Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people?

Tristan Lee · 07-22-2009, 10:07 AM

I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool.

For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye.

So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?

kennethsmith72 · 07-22-2009, 01:26 PM

Of course,you can make an eye contact as long you don't telling a lie......

Jacksprat · 07-22-2009, 01:50 PM

If you want to come across sincere in the western world, you really must keep eye contact. It just means that you are honest and sincere. I know different cultures have different ways though and, where i gre up in Africa, the custom is to look away and not stare.

TeddyP · 07-22-2009, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennethsmith72

Of course,you can make an eye contact as long you don't telling a lie......

I don't think it is quite this simple. I think some people may have problems making eye contact if they don't feel the belong. For example if you meet with a big time exec you may be intimidated and not make enough eye contact. In that scenario it isn't about honesty.

I know motivators say stuff like this all the time - but you really need to believe you are worthy of big time meetings like this. I believe there is a lot of value in acting like you not only belong but that the people you meet would be crazy not to want to work with you or accept your products/services.

Loren Woirhaye · 07-22-2009, 07:10 PM

Appropriateness of eye contact is a cultural issue. In some
cultures making a lot of direct eye contact is a little threatening.

It's important to be friendly with eye contact. Even if your mouth
isn't grinning, smile with your eyes and people will instantly warm
to you generally.

If the other person is open to it I can establish deep rapport quickly
and my method is predominately based in my habit of looking people
straight in the eye. I've studied NLP too, and I choose my words
well - but mostly I'm energetic, an attentive listener, and I give more
eye contact than most people get from new acquaintances.

By inclination I am introverted actually - but I've collected an assortment
of "charisma tricks" and eye contact is one of the best.

Najat Engineer · 07-22-2009, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennethsmith72

Of course,you can make an eye contact as long you don't telling a lie......

I totally agree

santhana · 07-24-2009, 12:03 AM

I feel you brother, in my country if you talk to someone and you look straight to their eyes, it means no respectful, but in Europe if you don't look in people's eyes it means you are not respected....

StevieHawk · 07-25-2009, 10:11 AM

Definitely cultural! Personally I do not trust anyone who can not look into my eyes. Women try not to look at them because they become hypnotised :P

To answer your question eye contact is very easy for me. People believe it is the window to the soul. I also find that even though people may lie I am able to read the truth from their eyes.

Tristan Lee · 07-25-2009, 11:09 AM

You guys all have some interesting theories about eye contact! I guess it is a culture difference? I think holding eye contact with somebody too long might make them angry or even feel threatened. But some people think it brings out confidence. I feel that it depends on the situation...

But most of you guys ignored the main question though! Personally for you, is making eye contact with other people easy or hard? For me, it's easy if I'm in an energetic mood

.

dsanchez · 07-25-2009, 11:39 AM

I confess... for me is easy now since I'm older. It used to be really hard when I was younger, since I was too shy sometimes.

Dagmar

Chris_Willow · 07-25-2009, 12:37 PM

Making eye contact = higher status.
Doing it all the time. Not really a problem when I *know* the power of it

Chris

dunno · 07-25-2009, 04:22 PM

Eye contact is easy when you have confidence and high self esteem.
Eye contact is almost never a bad thing.

shoaibonline · 07-26-2009, 12:03 AM

I always look people in the eye when they are speaking. When I'm speaking it's more challenging. Eye contact is difficult because vulnerability is never easy. When you look someone in the eye you're giving up a bit of yourself in the give and take of conversation. We love to keep everything to ourselves.

igorhelpsyousucceed · 07-26-2009, 02:48 AM

I used to be shy of eye contact and used to avoid it.
Now though, I am like an eagle. Mearly never blink

Eye contact states self confidence, power, attitude.
I learned to keep the eye contact when doing some self improvement
in pick up. David De Angelo(Eben Pagan) is the one to thank.

~Igor

AidanKay · 07-26-2009, 10:22 AM

Eye contact is hard for me not because of shyness, but I just plain don't like my eyes. And i'f I'm making eye contact then they're obviously seeing them. Yeah, yeah shutup :P.

I make up for it with my confidence though, minus that.

-Aidan.

Bart Loos · 07-26-2009, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Lee

For me, it's easy if I'm in an energetic mood

.

And when you're not? and with "not" I don't mean a depressed mood or so.. but when you're just in your daily default state... is it still easy?

Have fun

Bart

J Elizabeth Dize · 07-26-2009, 02:02 PM

My husband always gets on me about this. I get really uncomfortable making eye contact with people -- even family and friends. I have no idea why! It's not that I won't look at them, or care if people look at me, but staring directly into people's eyes is weird to me. Psychoanalyze me

One of my pet peeves is when someone is talking to me a car, and they feel they have to turn and look at me every time they speak, or I speak. Look at the road!!!

