I shake my head....

[Anna Johnson]

So we post a job on an outsourcing website in the hope of adding someone to our team.

We specifically say "DON'T APPLY if" the applicant hasn't scored extremely highly in specific tests including English.

And then we get all these responses of which the following is indicative:

"We don’t meet your qualifications, but we are applying.. We have not passed English test.. But if you can understand our other qualities than you will realize that we have good understanding power because you have already a very good explaining power."

I shake my head...

[nvs74191]

what are you trying to outsource? writing? site maintenance?

[pearlydean]

I know it's amazing how people don't listen or read what you put when recruiting staff. I remember years ago when I was recruiting for an offline business of mine. I needed someone to handle customer enquiries in a particular market here in the UK. The applicant needed to be fully conversant with the English language and someone turned up with an interpreter as they couldn't speak English.....

[Nigel Greaves]

It wasn't from that Crazy Ann Sue was it Anna?

[mywebwork]

Originally Posted by Anna Johnson

you have already a very good explaining power.

I guess your "explaining power" could use a little improvement!



Bill

[Ken Leatherman]

Anna most likely it was that Hillbilly Marketer. You know that kissin cuzin of Crazy Ann Sue? Whooee! waht a marriage that has been.

Buy the way I kin start officialy on Munday and this here is my picture, but that thare one at the Post Office looks more like me.

Well my sister is also my wife, my aunty and my mom! on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Puleeze, all my paydays are in advance for 6 mthons.

Ken
The Old Geezer

[The Copy Nazi]

Anna, I think you might enjoy this. Originally posted on my blog. Dumbass things people put on Resumés and job applications.

I am very detail-oreinted.
My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.
I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
I am a rabid typist.
I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
Special skills: Thyping.
My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
I can play well with others.
Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.
Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.
Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.
Referees available upon request.
Previous rank: Senior instigator.
I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
Strengths: Impersonal skills.
Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
Vocational plans: Sea World.

[Anna Johnson]

You guys have cracked me up even further!

How about this then - someone else with about the same command of English re-applied for the same project, except that their quote was about a third higher.

Hmmm... not sure where this person learned that if you are not qualified to do a job... and have your application rejected... then the logical next step is to re-apply at a much higher price...

Maybe Crazy Ann Sue is behind this, after all!

[Kay King]

I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.

I rather like that one!

[Justin Mandel]

Sad thing is this makes very good sense to me


[quote=Anna Johnson;874318

"But if you can understand our other qualities than you will realize that we have good understanding power because you have already a very good explaining power."
[/quote]

[ken_p]

LOL, i am laughing so hard, at all the posts. It only shows, that there are more and more people that are desperate for jobs, and getting really aggressive at applying , even if they know, beforehand that they dont qualify.

turning up with an interpreter is totally hilarious. i wonder how much he/she paid the interpreter? arent they costly?

[diger]

Great post.........Shaking your head - grin and bare? it.
Are we missing something here? To many times us promoters put out an opporunity seeker type ad and make it as "pointed" as possible. But the reader has to send in his name and email address to find out exactly what the product and/or service is.

He/She may not be interested in pills, Victoria's secret, juice, legal service, overpriced travel, etc.. Shouldn't be a problem, just smile and hit "delete".

diger - Richard Morrison

[Richard Tunnah]

Anna,
You're not alone. Same thing happened to me a week or so back. I noted any applicant needed good English in all forms (reading, writing and speaking). Some of the replies I got were funny and annoying like I quote 'I english good so will do veri good job four you' :O


Rich

[queenbuzzy]

It happens all the time in my field...I work with Market Researchers, (specifically, Mystery Shoppers) and clients NEED specific people.

So, I send out an email looking for 25-35year old females who drive a late-model Honda, (as an example) and sure as sh*t I get replies from people saying, "Well, I don't have a Honda, but would a Hundai do?"

People aren't good at disqualifying themselves, so the best thing to do is just ignore 'em. There's always a few out there!

[DougBangkok]

I hereby submit my application as Nuclear Test Ingineer. Altho I never completed Hi School, I am sure I can learn quickly how to handle nuclear materials as I own a pair of work boots and hevy gloves, the kind construction men use.

[Jeffery]

There are a lot people in this world with difficulties and even disabilities. The world would be a better place if the more educated and fortunate would be more understanding.

