Ok hit me with your opinions!!!

15 years ago

Your sub headline is bigger than your headline, something's not right there.

The score on your original headline was 133... the score on this one here is 333, it's a stronger statement:

Start Site Flipping and CASH IN on this Hot Marketing Trend Before it's Too Late!

Your subheadline scored a -96 This one still needs tweaking, but it ranks at 184:

Discover a Surefire Way to Build Thriving Streams of Income with NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY!

You address this to Fellow Marketer... So your targeted market are Internet Marketers?

What if I'm new to the internet, heard about sight flipping on the radio, search and find your site? If I'm not an internet marketer, I guess your site isn't for me?

Your title tags need to be set to your targeted keywords.

I guess what you need to KNOW is the answer to this question:

Who is your customer?

When you know who your customer is, then that is when you write them a letter, a sales letter. I said customer, not customers, or market etc... I said customer.

[Admission - Have not read past a few lines into the sales letter. I skimmed the rest as didn't have the time to do a full site review]

Imagine that person sitting in front of you.

They ask you "Why do I need to learn this?" Tell them

They ask you "What is it?" Tell them. Tell them the concepts, history, and theory.

They ask you "How do I do it?" Tell them, a little on the page but obviously there's more in the product.

They ask you "What would happen if I went and implemented this right now? What will I get?" Tell them

If all of those are answered on the page then it should be good.

Also, I noticed a couple of the testimonial boxes were broken.

Sorry I didn't have time to do more.

Thanks

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Sheryl Polomka

15 years ago

Ok thanks Michael, I will look into all of that. I really have no idea what you mean though when you are giving scores on the headings????

Also, can I ask what you are viewing it in??? That's my number 4 that slipped my mind - I was going to ask what it looked like in Firefox, I am viewing it in Internet Explorer and looks ok, the testimonial boxes look ok too, maybe I need to download firefox to look at it.

Thanks

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Bruce NewMedia

15 years ago

Sheryl, just a few things as I am running somewhere:

Header is too big and competes with the more important headline and subhead.

You really need to develop a headline with a 'hook'. Yours is plain vanilla. Nothing to cause someone to read the letter, imo.

The sales letter doesn't even really start until ""Site flipping is the answer" subhead. etc. Before that it does not capture any attention or interest.

Overall, I would look at it this way: There are many site flipping courses. There are also membership sites.

So, what makes YOUR product different? Unique?

Where's examples of your success stories? Actual sites? Profits made? etc.

So, there's room for improvement, imo. Good Luck.

(also the broken testimonial boxes show up in Firefox 3)
_____
Bruce

Thanks
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Terry Hatfield

15 years ago

Hi Sheryl,

I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but the sales letter is really, really, bad.

I can tell that it was written by someone who doesn't have much if any experience writing direct response ads. If you wrote the letter I am sorry to be so blunt with you.

The headline lacked a specific benefit that would interest someone. The closest they came was in the ps of the letter saying make up to 1000 per site.

The beginning of the letter talks about how much work it is going to be to do this. You never want to put emphasis on the work. You want to paint the picture of how easy it is going to be.

It didn't mention your site flipping experience at all and tell your story to build any credibility.

It didn't really build empathy with the reader and paint the dream and let them know you feel what they are going through. The reader wants to . . .
work from home
pay for kids education
travel
spend time with family

The product is secondary it is just the path to reach their goals and dreams!

The copy wasn't emotional at all, was very dry no exciting text.

I am sorry it is not a good letter. I hope you didn't pay to much for it. I believe a person should get pay for their work. But in this case I would demand a refund.

Whoever you hired is trying to learn the ropes at your expense. And it really bothers me when I see this happen. If someone wants to be a copywriter they should learn on their own dime. Not Yours!

There is much more to writing a salesletter than just having a template and filling in the blanks.

The best thing that you can do is go look at others salesletters and model the info in them that got you excited and kept your interest and made you want to buy. Put these elements in your own letters.

Hope this helps,
Terry

Thanks
2 replies

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mscopeland 15 years ago

With all of that said Sheryl, go ahead and make it active.

Then just makeit better. You will not make money unless you have that buy button so I'd recommend making it live and do the changes suggested here... Don't wait.
- Thanks
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Sheryl Polomka

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Terry Hatfield

Hi Sheryl,

I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but the sales letter is really, really, bad.

I can tell that it was written by someone who doesn't have much if any experience writing direct response ads. If you wrote the letter I am sorry to be so blunt with you.

The headline lacked a specific benefit that would interest someone. The closest they came was in the ps of the letter saying make up to 1000 per site.

The beginning of the letter talks about how much work it is going to be to do this. You never want to put emphasis on the work. You want to paint the picture of how easy it is going to be.

It didn't mention your site flipping experience at all and tell your story to build any credibility.

It didn't really build empathy with the reader and paint the dream and let them know you feel what they are going through. The reader wants to . . .
work from home
pay for kids education
travel
spend time with family

The product is secondary it is just the path to reach their goals and dreams!