Shana_Adam · 07-26-2009, 02:13 PM

For some reason I just naturally make eye contact. I think it probably puts men off lol

I naturally have big eyes and then i make eye contact it can be scary??

Bart Loos · 07-26-2009, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenn Dize

My husband always gets on me about this. I get really uncomfortable making eye contact with people -- even family and friends. I have no idea why! It's not that I won't look at them, or care if people look at me, but staring directly into people's eyes is weird to me. Psychoanalyze me

One of my pet peeves is when someone is talking to me a car, and they feel they have to turn and look at me every time they speak, or I speak. Look at the road!!!

Oh I love this one...:-)

Besides that it might be uncomfortable or weird....

What do you avoid feeling by not making eye contact?

Have fun

Bart

Loren Woirhaye · 07-26-2009, 06:13 PM

Kevin Hogan has some interesting things to say about this
in his material on developing charisma. I don't remember
what the exact ratios are but when another person is speaking
to you, if you want them to be in rapport with you, you should
be looking at their eyes and mouth maybe 70-90% of the time.

When you are speaking it's natural and normal to look away from
time to time because our eyes move to access different parts
of memory or cognitive functions. This is NLP stuff and useful
to know. It holds true in my experience. It's covered in many
books on NLP and also some books on selling and negotiation.

Bart Loos · 07-27-2009, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

Kevin Hogan has some interesting things to say about this
in his material on developing charisma. I don't remember
what the exact ratios are but when another person is speaking
to you, if you want them to be in rapport with you, you should
be looking at their eyes and mouth maybe 70-90% of the time.

This is not even close to true...

You do not build rapport with looking at their eyes or their mouth when they are speaking...if they been talking and they ask you a question.. and you keep your mouth shot but still are looking at them... it's not gonna help..

What do you do with people who feel uncomfortable when people are staring at their face, while they are speaking?

Ever seen 2 people on walk chatting.. being in rapport... each looking the same direction..

Ever drove a car .. listening to the other person speak... while being in rapport

Actually when people start an NLP practitioner course they are taught to communicate with people having them in their peripheral vision instead of looking directly at them, for 2 reasons.. you notice more, and people feel more at easy when you don't look directly at them.

... and then every situation is different, every person reacts different,... so be flexible when ya're building rapport..

Have fun

Bart

aQsa08 · 07-27-2009, 02:24 AM

I agree.. because it can make first impression to people..

Tristan Lee · 07-27-2009, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bart Loos

And when you're not? and with "not" I don't mean a depressed mood or so.. but when you're just in your daily default state... is it still easy?

Have fun

Bart

Hi Bart. Thanks for your reply. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's not. It depends on if I get a positive vibe from the person. For example, if a person is staring at me and not smiling or talking, I find it hard to make eye contact with them. I start to get choked up inside.

Loren Woirhaye · 07-27-2009, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bart Loos

This is not even close to true...

Ok Bart. You're the NLP expert I guess....

...except you totally flunked building any rapport with me here
with your blunt elbows-out disagreement, the phrasing of which
would, for most people I know, be considered a denigration
or intellectual insult.

Funny about how stuff like that works out.

Now, if you wanted to see an improvement in this area you
might consider phrasing future disagreeing viewpoints of yours
in areas in which you consider yourself an authority by
saying (or writing) something like: "Oh, that's an interesting
perspective. I wonder what the context of that was, because
as a generalization relating to my own experience with
the topic it doesn't hold true. In the NLP trainings I've
been too the emphasis was on not making too much eye
contact.... so it's intriguing that a respected writer on
sales and persuasion like Hogan would have such a view."

You might go on to say:

"Perhaps you could look this up and let me know where
you read it, because I'm always looking to expand my
own awareness and explore different viewpoints."

Bart Loos · 07-27-2009, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

Ok Bart. You're the NLP expert I guess....

...except you totally flunked building any rapport with me here
with your blunt elbows-out disagreement, the phrasing of which
would, for most people I know, be considered a denigration
or intellectual insult.

Funny about how stuff like that works out.

Oh boy... where does the world go if we can't bluntly disagree anymore ...

It's interesting to see that your reply to me.. is all about my communication style and how you think I should do that different.. and NOT about the topic at hand.. "eye contact"..

Rapport is a choice..and it was NOT my intention when I wrote that reply
to build rapport with you... but to exactly communicate what I did...

