Feedback On Sales Page Please Everyone!! :)

Hey James,

Nice surname :p

Some quick feedback for you:

1- The above the fold section is the most
valuable part of your page. You need to use
that space to get your visitor's interest as
quickly as possible, and make them realize
that this page is everything they've ever
wanted.

To do this, you need a snappy headline, above
the fold. You want the headline to be the
biggest, boldest thing so it catches their
eye immediately. By having it below the fold,
you're asking your viewer to scroll to see it,
and in most cases that simply won't happen,
and you can't make sales without people seeing
your headline.

As of now, that graphic you have is just about
doing everything it can to chase your customers
away.

2- Your headline isn't very good. It won't work.
You headline needs to be the most important
thing the reader sees all day. It should slap
them awake and FORCE them to take note of your
page. If it doesn't do that, you're going to
struggle to make sales.

Go to the Copywriting section and find the
thread with the book suggestions. Buy all the
books from Amazon, read them, making notes
as you go, then come back and take another
swing at this. My suggestion is that you write
at LEAST another 100 headlines before choosing
3-5 to split test.

3- Are there really only 3 more at $1? If not,
you're breaking the law by saying that. Aside
from that, ethically, marketing like that
stinks.

4- You need more persuasion. There's not much
going on, it's mostly just a statement of what
you're offering. This won't cut it. If you
want peoples' money, you have to persuade them
to give it to you.

Good luck James. Keep in mind good copywriters
get paid six and seven figures to create pages
like this - and it takes us years to develop
the skills we need to do that. So if you want
to make your page successful, you need to put
in some serious time learning that same skill.

Sorry, but there's no real way around that if
you're planning on selling your own products.
It's a hurdle that needs to be crossed, either
by hiring it out, or learning to do it to an
acceptable level yourself.

Aside from getting the copywriting books, I
really would suggest spending some time each
day reading through some good salesletters. It
will help you get a much better feel for this
stuff.

Good luck with it.

-David Raybould

PS- There's a typo in your headline. No excuses
for that.

It seems like a great start to me, where is your affiliate page?