Any Advises on my new Squeezepage?

Pretty good. But why are you asking for advice if you're going to teach me how to make $1 billion online?

1. Remove the P.S. and put it somewhere else in the body.
2. Grammar mistake galore & poorly written - consider hiring professional copywriter.
3. The warning just made me go :confused:. OF COURSE I want to earn real money online. What should be up there is something like: Don't check this out if you're looking for "push-button", bla bla bla.
4. "As you already know, making real money online starts with identifying a niche..." (direct quote). What if I didn't already know that? What if I'm a complete newbie? (this is irrelevant if you're targeting "advanced" beginners ).

P.S. I'm opting in, lol.

I think it's way too busy. Just have your headline, your opt in form. Done.

You don't give away any real benefits in terms of the person subscribing - step by step blah blah blah is the process by which you will get some sort of benefit. What is it, and why? Sell the sizzle not the steak.

Nobody will scroll down. Anything below the fold is a waste of time.

Probably not the best idea to be giving advice on making a billion dollar just yet. I know, fake it till you make it - but beware that this doesn't end up looking like a scam itself.

On the other hand - good on you for making the effort to try.

All in all you shouldn't be asking us for feedback, but instead test your page thoroughly, then you can tell us how well it converts...

Hi Zypheus,

Saying that you will teach anyone to make a billion dollars looks like a scam.

Other than that, your squeeze page is quite busy and poorly worded. I'll PM you. How are you sending traffic to the site?

Chris

I think the Copwriting Forum would be a better place to ask? They're the professional squeeze-page writers, really: The Copywriting Forum

My own comments, for what they're worth ...

(i) I think the "Billion Dollar" claim in the heading looks terribly hypey/scammy and loses a lot of credibility. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't dream of reading on, myself, after seeing that: that's a kind of "immediate dismissal", for many people;

(ii) I think if you were to split-test the bright red color against dark blue/dark green, the red would perform worse (that's been the outcome of every similar split-test I've seen myself, but you should still test it for yourself);

(iii) I think there's far too much content;

(iv) I think it's a big mistake to use these lines in which Every Word Starts With An Upper Case Letter - research has shown that that slows down people's eye/brain coordination, when reading, and it actually reduces the proportion of people reading it ("strange but true"?);

(v) I think it's a mistake to ask for people's names as well as their email addresses, for all the reasons explained and discussed in this thread: http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...ml#post7934937 (and there are also many other threads here in which successful Warriors comment on how much better they've done since not asking for people's names as well);

(vi) I think - since you like Capital Letters so much - you might give "ClickBank" and "Amazon" their capital letters in the last sentence - and the "S" where it says "P.S." should also be in upper case;

(viii) I think the concatenation of exit pop-ups/pages is truly horrible, and will serve to ensure only that nobody who leaves the page without signing up will ever return: to me, it all looks absolutely desperate, and "as scammy as you can get".

And there are many other problems, to be honest. If this does build a list, it probably won't be a responsive list of people who'll buy anything from/through you. Pro-copywriters' opinions would help you.

My, oh my ... how do I begin? :rolleyes:

First, on the page you say you will review the "billion dollar niche", then you say you'll review the niche in which billions of dollars are spent, and then in the free ebook you say "Achieving Financial Freedom Slowly but Surely". I'm sorry, but this makes little sense and there's just no ... (what is that word I'm looking for?) :confused:

Second, after I sign-up for your $47-worth ebook, which I receive for free, I am redirected to a sales page for a product that costs $17. Now, why would I buy this product and not stick with the free one, which you claim is worth $47? Makes no sense to me.

There are many other problems, but I have to leave now. If you're interested, I can come back tomorrow or tonight and point some of them out to you.

Go into a different niche.

Make the squeeze page more simple, too many distractions.

You want to collect email and provide a solid headline.

Everything else can wait, leave the potential subscriber wanting more.

send traffic to it and a/b test it. thats the best way to really get the best product for your squeeze page. if you're low on money just hit it up using free traffic methods. fb group posts, blog commenting, etc. then you should be able to make good progress and see what converts best