That looking at someone 70-90% of the time when they speak.. is NOT a rapport builder

Some hate it, some love it, some get a kick out of being stared at, some disgust it, some hate it that you don't look at them because they don't feel respected, others love it because it give them space to just be...

.. be flexible..

Cheers.. and now we can get back to the topic of this thread...

Have fun

Bart

Kazooli · 07-27-2009, 04:33 PM

Hey guys,

is it always like this in here?

Sincerely
Kazooli

Kazooli · 07-27-2009, 04:36 PM

Having an eye contact is always important
however some may not feel comfortable
to be looked at directly.

In general it helps as people could see you as
a genuine and trustworthy individual they
can trust.

Sincerely
Kazooli

Bart Loos · 07-27-2009, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Lee

Hi Bart. Thanks for your reply. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's not. It depends on if I get a positive vibe from the person. For example, if a person is staring at me and not smiling or talking, I find it hard to make eye contact with them. I start to get choked up inside.

Ok .. if they are staring at you .. It might be this funny power game people like to play .. keep looking more cool and longer at them then they are looking at you.. you do not have to play along.

You do NOT have to make any eye contact.. it's your choice.

What you can do if you decide to make eye contact... and they are not smiling.. you can pull up a friendly funny face... or they smile.. or they won't. If they don't... move on ...

Now when you get a positive vibe from them and you still find it hard.. then this becomes a problem.. if that's the case.. take a look at what emotions are getting in your way.. what are you feeling atm that stops you from looking back at them.

Makes sense?

Hope this helps

Have fun

Bart

ponting786 · 07-28-2009, 08:00 AM

Hi....Tristan!
Yes,it is always easy for me to make eye contact with other people specially when I am speaking truth...
But when somebody tells a lie,it is difficult to make eye contact..
Eye contact is very important in building every type of relationship.
So everyone should have habit of keeping a good eye contact with other people....

Thanks....

Greg Jacobs · 07-28-2009, 09:01 AM

focus left eye to left eye.

betesh · 07-28-2009, 02:06 PM

i can easy look at a person from head to foot but looking directly to his/her eyes, well thats another story.

Bart Loos · 07-28-2009, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by betesh

i can easy look at a person from head to foot but looking directly to his/her eyes, well thats another story.

What gets in your way?

Bart

mayapearl · 07-29-2009, 03:20 AM

Making eye contact is essential in good clear communication, now having said that I have come across people who mistake the soft focus friendly eye contact and try to stare me down. Not very nice and it puts me off every time, so guys take heed!

Karate Kid · 07-29-2009, 07:23 PM

People can't hold eye contact because they're uncomfortable.

This is due to shyness, cultural teachings, intrinsic social hierarchy, or having something to hide.

Zero in and focus on what the problem is, eliminate that, and you'll see you don't have the problem anymore.

I have a keen interest in human psychology so I've studied a lot of these subjects.

PM me if you have further questions. I love to help.

Tristan Lee · 08-05-2009, 10:46 AM

Hey Bart. Thanks for tip. That makes sense to me now

.

Bart Loos · 08-05-2009, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Lee

Hey Bart. Thanks for tip. That makes sense to me now

.

You're welcome.

Have fun

Bart

idesignbanner · 08-06-2009, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Lee

I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool.

For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye.

So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?

I think confidence is the main reason.

If you can view in the eye while talking,giving your views etc.,it shows that you are confident.

Only a confident person can do like this and i like to talk with full attention
seeing in the eyes.

acedalright · 08-06-2009, 07:20 PM

I think you can say a lot with your eyes - On purpose, for this reason I think it's good to be mindful of the expression around your eyes when you look into someone else's.

In some cultures it's disrespectful to look them in the eyes, but in other cultures it's disrespectful not to. Catch 22!

I look everyone in the eyes to show I'm confident and I'm interested in what they are saying (even if I'm neither).

Good Question.

InspiredMarketingGuy · 08-06-2009, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesGEvans

There are 2 factors missing here:

Eye Contact + Facial Expression + Internal Thinking + ...

James

I think James hit it right at the bullseye here!

Once your intention is pure, that eye contact will
radiate your intention and it will definitely help
bring you closer to what you want to achieve
with that person.

One study at UCLA indicated that up to 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues.

Once you have that intention down, your body
language and everything else will follow!

It's true for eye-contact, it's true for life...

Paulie Ciara · 08-07-2009, 11:14 AM

I've read that a simply way to maintain appropriate amounts of eye contact is to remember the "75 rule." When listening, maintain eye contact 70% of the time. When speaking, maintain eye contact 50% of the time. Too much eye contact can come across as starting and cause your conversational partner to questions your intentions.

