Sales Letter Typos & Critique

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 05:28 PM

I just completed a sales letter and would love to have it checked for typos as it is amazing how often you can miss your own typos!

I would also welcome all critiques as I am sending this out to businesses in my community and you know how a prophet is never loved in his own country...and since I am no prophet I know that I only have one chance to get it right as there'll be no second chance to make a first impression.

This is the site: St. Lucia Travel Dollars

ShayRockhold · 05-07-2009, 07:34 PM

I haven't looked at the sales letter yet - I will in a minute - but you have the coolest screen name ever.

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 07:46 PM

Thank You Admiral and I'm honored to be in your esteemed company!

traces2757 · 05-07-2009, 07:49 PM

Okay, it looks like Shay has the proofreading covered so I'll leave it in her capable hands. I just wanted to agree about your screen name and say that I never noticed what was below Shay's name until now!

petevamp · 05-07-2009, 07:50 PM

I did a quick scim of that sales page you placed I did not see anything wrong nice design to by the way.

gb4biz · 05-07-2009, 08:01 PM

OMG,

I stumbled upon some Trekkies (hope I spelled it correctly). Hope you saw Heidi Klums pic at the premiere? Capt., I took a look and read halfway didn't see anything to that point (limited focus tonight). Anyway, nice looking site, excellent idea, "Good Luck"

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 08:02 PM

Shay's response piqued my curiosity and made me look. Funny thing is in my mind's eye I see her in uniform too!

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 08:04 PM

I'm waiting for it to hit the big screen in St. Lucia

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 08:06 PM

Oh, Thanks for your thoughts about the site

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 08:06 PM

Thank You Pete

ShayRockhold · 05-07-2009, 08:15 PM

Sending you a PM, Captain.

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 08:25 PM

Thank You Admiral,
I'll be waiting on the bridge!

ShayRockhold · 05-07-2009, 08:35 PM

LOL

PM sent.

CaptainKirk · 05-07-2009, 08:52 PM

Hey Shay...You Rock!...No pun intended.

Thank You Very Much

The way you are going is just fine and I am most appreciative.

This is my 1st attempt at using a sales letter and I am a bit apprehensive because my target audience is rather small and many of the people who I will email either know me or know of me. Plus living in a small community can be like living in Peyton Place so this will either fly if presented well or lanquish if it doesn't hit the sweet spot.

I will be getting testimonials shortly and they will go in the space that says "Testimonials Here"

I also have a concern about whether or not I have listed too many benefits and might bore my prospects with the overkill

Being 4 hrs ahead of me places you at 0GMT so are you in the UK?

I'm off to bed now, but look forward to your comments

Best Rgds,

Kirk

Tsnyder · 05-07-2009, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by petevamp

I did a quick scim of that sales page you placed I did not see anything wrong nice design to by the way.

Pete...

No offense intended but after reading your post I'm not
sure you're the guy I want proofing my writing... lol

Tsnyder

05-07-2009, 05:28 PM	#1
CaptainKirk HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 151 Thanks: 37 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Sales Letter Typos & Critique I just completed a sales letter and would love to have it checked for typos as it is amazing how often you can miss your own typos! I would also welcome all critiques as I am sending this out to businesses in my community and you know how a prophet is never loved in his own country...and since I am no prophet I know that I only have one chance to get it right as there'll be no second chance to make a first impression. This is the site: St. Lucia Travel Dollars

05-07-2009, 07:34 PM	#2
ShayRockhold StarFleet Admiral War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Delta Quadrant Posts: 1,844 Blog Entries: 10 Thanks: 1,363 Thanked 624 Times in 286 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique I haven't looked at the sales letter yet - I will in a minute - but you have the coolest screen name ever.
	"Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise" -- Cmdr. Riker [TNG - "Contagion"] ============================= I'm on TalkMarketingNow.com! 11 PM Eastern Time, Tuesdays. Join me! :D ============================= Shay Rockhold's Site and Blog

05-07-2009, 07:46 PM	#3
CaptainKirk HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 151 Thanks: 37 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique Thank You Admiral and I'm honored to be in your esteemed company!

