Finding it difficult to keep going; What did you do in this situation?

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum. I guess I should tell you a bit about myself. My real name is Dennis. I'm 19 and I am a failed A-level student. I was supposed to be the guy who was going to go 'far'. The brilliant performer. Everyone thought that I was fairly smart and I was going to clean up the exams. Well they had another thing coming. One morning in the 11th of August in the year 2008, I woke up to check my UCAS page (University application website where you see if the university you applied for has accepted or rejected you based on your grades, but you don't get to see your actual grades) with my eyes closed.

I hoped and hoped for the best and as my eyelids slowly parted, I saw REJECTED in glorious bold print. Everything stopped. Could I still be dreaming? Maybe I was asleep right? So I shook my head and pinched and did this and that and yeah, this was real. Maybe they'd made a mistake. I hit F5 to refresh the page. It was still there. I got scared. In fact I delayed the collection of my results by a whole week. Everyone would ask me and I'd make up an excuse. When I finally got them they were disappointing. Two C's and a D. I wasn't surprised. I had earned that. I didn't revise. I just wasn't motivated enough.


You see, a few months before, I had a complete change of attitude. My first year of A-levels had been okay. I got mostly B's and I was determined to turn them into A's with a few re-takes and I did. But I got sidetracked somehow. I researched some of the wealthiest people in the world and it seemed that a lot of them either left school or dropped out. I then researched the life of most professional careers. While a lot earned great incomes, it was a life of work work and more work. I then got discouraged because I didn't want that for myself. I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I didn't mind working extra hard if it was for myself. Hell' I'd work all day everyday if it was for myself. Then a few things went wrong with my personal life round about when I should have begun revising intensively for my exams and my focus was sidetracked even further. To make a long story short, it wasn't a surprise to me at all that my results came out the way they did.


So why didn't I resit them? They could be corrected right? Well about that ... I have a problem with following through. I also had a big problem with the revelation I had just had. Work for 40 plus years to earn a pension? I didn't like it. So I set about to find my special something. I was eager to serve but I wanted to go my own way and start a business. I wasn't particularly brilliant at anything (maybe education but I'd just stuffed that) but I was a jack of all trades, just a master of none. That could be useful I figured. Well thats where I find myself at now. Still looking. And then something seemed to change ...


A few days ago I stumbled upon this site. I actually searched 'self improvement forum' because I'd reached a tipping point. I'd had enough of peoples judgments and I wanted to change for the better, forever. Boy was I excited. I felt like I had finally got my big break. Like this was it! The information was not so different to a gold mine. I then set about absorbing the information and started to create action plans. Before I knew it I got hold of Roshan C's guide and thought I'd test run that and see if I could get results. I was so enthusiastic and had so many goals and my first was to replicate my monthly income with the marketing. Ultimately I wanted to take my skills off line. Always ambitious!

I chose the fitness niche because it's what I know best however, I took a different angle since it's rather competitive. It was all going to plan until I woke up this morning and set about refining my knowledge on submitting links and the like. I just found it so demoralising when I read through some of the posts and I encountered terms like 'ping' and some of the abbreviations used like 'PLR' and numerous other terms that mean nothing to me. It's so easy to lose your sense of direction trying to figure what everything means. So far I've managed to write 8 articles and my target was 20. Even that is difficult to do since it turns that most of my keywords have no commercial intent what so ever. I've also tried to put myself in the mind of a potential buyer and I realised that there was no way I would use those keywords if i was intending to buy anything at all .


The thing is it's not my first time trying this out. I once registered a few domains and tried my hand at affiliate marketing some months back but it didn't work out. I also bought a DVD full of digital products for resale but that didn't work out too. Now I'm having such a difficult time coping with the jargon used around the site. I wish there was an FAQ page with a huge list of definitions because reading some of the posts, while they have such valuable information is almost confusing (maybe there is and I'm just being daft, if there is I'd be glad to see it ).


I am by all means not desperate for money. I've got a part-time job that covers all my expenses but I don't get to enjoy life since this is all it's enough for . Some guy at the gym told me that my job (I sell mobile phones) was much like working at McDonalds, basically tying to say it was sh*t. He always asks me about my 'entrepreneurial ventures' with a smug look on his face (he has his own plumbing company) and I always tell him that I'm working on finding something. I feel like I have found my 'something' with IM. I can sit at the computer all day without any problems. I can find almost anything on the internet with google and I figured I could use that skill to find the best keywords. I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur ... much to the disgust of my peers and my parents who always wanted me to take the conventional route and go to university and get a job and work all of my life. They actually wanted me to be a doctor but I can't survive a minute in a hospital. I flatly refused because I felt there was a better way. I believed and still do that one doesn't have to catch the train or drive through the morning traffic. That one doesn't have to spend a good deal of time working for someone else and having their income dictated. While I help pay the bills and pay my own way, I cant help but think that my friends and my parents think that I am wasting my life away. I can see the look they give me when I tell them I am not at university, as if that is supposed to be the holy grail of success and those who choose to snub it are doomed forever. My girlfriend thinks I just sit there doing nothing all day and while some days this rings true, the thought of future success never leaves my mind. I want this so badly. I want success, even on a mediocre level and then I can build upon it.

I know I haven't been in marketing long in comparison to some but it's more the journey that lead me here that bears heavy on me. I actually came to England from Africa in 2003 and life over here hasn't been as smooth as we had expected. In fact it's not been nice at all and it's mostly been financial problems. I also know that in comparison to some people who have tried and failed for so long, my little problem is nothing compared to what some people have gone through but I can't help but feel this way. I always try and remember what I am doing this for. I'm doing it to prove myself to be just as competent at earning my living as anybody else out there, be it a Bachelors degree or a Doctorate. I just want the people who matter to me most to start to believe in me again and I want to help my girlfriend transition through her university smoothly without any financial concerns. I also want to create a lifestyle that I have always wanted for me and my family and build something that will live on for many generations to come.


I just feel burned out right now. I'm running out of ideas for my articles, I cant seem to concentrate and my mind constantly wanders. I get these negative thoughts telling me to give it up because I just won't make it . I also have to try and figure out what some of the highly recommended articles mean. I was on the verge of applying to be a stock-broker because of all the pressure I got from everyone. They say I need a 'proper job'. I talked myself out of the stock broker thing but it's still an option even though the current climate would make it nigh on impossible to secure employment.
Anyway I just felt like ranting. I'm so frustrated at myself for not being able to understand some of the best articles on the site. I just wanted to know how everyone stays motivated and focused. It's a little hard for me at the moment.

Dennis