There's also that 2-3 inch radius around the person's eyes that you can explore without looking as is you are uninterested in the topic at hand!

David Chung · 08-07-2009, 12:36 PM

When I was younger I had trouble with eye contact when talking with other people. A friend I met during camp told me he had the same problem before, and told me that he just forced himself to look other people straight in the eye when talking to them, and he found that most of the time the other person would just look away.

So I tried that myself, and I found what he said to be true. So now I don't have that problem with making eye contact anymore. Nowadays I can consciously stare at another person's eyes (which makes some people squirm), but usually I tell myself to look away sometimes so they don't get uncomfortable or think I'm coming on to them :P.

Happy_Balance · 11-14-2009, 08:27 PM

Years ago I was way too shy, so sometimes proper eye contact is still hard for me. I've notice with a small % of people there is "something special" about them and I automatically make very easy, relaxed and natural eye contact.

cjjohn · 11-15-2009, 12:46 AM

Making eye contact, for me, is very easy. It's something I picked up in childhood, and it became a part of my pattern, because of the phenomenal response I got from people because of it.

As a child, I was shy (still am, a little bit, tho I can make the push to overcome that, now, when I want/need to). More to the point, I was nigh invisible. Without getting into too many personal details, I had no siblings in my age group (my only sibling is 13 years older than me) and I was actually an accidental birth for my parents.

Basically, people "forgot" I was even there, half the time. If I did not make an effort to catch someone's attention, then I could count on being ignored.

One of the things that seemed to come naturally to me was the ability to look directly into someone's eyes when speaking with them. This was so unusual (I guess!), that people tended to pay attention to me, when otherwise, they would discount me out-of-hand.

I've been doing it ever since. It hasn't always garnered me the right KIND of attention that I wanted, but then, life teaches you lessons the hard way so that you actually learn them.

I like looking people in the eyes. When I feel in a one-down position with someone else, holding eye contact helps level the field AND tells the other that I am NOT afraid of them.

David Mintzer · 11-15-2009, 12:54 AM

I try to make eye contact with a person whenever I can. For me, my eye doctor says it is difficult because of my eyes. I have nystagmus and astigmatisim. I find my eyes just wanting to move away from the person I am talking to. This is my condition, but I do not let it bother me.

Tristan Lee · 11-22-2009, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitfanc

Making eye contact, for me, is very easy. It's something I picked up in childhood, and it became a part of my pattern, because of the phenomenal response I got from people because of it.

As a child, I was shy (still am, a little bit, tho I can make the push to overcome that, now, when I want/need to). More to the point, I was nigh invisible. Without getting into too many personal details, I had no siblings in my age group (my only sibling is 13 years older than me) and I was actually an accidental birth for my parents.

Basically, people "forgot" I was even there, half the time. If I did not make an effort to catch someone's attention, then I could count on being ignored.

One of the things that seemed to come naturally to me was the ability to look directly into someone's eyes when speaking with them. This was so unusual (I guess!), that people tended to pay attention to me, when otherwise, they would discount me out-of-hand.

I've been doing it ever since. It hasn't always garnered me the right KIND of attention that I wanted, but then, life teaches you lessons the hard way so that you actually learn them.

I like looking people in the eyes. When I feel in a one-down position with someone else, holding eye contact helps level the field AND tells the other that I am NOT afraid of them.

Hey there, that's great that you learned eye contact and developed this skill from your childhood. You seemed to have needed it more than other people from your childhood details. As you say, being able to catch other people's attention with eye contact shows them that you are confident in your own shoes!

John M Kane · 11-22-2009, 02:01 PM

I make low % of eye contact in an interaction if compared to an average.

Rapport can be easy or darn difficult and it depends upon the other person how much I look in their eyes. Their annoyance or acceptance CAN be noticed and adjust when necessary.

Unlike some I do not have the benefit of a kind face.
Pain has molded me into a scowl look. A handicap that is a challenge.

Also, the subject determines eye contact. Like an angry customer, tends to demand more direct contact otherwise they feel they aren't being listened to or understood.
With flirting, 'bashful' look-a-ways are useful

In a grocery line I make conscious effort to try and engage the cashier, to try and add some humor to their moment.Normally they are stressed and after all, few seem to be truly enjoying that job.
So, in that situation, I look more directly, as they are looking at the scanner.I talk with them and see how they respond.

Watching how they respond is key.

With more important interactions ,I will make big pictures and run scenes so, I will look away. It is just me pondering the question,trying to understand it before answering quickly.

I use more direct eye contact when I wish to make a point of emphasis.
Eyes can comfort AND hurt you know.

