How to not be a Help Vampire, be respected, and improve your business at the same time

4 replies
It seems to be a hot topic around here lately about people asking for help and not getting it. I've been in that situation, wanting to be a member of a community and not "getting it". Or wondering why people were slow and reluctant to come to my aid, or even mocking me when I asked, etc. Here's a nice little rule of thumb that will help you if you are in that situation right now.

If you follow it, not only will you be more accepted and respected anywhere you go, but you will also improve your own productivity, boost your business, and increase your self-esteem. It's a very subtle thing for sure, but it's real. And that little rule is:

Talk only about what you did, not about what you're going to do.

When you want to share something with people, and this includes WF as well as anywhere else, make sure you're talking about something you have already done... instead of what you're going to do, what you plan on doing, what you're trying to do, or what you'd like to do.

Haven't done anything yet? Then first do something - do anything - and then come on here and tell us about it. Force yourself to only start discussions and ask questions about things that you have already done. Ask advice based only on specific results that you want to improve.

First do it, then talk about it.

I started applying this little rule back when I was a line-cook in the back of a heavily trafficked fine dining restaurant - an environment which is nowhere as friendly and welcoming as this forum is, let me tell you. But thanks to keeping it in mind, slowly I was able to carve out my own niche and stand on my own feet in the kitchen.

You'll notice the difference slowly at first... but when people around you notice that you've stopped talking about future plans and ambiguous questions and doubts... and now only talk about concrete steps that you already took and results that you have in your hand... they will stop and listen to you more readily, they will take what you say into consideration, and they will be way more likely to respond.

Obviously there are exceptions - such as when you're contemplating dropping $1,000 into a coaching program you're not 100% on, or thinking about doing some morally questionable stuff - but it's a good guideline to keep in mind.
#business #improve #respected #time #vampire
  • Profile picture of the author khemystx
    That's a great commentary on action versus futurespeak. I'm about to post my first request for help on my site, and I hope I observe this rule. Definitely applicable to all aspects of life!
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  • Profile picture of the author Harry Behrens
    Thanks Jillian, I don't really mean for this to be a real part of the "Help Vampires" thing (or I would have posted it in that thread) but wanted to mention it as one of the benefits that having this "philosophy" brings.

    Still, good to have that context so people see what I mean by the term
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    - Harry Behrens

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    • Profile picture of the author defy
      Advice from critics is next to useless. Everybody would've, could've, should've, but didn't. I'm tired of people too afraid to try, dissuading others before they start by giving bad advice. Here's to a cleaner, more helpful forum.

      ~Defy
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