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What do you think of my sales copy?

by RVS3
14 replies
I've put up a wealth creation/entrepreneurship website and a few products have been going well but I decided I needed to set up my front end to maximize my list. This sales copy is for a front end product that is VERY low cost and VERY high value considering the cost.

I would love to get some warrior input and make it as best as possible! And if you are interested in review copies let me know! I'd love to get some personal input, it doesn't have to be anything official.

Here is the link:

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Thanks!
#copy #sales #sales copy
  • Profile picture of the author writeaway
    It doesn't have an emotional hook

    Format/font is off

    No graphic cues

    Coloring is off

    You can try buying format sales templates off Fiverr BUT you need to work on your copywriting skills
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    • Profile picture of the author RVS3
      Alright thanks, my copywriting skills are definitely the most in need of improvement.

      What would be a good example of an emotional hook in another subject/niche? I'm just trying to figure out a reference point
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      • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
        Originally Posted by RVS3 View Post

        Alright thanks, my copywriting skills are definitely the most in need of improvement.

        What would be a good example of an emotional hook in another subject/niche? I'm just trying to figure out a reference point
        Your hook will depend on who you're trying to reach.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Good effort though it needs polish. Who is your audience? What demographic are you trying to reach? A video series of wealth secrets for only $7? I don't know. People like a bargain but they're going to be scratching their heads and thinking that true wealth secrets should be selling for more than the price of a couple of lattes.

    You've also got some formatting issues going on. I could comment more but since I don't know what audience you're going after I'll wait. You might do well to look at some sales letters directed at your market and emulate what they're doing. Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author RVS3
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Good effort though it needs polish. Who is your audience? What demographic are you trying to reach? A video series of wealth secrets for only $7? I don't know. People like a bargain but they're going to be scratching their heads and thinking that true wealth secrets should be selling for more than the price of a couple of lattes.

      You've also got some formatting issues going on. I could comment more but since I don't know what audience you're going after I'll wait. You might do well to look at some sales letters directed at your market and emulate what they're doing. Good luck.
      Thanks for the advice, I'm in the wealth creation/entrepreneurship niche. I'm definitely considering raising the price, I just figured I'd give a bargain on the front end.
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      • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
        Originally Posted by RVS3 View Post

        Thanks for the advice, I'm in the wealth creation/entrepreneurship niche. I'm definitely considering raising the price, I just figured I'd give a bargain on the front end.
        Okay, wealth creation/entrepreneurship isn't a niche. It's a multi-billion, if not trillion dollar market. You need to break it down to something more manageable.
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        • Profile picture of the author RVS3
          Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

          Okay, wealth creation/entrepreneurship isn't a niche. It's a multi-billion, if not trillion dollar market. You need to break it down to something more manageable.
          Alright, wealth psychology for young professionals would be a more exact description.

          I'm not sure if that's precise enough.

          Keep it coming! I'm learning a lot
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          • Profile picture of the author ejullya
            Hi RV,

            I was thinking that you could also check out the copywriting section of the WF. I just went there and there are some good discussions about sale pages that may be of help to you.

            You can check it out here: The Copywriting Forum
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            • Profile picture of the author RVS3
              Originally Posted by ejullya View Post

              Hi RV,

              I was thinking that you could also check out the copywriting section of the WF. I just went there and there are some good discussions about sale pages that may be of help to you.

              You can check it out here: The Copywriting Forum
              Thanks ejullya, I'm about to check it out now
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  • Profile picture of the author ejullya
    Hi RV,

    I am sorry to disappoint you but I don't like it.

    First I did not like the fact you had a paypal button right smack under the headline. Even before you explain what the offer is all about. I know you have a headline and a subheadline but if you thought it is enough to make someone buy I your product why did you even bother to go further.

    I found it very drawn out and really hard to read. Too much white stuff in between your lines.

    Make bullet point lists to bring attention to what you are trying to say.

    Anyway, I don't think you put much thought into it. Just look at some successful products that are being sold and read the sales offers that are used to sell these products . Learn from them and then apply it to your sales page.

    This looks like a very raw draft of a sales page
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    • Profile picture of the author RVS3
      Originally Posted by ejullya View Post

      Hi RV,

      I am sorry to disappoint you but I don't like it.

      First I did not like the fact you had a paypal button right smack under the headline. Even before you explain what the offer is all about. I know you have a headline and a subheadline but if you thought it is enough to make someone buy I your product why did you even bother to go further.

      I found it very drawn out and really hard to read. Too much white stuff in between your lines.

      Make bullet point lists to bring attention to what you are trying to say.

      Anyway, I don't think you put much thought into it. Just look at some successful products that are being sold and read the sales offers that are used to sell these products . Learn from them and then apply it to your sales page.

      This looks like a very raw draft of a sales page
      Makes sense.. I got a lot of my formatting ideas from a guy that kills it in the IM niche, but I must be missing something crucial. Thanks for the advice I'm going to work on it right away!
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  • Profile picture of the author Randall Magwood
    Your whole site needs a re-design. At least throw some borders around the sales copy. For a motivational book, dont make it sound like something in the internet marketing niche. And lose the price of the course in the sub headline of your sales letter.
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  • Profile picture of the author Woodward82
    Get Your Business Abundance Blueprint Now
    Not very compelling from a customer standpoint

    College Entrepreneur hands you the same wealth secrets he learned from the ultra rich, used to quit his part time job and create his own money machine before graduating college
    The font runs together doesnt stand out, and frankly just doesnt grab my attention. I think the headline is to many words. Get short straight to the point with a creative twist.
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  • Profile picture of the author Malcolm Thomas
    As others have already stated you need to try to target a more smaller, more specific niche if your goal is to make as much money as quickly as possible.

    The sales copy seems alright but i think the design and layout of the site could use a little bit more work.

    You always want your site to look as professional as possible, especially if you're claiming to be the guy who is going to teach them how to make millions.

    Image and perception is everything.
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