Making the pictures is easier for me if I look away and defocus, like having a screen.
Also, I find it easier to concentrate on their vocals as well as my internal dialog.

You can still "see" them with peripheral vision to notice how they react to the dialog.
People "talk" to you with their entire being so, for me, defocusing and using peripheral allows me to take all of them in.

Someone wearing cheap sunglasses that are ultra dark is, for me, very disturbing when conversing, especially when they stare

"you looking at me"

Tristan Lee · 11-25-2009, 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John M Kane

I make low % of eye contact in an interaction if compared to an average.

Rapport can be easy or darn difficult and it depends upon the other person how much I look in their eyes. Their annoyance or acceptance CAN be noticed and adjust when necessary.

Unlike some I do not have the benefit of a kind face.
Pain has molded me into a scowl look. A handicap that is a challenge.

Also, the subject determines eye contact. Like an angry customer, tends to demand more direct contact otherwise they feel they aren't being listened to or understood.
With flirting, 'bashful' look-a-ways are useful

In a grocery line I make conscious effort to try and engage the cashier, to try and add some humor to their moment.Normally they are stressed and after all, few seem to be truly enjoying that job.
So, in that situation, I look more directly, as they are looking at the scanner.I talk with them and see how they respond.

Watching how they respond is key.

With more important interactions ,I will make big pictures and run scenes so, I will look away. It is just me pondering the question,trying to understand it before answering quickly.

I use more direct eye contact when I wish to make a point of emphasis.
Eyes can comfort AND hurt you know.

Making the pictures is easier for me if I look away and defocus, like having a screen.
Also, I find it easier to concentrate on their vocals as well as my internal dialog.

You can still "see" them with peripheral vision to notice how they react to the dialog.
People "talk" to you with their entire being so, for me, defocusing and using peripheral allows me to take all of them in.

Someone wearing cheap sunglasses that are ultra dark is, for me, very disturbing when conversing, especially when they stare

"you looking at me"

Hey John, thank you for this descriptive post. I like the tip you provided that we should always watch how they respond and relate that too much much eye contact we should be giving a person.

Han Fan · 11-25-2009, 09:57 AM

Hello Asian Brother,

I saw a lot post start by you talking about Fear, Eye contact...

This can all be easily resolved by changing your view of the world...

Are you a "Real Man"? or Are you a "Whip"?

Look deep inside of you.... Find what is the real cause of those... We been sold too many negativity in our life....

You see, a "Real Man" will have strong eye contact...never look away... a "weak man", will always shy away.......because their insecurity.....

There is no set of rule when or how to look people in the eyes... If you believe in YourSelf, your product and your service...You will have strong eye contact....

Get over your FEAR, get over your insecurity... Become a "REAL Man"...

Things you can start to do TODAY....

Take Martial Art Class.
Take public speaking class...
Workout..pump irons...
have a STRONG direction, have a STRONG purpose....

Rest will take care itself...

Han

P.S. You need check out my videos...I am get ready to release in next couple days...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Lee

I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool.

For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye.

So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?

swilliams09 · 11-25-2009, 12:26 PM

When I was growing up, eye contact was taken as a challenge to male dominance, you only made eye contact with those on your level or below you...making eye contact with a bigger guy could get you beat up. Since I was a small kid, I just never made eye contact with people. It took me a long time to make eye contact while talking to people.

I find now that I make eye contact at the beginning of a conversation or meeting someone,and then at critical points in what they are saying. It's my way of saying...'what you are saying is interesting and you have my full attention'.

Eye contact is great when talking to girls, it seems to create a good rapport.

Just try not to stare and you'll be fine.

anu_smart · 11-25-2009, 01:48 PM

height matters u know!!! :P

07-22-2009, 10:07 AM	#1
Tristan Lee HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 178 Thanks: 0 Thanked 17 Times in 8 Posts	Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I was just curious about this. I think in any business or building a relationship with another person, eye contact is important and can be a powerful tool. For me however, I get confused sometimes as to when the appropriate times is it to look somebody directly in the eye. So out of curiosity, is making eye contact for you easy or hard for you and why?
	From Bottom Up l Start from the Bottom of Life, Go for the Top of Life

07-22-2009, 01:26 PM	#2
kennethsmith72 Active Warrior Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Houston Texas Posts: 51 Thanks: 0 Thanked 6 Times in 3 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Of course,you can make an eye contact as long you don't telling a lie......
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07-22-2009, 01:50 PM	#3
Jacksprat Active Warrior Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Ireland Posts: 59 Thanks: 3 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? If you want to come across sincere in the western world, you really must keep eye contact. It just means that you are honest and sincere. I know different cultures have different ways though and, where i gre up in Africa, the custom is to look away and not stare.