The copy wasn't emotional at all, was very dry no exciting text.

I am sorry it is not a good letter. I hope you didn't pay to much for it. I believe a person should get pay for their work. But in this case I would demand a refund.

Whoever you hired is trying to learn the ropes at your expense. And it really bothers me when I see this happen. If someone wants to be a copywriter they should learn on their own dime. Not Yours!

There is much more to writing a salesletter than just having a template and filling in the blanks.

The best thing that you can do is go look at others salesletters and model the info in them that got you excited and kept your interest and made you want to buy. Put these elements in your own letters.

Hope this helps,
Terry

Thanks Terry - no I didn't write it myself, I purchased it in a WSO. I have emailed the writer to see what we can do with it. I decided to purchase as I am completely hopeless at sales pages myself.

With all of that said Sheryl, go ahead and make it active.

Then just makeit better. You will not make money unless you have that buy button so I'd recommend making it live and do the changes suggested here... Don't wait.

I am submitting it soon to Clickbank and once it gets approval from there I will make it live. I'm still just putting a few finishing touches on one of the ebooks too.

There is a bunch of unneeded text at the bottom of the page. As well as what looks to be a broken link.

The only text at the bottom is the PS, I don't think that's unneeded. The link is broken because I haven't put the live links in as yet.

The page is far too wide and it needs something a little more interesting to grab the viewer's attention than a few ebook images.

The testimonials are in boxes that look like death or funeral announcements - do they really need such huge black borders? The border round the page could be thinner too.

Don't forget to put the order button at the bottom of the page.

With most pages like this (this seems to built on a very popular template) I often get a sense of urgency or valuable information but the writing style here left me feeling 'so what?'. This could be simply because it took too long to scan each line across the width of the page.

I wouldn't mind some other opinions on these comments. I don't plan on changing my graphics other than perhaps making the header a bit smaller and I used the black in the testimonial boxes to blend with the graphics.

Is the page too wide? It looks ok to me, but if everyone else thinks that it is too wide I may change it so some more opinions on that would be good.

Sheryl, just a few things as I am running somewhere:

Header is too big and competes with the more important headline and subhead.

You really need to develop a headline with a 'hook'. Yours is plain vanilla. Nothing to cause someone to read the letter, imo.

The sales letter doesn't even really start until ""Site flipping is the answer" subhead. etc. Before that it does not capture any attention or interest.

Overall, I would look at it this way: There are many site flipping courses. There are also membership sites.

So, what makes YOUR product different? Unique?

Where's examples of your success stories? Actual sites? Profits made? etc.

So, there's room for improvement, imo. Good Luck.

(also the broken testimonial boxes show up in Firefox 3)

Thanks Bruce, that gives me some good points to work with.

Thanks

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artwebster

15 years ago

The page is far too wide and it needs something a little more interesting to grab the viewer's attention than a few ebook images.

The testimonials are in boxes that look like death or funeral announcements - do they really need such huge black borders? The border round the page could be thinner too.

Don't forget to put the order button at the bottom of the page.

With most pages like this (this seems to built on a very popular template) I often get a sense of urgency or valuable information but the writing style here left me feeling 'so what?'. This could be simply because it took too long to scan each line across the width of the page.

Thanks

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George Sepich

15 years ago

I would change the template, maybe go with one without a header and a more prominent and powerful headline to start.

George

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Sheryl Polomka

15 years ago

Thanks miseme, much appreciated and some good ideas there. I will have a lot of tweaking to do I think

Thanks
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mscopeland 15 years ago

I agree but let me tell you a story of a friend of mine.

He wrote a book targeting women in a specific niche. This is a seasonal niche and his book was done long before the season began. He put up his page and had women critique it. They said it needed to be more feminized in the copywriting, the colors used on the site, and images.

So, he decided to hire a female copywriter, to do the writing for the targeted market. The problem was, he was waiting to save up enough to hire her and instead of launching, missed his window of opportunity.

After me pushing him to no end, he finally put the buy button on the page, with no marketing at all. He still made sales. Now he is making the changes for this season, but the season is upon us and sales are happening on the non-feminized page. Something he didn't think could happen.

We as internet marketers feel like we have to have the best, perfect site, but people who are searching and finding don't care much. If you have what they want, they'll buy from you no matter how bad you think your page is.

If you make one sale every 2 weeks and make a change that gets you 1 sale a week, that just doubled your income. Another change could get you 2 sales a week.

I hope you are able to get the first issue of Internet Marketer Magazine. I talk about this in the article I wrote. In fact all the articles are focused on Getting back to basics.

You're there!
- Thanks
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Sheryl Polomka

15 years ago

Thanks Michael, I think I will aim at getting the finishing touches on the book and getting it accepted by Clickbank, then while it is live I will play around with the sales page until I get it right.

I've had some really good advice here and I thank everyone.

Thanks

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Ok hit me with your opinions!!!

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