazing. Usually the craving for more info is a hidden emotion that only shows in the results (the user actually sticking around).

A good way to try and satisfy both worlds is to have a link above the fold (just above the bottom of the screen, before the user has to scroll) that says something to the effect of "I want it!! Get me this product now!!!" (don't use those exact words) and link the text to the bottom of the page where the checkout button is located. If you don't know how to do this... go here and look at the section that says "Name Attribute": HTML Links

Edit: I've also seen sales copy that had those links placed strategically after every 5 or so paragraphs.

The link text won't interrupt your sales copy to the point of turning away ppl who like the long stuff, but it will provide an "Okay I'm ready" checkout option for the quick choosers.

For the record I think the previous guy was right... longer copy will especially work (I think) because this is for a very esoteric market.

~TheCren

Thanks

Signature

Niche Marketing Tools and Info

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677844].message }}

Jack Duncan

15 years ago

Essence,
You may want to try narrowing your text spacing a bit. Your current spacing is about 90 characters wide. I'd test a version that was 55-60 characters wide with a wider margin.

The eyes get tired reading long lines of copy...

Of course, you need to just test this stuff to be sure. Try using Google Website Optimizer or any one of the MVT Testing Software programs to see what works best.

Cheers,
Jack

Thanks

Signature

[Breakthrough] 5Â¢ Buyer Traffic Source
(On Sale Today...)

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677936].message }}

Kris Turner

15 years ago

Very first impression after reading your headline was, "I don't know what this is or who it's for."

What's the number one thing your product does for someone?

Whatever that is, put it in the headline. I'm still not sure what your product does without reading the entire page, but something like this would almost certainly convert better: "How To Be 4 Times As Healthy Whilst Slashing 76% Off Your Medical Bills." Not great, cos I don't know what you do, but you get the idea.

I would also make some different "buy buttons." I didn't even realise that's what they were for a minute or two. Your "Buy Now" should be much bigger than "Clickbank."

Thanks

Signature

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[677972].message }}

jasonl70

15 years ago

"nutrition researcher": you better take a look at Perry Belchers experience using the term 'medical researcher'.

For such a small salesletter, I'm seeing all sorts of things that would concern me if I were an attorney..

Thanks

Signature

-Jason

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[678003].message }}

simba999

15 years ago

I would like to see a "contact us", "privacy policy", "about us" and email address at the bottom...but that's just me...what if i had a question to ask you before I order? No way to contact you. I also want to click the photos...so make them linkable for especially the ebook photo

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[678135].message }}

floodrod

15 years ago

Originally Posted by simba999

I would like to see a "contact us", "privacy policy", "about us" and email address at the bottom...but that's just me...what if i had a question to ask you before I order? No way to contact you. I also want to click the photos...so make them linkable for especially the ebook photo

I agree, Also, a privacy policy, disclaimer, and a contact link make your google quality score rise

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[680035].message }}

sajae102

15 years ago

I thought you did a pretty good job, but you need to make the sales page longer. You need to grab the reader even longer. This will let them know you are not a scam and is legit about the topic. You need to add some statistics and facts (get some online) into this sales page. Also, you need to list the benefits and features of what you are selling.....CONSTANTLY. Over and over. Let the people know exactly what they are buying, as people tend to be skeptical of online products. While I scanned over your page (remember most of your customers will be scanning as well), I didn't know exactly what I was getting....was it an ebook? Or was it an audio ecourse. You should say something like, "in this detail 248 paged Ebook, You will learn.......). Outline some specific details in your ecourse that the reader will be learning and how it will change their life. I like the beginning letter though addressing the reader. You on the right track

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[678276].message }}

skyjoe76

15 years ago

It isn't compelling enough for me to take action.

Your first two paragraph could have drive more pain, or attract more attention because that's the first thing readers read.

Cleverly use BOLD, or highlight can stress your point effectively.

Instead of using, "save you hundreds if not tens of thousands of dollars..." You may use "cost you hundreds..." Because in order for someone to take action, they must feel the pain first. Then you offer them the pleasure or to avoid the pain.

Try some questions to enroll your readers. Especially when you are describing the how one feels when they wake up in the 2nd paragraph. Throw in question like, "do you also feel that same tiredness?" "Have you wonder why you feel that way?"

Hope this helps.

Thanks

Signature

Interview With Three Multi-Millionaires Click here

Client uses this planning tool to create additional income Click here

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[678313].message }}

joan007

15 years ago

Interesting topic, however I was curious about how you would go about achieving this good health. Is this juicing, eating raw foods, vegetarianism, or are you just giving us special tips about food types. Do your customers need to go on a special diet to achieve this state of health? It would be nice if you could give us an outline or discuss in more depth what is inside the chapters.

Since you are not a doctor or a food nutritionist, what resources did you use to gather this information? You make many claims in your sales page. Can you site evidence from medical journals studies etc.? Are your statement proven facts? I guess as a perspective buyer, I would want to know what is inside this book and are your resources reliable.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[679925].message }}

ExtremeIM

15 years ago

Never stop testing, tweaking, etc.

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[679950].message }}

Yudha Andika

15 years ago

Looking good mate...but you must complete this ...<autoresponder stuff here>

Thanks

Signature

~ Cheap Wordpress Blog/AutoBlog Installation Service - $ 9,99 Only !!! ~

~ Cheap .EDU .GOV Backlinks and .EDU Blog Creation Service ~

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[679995].message }}

John Atkins

15 years ago

It's pretty good but I suggest that you make it more Straight to the point

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[680007].message }}

Ed Stas

15 years ago

1. Headline needs to change... the "lying" hook is not very compelling as it is. Try something more like: "Who else wants to be so incredibly healthy that their own family doctor can't believe the transformation and has to ask for a second opinion!" (yeah, I made that up in 2 seconds, but you get the idea).

2. The picture of the guy that needs to loose 25 pounds does not invoke confidence. I only say this as someone who himself needs to loose 25 pounds, but put yourself in the audience's shoes.

3. Too much whitespace around your product pic

4. You need bright, graphical calls to action to purchase: Like the big arrow graphics with "Click here to get healthy now!"

5. You need to play up your auto-responder text. It's not as compelling as it needs to be.

6. Your color scheme could be improved. Not afan of the black background with this topic. You need a "life" color, not a "death" color... greens or blues.

That's a start, but you are well on your way!