07-22-2009, 07:10 PM	#5
Loren Woirhaye Who'm I kidding? War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Easthampton, Massachusetts Posts: 4,542 Blog Entries: 15 Thanks: 117 Thanked 904 Times in 651 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Appropriateness of eye contact is a cultural issue. In some cultures making a lot of direct eye contact is a little threatening. It's important to be friendly with eye contact. Even if your mouth isn't grinning, smile with your eyes and people will instantly warm to you generally. If the other person is open to it I can establish deep rapport quickly and my method is predominately based in my habit of looking people straight in the eye. I've studied NLP too, and I choose my words well - but mostly I'm energetic, an attentive listener, and I give more eye contact than most people get from new acquaintances. By inclination I am introverted actually - but I've collected an assortment of "charisma tricks" and eye contact is one of the best.
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07-24-2009, 12:03 AM	#7
santhana Warrior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 23 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I feel you brother, in my country if you talk to someone and you look straight to their eyes, it means no respectful, but in Europe if you don't look in people's eyes it means you are not respected....

07-25-2009, 10:11 AM	#8
StevieHawk Active Warrior Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Northern Ireland Posts: 62 Thanks: 10 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Definitely cultural! Personally I do not trust anyone who can not look into my eyes. Women try not to look at them because they become hypnotised :P To answer your question eye contact is very easy for me. People believe it is the window to the soul. I also find that even though people may lie I am able to read the truth from their eyes.
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07-25-2009, 11:09 AM	#9
Tristan Lee HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 178 Thanks: 0 Thanked 17 Times in 8 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? You guys all have some interesting theories about eye contact! I guess it is a culture difference? I think holding eye contact with somebody too long might make them angry or even feel threatened. But some people think it brings out confidence. I feel that it depends on the situation... But most of you guys ignored the main question though! Personally for you, is making eye contact with other people easy or hard? For me, it's easy if I'm in an energetic mood .
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07-25-2009, 11:39 AM	#10
dsanchez HyperActive Warrior Join Date: May 2006 Location: Georgia, U.S. Posts: 197 Thanks: 7 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I confess... for me is easy now since I'm older. It used to be really hard when I was younger, since I was too shy sometimes. Dagmar

07-25-2009, 12:37 PM	#11
Chris_Willow Killer Video Dude War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Europe Posts: 570 Thanks: 23 Thanked 28 Times in 27 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Making eye contact = higher status. Doing it all the time. Not really a problem when I know the power of it Chris
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07-25-2009, 04:22 PM	#12
dunno Active Warrior Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 31 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Eye contact is easy when you have confidence and high self esteem. Eye contact is almost never a bad thing.

07-26-2009, 12:03 AM	#13
shoaibonline Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 50 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I always look people in the eye when they are speaking. When I'm speaking it's more challenging. Eye contact is difficult because vulnerability is never easy. When you look someone in the eye you're giving up a bit of yourself in the give and take of conversation. We love to keep everything to ourselves.

07-26-2009, 02:48 AM	#14
igorhelpsyousucceed Mastermind Marketer War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: , , Israel. Posts: 1,335 Thanks: 366 Thanked 296 Times in 130 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I used to be shy of eye contact and used to avoid it. Now though, I am like an eagle. Mearly never blink Eye contact states self confidence, power, attitude. I learned to keep the eye contact when doing some self improvement in pick up. David De Angelo(Eben Pagan) is the one to thank. ~Igor
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07-26-2009, 10:22 AM	#15
AidanKay is Thankful to Bob Silber War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 296 Thanks: 36 Thanked 22 Times in 18 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Eye contact is hard for me not because of shyness, but I just plain don't like my eyes. And i'f I'm making eye contact then they're obviously seeing them. Yeah, yeah shutup :P. I make up for it with my confidence though, minus that. -Aidan.
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07-26-2009, 02:02 PM	#17
J Elizabeth Dize That Girl War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: , , . Posts: 1,813 Blog Entries: 4 Thanks: 426 Thanked 285 Times in 152 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? My husband always gets on me about this. I get really uncomfortable making eye contact with people -- even family and friends. I have no idea why! It's not that I won't look at them, or care if people look at me, but staring directly into people's eyes is weird to me. Psychoanalyze me One of my pet peeves is when someone is talking to me a car, and they feel they have to turn and look at me every time they speak, or I speak. Look at the road!!!