05-07-2009, 07:49 PM	#4
traces2757 Deadbeat Cat to Support Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Spokane, WA Posts: 335 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 32 Thanked 42 Times in 21 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique Okay, it looks like Shay has the proofreading covered so I'll leave it in her capable hands. I just wanted to agree about your screen name and say that I never noticed what was below Shay's name until now!
	Tracy S Articles Written to Order - Discount for Warriors Internet Content Proofreading/Editing

05-07-2009, 07:50 PM	#5
petevamp CPA Marketing Emperor War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,386 Thanks: 32 Thanked 178 Times in 143 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique I did a quick scim of that sales page you placed I did not see anything wrong nice design to by the way.
	Ways to Make Extra Money \| Wind Power at Home \| Grow Taller 4 Idiots \| Alternative Fuel Source Options \| CPA Emperor Rule On Your CPA Network *Even If You are new to CPA* Create unlimited backlinks with our pad file submission service

05-07-2009, 08:01 PM	#6
gb4biz HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Gainesville, Va Posts: 122 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 60 Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts Social Networking	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique OMG, I stumbled upon some Trekkies (hope I spelled it correctly). Hope you saw Heidi Klums pic at the premiere? Capt., I took a look and read halfway didn't see anything to that point (limited focus tonight). Anyway, nice looking site, excellent idea, "Good Luck"
	You're Always Welcome to My Blog $1.00 AlwaysPLR Membership

05-07-2009, 08:02 PM	#7
CaptainKirk HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 151 Thanks: 37 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique Shay's response piqued my curiosity and made me look. Funny thing is in my mind's eye I see her in uniform too!

05-07-2009, 08:04 PM	#8
CaptainKirk HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 151 Thanks: 37 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique I'm waiting for it to hit the big screen in St. Lucia

05-07-2009, 08:06 PM	#9
CaptainKirk HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 151 Thanks: 37 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique Oh, Thanks for your thoughts about the site

05-07-2009, 08:15 PM	#11
ShayRockhold StarFleet Admiral War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Delta Quadrant Posts: 1,844 Blog Entries: 10 Thanks: 1,363 Thanked 624 Times in 286 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique Sending you a PM, Captain.
	"Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise" -- Cmdr. Riker [TNG - "Contagion"] ============================= I'm on TalkMarketingNow.com! 11 PM Eastern Time, Tuesdays. Join me! :D ============================= Shay Rockhold's Site and Blog

05-07-2009, 08:25 PM	#12
CaptainKirk HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 151 Thanks: 37 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique Thank You Admiral, I'll be waiting on the bridge!

05-07-2009, 08:35 PM	#13
ShayRockhold StarFleet Admiral War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Delta Quadrant Posts: 1,844 Blog Entries: 10 Thanks: 1,363 Thanked 624 Times in 286 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique LOL PM sent.
	"Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise" -- Cmdr. Riker [TNG - "Contagion"] ============================= I'm on TalkMarketingNow.com! 11 PM Eastern Time, Tuesdays. Join me! :D ============================= Shay Rockhold's Site and Blog

05-07-2009, 08:52 PM	#14
CaptainKirk HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 151 Thanks: 37 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Sales Letter Typos & Critique Hey Shay...You Rock!...No pun intended. Thank You Very Much The way you are going is just fine and I am most appreciative. This is my 1st attempt at using a sales letter and I am a bit apprehensive because my target audience is rather small and many of the people who I will email either know me or know of me. Plus living in a small community can be like living in Peyton Place so this will either fly if presented well or lanquish if it doesn't hit the sweet spot. I will be getting testimonials shortly and they will go in the space that says "Testimonials Here" I also have a concern about whether or not I have listed too many benefits and might bore my prospects with the overkill Being 4 hrs ahead of me places you at 0GMT so are you in the UK? I'm off to bed now, but look forward to your comments Best Rgds, Kirk