How many of us have come here for help with our difficulties and have been helped by people where the English language is difficult for them?

I am sorry, even though there are some funny remarks in this thread, I almost have to use the word disgusting.

I shake my head...

Jeffery 100% :-)

[Thaddaeus T. Hogg]

Well dadburnit Miz Anna, iffin yew thought my writin' was a bit powerful, I cud've toned it down a bit fer ya! See, I dun went all the way thru the third grade and gradiated at the top of my class. I wus on the top row of them thar bleachers!

An cud yew be a tellin that thar Miz C. A. Sue thut old Thad dun gots a crush on her. Why, she is purtier than a four hunnert pound sow rootin' in the slop pen! Whooooo weeeee!

By the by Miz Anna, iffin yew be a needin' anuther high falutin writer, I mite jest be abligin ta squeeze yew in fer a poolitzer prize winnin article. My writin rates is purty steep rat now but folk a yer mean shud be able to afford $0.27 per article. Iffin yew interduced me to thut thar C. A. Sue, I MITE jest drop in down to $0.32 fer an article but I wudn't dew that fer jest anyfolk!

Anna most likely it was that Hillbilly Marketer. You know that kissin cuzin of Crazy Ann Sue? Whooee! waht a marriage that has been.

Mr. Leatherman, tain't been no marrian cause we ain't be exposed yet!

[kenboss]

Metronicity, I am charging you with posting with intent to cause bodily harm, because I am dying here on the floor with laughter!!!

Ken

[marmo]

Thanks ! I haven't laughed in like two + months and this made me laugh so hard my sides are still hurting !

[work_at_home_mom]

Originally Posted by Anna Johnson

So we post a job on an outsourcing website in the hope of adding someone to our team.

We specifically say "DON'T APPLY if" the applicant hasn't scored extremely highly in specific tests including English.

And then we get all these responses of which the following is indicative:

"We don’t meet your qualifications, but we are applying.. We have not passed English test.. But if you can understand our other qualities than you will realize that we have good understanding power because you have already a very good explaining power."

I shake my head...

These people simply don't understand English, don't know how to follow instructions, or just stubborn.

[peter gibson]

OK that just right cracked me up. LO frikin L. By the way, this seconds my request to warriorforum for a "shaking head" smiley!

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by kenboss

Metronicity, I am charging you with posting with intent to cause bodily harm, because I am dying here on the floor with laughter!!!

Ken

Mate, I've had that on my blog for about four years and it still cracks me up whenever I read it again. I mean really cracks me up. To the point where the Missus just looks at me and shakes her head.

[Marc Jager]

Jeff what are YOU shaking your head about?? If an ad specifically say "DON'T APPLY if" XXX I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it if you had to take calls from 100 people applying with XXX!!!

[btheiler]

Exactly, that's just kind of ridiculous. Its just common sense really. If you don't have XXX then don't apply, its in black and white.

[Gabe77]

@metronicity lol! lol!

Couldn't stop laughing here. That's totally hilarious!

[HarrisonJ]

Sometimes it good to have people who apply who don't meet the listed qualifications. Means they will likely work harder in my experience.

[Paul Myers]

Jeffery,

There are a lot people in this world with difficulties and even disabilities. The world would be a better place if the more educated and fortunate would be more understanding.

I don't see anyone disparaging others for their second language skills. (Good thing, too, as I haven't had any since high school.)

Anna's OP did not use an example in which the description said, "People with X, Y, and Z qualifications will receive preference." It said, "You must have X." If it says "must," and the respondent starts with, "I don't," there's a problem, barring a really, really good explanation. Shaking your head at such things is hardly abusive.

I've been through discussions like this with programmers. "Must be usable in a standard current LAMP environment." "But you're better off doing that on the desktop!" "Why?" "Blah, blah, blah." "That won't accomplish the stated goal, as outlined in the project summary. Go away."

Next.

Are there exceptions? Sure. I had one programmer rip my idea apart, and provide me with a completely rewritten spec which accomplished the goal (and a few others I hadn't considered) far better than my idea would have. He got the job, and two others later.

BTW... the program was written at a time when I was using Windows 98. It still works flawlessly in Vista.


Paul

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by Paul Myers

BTW... the program was written at a time when I was using Windows 98.