07-26-2009, 02:13 PM	#18
Shana_Adam In Search of Eternity War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: The Earth is My Home - I love dearly Posts: 325 Thanks: 8 Thanked 58 Times in 39 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? For some reason I just naturally make eye contact. I think it probably puts men off lol I naturally have big eyes and then i make eye contact it can be scary??
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07-26-2009, 06:13 PM	#20
Loren Woirhaye Who'm I kidding? War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Easthampton, Massachusetts Posts: 4,542 Blog Entries: 15 Thanks: 117 Thanked 904 Times in 651 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Kevin Hogan has some interesting things to say about this in his material on developing charisma. I don't remember what the exact ratios are but when another person is speaking to you, if you want them to be in rapport with you, you should be looking at their eyes and mouth maybe 70-90% of the time. When you are speaking it's natural and normal to look away from time to time because our eyes move to access different parts of memory or cognitive functions. This is NLP stuff and useful to know. It holds true in my experience. It's covered in many books on NLP and also some books on selling and negotiation.
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07-27-2009, 02:24 AM	#22
aQsa08 Active Warrior Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 42 Thanks: 11 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I agree.. because it can make first impression to people..

07-27-2009, 04:33 PM	#26
Kazooli Read-Learn-Prosper War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 110 Thanks: 45 Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Hey guys, is it always like this in here? Sincerely Kazooli
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07-27-2009, 04:36 PM	#27
Kazooli Read-Learn-Prosper War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 110 Thanks: 45 Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Having an eye contact is always important however some may not feel comfortable to be looked at directly. In general it helps as people could see you as a genuine and trustworthy individual they can trust. Sincerely Kazooli
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07-28-2009, 08:00 AM	#29
ponting786 Active Warrior Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 53 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Hi....Tristan! Yes,it is always easy for me to make eye contact with other people specially when I am speaking truth... But when somebody tells a lie,it is difficult to make eye contact.. Eye contact is very important in building every type of relationship. So everyone should have habit of keeping a good eye contact with other people.... Thanks....

07-28-2009, 09:01 AM	#30
Greg Jacobs Mage War Room Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Chiang Mai Posts: 484 Thanks: 20 Thanked 208 Times in 77 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? focus left eye to left eye.
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07-28-2009, 02:06 PM	#31
betesh Warrior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 29 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? i can easy look at a person from head to foot but looking directly to his/her eyes, well thats another story.
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07-29-2009, 03:20 AM	#33
mayapearl HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 129 Thanks: 62 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Making eye contact is essential in good clear communication, now having said that I have come across people who mistake the soft focus friendly eye contact and try to stare me down. Not very nice and it puts me off every time, so guys take heed!
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07-29-2009, 07:23 PM	#34
Karate Kid Master at Fundamentals War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 59 Thanks: 32 Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? People can't hold eye contact because they're uncomfortable. This is due to shyness, cultural teachings, intrinsic social hierarchy, or having something to hide. Zero in and focus on what the problem is, eliminate that, and you'll see you don't have the problem anymore. I have a keen interest in human psychology so I've studied a lot of these subjects. PM me if you have further questions. I love to help.

08-05-2009, 10:46 AM	#35
Tristan Lee HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 178 Thanks: 0 Thanked 17 Times in 8 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Hey Bart. Thanks for tip. That makes sense to me now .
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08-06-2009, 07:20 PM	#38
acedalright The Electric Eccentric Join Date: May 2009 Location: On Top Of Spaghetti All Covered In Cheese Posts: 344 Thanks: 10 Thanked 25 Times in 24 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I think you can say a lot with your eyes - On purpose, for this reason I think it's good to be mindful of the expression around your eyes when you look into someone else's. In some cultures it's disrespectful to look them in the eyes, but in other cultures it's disrespectful not to. Catch 22! I look everyone in the eyes to show I'm confident and I'm interested in what they are saying (even if I'm neither). Good Question.
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08-07-2009, 11:14 AM	#40
Paulie Ciara Backlinks anyone? War Room Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Kilauea, Kauai, Hawaii, USA Posts: 210 Thanks: 14 Thanked 26 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I've read that a simply way to maintain appropriate amounts of eye contact is to remember the "75 rule." When listening, maintain eye contact 70% of the time. When speaking, maintain eye contact 50% of the time. Too much eye contact can come across as starting and cause your conversational partner to questions your intentions. There's also that 2-3 inch radius around the person's eyes that you can explore without looking as is you are uninterested in the topic at hand!

08-07-2009, 12:36 PM	#41
David Chung HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: , , Thailand. Posts: 149 Thanks: 30 Thanked 55 Times in 27 Posts	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? When I was younger I had trouble with eye contact when talking with other people. A friend I met during camp told me he had the same problem before, and told me that he just forced himself to look other people straight in the eye when talking to them, and he found that most of the time the other person would just look away. So I tried that myself, and I found what he said to be true. So now I don't have that problem with making eye contact anymore. Nowadays I can consciously stare at another person's eyes (which makes some people squirm), but usually I tell myself to look away sometimes so they don't get uncomfortable or think I'm coming on to them :P.

