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My First Landing Page, Need Critics And Help

by edpudol1973
25 replies
Finally, I have created my first landing page for my soon outsourcing service membership site, but I am not sure if the landing page I created appealing or can convert or not.

I know many warriors are expert in this matter, it's my first time to create a landing page and soon first time to create a sales page, and membership site, and maybe you can share your thoughts on my landing page how can I improve it and find target customers..

BTW my landing page url is http://www.lexorsoft.net

Thanks in advance
#critics #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author Desmond Ong
    where is your landing page?
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  • Profile picture of the author Tsnyder
    In general... I like it. The color scheme gives it a very dramatic feel.

    The things I'd tweak are:

    1. The font used for the name at the top. It's difficult to read.

    2. The headline. "Enjoy All These Services" isn't very compelling

    3. I'd reduce the size of the bullet point graphics.. the arrows
    and flower looking things. Their size kind of overpowers the text.

    4. I don't see a price. That, alone, isn't a problem but I see no
    compelling reason to opt in. Give me a price or tell me a story
    that gives me a reason to want to know what's on the other side.

    Tsnyder
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    • Profile picture of the author edpudol1973
      Originally Posted by Tsnyder View Post

      In general... I like it. The color scheme gives it a very dramatic feel.

      The things I'd tweak are:

      1. The font used for the name at the top. It's difficult to read.

      2. The headline. "Enjoy All These Services" isn't very compelling

      3. I'd reduce the size of the bullet point graphics.. the arrows
      and flower looking things. Their size kind of overpowers the text.

      4. I don't see a price. That, alone, isn't a problem but I see no
      compelling reason to opt in. Give me a price or tell me a story
      that gives me a reason to want to know what's on the other side.

      Tsnyder
      Hi Tsnyder,

      Thanks for the suggestion, I will fix those text size, and bullet size. Regarding Price, I am not sure if I am going to mention there now or later. And the story , what they are going to get. Because I am considering to put it on my sales page. Since I am not done yet with my sales page, and still completing the script for the site I have though to put the said landing page as initial promotion of the membership site.
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      • Profile picture of the author Tsnyder
        Originally Posted by edpudol1973 View Post

        Hi Tsnyder,

        Thanks for the suggestion, I will fix those text size, and bullet size. Regarding Price, I am not sure if I am going to mention there now or later. And the story , what they are going to get. Because I am considering to put it on my sales page. Since I am not done yet with my sales page, and still completing the script for the site I have though to put the said landing page as initial promotion of the membership site.
        I understand... but this is the first step in the process, right?

        If you don't give them a compelling reason to opt in they'll
        never get to see the information on your sales page.

        Tsnyder
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        • Profile picture of the author edpudol1973
          Originally Posted by Tsnyder View Post

          I understand... but this is the first step in the process, right?

          If you don't give them a compelling reason to opt in they'll
          never get to see the information on your sales page.

          Tsnyder
          I guess you have a point, I will try to put more info on the site... plus the amount they are expecting
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    • Profile picture of the author edpudol1973
      Originally Posted by Tsnyder View Post

      2. The headline. "Enjoy All These Services" isn't very compelling
      Any Suggestion? I am trying to think but I can't find a word or phrase that very compelling.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mr McDonald
    I like it , if i had to be critical its the company name at the top doesn't really stand out and is quite difficult to read. Possiblly something more than " Enjoy the services" to start off the page also.
    Other than that i like the black and blue colours, makes it look professional.

    Best wishes.
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  • Profile picture of the author indexphp
    Put your offer (i.e. opt-in) above the fold.
    ...and #2
    White with black text seems to convert the best for me.
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  • Profile picture of the author ChrisJamesG
    Really good freebies...made me join :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author Tyrus Antas
    Page focus heavily on "features". You might want to insert some benefits there: save time, make more money while spending more time with your family. Some people that visit your website might still not be sold on the idea of outsourcing, thats where the benefits come in.

    Having a small portfolio and/or a few testimonials also doesn't hurt.

    Good luck with your venture,
    Tyrus
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  • Profile picture of the author Elliott
    It mostly looks good to me. I would suggest making about 3 different versions- 1. Change "Cheap" to "Affordable". Sometimes "cheap" suggests "not such good quality".