Windows 98 - oh what fond memories I have of that beast - like being woken in the middle of the night by the computer turning itself on after being commanded by its zombie master. Scared the crap out of me. Which is the reason I went across to Mac.

[Thallewell]

Competing with people like this makes me think that my level of success in life is not really deserved, but more success by default, simply because there is so little quality competition.

As long as dummies keep breeding there will be less competition and more customers, not a bad combination.

Thallewell

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Anna, I think you might enjoy this. Originally posted on my blog. Dumbass things people put on Resumés and job applications.

I am very detail-oreinted.
My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.
I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
I am a rabid typist.
I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
Special skills: Thyping.
My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
I can play well with others.
Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.
Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.
Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.
Referees available upon request.
Previous rank: Senior instigator.
I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
Strengths: Impersonal skills.
Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
Vocational plans: Sea World.

[sts2k]

as they say c'est la vie

Originally Posted by Anna Johnson

So we post a job on an outsourcing website in the hope of adding someone to our team.

We specifically say "DON'T APPLY if" the applicant hasn't scored extremely highly in specific tests including English.

And then we get all these responses of which the following is indicative:

"We don’t meet your qualifications, but we are applying.. We have not passed English test.. But if you can understand our other qualities than you will realize that we have good understanding power because you have already a very good explaining power."

I shake my head...

[seasoned]

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Anna, I think you might enjoy this. Originally posted on my blog. Dumbass things people put on Resumés and job applications.

I am very detail-oreinted.

That becomes obvious!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

NAW, let's speak of it anyway! 8-)

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!

I'm not short!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

OK, what does my dog have to do with this?

Originally Posted by Metronicity

It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

Obviously!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

Let's not!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.

I'd rather you carry your own weight!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.

WOW, did it come with a SASE!?

Originally Posted by Metronicity

My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.

OK, superstitious!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.

WOW, what a way of stating it!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some.

HEY, he's kind of honest. 8-)

Originally Posted by Metronicity

If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.

I guess his shoes are tattered!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.

Hasn't worked in a while!

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.

"New age!"

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
I am a rabid typist.
I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
Special skills: Thyping.
My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
I can play well with others.
Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.
Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.
Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.
Referees available upon request.
Previous rank: Senior instigator.
I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
Strengths: Impersonal skills.
Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
Vocational plans: Sea World.

Too easy! Is this a setup!?!?

For more fun, let that gerbil out of the cage!

Steve

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by seasoned

Too easy! Is this a setup!?!?

For more fun, let that gerbil out of the cage!

Steve

"Hope to hear from you shorty."

[seasoned]

Originally Posted by Metronicity

"Hope to hear from you shorty."

My favorite part might be:

Self-employed-a fiasco.
Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
I am a rabid typist.
I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.

Was the apparent lack of memory, referring to math twice on the last line, intentional?

I WOULD like to find some nice and pretty bachelorette that is into computers though!

And I hope people realize I don't USUALLY do this. I just couldn't resist, I wanted to be funny, and it is an appropriate place.

Steve

[JoMo]

Holy **** metro. That was frikkin hilarious! Thanks, I needed that.

[Sean Kelly]

Add this line to your next project description:

"PM me the word 'understood' when you place your bid so I know you understand English and the project requirements."

99% of your bidders will fail to do this. Try it.. I'm not joking.

If they can't understand this simple request what kind of success are you going to have in getting them to do what you want?

Sean

[Scott Ames]

Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.

This one cracked me up for some reason.

[Martin Luxton]

Anna,

You should try working with British Job Centres (or whatever they are called these days).

You gave them specific requirements and they would just send everybody who happened to be near to having their benefits cut off.

I remember one recruitment specialist saying over 80% of CVs were rejected without getting near a decision maker (too long, badly presented, bad spelling, wrong profile, didn't follow instructions . . .).

Having been responsible for hiring people for a few years I think that 80% might be a tad on the low side.

Martin

[Slyknight]

Originally Posted by Anna Johnson

And then we get all these responses of which the following is indicative:

"We don’t meet your qualifications, but we are applying.. We have not passed English test.. But if you can understand our other qualities than you will realize that we have good understanding power because you have already a very good explaining power."

I shake my head...

I giggled when I read these. I know these responses are annoying but they are just trying out their lucks. Give them a break :P