11-14-2009, 08:27 PM	#42
Happy_Balance HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 168 Thanks: 22 Thanked 19 Times in 14 Posts	Years ago I was way too shy, so sometimes proper eye contact is still hard for me. I've notice with a small % of people there is "something special" about them and I automatically make very easy, relaxed and natural eye contact.

11-15-2009, 12:46 AM	#43
cjjohn HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Cyberia Posts: 138 Thanks: 92 Thanked 58 Times in 52 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? Making eye contact, for me, is very easy. It's something I picked up in childhood, and it became a part of my pattern, because of the phenomenal response I got from people because of it. As a child, I was shy (still am, a little bit, tho I can make the push to overcome that, now, when I want/need to). More to the point, I was nigh invisible. Without getting into too many personal details, I had no siblings in my age group (my only sibling is 13 years older than me) and I was actually an accidental birth for my parents. Basically, people "forgot" I was even there, half the time. If I did not make an effort to catch someone's attention, then I could count on being ignored. One of the things that seemed to come naturally to me was the ability to look directly into someone's eyes when speaking with them. This was so unusual (I guess!), that people tended to pay attention to me, when otherwise, they would discount me out-of-hand. I've been doing it ever since. It hasn't always garnered me the right KIND of attention that I wanted, but then, life teaches you lessons the hard way so that you actually learn them. I like looking people in the eyes. When I feel in a one-down position with someone else, holding eye contact helps level the field AND tells the other that I am NOT afraid of them.
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11-15-2009, 12:54 AM	#44
David Mintzer Active Warrior Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada Posts: 41 Thanks: 0 Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I try to make eye contact with a person whenever I can. For me, my eye doctor says it is difficult because of my eyes. I have nystagmus and astigmatisim. I find my eyes just wanting to move away from the person I am talking to. This is my condition, but I do not let it bother me.

11-22-2009, 02:01 PM	#46
John M Kane HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: In a Van Down by the River Posts: 456 Thanks: 44 Thanked 69 Times in 55 Posts Social Networking	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? I make low % of eye contact in an interaction if compared to an average. Rapport can be easy or darn difficult and it depends upon the other person how much I look in their eyes. Their annoyance or acceptance CAN be noticed and adjust when necessary. Unlike some I do not have the benefit of a kind face. Pain has molded me into a scowl look. A handicap that is a challenge. Also, the subject determines eye contact. Like an angry customer, tends to demand more direct contact otherwise they feel they aren't being listened to or understood. With flirting, 'bashful' look-a-ways are useful In a grocery line I make conscious effort to try and engage the cashier, to try and add some humor to their moment.Normally they are stressed and after all, few seem to be truly enjoying that job. So, in that situation, I look more directly, as they are looking at the scanner.I talk with them and see how they respond. Watching how they respond is key. With more important interactions ,I will make big pictures and run scenes so, I will look away. It is just me pondering the question,trying to understand it before answering quickly. I use more direct eye contact when I wish to make a point of emphasis. Eyes can comfort AND hurt you know. Making the pictures is easier for me if I look away and defocus, like having a screen. Also, I find it easier to concentrate on their vocals as well as my internal dialog. You can still "see" them with peripheral vision to notice how they react to the dialog. People "talk" to you with their entire being so, for me, defocusing and using peripheral allows me to take all of them in. Someone wearing cheap sunglasses that are ultra dark is, for me, very disturbing when conversing, especially when they stare "you looking at me"

11-25-2009, 12:26 PM	#49
swilliams09 Your Video Guy War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: USA Posts: 437 Blog Entries: 15 Thanks: 29 Thanked 65 Times in 48 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? When I was growing up, eye contact was taken as a challenge to male dominance, you only made eye contact with those on your level or below you...making eye contact with a bigger guy could get you beat up. Since I was a small kid, I just never made eye contact with people. It took me a long time to make eye contact while talking to people. I find now that I make eye contact at the beginning of a conversation or meeting someone,and then at critical points in what they are saying. It's my way of saying...'what you are saying is interesting and you have my full attention'. Eye contact is great when talking to girls, it seems to create a good rapport. Just try not to stare and you'll be fine.

11-25-2009, 01:48 PM	#50
anu_smart Active Warrior Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: At your nearest! Posts: 87 Thanks: 9 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Contact Info	Re: Is it easy for you to make eye contact with other people? height matters u know!!! :P
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