    I think the headline is good, but for more "punch", maybe something like "Look! Nobody Beats Our Prices!" (I am not a professional copywriter.)

    You may have to split test several to find the best one, but it looks pretty good to me.

    Elliott
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  • Profile picture of the author edpudol1973
    Thank you very much guys, I have implemented most of the suggestion you've made...

    Hey Elliott, You're an old customer would you like to be one of our 10 trial members to try our service for a special price for a testimonials...
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    • Profile picture of the author xiaophil
      If you change "proffessional" to "professional" it will look more professional.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Hi,

    At the risk of repeating what some
    of the other guys have said, you
    definitely need to change to white
    bg and black text. It's just too
    tough to read right now.

    Bottom line, that's costing you money,
    right now...

    Next, if you're going to have such a long
    landing page, have an opt in box higher
    up too. Most visitors aren't going to
    scroll down that far so you'll lose them.

    Lastly, don't use Clickbank's images.

    It makes your company look cheap,
    and worse, it paints a picture of
    you not being trustworthy because
    you stole a pic from another site.

    If you get those aspects fixed, you'll
    most likely see an increase in your
    results.

    Good luck.

    -David Raybould
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  • Profile picture of the author Warrior Globetrotter
    Nice job! But I would replace the black background for white or off-white...black makes it look like an adult site and a little spammy if u know what i mean...

    The text in the first paragraph is a little redundant, where you mention the word "time" twice, etc...revise and make more brief, hope that helps
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  • Profile picture of the author Shakul
    Laptop with gold/yellow outlines doesnt look too professional...
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  • Profile picture of the author edpudol1973
    Hmmm... is it really best to make it white the back ground, since there are many recommendation with this I will try to make it whte background..

    thanks for the great suggestions
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      As others have mentioned, I didn't see anything too compelling. At least nothing that would make me want to opt-in.

      There's enough information for me to decide it's not for me, but not enough for me to make an informed decision.

      The page didn't make clear that this was a monthly membership. You stated the price as $127. Some people are going to decide that's a one-time payment and feel tricked when they find out it isn't.

      At this stage, you want to tease more. Raise questions without giving the complete answer. Right now you have a list of services and some bonus items, but no context of value. Who cares if you offer these services?

      Tap into the emotions of not having enough time, burn out from doing "grunt" work, having to ignore other tasks, etc.

      Something like "it takes an average person 10 minutes to submit an article to x places - would you like to know how to submit 300 in the same time?"

      Very rough, but I hope you see what I'm getting at...

      Edit:

      The first line in your sig is the kind of thing you want to offer. Couple that with the benefit of not having to find new outsourcers or fitting into their schedules, and you're on to something...
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  • Profile picture of the author traces2757
    In the first line, "Save time, don't waste your precious time in trial and error marketing your online business", "save time" should be left out altogether to avoid redundancy. It should simply start out as "Don't waste your precious time", etc.

    "or spending money and time researching and buying reports and ebooks of those so called gurus"

    That should be "buying reports and e-books from those so so-called gurus."

    Instead of "off line" you should write "offline" to make it look like more of the opposite of "online".

    Instead of writing "Plus you get the following for free monthly", you should write "Plus, each month you get the following for free". You might even want to leave out the "plus", but that's up to you.

    Just a few suggestions from an experienced proofreader and editor!

    I really like that opt-in form inside of the laptop computer. That looks sharp!
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  • Profile picture of the author petevamp
    The one thing that throws me off is the form on the screen of the notebook it plays tricks with the eyes is all. I do like the look of it but while scrolling since the form is not at the complete bottom. It plays tricks on the eyes and people my over look the form.
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    • Profile picture of the author edpudol1973
      Originally Posted by petevamp View Post

      The one thing that throws me off is the form on the screen of the notebook it plays tricks with the eyes is all. I do like the look of it but while scrolling since the form is not at the complete bottom. It plays tricks on the eyes and people my over look the form.
      Yah... I guess you're right I will be removing this image
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris Marentis
    The reverse type needs to go....
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  • Profile picture of the author TheAngelGuy
    I've opted in to white-on-black so I'm not sure it's as bad as others are preaching.

    However, you might want to move your opt-in form higher on the page, maybe above the "fold" - the first scrren area above having to scroll down. Someone interested might not realize that this is the point to the page and surf away from it.
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