I asked someone to tell me what they thought of it and they said it's too long and too wordy. They also said something about it not being in my voice.
But I don't think this is a problem. It's essentially a sales page, and I've heard over and over again that it should be as long as it needs to be. As for it not being in my voice, I disagree. Again, it's a sales page, it's different to the actual book, it's meant to do the selling, so obviously it would be a bit salesy.
Here's a link to Steve Scott's book description : How to Write a Nonfiction eBook in 21 Days - That...
He's apparently quite a successful author, so I thought it would be wise to model mine on his.
So is 518 words too long? I mean it only takes 2 minutes to read. I don't think that's too long.